What is an appropriate age to let a child play outside alone?

I think she’s ready. (But that doesn’t make me liable if she’s not, right?)

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That does seem a bit young. My daughter is 5 and I really don’t like leaving her in our backyard for more than 5 minutes. Anything can happen. Recently I was in the garage cleaning and my daughter was in our backyard playing when her foot became stuck in her bicycle. I didn’t noticed her cry until I heard my neighbors voice asking if she was ok.

It sounds o.k. to me; I think mine were outside on their own sometimes at that age. I might consider putting in a fence if there is a street she might run out into and would check on her with some regularity, of course. I know there are safety concerns but kids do need to learn to play alone sometimes and it sounds like you have a good set-up. Plus, you know your own daughter and what she is ready for. Go with your gut.

For me it is too soon. We live in an awful world. While the likelihood of something happening may seem remote, the consequences if it does are unthinkable.

Polly Klaas, Elizabeth Smart and Haleigh Cummings were taken from their bedrooms.

“In Maryland, a intruder went into a home through an unlocked back door, took a 2½ year old girl out of her crib, abused her in the backyard, and ran off. After the attack, the girl walked back to her house, where her mother found her crying in the early morning.” Source

“The youngest females, 1–5 years old, tend to be killed by friends or acquaintances (64%)” Source

What if it wasn’t a stranger?

You can definitely let her outside and check on her every 5 or so minutes. As long as she can’t get out front or is in view of possible strangers, and you have gone over safety rules etc she’ll be fine.

Life’s a bitch, mom. If there’s no one around to keep an eye on her outside, you take her inside. 4 years old? NO WAY!

You need to read this before you make such a foolish mistake.

I must be a liberal mum my daughter played on our drive when she was 4 and she was exposed, I could see her from my lounge window and bedroom window and used to watch her whilst doing my cleaning.
She has turned out ok and knows her limits where and when to do something, she’s 10 now and I have just started to let her go swimming on her own (with friends) at the local baths, she has my number in her purse and knows to ring if anything goes wrong, or to tell a member of staff.
I live in the uk (don’t know if this helps?)

So many children are wrapped in cotton wool these days and are not allowed to take a risk, therefore do not know independence the same way we used to. As long as you can hear/see her I wouldn’t worry too much.

There will always be horror stories around I know someone who… Check this link out… but you know your neighbourhood and you know your child so ultimately it is your choice..
Some may say the fact that you are asking proves you have a doubt, why not try leaving her for 5 mins and watch her through the window see what she does. Then you can see how she responds to the responsiblity of being left alone.

It’snot easy being a parent and there are often no right or wrong answers go with your instinctxx

If you had a fenced in yard, I’d see no problem with it.
4 seems so young to me, but I have a 2 year old and he seems so big and getting so responsible, so I’m not good at judging ages anymore.
I think you know your daughter best, you know your neighborhood and how much you’d be able to see her. If you have a window and can sit at a table and watch her and do something else, then I don’t see what the problem would be.

I forgot to add that our yard is fenced.

Unless your 4 year old has mixed martial arts training, I’d say no. Yes, a fence helps, yes being a smart independent kid helps… but as it was already stated here… anything can happen. I’d see if there are things you can do while she is outside, i.e. read a book, do some gardening etc. Set aside a time limit so that it doesn’t take up your day but she still gets to enjoy herself

@sakura Yes, I do have doubts. I wonder if it is because I really do think it is too soon or because of all of the horror stories in the news. I don’t want to be an overprotective, fearful mom, but I would die if anything terrible happened to her. I have a pretty good set up for watching her from inside, there is a sliding glass door that gives me a good view of the entire back yard, but maybe it is just too early.

I know my husband wouldn’t do it; he won’t even let her play in her playroom in the basement alone. It is as close as her bedroom, which he lets her play in alone. The only difference is she is downstairs; she is right at the bottom of the stairs and I am right at the top. I let her go all the time as long as she leaves the door open.

Ah yes…another ‘at what age’ question, and another response about what a dangerous world we live in. Another opportunity for me to point out that our world is not NEARLY as dangerous as we are led to believe it is.

What is most important is your child is comfortable and you are comfortable. But what you need to do is educate yourself about the REAL risks before you can know if you are comfortable. You have to think to yourself, what realistically COULD go wrong? Could the swingset topple and you wouldn’t be there to catch it? Could she get out of the swing and into something sharp, or poisonous, or fall into something or onto something? Are there vicious dogs in the neighborhood who could get to her before you could do something? These are realistic, practical things to consider. If there is any water anywhere, remember that it only takes an inch of water to drown. But let’s say you have a level, fenced in yard with no sharp rocks, no standing water, no dangerous animals, the swingset is sturdy and isn’t coming down, and your kid could run around for 10 hours and never run into something, trip over something, fall into something, get cut, drown, get a concussion, get eaten by a dog, whatever.

Now some would have you worry about stranger danger and will point you to examples of kids who went missing. First off, with due respect to @Marina, you can’t rely on anecdotal examples of when something bad has happened to some kid somewhere. Anything CAN happen. Pianos do sometimes fall out of second story windows. People do sometimes get killed when their computer chairs malfunction and pierce their anal cavities. And kids do sometimes get abducted. But you have to look at the real odds of this. For every child who has EVER been abducted there are tens of millions who haven’t been. And if you read Marina’s link, the second sentence says that there are 100 cases per year of children who are abducted and murdered…we live in a nation of 325 million people. Do the math. The big problem however is that if you watch the news, it looks like bad things are happening to kids ALL THE TIME. Our media trains us to fear the unknown, because it’s that fear that allows them to break into your favorite show and say, “what you don’t know that could kill your child, coming up at 10”, which will get you to watch the news, giving them higher ratings, allowing them to charge higher advertising rates and make more money. Which is the big problem with @cheebdragon‘s link as well…this is a teaser promo for a book that some guy is trying to sell. This fuckhead doesn’t give two shits about your kid, he’s trying to sell you a fucking book by scaring the hell out of you and making you think that pedophiles and serial killers are lurking behind every corner.

Now, it’s not to say that you completely discount stranger danger…it does happen, but a little common sense…don’t talk to strangers and the like is going to keep nearly 100% of abductors at bay. And those who don’t, who won’t be deterred from going into your backyard, let’s face it, aren’t going to be deterred by the locks on your house either if they want your daughter. I would say consider the risks in relation to how realistic and likely they are. I’d be more wary of that sharp rock than the drifter who might come by. But if you’re say divorced and have a husband who might seek to abduct your kid, or you have a known predator living in the neighborhood, or if you’re some sort of politician whose kid might be seen as a ransom target, or you live in a neighborhood where kidnappings happen all the time, then those fears might be realistic.

Beyond that, just try to determine what could happen, how likely would it be and when you are comfortable and your child is comfortable, don’t look at the number that represents the child’s age, look at the realities and make a wise, informed decision that is right for BOTH of you.

@Supacase It is never easy letting go, try watching her for 5 mins to see how she copes.If she is fenced in there isn’t really anywhere she can go and unless someone is watching your house then I’m guessing she will be pretty safe.

Try not too worry too much and take small steps, read @dalepetrie answer too it makes sense :)

@dalepetrie oh my gosh, you are so reminding me of Penn from Penn&Teller in your post lol

@dalepetrie 1. That was 100 in Okinawa. the number in the US is much higher.

2. The chance of something happening to kids whose parents are watching is much, much lower than to those who are not. A kid can get their head stuck in a sand bucket and not be able to breathe. Anything could happen. That age is not old enough to exercise judgment about safety at all.

3. If something happens and your child is gone, it ruins the rest of your life. That seems like too high a price to pay for me.

@dalepetrie You just put so many of my thoughts into words. I remember riding my bike on the streets of our entire subdivision, including to the pool on the other side of it, in a large city when I was 6. (You could swim alone in the deep end at age 7 if you passed a test, but I could still go in the shallow end.) At 4 I was riding my Big Wheel to the apartment complex park alone. And now I’m wondering if it is safe to let my almost-4-year-old stay in our backyard (flat, no water or rocks, virtually hidden, with a secured swingset) stay outside while I watch/listen for her?

I wonder if the world has really changed that much since then or if we have just become so afraid that the inclination is to overprotect to the extreme. Obviously I’m buying into some of the fear. Yes, @Marina, losing her in any way would absolutely ruin the rest of my life. I would never forgive myself for not going to sit in a chair and read a book.

I do appreciate all of the answers and am taking them all to heart. The input helps me look at this from all angles before making a decision.

@Marina – from your source, and I quote, “There are estimated to be about 100 cases per year in the US where a child is abducted and murdered.” Not Okinawa.

@Supacase – statistically speaking, the world is LESS dangerous than it was when we were kids.

And @Marina, again, the head in the sand bucket would fall in the same category as falling on a sharp rock. What hazards actually exist, not which ones can you imagine.

Our culture does a lousy job of emphasizing the right dangers…the top stories on the news are all things that by and large don’t happen to random citizens. If there’s a shooting, you’re going to hear about it. You’re NOT going to hear about the victim slept with the murderer’s wife the night before….not until after the story is off the front page and no longer the top story on the evening news. Most violent crime, and I mean the VAST majority is committed not at random, but by people who know the victim. I’m not saying you should take a risk, I’m saying you should understand what the risks are.

After all, one could make the case that they’re not putting their child at even a one millionth of one percent risk, but that ignores the household dangers. A person could keep her daughter indoors, have her in a playpen and have to answer the door, to come back less than a minute later, to find her daughter out of the playpen, with a bottle of Pine Sol open and to her lips.

There was recently a case of a NYC woman who let her 9 year old ride the subway home, because he’d been riding the subway his whole life, he’d trained for it, he was ready, he knew he was ready, he knew how to keep himself from stranger danger, and his parents trusted him. Not only did he make it home just fine, but if you were to add up the %age chance that something would have happened to him…add up the %age chance of him being abducted, the chances of being hurt in a commuter crash…basically anything you can imagine could have happened to him while he was without his parents, if you had added up ALL those percentages, it would have been a very, very, very small percentage chance of anything happening to him. And many parents called this woman “the WORST Mom in America”. But they don’t look at the other side of the coin. Add up the %age chance of him being hurt or abducted while WITH his parents, the chance of him being in a car crash while riding home with his parents and the chance of him getting hurt at home in the 20 additional minutes he would have had at home vs. the time he spent on the subway, and the chances of him getting hurt or killed were FAR greater if he had gone home WITH HIS PARENTS. Just the difference between the safety of automobiles vs the safety of mass transit alone makes that comparison a no brainer.

But people don’t think in those terms, they think of the what ifs, even if he what ifs aren’t realistic. I say worrying about unrealistic what ifs is FAR more harmful to a child in the long run.

Why? I use myself as an example. My mother was overprotective. She scared me away from even considering playing sports, she didn’t want me to get hurt. Well guess what? I never did get a football injury, never tore a ligament, never broke a bone, yay, it worked…right? Well yes, and NO. You see, because I was afraid of physical activity, I pretty much watched TV and played video games. I became overweight. By the time the high school coaches started trying to get me to try out for their teams, physical exertion was too difficult. I’ve gotten more and more sedentary, because I get more and more heavy…the heavier I get, the harder it is to engage in physical activity, the harder it is, the less I do, the less I do the fatter I get, the fatter I get, the harder it is to engage in physical activity. So at age 33 I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. I’m at severely increased risk from dying young of a heart attack or stroke….I have to take meds for blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol. The drugs actually cause me to put on more weight, making me less active. It’s a vicious cycle which could leave me missing limbs, or dead 30 or 40 years too soon. But hey, I never tore a ligament or broke a bone. My mom kept me safe from the what ifs, all but the what if that caught up to me.

Again, you have to consider that some really awful things do happen in this world. But how often to they happen? What is the real risk. Far too few people fear the appropriate things in the appropriate amounts. Am I worried that my 7 year old could be abudcted…it’s possible. Do I stay up nights worrying that it’s going to happen? No….because it’s not likely. He’s not a target, I’m not a target. He knows about stranger danger. I can trust him to go outside by himself for a few minutes in our front yard with no fence facing a busy street, because I know he knows about traffic, I know he won’t just up and talk to strangers and I know he’ll run into the house, screaming his head off is something ain’t right about a situation. I also know that there’s nothing he could impale himself on, there are no dangerous animals, we don’t have roving gangs of pedophiles and serial killers roaming the streets, and I’m more worried about the possibility of him getting hurt at school where people are watching him like a hawk than I am about him getting hurt if I take my eyes off him for a few minutes here and there. I know what the real risks are, I know what the what ifs are, and I fear everything in proportion to the likelihood of it happening.

You’ve really got to watch out for those 86 year old ladies…

I would probably try it out and just watch her through the window for the first couple of times. See how she acts when she thinks nobody is around. I would be less worried about someone entering the yard, though it could certainly happen, than I would be about how she decided to play or wander when nobody was around.

Be sure to educate her on the appropriate behavior and actions she should take if something strange does happen.

At that age, I used to walk around my neighborhood in downtown Denver to go see the friendly couple who gave me candy and let me play with their dog.

@casheroo – funny, my avatar on other sites is me with Penn after their vegas show. I had to say to him when I met him…wow, someone bigger than ME!

I can’t write (or always even read) as much as dale, but I strongly agree. I really believe we are in as much danger from overprotecting our children today as from underprotecting them. Yes, the world has dangers, always did, always will. The sad truth is a parent will not always be able to keep his or her child from harm; one is making compromises every day between safety, independence and also, __one’s own sanity__. I think there are too many Mommy Police in America today and we have to return to a more humane commonsensical approach.

I suggest you try it, keep an eye out, and see how it goes. A wise mother once told me, “Your job is to give them roots and wings.” The wings part is hard, I know; my son just traveled across the US alone on his Harley!

Our yard is fenced in, our pool has a separate fence and a pool alarm; however, before my son turned 6 and was really aware of some of the dangers, someone was outside when he was outside. Not necessarily right with him, but outside. The problem with being inside, in our house, we can’t hear really well, if we further than the kitchen, my office or our bedroom.

It may sound overprotective, but we can’t get a new 6yr old boy, if something happens to this one. Well, we could, but it wouldn’t be the same, would it?

Remember, at 4, logic (even at 6) isn’t their strong point. Something that might seem safe to them, is dangerous to us.

Never! Not with the way people are. Too many pervs and sickos now-a-days! My daughter is 18 and my son is 14. I make them go outside together! Even to just walk around the pond!

@ShanEnri – Really?

Depends on the child and the area. Despite everything that happened to my daughter, I used to let her play out in the square ever since she was 2 (but kept an eye on her) and would probably let her play all alone in our garden in Poland (I didn’t because it was too cold). But I’d still be somewhere where I could constantly see her. I trust her not to get hurt, but I still want to be able to see what’s going on. And obviously under the current circumstances I’d be very very careful and not leave her alone for a second. But I still want her to feel independant and free as much as possible, so I’d try to be discreet.

(btw my daughter is 4, more or less like yours)

I say it is fine, especially seeing as your yard is fenced, I agree with the liberal mum from the UK.

If it’s a fenced in yard, an elderly neighbor, you can see her from inside the house, and there are trees surrounding so nobody can see in… this seems like a padded room. I say go for it. My 2 year old falls down and goes boom whether I’m watching him or not. I’d never let him out in our neighborhood, but your yard seems very secure. Maybe teach her to scream at the top of her lungs if she sees a stranger, and check on her every couple of minutes to make sure she hasn’t fashioned a spear out of a stick and impaled herself through the temple on it.

@Cak-yes definately. Of course we have more than a few convicted rapists and child molesters in this area!

@dale- the world is less dangerous? I’d love to see some statistics on that, if you don’t mind….

I gave it a test run today. She spent her time running with the dog, picking a plant (aka clump of grass) then running inside to get her bucket and shovel so she could dig to replant it, and, finally coming back in mad because the dog stole her bucket. LOL

I asked my husband about it tonight and he is not a fan of the idea at all so, of course, that is a major factor.

@cheebdragon – I’ll start with this link, and can find many more if you want me to. This shows the crime rate over time from 1960 to 2005. As you can see the violent crime rate was in 2005 lower than any point since 1973, and the homicide rate was lower than any point since 1965. I can find specifics as it relates to children as well if you would like them. It will just take some research, but I know the stats are out there, I’ve seen them. We live by many measures in one of the safest times to raise children in the whole of human history. But you wouldn’t know it from the news (or from the books which tell you to spend $25 so you can see what you’re supposed to fear).

In a fenced yard, if necesssary, fence off the parts you can’t see (that’s what I’ve done). As long as you are in the same room the door is in, and you can hear her. Don’t go into a different part of the house, like the bathroom for a minute. Be sure you have removed any hazards and set your timer to make sure you go out every 5 minutes.

I am beginning to leave my two and a half year old grandson in his play room for a few minutes at a time alone. At his own house, they leave him alone in his room with access to the hall, with his other grandma in her bedroom at one end, and Mommy in the front room at the other end.

Out doors will follow in about six months or so.We play out there now, but I’m always with him. I use a wireless laptop, so I take it out with me when we go outside.

@Supacase I’m glad you gave it a go, it sounds like she can play pretty well by herself, you’ll probably find that she will come in and out an awful lot, I think its a security thing, they need to know that they can find you if needed! If your hubby is really against it ask him for his reasons and then explain that its hard to keep a child indoors allthe time, explain how you feel the yard is safe and ask him what he thinks could be done to make it safer. You can live your life always wondering what if?? and it will soon pass you by. Yes the are always risks in life but what life will it be if you are not free?

@Dale- yeah, the increase of forcible rape really screams “safer world” to me also…..
btw, the United States is only a small part of the world.

So this 3½ year old, who “knows” to scream if there is a stranger approaching her, is she also the same 3½ year old who believes that Santa comes into her house on Christmas to leave her gifts, or that the Easter bunny is going to leave her candy?
It’s your kid, feel free to risk her life however you want, it makes no difference to me or anyone else on fluther, but you’re crazy if you think a 3 year old knows enough to protect herself from danger, whether it’s from a stranger or just something in the backyard that looks like it might be really cool to climb up or jump off of. I can pretty much guarantee that the hospital will have a lot of questions for anyone who brings in a 3 year old that broke their arm in the backyard because mommy was in bed with a headache.

@cheebdragon – can’t find a source for your claim that there’s been an increase in forcible rape. In fact, the link I posted says in the second sentence of the second paragraph that the violent crime index includes forcible rape, and in fact, that index as shown in the graph to the right of that paragraph shows the violent crime rate as ½ of what it was 35 years earlier. So, logic and a bit of math would indicate that unless forcible rape were a small portion of violent crime, and ALL other types of violent crime went down to next to nothing, while forcible rape increased, as it’s the only way that scenario you descripe is feasible. So, show me where you got an “increase” in forcible rape from if you want me to take you seriously.

Second, when I speak of how our society is safer now than it was when we were growing up, since “we” grew up in the US, and since the asker of the question is a US citizen, I was not trying to speak about the rest of the world. Obviously there are countries that are much less safe today than they were 30 years ago, and if this question were about one of those countries or if I lived in one of those countries, I might have a different opinion…but it would still be one in which I perceived actual risks accurately and did not over react to a culture of fear propagated by the media.

And as for a 3 year old being able to “protect” herself, no one here as I read it claimed she would or should be able to do so. The point, which you’ve obviously missed by a hundred miles is that if there’s nothing for her to defend herself against, then worrying about it is kind of paranoid. As I said, and others also intimated, if there are dangers in the yard, REAL dangers, sharp rocks, standing water, things she can trip over, fall on, get hurt on, fall into, etc., it’s not a good idea. But a fenced yard with no obstacles, no sharp objects, nothing anyone at 3 years of age could be harmed by and your main concern is abduction, well your kid has less chance of that happening than of getting hurt INSIDE your house with your child in plain view.

Saying people don’t care is a bit shrill and it’s a perfect example of how paranoid people can get when their worldview is challenged with facts.

@dalepetrie Once again your answers hits the nail on the head and you have reiterated and summed up the fluther collectives views!