When have you felt most alienated?

It would be extremely unusual for me. But I’m also the one reaching out to make the other person welcome. I’ve been told they were so grateful for someone reaching out to them. So I guess I didn’t screw it up too much.

Never in real life, that’s just not how I roll.
First few weeks here on Fluther though, hee-hee, felt like a nipple on a buttcheek, uncomfortable & slightly sore.

I have always felt “different” from any crowd with which I’m interacting (I read once that alcoholics often refer to this feeling). It’s difficult to describe—I don’t feel superior, I don’t feel inferior; I just feel that I’ve had different experiences and have come to different beliefs than those around me. I work this out—I rarely have occasion to even mention this. I simply begin to assimilate the group vibe and try my darnedest to blend.

I have thousands of personal and professional acquaintances with whom I blend well; I have only a handful of very close friends with whom I feel a connection.

Your question might be more specific than how I responded; and I would say that as I’ve aged, there are definitely more and more situations where I feel “this is for the younger crowd;” and I most definitely feel like I don’t belong. I will always be gracious and attempt to apply humor to those situations where I’m the oddball.

It’s invigorating..

Diogenes is a bit of a hero of mine:

“When Plato gave Socrates’ definition of man as “featherless bipeds” and was much praised for the definition, Diogenes plucked a chicken and brought it into Plato’s Academy, saying, “Behold! I’ve brought you a man.” After this incident, “with broad flat nails” was added to Plato’s definition.” (Wikipedia)

every day for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I solve it by logging off.

Most of my life and especially as grow older… A pachyderm apart.

@Pachy raises an interesting point. When I was around 10, my father announced in frustration that “the country’s going to hell.” I’ll never forget it, because of my immediate reaction—- “that’s old age talking”. Pop was considerably younger at the time than I am now. Sooo- I have a problem. When I now consider the state of the country, and the direction in which it is headed, I feel frighteningly out of place. Living here now grows ever more surreal, as the country flounders between 2 rapidly diverging views of reality itself. There are those who insist that our problems arise from a reluctance to compromise, but things are beyond that. Considering the severity of the issues confronting us, and the nature of the policies and remedies proposed, one side or the other must be dead wrong on most of them. That’s my take on things as they are, but in my ever declining moments of optimism, I dismiss the notion that the country’s getting dumber and chalk the entire thing up to the ravings of old age.

@stanleybmanly Here’s a bushel basket of GA’s. Me too. Either I’ve lost my marbles or there are complete idiots spouting some of this crap.

Very well said, @stanleybmanly. My feelings precisely.

I spent 6 weeks in the mountains of Laos in a village with no electricity, bathing water from the river, and the nearest medical help a 6+ hour bus ride away. I did not speak Lao and no one really spoke English. The people were absolutely wonderful, unbelievably wonderful (especially considering that we were digging up live American explosives at our work site). But I did find that after a few weeks, I had a feeling of complete dislocation and isolation. I had never felt like that before and have not since. It was bizarre.

@syz Would you prefer to feel that way again?

^ I had so many amazing experiences, and had a wonderful (if temporary) “re-set” of my priorities (“Who needs all of this stuff?”) – I’d go back in a heart beat. I’d rather not have that painful paroxysm of alienation that I suffered lying on the flat top of a mountain watching satellites rotate the planet while my crew partied nearby, but it was worth it.

I once went to a party at a gay friend’s house. My friend introduced me to someone and that man said “Oh, a breeder,” with total disdain in his voice. Then a bunch of his lesbian friends assumed that I was gay. It was really strange feeling like a minority, but I liked the people and the party.

If anyone’s interested, I loaded some photos from Laos – let me know if the link doesn’t work.

I’m Deaf (capitalized, as in a member of the Deaf community and culture), so that automatically makes me different the minute I walk out of my front door. Not hearing and not understanding people around me is normal. But—I wouldn’t change that about myself—it’s my reality and I like being Deaf. I live within the Deaf community so I blend just fine. It’s when I go to restaurants, stores, or appointments that I have to change gears and try to get people to communicate with me.

—-

However… I have experienced the furthest “not fitting in” can go- a 6-year, full time shunning. It really does a number on your psyche. I live with complex-PTSD as a result.

I moved to a small town tight-knit collective community in Minnesota. When I moved there, I somehow made the wrong person mad at the boarding school where I worked—based on a misunderstanding. The shunning happened almost immediately and involved both Deaf and hearing people.

I was treated as non-existent, was completely ignored at work events, and if I approached people to try to figure things out, it got exponentially worse. When I did school-wide projects, it was sabotaged or panned. I was called in by my boss frequently to defend myself against rumors- my boss warned me to “be careful what I do because the rumors were taken seriously.” I was almost fired for something someone else did- my protection came from the union. The shunning fell over into after-work hours, my kids were targeted at their schools by co-worker’s children, and for those 6 years, we had no social life. It didn’t help that I was a shy people-pleaser to begin with. It was brutal.

I couldn’t leave- the economy had just tanked and I was lucky to have a job. The first 2 years were the most difficult, until it became routine. I “went to sleep” as a defense mechanism but planned my death at the end of the 4th year. I snapped out of it and realized I wanted to have my life back- if not for myself, then for my kids. I became much stronger, less sensitive, more determined and it took two years to plan, save, and get out. Fluther was a key element in giving me a place to belong while I recovered. I moved my kids and myself to another state.

Now, I’m part-time employed and broke, but do have a place to live, have a new community of wonderful friends, and couldn’t be happier. However, it did take me 2 years before I could feel halfway comfortable in social settings- I can still be overly vigilant and nervous. My kids are so much happier as well.

My pre-teen daughter, wow… she lived through being the school target from K through 3rd grade, but recovered from the experience and is one confident, tough cookie. She is well liked here, but also has become a defender of the ‘outcasts.’

I moved over a year ago. I really mean no offence in what I type, but I moved from a huge network of friends, memories, history and a fantastic climate to a place that is for the most part cold and misty. The culture I have lived in for many years, although not my own, was ‘hot’! Hot food, hot people, music, light, dancing, dancing in the streets, open people, open sexuality, laughter to what seems currently like an over civilized place. Distant people. People on trains or buses who don’t even look your way, neighbors who do not greet you. Reserved, distant alienating.

I suffer from a couple of mental illnesses and have lately started joining a few groups. Not the best I know, since really I want to be around people I see as winning, not losing. Not that I am calling mental people losers, but they are down, depressed and not really succeeding in life currently.

I come from a long ling of people who added to life, gave of themselves and did well. I don’t really know how I will cope. I am friendless and alone. it is a totally new experience for me. Sometimes I just ‘sleep’. Sometimes I just give up, other days I think ‘I’ll try harder tomorrow’.

I have never felt so alienated and alone in my life. As the saying goes, I made this bed now I gotta lie on it!

day by day and I will keep you posted. Hopefully.

Church. When I was a kid, I went with my family. Everyone was friendly, mostly, but I felt very out of place.

Last year when I was forced to take a position in ” town” after decades of rural living on private properties and being my own boss in a highly joyful, creative field. The economy wiped out the business and I had to give up my home of 7 years on 5 acres.
I lived for 13 months sandwiched between nosey old ladies in a little neighborhood of busybody older folks. Gah! It was horrible.

The old lady next door called about 5 times a week when she saw my cats outside, just to be sure I knew they were out. Uh yes, I do, thanks. She would call and ask me about strange noises coming from my back porch and the laundry room and I would have to assure her it was the dryer running, duh….it’s a freaking LAUNDRY room! She constantly wanted to know when I would be home because she liked having me home at night because she lived alone.

I tried to be kind, I WAS kind, but holy mother of %$#@&* I felt like a 12 yr. old again under the microscope.
The other ancient woman was a snipey gossip, always taking me hostage to bitch about the other neighbors. Insanely stupid stuff, like complaining about another neighbor that brought her a slice of apple pie and it was SO BIG and WHY would she cut such a BIG slice of pie!!! OMG! lol

I am now back on a lovely 10 acre ranch property with NOBODY around me again, thank you Universe, another freaking month in the old folks zone was going to test my mental health to the point where I might just have brewed up a steaming pot Oleander leaf tea and invited the old biddys over for brunch.
Oh, home, home on the range, where the geese and the horses play, where never is heard, a bitchy old lady word and the skies are not cloudy all day. lol

It happens every now and then:
– Each time I’ve stepped foot in a church, since losing my religion.
– Travelling in non-English speaking countries (but in a good way).
– The first time I went to a club, since it takes a great deal of alcohol before I am prepared to dance, and I didn’t even like the music.
– When I moved out of home the first time, to a small town two states away, where I didn’t know a single person.
– The time when, after a long day of research, I went to a public lecture in the Law faculty of my university, and friendly people started talking to me under the assumption that I was a member of the Law community also. I’m not usually one to feel intellectually out-gunned, but I had nothing to contribute to the conversation, considering my academic background. It got worse when I started falling asleep in the lecture.

I have never felt alienated in any Church. From the Catholic funeral I went to for a dear friend to a Mosque, I have always felt welcomed. But I go into them to learn, not to judge.

@Adirondackwannabe I was mainly referring to churches belonging to the denomination that I left. I actually felt an amazing sense of peace and grandeur when I visited some of the biggest and best Orthodox churches on my visit to Russia. The church I left is a very closed community for most, with many people living their whole life in the bubble it creates. While I still have family and friends in the church, I’m so far out of the bubble that it can be a challenge to relate.

@FireMadeFlesh The bubble idea repels me. If you want to be inclusive, I’m there. If not screw off.

Moving to Norway. Reminded everyday I don’t fit in or belong here.

It’s very rare I feel alienated.

I get a tinge of it when everyone in a church answers the Priest or Minister back during a service.

If I look like a shlub and everyone around me is all made up and dressed well I feel it a little too.

Neither situation happens a lot.

My high school time. That was the time when I realized I was so different and that wasn’t acceptable. I had to behave like everyone else to fit in, I had to like what they liked, hate what they hated, know what they knew… And I couldn’t do it. I was rejected by most at high school. Those came to me only wanted something from me. I had absolutely no friend at high school. My opinions were considered worthless. I was given tasks during groupwork just because everyone had to do something, and all the tasks were ridiculous like bringing a ruler or a pen. And they all called me irresponsible!

There may be time when I feel isolated too but that is the worst time.

@syz Your link isn’t working for me and I’m definitely interested to see the pictures.

Often enough that I rarely notice it any more.

How I deal with it depends on cost/benefit. Is it worth sticking around? Sometimes it is and I suck it up, sometimes it isn’t and I walk away. Every situation is different.

When my wife opens Salon’s website.

I’ve never seen so much proud ignorance about how real life conservatives really think and operate.