Fetch your reading glasses. I think this response is going to be a long one :)
First off, definitions. A friend is “One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy” (OED). Yet friendship is “The state or relation of being a friend; association of persons as friends” (OED).
In other words, to be a friend to someone, is to seek their good, and be truthful to them (intimate), about you, him, your relation – the world. To be a friend to all, then would mean to love all – seek to do good to all our kinsmen. Aren’t all humans our kinsmen – thus friends (or could be?). But let’s step out of our human-centric bubble, isn’t all life – and common ancestors also our kin? Our bodies in many respects work the way with other organisms, and their predecessors, and their predecessors. Could we be friends with all life? I think most certainly.
Being a friend to others does not require others to be friends to you. You can have that position and stance regardless of mutuality. You can love unconditionally, can’t you? Then, you can also be a friend unconditionally. Some recognize that it could be ideal, for everyone on planet earth to be friends – we are after all traveling on the same planet – as a kin – earth beings. But if we all set the condition – I cannot be a friend to you, unless you are a friend to me first – we are faced with a catch 22 problem. Why should you require the other person to be a friend to you before you can be? Often the only boundary to peace and friendship is our self.
What do you do about the many out there that don’t share the a-priory friend-to-all stance?
Inform them, treat them as friends. We all seem to ignore where we are powerful, and where we are powerless. Everything is connected, action – reaction. Stance – counter stance. If you face someone in a friendly manner rather than fear (or other emotions, that will be reciprocated ) – then that’s what you may receive. If you are a friend to another, and he or she decided to be a friend to you – then you have a mutual friendship. But both must decide, it does not magically happen. All you can do is make your decision, broadcast it – and hope the ones you come across with will make the same.
What if – the person across me seeks my harm? It really depends on the harm. Is the person causing you severe – or threatening (with his action(s)) such harm? Or is this harm just psychological? There are situations in which I would definitely agree with the route of peaceful neutralization – make this person be unable to harm you until they change their stance. Try, to the best of your ability not to harm him or her while in the process of neutralization, but with a clear protection of yourself.
For example, I study a Japanese martial art that goes by the name Aikido (the way of harmony with the universe under the aikikai federation – original creator). We want to achieve harmony, eventually, but often rash action is required to reinstate harmony. This art teaches how to protect your opponent while assuming control, and making them unable to hurt you or anyone – but in the worse of situations (aka 10 people attacking you), it prepares you for rash action to ensure your survival. In life, you must do what you have to to keep on living, but do so with friendship in mind – intention for good.
There are many ways in which a person can ‘harm’ you psychologically, but for all of them you have to decide to view the events in a way in which allows them to be hurtful (if you have questions about that, feel free to ask).
How can you be friends with people that have proven that they care not for the good of others with their actions?
This would include manson, hitler, stalin, bush and many US gov administrations, the EU and their colonial past etc etc etc.
There are many who show such proof, not only the ones receiving more attention for one reason or another. But also the ones running the current propaganda machine. similar to Hitler’s establishment – a state of ignorance among the masses that allows one to harm others without being stopped. Usually through the abuse of cognitive/brain “disabilities” that all humans share – and of those we have many.
I think the person should be stopped from being able to harm others (and him/herself), but that does not mean one can’t be friends with him her. It is only to our benefit to be.
Another mental disability we have that relates here is seeing things and people from one side, light/dark. Once you see someone as part of the “light”, you tend to want to keep them as such, and vice versa. All the mentioned above, did good things helping others and bad things harming others. If you met Adolph Hitler when he was a young painter you may have even hung out with him and discussed his paintings. We all have so many dimensions in us.
In any case, given the person is now unable to harm others – why should we fuel his or her fears, hatred, ignorance (common causes for their actions in the first place), and why not turn them away – by example. First of all from our own behavior.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces, for ourselves, not just those committing heinous crimes. That does not mean forgetfulness, provisions should be taken to make sure said person will be reasonably unable to do harm as observed.
I’ll try and close this for now with thoughts about power and powerlessness. In this universe, life, however you want to call it with your background and perception, we’re not all powerful. Considering the size of this world, we’re small – and mostly powerless. So how are the above criminals all powerful, were they solely responsible for what they did. Are you wholly responsible for everything that happened in your life – the way it happened in your life? No, you’re somewhat responsible – yes. I think it is an important distinction to keep us from doing the common mistake of the known FAE (fundamental attribution error). Ignoring situational factors to every thing, and attributing everything just and only to the person. Because it is easier, the world is a complex maze of cause-effects patterns – out of which we understand a very little fraction of a piece.
Blaming others assumes this, also thinking that someone is a savior – did and thought all by himself. We’re the making of our environment, biology and path/decisions in life. We have to be understanding, or try to understand why a person is the way they are instead of just blaming them and only them for it. If that act of blaming is to find the source, then dig deeper. But until you know more – and when you will, you may understand, we’re all on the same boat. You can see another person’s view, as they can see yours – if you try.
This is another continuum that needs to be balanced, because thinking you are completely powerless leads you to do nothing in this world. Nothing that can help change how things are to a better ideal – for the friend-to-all and benevolent virtue. We do have ‘powers’, everything you do has an effect, but you are only part of the equation. Make it a good part. Deciding a-priory to friend someone may help them change their view on the world, it will have an effect. Even if they’ve set themselves on a “path to destruction”, they are still walking that path because no one has shown them a better one.
As humans on earth, if we all focus on something we’re very powerful in relation to our planet. We can decide to end the environmental and social problems with one abrupt wave, if everyone was on the boat. Maybe the best thing you can do, is get another soul on the same boat. Maybe that’s all you can do, but do it. You’re not powerless. If you perceive yourself to be – you become. If you perceive boundaries where nature has set none, you are restricted – but only by yourself.
To me there are no groups, us and them, me and you, we’re all in this together. We’re all a kin, and as such it is only to our benefit to act kindly.
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