General Question

Eggie's avatar

(NSFW) Does sex create a lifelong connection?

Asked by Eggie (5087 points ) March 22nd, 2014

People engage in sex for all different types of reasons, not just because they love the person. When it is over, doesn’t it produce a lifelong connection with that individual despite the reason for engaging in it? You may move on to many other relationships, but do you still have a sort of connection with each and every person you had sex with? Is it a connection or just a memory?

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27 Answers

GloPro's avatar

No, thank goodness. Sometimes it isn’t even a memory… And hooray for that, too.

1TubeGuru's avatar

No but I can still recognize my ex wife from the back of her head.

Bill1939's avatar

For many if not most people, sexual instinct is the initial attractor. Other unconscious felt-needs (psychologically based needs as opposed to physiologically based needs) form the basis for establishing relationships. Often this motivation is the product of projection, and elements that appear as meeting one’s felt-needs fade as the reality of the qualities of the other person shatters the illusion. To the degree that one matures, such self deluding is decreased and a more viable relationship becomes possible.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

In a true sense it does. Unless you have had more sex then Bubba Gump Shrimp has dollars, you always in the back of your mind compare who you are with or having sex with to someone you have had before. Even if you do not remember how or why you were having sex, or all you remember was ”the redhead with the mole on her left tit”, you remembered her, so she, and maybe others, stood out from the herd. In a practical sense, sex has really been reduced from prime rib eye to less than Spam. It is the truly special something that has been marginalized to a commodity in a relationship; and often not even that, it is just another thing on the relationship/hookup punch list. While people still try to make it to be as special as was intended, they treat it as common. It might have created some sort of lifelong connection, but not today; once it grows stale people can’t wait to chase the next thing smoking.

livelaughlove21's avatar

No. Someone that remains a part of you forever may be someone you’ve had sex with, but the reason they stick with you has little to do with the sex. Sex without love is just sex, nothing more. You’ll probably remember them, but they’re not “part of you.”

Cruiser's avatar

No. I may be different in that I have never made love to a woman I was not in love with. That is the connection I need to be that intimate with a woman. That is why I do not have a connection with my past lovers as that connection is reserved for the one I am with and that is my wife.

elbanditoroso's avatar

No. It’s a biological activity. Sometimes if you’re lucky it continues and manifests itself as a loving relationship. But often not.

There are women I had sex with… whose names I don’t remember. And I’m not sure why we did the deed in the first place, except we were young and carefree.

Sex is definitely not a lifelong string.

herculies's avatar

I agree with all of the above. A strong no… sad as it sounds.

hearkat's avatar

Sex is a means to procreation – a very basic, primitive instinct that animals perform. Thus, it is nothing special. Physical intimacy, whether sexual or not, becomes special when it is shared with a person with whom you also share emotional intimacy. However, emotional intimacy does not create a lifelong bond, either. Dedication and devotion are what build a lifelong bond.

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zenvelo's avatar

It’s just a memory, and with some it is a pretty hazy memory.

It is a strong part of the emotional connection I have with old lovers, those where we connected on many levels, not exclusively sex. But those with whom sex was really the extent of the relationship, there are no emotional twinges at all.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I don’t believe it does but I would guess that some people hang onto the memory of the experience with that person longer than they should, in some instances.

NanoNano's avatar

I would say, biologically, sex is meant to create a bond that keeps the two together. This is to the benefit of raising offspring with an optimal chance of survival.

Your experiences may vary.

Coloma's avatar

Hell no! My ex and I always had a great sex life but were polar opposites in personality, morals, values and life goals. I was the free spirited, creative, optimistic type, he was the anal, controlling, made everyone miserable when he was not happy type.
Often a strong sexual connection deludes people into denying all the other things that are wrong in a relationship.

Bodies fade, sex drives fade as we age, the foundation of a good relationship is much more based on shared personality style, shared interests, allowing each person to be themselves without trying to change them and sharing the same value system.
Hard lessons we learn from the trenches of failed relationships.
If you don’t truly enjoy TALKING to the person your with, just BEING with them, all the great sex in the world is just a band aide that holds a gaping psychic wound together by a thread.
You better like talking to that old fart while stirring the oatmeal someday. haha

bolwerk's avatar

Yes, when you get to Heaven you meet everyone you had sex with to apologize for not staying in touch. True fact!

Seriously: probably 99% of human sex is recreational. So what do you think?

AshLeigh's avatar

No, I don’t think so. Sex doesn’t create connection.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I suppose—————if you did it for a living, it might become another mundane chore, but for me the memories are delicious, and it always surprises me how many wonderful details I can recall regarding those divine women, while without looking, I couldn’t tell you the color of the shirt I currently wear.

Coloma's avatar

@stanleybmanly In other words you have dementia. lol
You can remember the hot sex you had in 1967 but not what you had for breakfast. hahaha

ucme's avatar

Of course not, from my late teens through to my mid twenties sex was like a game of golf, lots of holes & a few drinks after.
It’s different with the wife though, now that’s called making love.

susanc's avatar

I completely disagree with everyone who wrote before me. I have had lots & lots of lovers and although I dismissed some of them for bad behavior and vice versa, I’ll always have been very, very close to each of them and if I see them again it’s always funny and warm and
secretly wonderful. I’m always glad when that happens. Always.

stanleybmanly's avatar

@Coloma Exactly. And you got the era pretty much right. It was a truly incredible time and the lucky men to be swept up by the wave of strong, smart, capable recently liberated women are still grinning from the effects. It’s another of the remarkably fortunate occurrences in my lucky life to have been young and ineligible for service in Vietnam. It’s almost comical that I had no idea that the glories and all of those spectacular women were but a temporary consequence of the pill and the attraction of San Francisco.

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janbb's avatar

I will say that I remember everyone I’ve been physically involved with but I wouldn’t call that a lifetime connection.

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