Social Question

Sophief's avatar

If you didn't like someone, why would you still speak to them to tell them how you feel about them?

Asked by Sophief (6676points) April 26th, 2010

You just wouldn’t, would you?

I have people that still feel the need to say their piece. Wouldn’t it be sensible to just not speak to the people you don’t like?

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36 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

I’m pretty good at ignoring people I dislike. Just last night someone I don’t like sent me a private comment. I wanted to respond but I didn’t. I don’t need the last word.

It is actually funny to let people sit there and think “I won, they didn’t respond.” When I actually don’t want to waste my time on a stupid back and forth with people I dislike. I will spend my time talking to people I enjoy talking too instead.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

Intense opinions often cause people to act in ways that they normally wouldn’t. It would be rational to not speak to the person, but these people are seldom acting rationally on the matter. I agree with you though, if they dislike you, there is no reason for them to keep contacting you.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

Logically, yes.
Psychologically, It’s a need to be heard or explain one’s or other’s actions, I think. I was taught to be, at least, polite to those people that I don’t like. If a conversation arises, just be nice.

JeffVader's avatar

I think the reason some people do this is that while they no longer like a person… for whatever reason, they still care & so feel compelled to stick their oar in. I think other people are just gits & cant resist taking a pop.

whitenoise's avatar

You don’t have to like a person to respect, or even love them.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I, also, think there might be a slight level of immaturity or boredom.
I had a girl on middle school who wouldn’t leave me alone and the reason why she didn’t like me was because “I lived on the same planet as her”.

Cruiser's avatar

No, I am not a big fan of being rude just to be rude. I avoid them if possible and do something fun and or productive. If they come up to me and break bad then I let them have it with both barrels, then I go do something fun and or productive..

wonderingwhy's avatar

If I don’t like you, I’ve pretty much got nothing to say to you. I won’t avoid you and I’m certainly not concerned about telling you what I think if you ask for it, but I’m not interested in you enough to waste my time seeking you out or initiating any sort of contact. I’d rather focus on enjoying life.

I’ve always suspected it was some deep seated need to justify or vindicate their own emotions. Their inability to deal with how they feel leads them to reinforce it by constantly saying it an confronting it. Perhaps it’s a form of self-loathing or a way for them to build self-esteem, continually putting down that which they believe is lesser than them. A bit of realized self-rightous contempt to make themselves feel better about their own failings.

tuxuday's avatar

Nope i won’t. If i like that person or in a situation where we have to work to-gether then it warrants to spend time. If its otherwise then i won’t spend time.

ebfable's avatar

Here are my thoughts:
First off, if I really did not like someone, then yes I would not initiate any kind of interaction with them. However, out of respect, I would interact with them if they needed some kind of assistance.
Secondly, if someone says they do not like someone, and still wants to talk to them to communicate how they feel, perhaps they actually care for the person they dislike. The reason behind this is we’re all busy people and time is precious. If the really had no other thoughts about the person, they would not waste their time or breathe in the first place to tell them. Perhaps, this person wants to tell the other so they may change their ways. In any case, the time and effort they take to communicate their dislike says more than just “i dislike you”

janbb's avatar

Are you talking about in real life or on Fluther? I think on Fluther some people enjoy the sparring matches and say things to people that they wouldn’t say face to face.

Draconess25's avatar

If I don’t like someone, they’re gonna know.

BoBo1946's avatar

habit…—why did you change your name Sport?

Sophief's avatar

@janbb I’m talking about on Fluther.

@BoBo1946 I thought my ex was on here and he would easily reconise my old name.

JeffVader's avatar

@Draconess25 Hah….. now why am I not suprised :)

Trillian's avatar

I may or may not tell a person as the situation dictates. Generally I think it would be pointless because I don’t believe the other person gives a rats ass. If I am asked, I won’t hesitate to give chapter and verse, but I don’t generally think that this changes anything.
I’ve found that if I pretend to be nice to someone, after a time it becomes easier and easier. If I do it long enough, I can find a reason to like someone.

Sophief's avatar

@Trillian I have someone that just likes to follow me around and complain about everything I say or do, then at the end they say they’l do it no more then move onto the next one of mine. I just don’t understand it.

cheebdragon's avatar

Stupid people think their pathetic little thoughts need to shared with the world….

Also, because talking shit in person is dangerous for stupid people, and it’s much safer to hide behind their computer.

Sophief's avatar

@cheebdragon Good job we all have a computer then!

Trillian's avatar

@Sophief Sometimes you just have to be a bitch. If you ever need a few pointers, PM me! ;-)

Sophief's avatar

@Trillian Your not a bitch! You’ve been nothing but nice to people, from what I’ve seen anyway.

Trillian's avatar

Awwww. You don’t know how tough it is to not be a bitch when I see stuff that irritates me. I’ll PM you a few examples. ;-)

wundayatta's avatar

I have the opposite problem. People disappear and never tell me what I did wrong. Or even if they have totally disappeared. It’s like being in some never-ending suspense. Makes me want to stick a needle in my eye.

Draconess25's avatar

@JeffVader Most of my enemies have scars to prove it.

augustlan's avatar

If someone is actively harassing you, you need to let a mod know. We’ll be happy to look into it, and take action if necessary.

Rangie's avatar

@janbb There is nothing I would say behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. I have been asked by certain people if I had said, whatever it was, and if I did say it, I will not only admit to it, but I will ask them if they would like to know why? Which I think they deserve to know. I may contradict myself at times, but I will not lie. I think that is insulting to myself and the other person. But it can be done in a reasonable way.

janbb's avatar

@Rangie I wasn’t talking about saying anything behind someone’s back. I was talking about people on online fora perhaps being less tactful and more confrontational than they would be in person. I do agree that both can be done in a reasonable way.

PacificToast's avatar

If it’s too intense, some things are better left understood, but unspoken.

Rangie's avatar

@janbb Oh, no. I didn’t mean you were talking about that. I was just saying, this is how I am. As for the forum, as you know, I generally just say it as I think it. Unfortunately, I don’t take the time to think things through, so it doesn’t always come out the way I intend. I know that most people think that I take things too personally, and become defensive. But without a face to look at, or body language to read, I can’t tell if some one is being facetious, or sincere.
It is normal when someone doesn’t like somebody, that happens all the time. But, I don’t think it okay to laugh at them and make fun of them. And I am not saying, you are doing that.
When I don’t like somebody, they know it. I can’t hide it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

There are people in my workplace I don’t highly esteem or like but I still have to speak to them and even help them on occasion in order to be doing my job well. Also, have you ever heard the saying, “keep your friends close but your enemies closer”? It’s good to follow if the person/people you don’t like can do you harm, jeopardize your job or other bad stuff. I pick my battles and burn bridges very carefully because the world is so small (I’m reminded all the time!) and you never know who knows who.

JeffVader's avatar

@Draconess25…. remind me not to become your enemy then :)

JeffVader's avatar

@Draconess25 Hah….. after that laugh I fully expect you to be Bonds next villain :)

BoBo1946's avatar

just giving this question a second thought, if you don’t “bury the grudge,” it only hurt you! The longer you live, the more that “stuff” becomes just “stuff!” being at peace with your fellowman, is what is important! Have found, that if you sit down and talk with that person, they got problems just like the rest of us. Also, you will find out this person is an okay person if you take the time to give the person a chance. And, the next time you see that person, it will be easy to say, “hello, are you doing okay today!”

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