Can heterosexual men and women be just friends?

My best friend is a gay male. My second best friend is also a gay male. Does that factor into your data?

I do just fine with a lot of my male friends – I tend to not get along with other females very well at all.

I’m beginning to think not, myself. Not if there’s any kind of attraction, anyway. So, if they’re gay, yeah.

Edited just for you, G.

@Niki: Too late for me to edit my response. For me, at least, there was always some spark between me and my male friends (back when I was sparking more. It is still true to some extent. We flirt, but that is just to remind ourselves of our giddy youth. Guys my age are looking for a nurse with a purse.)

I also felt, very clearly, that there was a very subtle and tacit sexual attraction between me and my good woman friends.

Almost all of my friends are hetero or bi men. If we’re not actually friends, then I don’t have any… :(

Yup, no problem at all.

I have a couple very good women friends.

I have plenty of heterosexual male friends that I have no interest in romantically, and I’m sure they feel the same way.

I know I seem to do better with having male roommates as well.

My mother never learned how to have good women friends; after my father’s death (in 1980) and then her boyfriend at 94 in 2005, Ma is rattling around alone and lonely in an Independent Living Facility filled with nice, lively and interesting women.

If there is any problem, it usually comes from the guy’s prospective. In my youth I found if you are friendly, many men assume you are coming on to them. You positively couldn’t initiate any social event like going to dinner or just hanging out like you could with female friends because they didn’t get “platonic”

I found it was easier to be friends with guys who were unavailable. Either gay or attached to friends or relatives.

Being an old broad today opens up a whole range of friendships. I became a master teacher to a guy 30 years younger and then he was there when I had a bad health experience. Now 5 years later our relationship has changed and we are friends. I have always have had male work friends. That is we started out with a work relationship but eventually shared other interests.

My very best friend is a guy. My boyfriend and he have also become quite close after I introduced them. We always clear our relationship with our love interests before agreeing to date them; if they have a problem with the fact that we are bffs, then we end it before it starts.

i have a good male friend who is married, and i’m also friendly with his wife, but mainly with him. when i go to their house to visit, i sit in living room with him, when i call, it’s to talk to him. my ex boyfriend is as good friend of his, so we all keep in touch and get together now and then.

i am friendly with some coworkers who are male – we go out to lunch and stuff. a few years ago, i drove one of them home after us coworkers were out drinking and i shoved my tongue down my throat as a test and he accepted it (it was a test because he’s married – we were in his driveway, too, which was ballsy on my part and his).

Galileogirl has pointed out a very key thing – being friends with already-attached males is much easier than unattached. Otherwise it’s like you go through confusing stages before reaching the “just friends” stage.

I think Harry Burns said it best.

;)

I have many male friends. It’s not weird at all. Some of them are actually my ex-boyfriends, and some of them I met through my ex-boyfriends. A few are just guys I get along with, and one of them is gay. I don’t have any problems being friends with any of them, but just to keep questions from being asked I usually try to hang out with them in groups. I like having guy friends because they can answer a lot of my relationship questions my girl friends can’t. :)

i’m married but i seem to have more female acquaintances than usual. in my profession, partners can easily be the opposite sex and if you wanna have good back up, you dont care if it’s male or female. i tend to be somewhat flirty, but thats as far as it goes.

I’ve never had any problems being friends with the opposite gender. Either before or since marriage.

Why do we make these generalizations? Some heterosexual men and women can just be friends. Some can’t. It depends on the man and the woman.

Sure—especially if they’ve been married to each other for a long time. ;)

(Sorry, not trying to be thick, but) I do not compute this question.

jca, you said, “a few years ago, i drove one of them home after us coworkers were out drinking and i shoved my tongue down my throat as a test and he accepted it (it was a test because he’s married – we were in his driveway, too, which was ballsy on my part and his).”

You shoved your tongue down your own throat?

chica: good catch. i shoved it down HIS throat!

woops. sorry.

Sure! I see it on TV all the time!

Jca, what was the test? To see if your friend was willing to cheat on his wife? Is that how you choose your friends?

I have female friends and there are no issues. Of course I am married so that probably plays a role as Galileogirl points out.

I’m not so sure if I was single.

I think they can. If there is a low level of attraction but both people are mature, flirting is fun and harmless. I have lots of male friends. Sure, I’m attracted to most of them, but not enough to actually do anything about it. I enjoy the spark…it’s all just energy that keeps life engaging.

I have lots of guy friends and some of them are very close friends. I always did when I was single too. Occasionally, someone starts to have feelings which messes it up.

My guess would be yes, but for a guy to spend time with a girl, means he wants something from her. Whether she gives in or not. A guy is not going to spend time with a girl he doesnt want to fuck. I know that for a fact. Girls think they can be a homieee but guys will never look at them as one. You’ll be tha hoee

i believe they can. i mostly get along better with guys then girls. I haven’t done anything with any of my guy friends. and i hang out with guys all the time

yes

Maybe it’s just the situations I’m in, but as soon as I tell a potential new male friend I’m married (hell, even the grocery clerk) the face falls and the conversation is dead. Other married men don’t seem to want to be my friend either.

@nocountry2 – do any of the new male friends get over it and stick around? They may feel intimidated by the idea.

Intimidated? I seem to have better luck with co-workers. Also, it seems to help if I make an effort to be especially nice and non-threatening to the wife/gf.

Intimidated as in you have a husband, he might not like it (not accepting the fact your an intelligent person who cane decide on her own).

And stick around as in, you look lovely so I would assume there is an initial let down because they had interest. I was wondering if any of them come back after getting over the discovery and become friends anyway.

Aww shucks ;)

I guess my husband can be a little intimidating, and a little jealous, but I think all spouses can get a little jealous over opposite-sex friendships. I think the concern is that if you get to be TOO good of friends, why are you investing energy into that friendship rather than the one with your spouse?

My husband is constantly around pretty, inebriated women for his work, and while I occasionally get jealous over them slobbering all over him I think I would feel much more threatened by a pretty girl that he became emotionally close to over a long-term basis. Most of his female friends are from “the olden days”, even a few old girlfriends, but now married.

I can hardly think of a male friend that I have not had a crush on or who has not had a crush on me except for those that are in relationships, engaged, or married.

Can you just be friends and still want to have sex?

@Bri_L: That is a damn good question. What do you think? And can you be friends, have sex, and stay just friends?

I think so. I have friends that are good friends. Would I like to have sex with them? You bet ya. Do I HAVE to? Nope. Im cool with not. It in now way effects our friendship one way or the other.

I agree with Bri L. I think it’s a fundamental flaw in Billy Kristal’s character’s arguement. Maybe that guy can’t be friends with a woman he wants to get jiggy with, but not everyone is him.

Bri L, and I’m sure plenty of other guys (like at least 3 of my guy friends that I can think of off the top of my head) can be very attracted to a woman and also be close friends for years.

@Bri_L and La_chica_gomela: I guess I’m asking—okay, now suppose you DID act on that attraction—could you stay just friends? Or does one person inevitably get attached?

I would probably feel uncomfortable around the person after that, whichever side I was on…so yeah, it could kill the friendship if one person did act on it.

why did you link to that question? What’s the connection?

I don’t HAVE sex with people unless I am serious. I was a virgin until I was 20. And only had actual sex with 2 people.

So I guess I am not the best to answer

Bri L, I didn’t think she was necesarily talking about having sex with them; she just said “act on the attraction”. I took it as like, if one of my males friends said something like, “You are so hott. I would really like to…” or just tried to kiss me or something. Or to be fair, if I tried to kiss them…(which I wouldn’t, Tim!)

OH, hehe. never mind.
I have never become attached like that.

@la_chica_gomela: I guess I am trying to suggest that if you enter into a sexual FWB relationship, it seems like one or both of you is going to get attached. But I was hoping for some anecdotal evidence either way.

I revert to my previous answer

Ah, then I revert to Bri L’s answer, as well. :)
(Most of it, anyway)

Yes, heterosexual men and women can be just friends.

Absolutely, as long as the line between friend and “more” is never crossed. My best friend for the past 3 1/2 years has been a heterosexual male. It is actually a better friendship than any I have ever had with another female (except maybe my sister – but that’s a blood bond).