What is considered sex? (in order to lose virginity)

I would say so. But often kids today are well stupid and think “oh oral is ok or anal is ok” because its not “sex”. Sorry if you can put the word sex after it and it makes sense it is.

Vaginal intercoarse, that’s what I would say, “virginity” wise..

The definition of “sex” used in my fraternity days was thus: two or more people present, skin to skin contact, and conscious intent to cause at least one person to have an orgasm.

If vaginal intercourse is the only way to lose one’s virginity, millions of gay men and lesbians are still virgins, and that’s just nonsense.

in other words you’re saying someone who has oral sex is no longer a virgin?

Don’t ask Bill Clinton this question. You’d only become more confused. I agree with cwilbur’s definition.

@futurelaker: that’s exactly what I’m saying.

I think that true “official” sex takes place only during vaginal intercourse.

True official sex? By whose standards? True sex is about penetration.

“It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

In England, any form of penetration entering into a unwilling person is rape!

@Riser: thus, lesbians by definition don’t have sex unless they involve toys?

@riser
ew, how myopic. To only consider sex an act of penetration. You eliminate lesbians who choose to not penetrate, gay men who don’t engage in anal sex, men with ED, woman who prefer to not be penetrated. I mean would you really be ok with your boyfriend going out and doing everything but penetrate somone, and not consider it cheating? I have to go back to cwilbur’s definition. That is the best by far.

Assuming sex is only an act of penetration is a heteronormative construct. Why have Heterosexuals define sex for the GLBT community.

If it has the word sex in it. A handjob isn’t but oral sex is.

How do you work that out!

@delirium: so if I call it fellatio, it suddenly ceases being sex?

Okay, if it potentially has the word sex in it and it makes sense.

My wording fails, but the idea is there.

@delirium
I can call it a blowjob. That has the word job in it, so can I make everything with a “job” potential not sex?

a blowjob is STILL oral sex.

@delirium
and I can call a hand job, outercorse, a sexual act, non-penatrative sex, safer sex, I mean I can still get SEX out of a handjob.

I’m still with cwilbur. Two or more people with the intent on giving somone an orgasm. You can’t really argue with that.

Howabouts this description: Anything that results in fluid exchange.

good cuz I’ve always thought breast feeding should be considered a sexual act.

This has been the most entertaining question I’ve seen on Fluther. Even more so than cake.

@noon—I guess I’ve also had sex with my car. I cut myself changing the oil once.

@ delirium, what about phone sex?

Nice one Jz, you’ve got her on the ropes!

Hands down (yes pun intended) cwilbur’s definition is still the best one here.

@Noon: I stand corrected. I was trying to generalize the claims that RedmannX said that losing your virginity is only in vaginal intercourse, which I obviously disagree with. It appears I did not generalize enough, please forgive me.

This has been very entertaining so far!!! Almost like soft porn!

just two people get naked and get it on like touching body parts i hate thinking about cause i picture my parents having sex ewww! :|

I view losing your virginity as vaginal intercourse. I understand that the GLBT community might have some issues with that definition but I don’t think you put such a broiad definition on how to loose your virginty. I would put oral sex, anal and any other form of lustful interaction is “hooking up.” As far as intention to give an orgasim I think that a lot of men are ” in it to win it” and could careless about their partner climaxing. I have also heard that 50% of women fake it anyways. I have no intention on offending the GLBT community but in my opinion that is the definition. (Sorry for spelling I can’t

*( I can’t proof read on my iPhone)

Rking: I respect your opinion but I would like to know WHY you believe that? When I am with my partner it is not a lustful interaction of “hooking up.” What do you base your opinion on? I am not trying to attack, I genuinely want to know.

Thank you, in advance for your reply and… I understand your iPhone woes.

@Riser-After thinking more about this I have come to the conclusion that it is up to the personal lifestyle of the individual to determine how to loose ones virginity since it is more of an intangible “thing.” Who am I to tell you or anyone else that their way isnt “it?” As far as I’m concerned it would be defined as vaginal intercourse.

No worries RKing: Many of us, including myself, have been put in our place in this question.

@rking: so, according to your definition, a man who’s had oral sex and anal sex hundreds of times with dozens of women is still a virgin, while a man who’s had vaginal sex once isn’t?

That just seems nonsensical to me.

what is interesting is the origin of the word virgin is gender specific, excluding men entirely.

@Riser, you are forgiven ;-)

Actually on reconsidering this question. Sure, lets make it just vaginal penetration. I really see now problem being a virgin the rest of my life….it’s been ok so far. I mean, really at this rate, I think I could die, still a virgin. I mean that has to shave off a few years of purgatory right?

I looked at the online dictionary to get the definition of both the words sexual and virginity and I still think cwilbur’s answer fits this question the best!

Virginity is the state of being a virgin. Historically, virgin referred to a young woman with no sexual experience (see Etymology), but in modern usage, the term can apply regardless of age or gender. Both historical and modern definitions vary in regard to what kind of sexual activity or experience determines virginity, and whether it is a physical, psychological, or spiritual state.

American Heritage Dictionary – sex·u·al (sek’shoo-?l) Pronunciation Key
adj.
Of, relating to, involving, or characteristic of sex, sexuality, the sexes, or the sex organs and their functions.
Implying or symbolizing erotic desires or activity.
Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction characterized by the union of male and female gametes: sexual reproduction.

I say (in accordance with one of the definitions scamp provided), that it makes sense for virginity to be directly related to one’s psychological or spiritual state. Let’s say a 20yr old woman who has been “saving herself” decides to purchase a rather large vibrator. What happens when the vibrator ruptures the hymen? Most women associate this event with loosing their virginity…and in some cultures, she would be considered “used” or no longer a virgin. Should that be true? Why shouldn’t virginity be determined by your psychological/spiritual state? Also, what about women who were raped before engaging in their first consensual relationship? Just a few thoughts. I’m wondering what everyone thinks. That darkens the conversation a bit, I understand, but let’s be realistic.

I believe it depends on the person, their cir-cum-stances (haha), and how they feel about the sexual act they are engaging in.

@spendtwatson: The same could also be said for victims of molest and incest.

@Riser…you are absolutely right.

edit: ...women or men who were raped, etc.…

Hehe. I appreciate the diplomacy.

@ spendy—Very good points. I still think cwilber’s definition is best, and with one quick edit, it can be adjusted to include your points: “Two or more people present, skin to skin contact, and conscious intent by all parties to cause at least one person to have an orgasm.”

Sounds good to me!

…and the drumroll please….

Now see if you can consider this: (and this is in no way related to my life, just a total hypo I was pondering yesterday – let’s make that clear) So…there’s a virgin (girl or boy, for argument’s sake) who, at a very young age, is forced onto the streets. This boy/girl feels and has always felt very, very strongly in their sexual convictions and had made a promise to “save themself” for love/marriage/etc. Struggles become greater and greater on the streets (I’m just developing the emotional connection to the character now…) and the need to survive leads to prostitution. No feeling, love, enjoyment involved and it tears him/her up inside to betray the promise he/she made to himself/herself. In fact, each time this character contributes sexually to survival, he/she feels as if he’s/she’s dying inside. It’s horrible. But, soon the tables turn and an opportunity to leave the streets manifests itself. Things get better and he/she begins to build a positive life…totally celibate now, as if he/she has blacked out the entire era of struggle and strife. Life carries on and eventually opportunities for sexual relationships surface, but are dismissed. Finally, this person meets “the one” and falls in love. Their past is dark and almost never discussed, it’s too grim. But deep inside, they still feel the want and desire to loose their “virginity” to the person of their dreams. They have always associated virginity with love, commitment and a deep connection and truly acknowledge that they would feel differently had their sexual past not been directly associated with survival.

In that specific instance, would you grant that person the ability to refer to themself as a “virgin”?

Again…this is not my life so don’t waste any “oh, you poor girl” comments on me, but the scenario crossed my mind. I probably watch too much TV. I have an extremely vivid imagination and what may be a decent ability to write creatively. I’m so curious how people would sympathize/not sympathize with this type of association to the definition of virginity. Sorry for the lengthy story…just thought it would help. :)

“Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” (kindergarden cop)

@spendy—A person can call their self whatever they want. That doesn’t necessarily make it so. I’m still going with cwilbur’s definition, and, according to that, this person would not be a virgin. Sad, but, well, what can you do?

@Poser, seems right, what you’re saying. Just a hypo that I was curious about response-wise. Yeah, definitely would be sad…but they can always still say “It’s my first time…” and then follow that by, ”..with someone I truly love.” I guess that’s as good as it might get.