General Question

marksonos's avatar

Why did he take a picture of me with his phone in the morning?

Asked by marksonos (298 points ) 2 months ago

A guy I spent the night with took a picture of me with his phone as I was sitting on the bed early morning. This happened to me before -someone else snapped a picture of me in the morning. Why would this be? I always notice, say no and cover my face.

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31 Answers

BosM's avatar

Trophy picture… is all I can think of. He wants to show off his conquest maybe?

marksonos's avatar

@BosM Should I be upset or happy about this?

ragingloli's avatar

Oh you should definitely be upset.

LuckyGuy's avatar

In my opinion nobody should ever take a social picture of another without asking permission first. A simple “May I?” and a smile is enough. If the person in front of the lens says “No”, the camera should be put down. No questions. No argument.

Maybe he took the picture because you looked so cute in the morning. That is nice. But the metadata has the exact time and date and very likely the location. Do you mind him having that?.

Now is the time to get this issue resolved. If he does not respect your position on this issue it is a sign he may not respect your wishes on others.

If against your will, he takes a picture of you “compromised”, I hereby give you permission to step on and smash his phone.

josie's avatar

He knows the someone else and they are comparing notes

marksonos's avatar

@josie that’s sickening. what do you mean

BosM's avatar

marksonos I think you should be upset.

If he wants your picture it should not be in that situation . If you are dating and he is taking you out for dinner, or a night on the town – maybe then a picture of the two of you enjoying time together would be appropriate. However, not a picture in the privacy of a bedroom. I can’t imagine any good intentions coming from that. Make him delete it.

ibstubro's avatar

It’s wrong, but I don’t know what you can do about it. If this was just a casual encounter and it’s happened to you before, maybe you need to make a habit of bringing the subject up the night before. Something like “I know this is crazy, but this guy I know says whenever he goes home with another guy they tend to take his picture in the morning. Don’t you think that’s sorta wrong? Why would they do that?” Then if it happens, you have grounds for indignation.

That said, I hope you’re being safe and that casual encounters aren’t becoming habit. No judgement there, just try to set some relationship goals and work toward them.

As others have said here, it sounds as if your picture is a visual ‘notch on the bedpost’, and in the electronic age there’s no guarantee that list isn’t posted somewhere. It’s happened before, even with a rating system attached.

JLeslie's avatar

My husband loves how I look when I first wake up. If he took a photo, maybe it would be because he likes to look at me.

But, your situation sounds like a one night stand, so I am going to say he has a collection of photos of all the girls he has conquered. I think it is very innappropriate for him to snap a photo of you without your permission, but I am old, and assuming you are young you are used to phones taking photos all the time and your friends probably take photos and post them on Facebook without worrying if the other person doesn’t like it. So, I guess it can just be a sign of the times. Or, a sign that he is not “the one.”

If you told him not to and he did, he is showing signs of not respecting your opinion and desires. It is actually a red flag. It isn’t funny if you were against the photo being taken.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@marksonos You might want to take a look at the guys you hang out with. That sounds like a trophy notch shot. Maybe find some classier guys? And yes you can let me have it for that, but that’s how I read it.

filmfann's avatar

He wanted proof to back up his bragging to his friends.
This is not always a bad thing.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

You are worried about the photo? To me it looks like proof to what already happened. You were just another ”notch in the belt or stamp on the side of the jet” whether the pic was taken or not; the only thing that existed then, was you both had plausible deniability if it did not go well, now that is less. To be upset of the pic after is to me, too little way too late.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

It’s probably going up on a website. You did have the option when he first took the picture to ask what was he doing and to make him delete it or to take his phone and smash it to bits.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Yepper. The picture shows certain facts. If you don’t want to look like one, don’t behave like one. Your behavior isn’t talking relationship if you have men taking morning after pictures. They are obviously getting a free and easy vibe from you. I can’t say I blame them. If you don’t mind being a parking space, don’t complain about the quarters you get.

Kardamom's avatar

He either thought you looked pretty (and said so) and maybe this is the beginning of a nice relationship, or he took the picture to save/use as proof that he boinked someone last night and he probably has no other intention other than to have slept with you. And yes, unfortunately, there are some creepers who do post these one night boink pictures online.

You already know which one is true.

If this has happened in the past, which you have stated that it has, don’t have one night stands with people. Get to know people first, before you sleep with them.

Coloma's avatar

Well..it could be worse, a one night stand and a trophy picture, better than lopping off your ear as trophy. Sleeping with serial killers is a risk when hooking up with unknown guys.
Yeah, not cool, and an invasion of privacy/boundaries, but….that’s what you get if trifling around with virtual strangers.

Smashley's avatar

You should have taken one of him. If he had a problem with it, then he’s being a douche with your picture.

Maybe it’s just a photo album of hookups. Everyone likes mementos, and photos create better memories many of the other mementos you can get from a one night stand…

johnpowell's avatar

You are a notch on his facebook based bedpost. Hope you don’t end up on Reddit.

seekingwolf's avatar

Was this a casual encounter. Sounds very “conquest-y” to me. I would be upset.

Just a thought: if this is casual sex and you don’t want to be a conquest, don’t have casual sex. ever. Really. I know some people who complain about being objectified, being just “notches” on the belt, and yet will engage in casual sex and sleeping with someone without being in a relationship with that person…which I don’t really understand, personally.

josie's avatar

@marksonos What is confusing about what I said?

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

1. Could be to brag about a conquest, as others have said above.

2. There are a frightening number of false-rape accusations flying around these days. Some guys take photos of girls they spend the night with to prove she wasn’t screaming and trying to leave at the time, just in case an accusation arises down the track.

marksonos's avatar

Hey guys I didn’t even sleep with him though.

seekingwolf's avatar

What is your relationship with him?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@marksonos Back the car up a bit. Okay, you spent the night with him, slept in the same bed, (I’m assuming), but didn’t have sex with him?

Kardamom's avatar

Is this the same guy you gave the Hand Job to, or is this another guy?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Hey guys I didn’t even sleep with him though.
Everyone at the bar and the locker room at the club won’t know that. Let’s just hope you are not topless or worse when he grabbed the pic, then it will look even more like you did—whether you did or not; a lie will get half way around the world before the truth even gets out of bed to put his shoes on.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Why the hell are people shaming the OP for the guy’s bad behaviour? Having sex or sharing a bed with someone is an entirely valid choice. His violating her privacy is not.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@dappled_leaves Why the hell are people shaming the OP for the guy’s bad behaviour?
Who is shaming her? I know I am not attempting to but to make her aware situational awareness. If you do not know someone well no matter how adorable he is or how stacked she is, they can do worse than taking your pic. She told him ‘no’ but he did it anyhow, his bad for sure. If she covered her face, then she has less to worry about that he will use it in a way she will be implicated for it. Face being seen or not, he can still use it as proof he tapped her hoiney cave even when he didn’t. The photo will embolden the lie

seekingwolf's avatar

@dappled_leaves

It’s not shaming to point out possibly poor choices on behalf of the OP.

Yes, sharing a bed or having sex with a random guy is a valid choice, but so is snorting pills. Just because it’s ”valid” doesn’t mean that it’s a good choice.

It was bad of the guy to take the girl’s picture without her permission but on her part, it’s a bad idea to sleep with (sex or not) with guys that you don’t fully know/trust yet.

If I cashed my whole paycheck today and walked down a ghetto street in my city, waving my $$ in plain sight for all to see, and then I get mugged, clearly my assailant would be in the wrong and ought to be punished, but at I just a little bit at fault? For not considering my personal safety in the least?

I gotta say, I’m getting pretty tired of the “can’t-ever-say-anything-critical-about-anyone-who-is-a-victim” attitude that is prevalent these days. Clearly, there are many scenarios where the victim TRULY does no wrong, but what happened to personal precautions and being smart/safe about your surroundings? You can’t just throw everything to the wind and then act surprised when bad things happen. “I sleep in a guy’s bed. We aren’t in a relationship and I barely know him. How could he take a picture of me without my permission?!?! How could this happen?!” Because that’s what can happen when you willingly put yourself into intimate/close quarters with a person that you barely know and have no idea of how they are character-wise.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ I agree with all of that…...this is too scary…...mamma….

Kardamom's avatar

@seekingwolf Exactly.

Giving total strangers hand jobs, letting them sleep with you and having sleepover dates with people you’ve only talked to once online, continuing the sleepover date when you realize that the other person is sending up red flags one after the other is probably not the best way to find true love, or even a f*ck buddy.

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