# Maximum age difference in a relationship?

Asked by smack (1217) July 13th, 2009

Assuming we are over 18, of course.

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As people get older, the disparity of age becomes somewhat less pronounced because of maturity of both people involved. Therefore a 55 year old and a 35 year old is more likely to succeed than a 20 year old and a 40 year old.

How about eight years in either direction? Which is not to say larger differences won’t work—it just keeps the relationship in the same generational joke category.

skfinkel (13389)

The maximum I’ve ever had was 14 years. I’m pretty sure I can do with a 20–25 year difference, as well.

As long as both parties are of age, who cares?

Blondesjon (33554)

@blondesjon – so true…

smack (1217)

Maximum age difference?

sounds like a prison sentence

jonsblond (40341)

Well you have the maximum age equation, which is…

Your age (or whoever’s oldest) divided in half, plus seven. EX: 30/2=15+7=22. So if you are thirty, the youngest person you should date is 22.

But it really depends on the individuals involved.

kenmc (11763)

I have had one relationship with a 12 year difference (me = 24, he = 36) and it was never even close to an issue. So I’d have to say the maximum is > 12, at this stage of the game.

nikipedia (27436)

So does anyone care if the woman is older than the man in the above answers?

chyna (38275)

I think it is a little weird when the woman is older than the man… but I think society taught me that, not because it actually is wrong.

smack (1217)

@chyna @smack My girlfriend is almost 9 years older than I and it’s not a big deal at all.

kenmc (11763)

My husband is 11 years older than I in terms of birthdays, but emotionally we are the same age, except when he acts younger. Then my grandparents were 16 and 30 on their wedding day. I also have a friend who was born when his dad was 70 and his mom was 35. And then there are Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, 16 years apart.

I suspect that once you get to a point where you have figured out who you are and what you want to do in life, age differences matter less. However, we are still trapped by biology. If two people want to have babies together the female needs to be younger than a certain age, while males have a wider latitude.

Otherwise, if two people love each other, have common goals in life, and are wise enough to be able to accept each other and grow together, age doesn’t really matter once everyone is above the age of consent.

Darwin (21733)

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 34 now, so that’s a 15 year age difference. The largest difference I have experienced was with a guy 17 years older, but I was underage then. :P

I mean, it’s a difference and we can perceive it…we are at different points in our lives, but we are so happy together and emotionally, we are pretty close. I love him to bits and he’s been there for many of my “firsts” in my life…it’s nice to have someone who has experienced everything I am going through. He supports me a lot.

I could probably handle a larger age difference, depending on the relationship.

seekingwolf (10382)

A person with a high sexual drive as a matter of course will then be able to satisfy a younger person, so it is more about compatibility than age. Check their allotment of Viagra )in case of a man) and be guided accordingly.

dannyc (5223)

Around 25.

cyn (6913)

For myself, I couldn’t see myself with a man younger than me or my same age. I’ve always been attracted to older guys. My husband is not even 4 years older than me, which I think is a good age distance. But, I don’t think age should be a deterrent when dating…you can’t help who you fall in love with.

casheroo (18071)

If your both legal, nothing else matters.

DrBill (16036)

Both should be of age. Beyond that, it doesn’t matter.

Jeruba (44860)

@Jeruba what do you mean as “of age?”

cyn (6913)

@cyndihugs

Saying that someone is “of age” means that they are at or above the age of consent, or 18+ years old.

seekingwolf (10382)

@seekingwolf I though it meant like….reaching puberty and stuff….

cyn (6913)

@cyndihugs

ohhh noo :) being “of age” means being 18+.

Although in many countries, if a girl is “of age” for starting puberty, then she on the market for marriage! ><

seekingwolf (10382)

@cyndihugs so it depends on the region…
In the U.S. you have to be legal age…18 years. Maybe earlier with your parent’s permission…

cyn (6913)

My wife is eleven years younger than I am, and it has been a great marriage – more than twenty-five years now and I still think that she is the most gorgeous, smartest and nicest women who I have ever known. For some strange reason she seem to feel the same about me. I guess that I am just lucky. :)

DarkScribe (15450)

my mother and father had 17 years between them with my father being the elder(he was a very sharp looking man even into his 50s though, think clint eastwood in the outlaw josie wales, in my mother’s defense, that is ;] )
both were married once before they met, my father had three children already, they married and had four more boys, me being the last :) and by all accounts they were one of the few couples that very truly love each other.

@seekingwolf I suddenly feel stupid.
The last comment was for you.

cyn (6913)

My wife and I are exactly 18 days apart. Born in the same month, same year, different astrological signs, and our middle names both start with the same letter. I’m a foot taller than she is, but I can’t imagine being with anyone else. she has ruined me for other women, but I don’t mind, she is the best thing to happen to me since puberty.

for me?
possibly no more than 24 yrs

prude (1065)

99 years max. I’d never date a woman who’s more than 136 (my lucky number).

Jack79 (10984)

i think maturity is a lot more important than age, but i do draw the line somewhere. the line, however, is pretty blurred, and i can only call it when i see it…

The line for me is closer to my age than my parents’ ages or my kids’ ages. My husband is 5 years younger than me and the youngest guy I’ve ever dated, but I’ve been around older guys than seem younger than him a lot of the time.

cyndyh (7581)

If she is old enough and I am not dead. It is all good.

CMaz (26203)

@tiffyandthewall The line is pretty blurred, which is what I’m worried about. As much as you define that line in every situation, however, society does as well. Even if many people say that “age is just a number,” in practice, they will often judge when age difference is a mere 5 years.

smack (1217)

@smack

Yeah, you’re right about that. :(

My best friend, who often said “age is just a number” and even dated a guy 3 years older than her…well, I recently told her about my relationship. She was totally weirded out and disapproved immediately, just because of the age gap. It makes me sad because she’s my bff and I’d like to her to approve, but I guess I can’t do anything about it.

People just don’t understand I guess. :/

seekingwolf (10382)

My husband is 15 years older than I am… his biggest concern is that he’s going to have to take care of me when he gets old. (kidding of course, but he’s in AWESOME Shape for ‘a man his age’)

The age differences only are an ‘issue’ when you’re young and when you are old.

When I was 15 if he and I were dating, it would have been illegal.
When he’s 80 (God willing) and I’m 65, he’s concerned that I’ll be ‘too young’ to be with an 80 year old man, that there will be things that we enjoy which he won’t be able to do any longer (I say pishaw, but I know he’s just concerned for me)
These are just some of the things you may want to consider (if you’re looking at this as a ‘forever’ kind of situation)

christine215 (3163)

There really can be no age differences….as long as everyone is over 18. Agreed that a 40 and 20 year old…will be a lot different than a 60 year old and 40 year old….though same age difference. And, please, if a 60 year old man can be with a 35 year old woman…let’s give women an opportunity to do the same without labelling them “cougars”. That’s ridiculous and sexist.

@DarlingRhadamanthus …let’s give women an opportunity to do the same without labelling them “cougars”. That’s ridiculous and sexist.

If sixty-year old women began seducing thirty-five year old men as commonly as it happens with men, then you’d better believe that they would have labels – and it wouldn’t be “Cougar”. (They would probably have people from Ripley’s knocking on the door as well.)

BTW “Cougar” isn’t sexist – it is sexy.

DarkScribe (15450)

Either way….you fall in love with who you fall in love with…no matter what age….or type. I recently read a story of a woman who fell in love with a fence. That’s right…a fence. Apparently, however she left him for a gate.True story.

I never thought about asking a fence to the prom…though I did go to a dance with a guy who was thick (as in dim) as a plank.

My ex-wife was 12 years younger, but I think it just depends on the individuals.

Capo (14)

@Capo – Did the difference in age have anything to do with why she is your ex wife?

Darwin (21733)

How about a 21 year old female with a 57 year old man? I am surprised with myself that I am getting involved like this, I think it’s strange for me, but at the same time I’m surprised at how much fun he is and how amazing his personality is… It’s a strange thing. It’s a 36 year age difference, but he’s just an amazing person… He seems to know exactly what he’s looking for in a relationship, but I’m making sure to take it nice and slow to avoid making any mistakes…

Yes, he sounds fun. Like a daddy taking his daughter to the zoo.

CMaz (26203)

The word bad is a bad choice. There are plenty of other amazing people to meet, without sacrificing life experiences with.

CMaz (26203)

@questioning

If you like the guy, it’s fine.

I’m currently with someone now who is over 30 years older than me. I had posted about us a while ago. We are doing great together.

If you feel strongly toward someone, you shouldn’t feel like you have to drop them because they are older or “life experiences”. My guy and I have lots of good times together. Can he dance crazy? Have lots of wild sex? Go traveling to exotic places with me? No…but then again, I don’t want any of that. Some older guys can do all that. Mine can’t.

I don’t get along with guys my age for that reason. They all want “adventure” and “sex”, “parties” and “starting a family”. I don’t want half of that and I can’t do half of that. So I date older men who I get along better with.

seekingwolf (10382)
Response moderated (Writing Standards)

I am wondering about this situation currently myself. I have had a couple of different guys ask me out who aren’t even half my age. I am currently 42 and the most recent is age 20. It feels strange to say yes, but I am also curious about if it would be a good experience. I said I would go, but with some reserves on the whole situation.

ShelK (35)

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