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spinner's avatar

If your spouse cheated on you would you ever want to meet the other man/woman?

Asked by spinner (178 points ) May 16th, 2011

This is a situation where the marriage eventually ended, not necessarily because of the infidelity, and the ex-spouses are on speaking terms. The affair was emotional and never sexual and the ex-spouse was aware of what happened. Would you be interested in meeting the person your spouse cheated with? On the flip side, if you were the other man/woman, would you ever be willing to meet the ex-spouse in order to apologize for what happened?

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17 Answers

ucme's avatar

If the wife ever cheated in this way, yes i’d like to meet the poor sucker who takes her on. If only to wish him good luck with the two timing bitch!!
Purely hypothetical of course, the only cheating the wife does with me is when we play strip poker…it’s not right & it’s not fair ;¬}

meiosis's avatar

“The affair was emotional and never sexual ”

Is that an affair?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I wouldn’t be around.

ragingloli's avatar

Yes, to ask him “I have to sleep with him, but why in heaven would you?!”

marinelife's avatar

No, I would not want to meet them. It would not give me any information.

I would never be the person who cheated so I can’t answer that.

tedd's avatar

It would be bad news bears all around if I ever met someone who helped an X or spouse or whatever cheat. It would end with me in jail or the hospital… So I’d say I’d rather not meet them.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I would not want to meet them. I don’t see where it would do any good for me to meet her. Since the relationship is already over (according to the question), it’d be best for me to focus on myself and move on. No need to worry over the other woman.

GladysMensch's avatar

I’ve got to agree with @meiosis here. The affair was emotional and never sexual. That’s not really an affair; that’s a close friendship. I don’t consider it an affair until something physical (passionate kissing at a minimum) has occurred.

jonsblond's avatar

@meiosis and @GladysMensch Emotional infidelity is very real. It can hurt just the same.

My answers to the two questions are no, and no.

GladysMensch's avatar

@jonsblond Maybe I’m missing something. Define emotional infidelity.

jonsblond's avatar

@GladysMensch I found this article recently that describes some signs of an emotional affair.

http://blisstree.com/feel/are-you-having-an-emotional-affair/

When all of your time is spent thinking, sharing with, talking to and dreaming about someone other than your partner. It hurts terribly when your partner would rather share their feelings and dreams with someone other than you (that’s not a great partnership if you ask me). It hurts just the same, if not more than a sexual affair. And I would go as far to say it hurts more than just a casual fling or one night stand. You can’t say it doesn’t hurt if you’ve never lived through something like this. Would you want your partner to ignore you and spend all their waking moments thinking about someone else? And if you still don’t believe in emotional affairs, google it. You’ll find tons of information.

Jaxk's avatar

Holy crap! I think I’m having an emotiuonal affair with Nicole Kidman.

wundayatta's avatar

There is a sexual difference with respect to what bothers the spouses of cheaters. Women are more bothered by emotional affairs, and men are more bothered by sexual affairs. As a generalization with many exceptions, of course.

I was living with someone else when I met my wife. My ex asked to meet my future wife, and they did meet. I wasn’t there, but I think my ex asked my future wife a few questions about what we did.

I also had an affair or two later on in my marriage. In one case, the husband found out, and kept questioning my lover over and over about what it was about me that was different from him. He kept trying to be like me, she said, which, of course, is impossible. Not because I’m anything special, but because you can’t be like anyone else.

So I think the urge to meet the other woman or man is about understanding where your relationship went wrong. What does this person have that I don’t have? How could they leave me? How can I get them back?

My wife got me back by taking my to a shrink and having me diagnosed with a mental illness. That doesn’t excuse what I did. But I think it helped her tell herself a story that allowed her to stay with me. At the time, I would have been happy if she would have kicked me out. In fact, I was hoping she would.

We also got counseling. The counselor suggested we both were to blame, and that we should agree to that and move on to solving problems so that we could stay together. We both accepted half the blame, and found subsequent counseling to be very helpful. But it’s still a work in progress, and probably will always be that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No, I wouldn’t want to meet that person. What would be the point aside from revisiting frustration?

blueiiznh's avatar

Unless there were children involved, I would have no reason to what to have contact in any way with an ex.
An Ex is an ex, so it doesn’t matter if it was emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, mental. It just doesn’t matter or is of interest of me. What’s done is done.

chyna's avatar

No, I still have never seen my ex-husbands wife and they live one town over. We’ve been divorced 13 years and he got married two years later. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him for about 12 years.

cookieman's avatar

No thank you. I’d like to stay out of prison.

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