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MissRosie81's avatar

Is it wrong to have feelings for my friend's brother? Should I do something about it?

Asked by MissRosie81 (251 points ) February 4th, 2013

Hello :)

A really close friend of mine has an extremely lovely older brother. He’s very shy, but very sweet, and the three of us have had dinner several times. I’m massively attracted to him, but have very little experience with dating and I don’t know what to do. I’m 24 and he is in his thirties.

This will sound juvenile, but I’m trying to decide whether or not to add him on facebook. Would that be too forward? I don’t really “do” forward, and I don’t want to create an awkward situation. But it’s not a big deal, right?

We are both very shy, but I just can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t talk to my friend about it yet, and I don’t want to make a fool of myself. He works a lot. Should I wait for awhile and see how things progress? Or go the “add on facebook” route? I just don’t want to come across as the “little sister’s friend”.. :S

Thank you for your input xox

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19 Answers

harple's avatar

I would go for the add on facebook, definitely. It would allow you to possibly build a separate relationship with him aside from the one through his sister. At 24 this is perfectly acceptable! Adding him on facebook is an incredibly normal thing to do with someone you have been out to dinner with a few times, even if it was as his sister’s friend.

dabbler's avatar

One way or another let him know you enjoy his company a lot, and see how he responds.
Friending on facebook is a great idea but since he’s a shy person you might want to keep the personal stuff on private channels, i.e. not on his or your facebook wall.

lookingglassx3's avatar

I would definitely add him on Facebook! You know eachother, you’ve had dinner together…it’s a completely normal thing to do. :) This gives you the opportunity to get to know him better. Talking via Facebook is generally easy if you’re both shy as it gives you time to think about what you want to say.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Go up to him and be completely honest. Let him know you’re interested in him but you’re shy. I blew so many opportunities because I hesitated and held back. Screw it, now I go in with both guns blazing. It’s much more fun. :)

Seek's avatar

Go for it, but I would let his sister in on it first, out of respect for her feelings.

Here’s what could happen:

You: “Hey friend, I have to be honest with you. I think I have a crush on your brother.”

Friend: “OMG MissRosie, we could be sisters! That would be the most amazingly awesomest thing ever! It’s about time you told me, he’s had it bad for you for years and never had the guts to say anything. You know how shy he is. You should ask him out.”

See? How awesome would that be. Take a chance. You only live once.

gorillapaws's avatar

I think it becomes more awkward if you wait too long to friend him. Doing it sooner rather than later is better IMO.

submariner's avatar

^Ditto what they all said. No, of course it’s not wrong; it couldn’t be righter. Yes, you should do something about it. Carpe diem, gather ye rosebuds while ye may, etc.

marinelife's avatar

Add him on facebook. Everyone does it. Think about asking him out for coffee just the two of you.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

Add him to facebook. I also think you should talk to your friend about it. Im curious why you say you can’t talk to your friend.

If she truly is your friend than I think it is better not to leave her last to find out because that might make her feel like you were only friends with her for her brother.

Thats just my opinion. Good luck.

wundayatta's avatar

Do you use Facebook? If so, friend him. If not, then it doesn’t matter. For example, I don’t use Facebook. So if someone wanted to friend me, the request would sit there, potentially for months, before I noticed.

Carinaponcho's avatar

There is nothing wrong with it. Add him on Facebook. Keep talking to him, and try to get his number.

MissRosie81's avatar

Oh wow – thank you all so much for the comments!! I’ve been thinking so much about this lately, and it’s so refreshing to put it “out there” and have people weigh in on it! Thank you!!

Just added him. AH!

Thank you sooo much xox

Seek's avatar

@MissRosie81 That’s why we’re here. Luck!

burntbonez's avatar

Congratulations. Now what will you do?

MissRosie81's avatar

Ohh thank you!

@Seek_Kolinahr @burntbonez I think now I will just have to wait and see what happens. I don’t want to be too forward, but I feel good about making this small move.
He’s joked once about one of his sister’s friends “coming after him”, and I don’t want to be the punchline of a joke. So I’ll wait it out and see if he writes me. Right?

thank you all so much!! I probably wouldn’t have added him if it hadn’t been for the responses!!

Seek's avatar

@MissRosie81 True story: I had a massive crush on one of my best friends for years. Like, we grew up together and I can’t remember not loving him.

Never got the guts to tell him, because it’s the boy’s job to speak up first.

I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited…..

Turned out, he was gay.

Don’t I wish I had asked him out seven years before…

Knowing is better, even if the answer is “no”.

MissRosie81's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Ohh thank you so much for telling me that. I’m so sorry that happened (gosh it’s frustrating!) and I definitely see what you’re saying. I’m shy and have always held onto the “boy’s job” rule too! But I see what you mean.. haha I’m feeling all kinds of daring and enlightened right now! I’ll keep this in mind for when I next see him!!

creative1's avatar

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would add him to facebook if I were you, but then again I am not shy

snapdragon24's avatar

Add him on Facebook! One of my brother’s best friend did and now we’ve been dating for 9 months. I am 25 and he is 30. Does this relieve you ;)

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