Social Question

Aster's avatar

Is it normal to make the exact comments daily ?

Asked by Aster (15577 points ) January 18th, 2013

My s/o makes the same remarks every single day. Maybe I do too but don’t realize it. For instance, he lets the dogs out when he wakes up. Then they run out barking and he says, “they’re in attack mode!” Not one day goes by that he doesn’t repeat this. One dog, the male, is named, “Donovan.” And each day like clockwork he’ll say, “Donovan did it.” He’ll say this between one and three times per day as a “joke” when he was actually the one who did something. I may do the same thing. Is it normal?

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31 Answers

LuckyGuy's avatar

Think how quiet life would be if we didn’t.

Good morning! Did you sleep well? Coffee’s on. Are taking a shower now? .... Right up to Good night?

I think it is normal unless one person has specifically asked the other not to do it.

Aster's avatar

Good morning and good night are normal, not dumb, remarks. I don’t think I asked the question properly LuckyGuy. They are like, “could I have some salt?” Or, “it’s raining.”

ETpro's avatar

Bless you when my lady sneezes. I’ve said it so many times she’s asked me to give it up. She is, after all, Buddhist.

Aster's avatar

That’s a nice thing to say, pro. I’d like that but have never heard it.

livelaughlove21's avatar

If it bothers you, ask him to cut it out.

Like @LuckyGuy said, there are certain phrases we all repeat daily, but the ones you mentioned aren’t exactly the same.

I can see how it could get annoying after awhile. It’s probably just habit. Is he one of those people that will tell the same joke over and over again and still expect people to laugh at it? It might just be his personality.

Aster's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I think you get it. I might do that but I hate to hurt his feelings.
No; he doesn’t tell jokes, thank God.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Aster If it was my husband, I’d do it right back at him. Before he can say it, you say it. “Oh look, they’re in attack mode!” or “Let me guess – Donovan did it.” He might take the hint that way without you saying its annoying and if he does it one more time, you’re going to kill him.

…or something like that. :)

marinelife's avatar

What else does he say? As long as he also says different things each day I don’t think it’s a problem. He has little rituals with you which have their own language. We have those too.

ucme's avatar

Sure, we humanoids are creatures of habit after all.

Aster's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I will definitely try that. Knowing him, he’ll enjoy it, though. I wish I could explain why but I can’t. It’s like he’ll feel we’re participating in the same thing; like we’re playing a game together. I think he’ll smile. Doing things together is not something we participate in except fishing. And in winter with an inch of water in the lake that has stopped cold.
@marinelife it isn’t just the remarks. For instance, each night he’ll see what I’m watching on tv and each night he’ll shake his head like he thinks the show is stupid. I think he may do this because he suspects that I’m right that the shows he watches are extremely stupid with a 65” screen and satellite dish . He would never go one day without watching Gunsmoke in black and white. He may think I am thinking that’s dumb to watch so he feels it’s only fair to shake his head at what I watch. He knows I watch much more of a variety of shows and I try new ones. He would never try new shows.

Ela's avatar

I’m not sure if it’s normal, but personally I find it endearing.
It would be fun for me to think of various responses such as “Donovan rolled on ya dude… he’s got pics” or when he says they are in attack mode I’d reply “Me too!” and commence to ‘attacking’ him. But that’s just me. : )

You don’t do anything together except fish? You don’t joke around or play any kind of games?

Aster's avatar

@Ela that’s a great attitude. No; we don’t play games of any kind. What , for instance? Checkers? lol

Seek's avatar

My husband does it with music. He has a compulsion to point out parts of songs. The same parts. Of the same songs. For as long as I’ve known him. Yes, I know that Zeppelin sings about the Nazgul in The Battle of Evermore. For frak’s sake. The song is 40 years old. We know.

Ela's avatar

@Aster strip checkers? <wink wink> LoL

Aster's avatar

ok: here is something else he does that is super weird. If I mention a friend or relative of mine he will always follow my remark with , “oh, you’re speaking of the fabulous Dorothy!” Or when I say a word about my best friend’s husband, who is an incurable tightwad and weirdo he has to say, “Oh, the fabulous Sam!” And if I say something about my friend Susie he’ll say, “you’re speaking of the fabulous cackler!” (meaning she cackles when she laughs.) Most of these people are either old, sick or both. So it really gets on my nerves. And he has made up a nickname for many of them which he’ll mention like, “Oh, the Fab One!” meaning my deceased, egotistical father. Years of this nonsense. You guys are the greatest, really. Thanks for all your comments.

marinelife's avatar

@Aster It sounds as if you are in a bad place in your marriage. You are seeing everything he does and says in a negative light. To rediscover what made you fall for him in the first place, try reading Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want.. Think about your hurband;s good points (surely he has some). Think of things you two like to do together and engage in some of those.

Aster's avatar

Gee, there are so few things we like to do together. That is , he likes to go to restaurants with me but I don’t like it . He takes chances when he drives and once fractured his neck so I get nervous each time we do that. He has stopped playing golf and bridge completely. I never played either and I miss my time alone . He would have liked it had I joined him but I’m not the athletic type and quite non=competitive. Plus, he is as far advanced in bridge as you can get. Platinum Level or something. I love dancing but he just can’t do it. My parents were like this. My dad loved vegetable gardening and so do I but he has no interest in it or in eating veggies. He has read one book in 26 years so we can’t discuss books. Oh; the one thing we both enjoy discussing is UFO’s and Christianity. He’s super non-religious but knows a lot about the religion so we can talk about those subjects. We are both very interested in UFO’s. I will read the book; thanks.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Dog people get habitual just like the dogs.

Dogs are much more comfortable in a routine, and most people who love them maybe a bit more than other owners, start to get habitual, too, from my experience.

You could always playfully say it before he does, to gently let him know you are noticing the habit. Or even “Honey, have you noticed that _________” It doesn’t have to be mean, just communicate, especially if it is bothering you for some reason.

Shippy's avatar

Sounds like it’s time to pull out all the ammunition @Aster Try new restaurants, call a cab, don’t drive. That means you can both get tipsy. Try Chinese, where you sit on the floor or eat off naked women? loll.

Learn a new dance, like the Waltz, in fact join a dance studio. They will teach you and have an open night.

Play Blind Fold date, that is where, you blind fold your partner, call a cab, and when he gets there all is revealed. It can just be a trip to the park at night, with colorful waterfalls. Or anything new and interesting.

I could go on….... loll.

Pachy's avatar

It’s an interesting observation, and I’m inclined to say that I bet all of us do it to an extent. “Have a good day,” “What’s up?”, “How’re ya doin’?”, “What’s new?”, “I need my caffeine”—these and countless other phrases sort of get wired in as we go through our personal and work lives. It’s short-hand conversation that keep us time and effort. Not necessarily because we don’t want to connect with others—although sometimes we don’t—but just because we may be tired, stressed, bored, in a hurry, or just because we either know the person very well or don’t know him/her well enough. When you sit in a meeting at the office with several people, as I have to do often, you hear lots of these “wired-in” comments. When you live alone with a pet, as I do, you hear yourself saying them constantly.

Seek's avatar

My own oft-repeated line: “Better paranoid than dead”. I think I say this every single time someone says the word “paranoid”. It’s like a reflex.

Aster's avatar

No getting tipsy; he doesn’t drink. Never has in his life.
we had a nice day in town at the Red Lobster then went grocery shopping. Soon he’ll say, “naps are in order!” and off he’ll go to bed for half an hour.
We do have a lot of love for our two dogs. One almost died last month and I am so terribly grateful to have her with us. She gives us so much joy. Two surgeries in in a week, the poor dear.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Aster What was wrong with her?

Sunny2's avatar

In anything you do repetitively, cliches and jargon develops. I stopped bowling and skiiing, partly because I got tired of the jargon. The same people said the same things every time I was with them. Some people speak only the same words over and over depending on the activity. Mostly they are incapable and disinterested in finding new ways of expressing themselves. My suggestion would be for you to explore and develop activities for yourself that don’t include him. Then it will be easier for you just to overlook his shortcomings.

wundayatta's avatar

It sounds to me like you are interested in more connection with your husband. These annoying habits are not annoying when you feel fully in love. Then you forgive the silliness. The annoying habits are endearing. They make your husband the man you love.

But when they become annoying, it’s a sign that something else is missing. You need to find new ways to reconnect, and with men that can be difficult. It would be easiest if you can say these things, but men often don’t understand. Still, you might try explaining that you are not complaining about him. Rather you are looking for a sense of connection. That often happens when you do things together, but also when you have time alone in between. So can he think of things he’d like to do and you come up with a list, and see if there are things on both lists.

Or you could get help from someone who is trained to help couples sort through these things. Maybe there are exercises you could do that would help build your creativity in coming up with things to do that would help you reconnect.

FutureMemory's avatar

Some people definitely fall into ruts with their interpersonal communication. It’s as if they’ve programmed themselves with 20 or 30 automatic responses to all of life’s daily events, which gives them an annoying air of…extreme predictability. You wonder over time if they ever say anything original. I remember my father used to be like that. Ugh it drove me up a wall. Sometimes you just want to yell at him “how many times in your life do you think you’ve said that? 1000?”. Dealing with it in a romantic partner must be even worse.

As others have suggested, I think you would do well to break up your routines. Get him to do something new, something he’s never done before. Take him out of his comfort zone. He’ll be forced to stop repeating those annoying statements, at least for the duration of the new activity.

I love how one of the major things Aster and her husband connect on is discussing UFO’s.

@Aster Are you interested in other far out stuff like Bigfoot, or ghosts?

Ela's avatar

@Aster you should come over. I got 5 bottles of wine and a dartboard. It’ll be fun!!

bob_'s avatar

Go make me a sandwich.

Uh, yeah, I guess it’s not unusual.

cookieman's avatar

I do this sometimes. I’m a middle-aged dad. It’s in the contract.

Aster's avatar

@FutureMemory UFO’s , ghosts, spirits yes. Anything paranormal. Not much into Bigfoot since it appears they keep showing the same old films and not one person has run after this alleged missing link. lol GA, by the way.
@wundayatta GA also. @Ela under those circumstances I’d lose interest in the darts pretty fast. lol GA
@KNOWITALL she had large bladder stones, had them removed but the internal stitches broke (our fault ) and he had to re=do the surgery. She’s doing terrific now, thanks for asking.

deni's avatar

I just stumbled upon this Q and have to say it’s pretty funny to read from an outside perspective. It is a small thing but I totally would be extremely annoyed by it as well. I hope your relationship improves and you are able to rekindle a flame :))

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