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GrumpyGram's avatar

Would You Distance Yourself from a Grown Child?

Asked by GrumpyGram (822points) May 24th, 2010

What , if anything, could make you decide to keep away from your own daughter? If she made you physically ill with one phonecall? Was a total sponge? Stole from you?Or would you keep her close regardless of her behavior just because she’s your daughter?

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11 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

If they were so far gone with some dependency issue and resorting to criminal behavior. It would not take too much for me to say enough is enough. Tough love.

tinyfaery's avatar

No way. One of the reasons that I have never had children is because it is a lifetime responsibility. You raised the kid. What did you do wrong? Why didn’t you intervene before the situation got so bad that you would deny the individual that YOU brought into the world?

I would spend my life trying to help my child.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@tinyfaery Sometimes you can do everything right and still have a child turn out bad. It’s in the nature of humanity to be perverse at times. I would never completely disown a child, but I would definitely make my views known and, if necessary, kick them our of my house, and even report them to the authorities, if such were required. Sometimes love means taking drastic action to keep people from going from bad to worse.

janbb's avatar

If I felt I could not help them any more and that the situation was ruining my ability to function, yes, I would distance myself. Would it be agonizingly painful? Definitely.

GrumpyGram's avatar

Two daughters, two totally different types of people. I’m a strong believer in genetics; I have to be. You couldn’t imagine the differences. Nerve-wracking, depressing, stressful.
But not here!

jazmina88's avatar

I was kinda nutty in the 80s, but Mom was always there to rescue me.

I grew up…...and changed.

bunnygrl's avatar

@CaptainHarley well said and GA <hugs> I had a breakdown because of family behaviour and had to make a choice. You have to try until you simply can’t do it anymore, and when you reach that point, and you just know when you have, for the sake of your own wellbeing, sometimes you have to just say enough. Upbringing is important yes, but it cannot always determine how a person will turn out. Falling in with the wrong friends, developing a dependency on substances etc etc there are many reasons why a well parented child can turn “bad” and its not fair to automatically blame the parents. Parents can offer guidance, but in the end, everyone makes their own choices in life,
love and hugs xx

CaptainHarley's avatar

@bunnygrl

You are correct. Blaming someone for being a “bad parent” only works when there is strong evidence that they could easily have done better and chose not to do so.

bunnygrl's avatar

@CaptainHarley also it sometimes feels to me that people are too quick to judge these days. Whatever happened to walking a mile in someone else’s mocasins or even having some kind of empathy for a person who may just not have the strength to take anymore? Children are the most precious gifts there are, and should be loved, supported and cared for but sometimes they grow up into people we don’t recognise and that can hurt more than the very worst physical pain.

Some day, someone very clever will work out what the answer is, till then a person can only do their best, and love as much as they are able, for as long as they can.
sending mountains of love and hugs @GrumpyGram I hope that things get better for you <hugs> xx

CaptainHarley's avatar

@bunnygrl

I think people have too many preconcieved notions about what is “right” and “wrong.” Their inner voices are speaking so loudly that they cannot hear what’s really being said.

Silhouette's avatar

Distance, yes. Disown, no never, no matter what.

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