Social Question

Zalagad's avatar

Well, how do you suggest I get a little revenge on my cheating girlfriend?

Asked by Zalagad (19points) August 15th, 2012

I am 14, i live in Canada, and I recently found out that my Girlfriend cheated on me. And I know the guy who she cheated with. I have 2 friends that have shown me messages from her to them, telling them what she did, so I know its 100% true. I am not looking for physical revenge in anyway shape or form, but a small amount of emotional revenge would be nice. Any suggestions? PS: Remeber that we are only 14.

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53 Answers

DigitalBlue's avatar

14 is too young to be concerning yourself with issues like this, and that is very clear in that “revenge” is not a very mature response to being hurt in a relationship.
I am hopeful that by “cheating,” you do not mean to imply that you are sexually active and that your girlfriend was physically intimate with another person, but if that is the case, I hope you are using proper protection and educating yourself. If that is not the case, then good. Keep it that way for a few years.
In either situation, revenge is not the answer. Give yourself time to heal from being hurt, and focus on more important things in life… like video games and math and basketball… or whatever your current hobbies are. You should learn and grow from this experience, not seek revenge.

Jeruba's avatar

That’s the stuff of sitcoms and not of honest life.

I understand that your feelings are hurt, but that does not mean the next step is to cause trouble or pain for someone else. The next step is to deal with your feelings and move on.

downtide's avatar

Break up with her and move on. That’s the best revenge.

Judi's avatar

The best revenge is to move on and be happy. Don’t give her the power to provoke you to do anything.
Edit: @downtide, jinx!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Zalagad There’s no such thing as a “little” revenge. Trust is either there or it isn’t. Lashing out at someone to hurt them because they hurt you seldom ends well. And cheaters almost always cheat again. So decide if she’s worth it and if you understand why she did it and move on or forgive her.

Zalagad's avatar

I guess I worded that a little incorrectlly, how do you suggest I break up with her?.. im not the kind of guy to sit there and swear and name call, even though, yes that is exactly what I want to do, Im not going to..

josie's avatar

Why waste the effort? I can argue that your revenge would be to dispassionately move on and not give a shit. I wouldn’t even waste the good bye. I would just suddenly become unavailable

cazzie's avatar

I wouldn’t do the revenge thing. People lose respect for others who do that sort of rubbish, even if they might feel there is some warrant for it. You need to impress your friends and other people at school that you are bigger and more mature than that. Trust me, your cred will rise much higher and that is the best revenge of all.

zenvelo's avatar

Break up with her by saying you won’t be communicating or seeing her again. Then cut off contact with her. Do not initiate any contact with her, and do not respond to any attempts by her to contact you. Defriend her on Facebook including blocking all of her posts. Block her on email and on texts, delete her from your contact list.

And this will be harder at your age because she will go through your friends who are more than willing because it is how people your age learn. If your friends or her friends say “Jane wants to know..” or “Jane says…”, don’t say anything more than, not one word more than, “I am no longer seeing Jane.”

If someone says “did you see what she said on Facebook?” , just reply “no, I blocked her on FB so I do not see anything she posts.”

This will be more satisfying to you than any revenge.

downtide's avatar

Just tell her it’s over. No need for explanations or anything long-winded; just those two words, and walk away.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Yes, “We’re done” and move on.

DigitalBlue's avatar

@Zalagad just tell her the truth, and then let that really be the end of it. @zenvelo really nailed it.

JLeslie's avatar

“You cheated, we’re done, don’t calll me.”

LuckyGuy's avatar

The best revenge is simply saying: “Buh bye!” All the other nonsense will come back to haunt you . You never know who or when you’ll meet again.
Show some class and restrain yourself.

SuperMouse's avatar

I’ll give you an exact script to follow:

Hello Girlfriend, this is Boyfriend. As of right now I am ending our relationship. Enjoy the rest of your day!

If at the tender age of 14 you start using “emotional revenge” as a way to deal with problems in a relationship, you are headed for big trouble down the road. Break it off and move on.

Kardamom's avatar

Give up your ideas about exacting revenge on people. It will only cause you pain in the end, because you will never stop thinking about it, and the person who you take your revenge upon, may end up doing something worse to you down the line.

If you are going to see this girl, at school or she’s coming over to your house, or you’re going over to her house, just say this: “Mary, I found out that you’ve been cheating on me. Its really ashame that you couldn’t just break up with me first if you wanted to see other people. Doing this is just really cold. So as of right now, we’re broken up.” Then walk away, take her contacts out of your devices and spend time with people you like. That’s it.

Don’t allow yourself to get dragged into any Facebook drama. If you have to block other people on your FB because they’re talking about her, then do so. If other people bring her name up to you, just tell them that you’ve broken up with her and that you’d prefer not to talk about it. If you see her, just smile politely and be cordial, but try to move away from her without looking obvious. If she tries to contact you, just repeat that you’ve broken up and you’d prefer not to have any more contact. You may have to do this one several times before she gets the message.

But do not yell, do not accuse (other than to point out, hopefully by some physical proof, like the texts that you have) and do not tell her how horrible she is. You already know that, and she either knows it too or doesn’t care. And do not give into any of your own temptations to get back together with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Then pat yourself on the back for dodging a bullet. : )

King_Pariah's avatar

Simple text or something to make it appear as superficial as possible

“You cheated, Bye.”

tedd's avatar

I think getting a few buddies together and TPing her house (his if he knew you were in the picture) is about as far as I would go.

You’re 14…. learn from the mistake and try not to date another whore.

SuperMouse's avatar

P.S. @Zalagad, you are only 14, you really have no business even being in a relationship that is serious enough for someone to have been cheating.

JLeslie's avatar

@tedd Noooooo! LOL. TP harasses the parents too. I never understood vandalism of any sort. I don’t understand wanting to do it, enjoying it nothing.

I can understand getting some shadenfrauden, and so I think the OP will probably get revenge without doing much of anything, because one day this girl will be crying over a realtionship, either this one when the OP breaks up, or in the future when some idiot lies or cheats on her.

King_Pariah's avatar

Buuuuuuttttt… If really want to get back at her, spreading a nasty rumor is always “pleasant” (such as the guy she cheated on ya with is known to have the clap or what not). Oooorrrrrrrrr… you could take a page out of Tucker Max’s “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” and tell her you tested positive for gonorrhea and she should get tested pronto as well as him (really only works if you slept with her and if you have well, when the guy gets tested you’ll have the comfort of knowing that he is going to be in so much pain).

tedd's avatar

@JLeslie You have to do tping to really understand the joy/fun in it. Honestly it’s about as low level of vandalism as it gets. If her parents are anything like those I knew in high school she’ll be the one cleaning it up, and no permanent damage.

Now if you want mildly damaging vandalism… I can help you there too…. lol

tedd's avatar

@King_Pariah Uhhh…. I believe you missed the 14 years of age part….

DigitalBlue's avatar

Who calls a 14 year old girl a “whore?” Come on now, jeez.

digitalimpression's avatar

This sort of question has come up quite a bit here on fluther and my advice remains the same: The best revenge is living well.

The best way to break up with her? It doesn’t matter.

SuperMouse's avatar

It just occurred to me to ask; is the fact that the OP lives in Canada pertinent? Should we consider his residence when formulating a response? If yes, how would that affect the situation?

marinelife's avatar

The best revenge is to drop her and then start taking another girl out.

Dsg's avatar

Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I too was cheated on by my very first boyfriend in h.s. many, many yrs ago. I know how you must be feeling…betrayed, hurt, wondering what you did wrong. The questions in your head can go on and on. But my advice is, don’t do anything for revenge. You will only feel more pain in the end. She plainly wasn’t good enough for you and you deserve better! Don’t ever wonder what’s wrong with you or what you could have done better. It isn’t you at all. Something is wrong with her and you can’t fix it. Anyways, take care of yourself and don’t beat yourself up over this. I always hated when people would tell me this quote I’m going to tell you, but it really is true! “There are many more fish in the sea.” Be patient and take your time. Enjoy life and be happy!!

zenvelo's avatar

@SuperMouse Living in Canada has no effect on our responses.

WestRiverrat's avatar

The best revenge is for you to live well, my friend. What she thinks or feels should be of no concern. When you set out to get revenge on someone, you usually give them more power over you than they deserve.

syz's avatar

The best revenge is to forget her and move on.

bookish1's avatar

What @digitalimpression said.
The best ‘revenge’ is to live your life in a way that demonstrates that you have integrity, even though she did not.
Asking a bunch of strangers on the internet how to exact revenge on your girlfriend is not a step toward integrity…
A girl cheated on me when we were in college, so I know how that feels. You have to remember that this is not about YOU. There’s nothing you did wrong. It was her decision and her decision alone, and she actually did you a favor by showing you that she was not worthy of you.

@SuperMouse: How could you know that? People have different levels of emotional maturity at any age. At age 14, I began my first relationship; it lasted two years, it remains one of the best I’ve been in so far, and it was pretty damn serious.

creative1's avatar

First of all let me say I am sorry you have to go through cheating at such a young age. The second advice is to let her know you know what she did and then just walk away. All making a stink of it and trying to get revenge does is make her think what she did was right. If you walk away she will be wishing she didn’t and it will stick with her.

Blackberry's avatar

Take her mother to a fancy seafood dinner, and never call her back.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe, break-up with her and move?

josie's avatar

@Blackberry Or maybe even boink her mother and never call her back.

JLeslie's avatar

@SuperMouse Living in Canada doesn’t affect the answers, but it is always nice to know where some lives when conversing on the internet. Also, good when people identify they are young when asking for advice.

I think people are being to hard on this guy. He obviously doesn’t sound out for blood or anything. Maybe just wants her to feel like shit for a moment, think about what she did. I agree moving on is the best thing, but I get wanting her to realize how poorly she treated him.

NuclearWessels's avatar

Step 1. – Wait at least 2 years, and if you’re still feeling sore about it, proceed to step 2.
Step 2. – Initiate Operation: Cake Stalk. Every 4 months have a cake sent to her anonymously. It will drive her nuts trying to figure out why.

Judi's avatar

@NuclearWessels , Did you do this to someone? I remember a story about someone getting cakes here on fluther. Was it YOU who sent them to her????????

JLeslie's avatar

That is hysterical!

wundayatta's avatar

Are we talking about sexual cheating here, as in she slept with someone else? Or did she kiss someone else or go out with someone else?

What was your agreement? Had you agreed not to do whatever it was she did with anyone else? Or was that your assumption?

At your age, your brain is filled with a lot of emotions and, unfortunately, not a lot of wisdom or experience. Don’t worry, you will get the other two. But the hardest thing to do is to hold off all your most vile emotions. The need for revenge is a vile emotion. It is a fairly useless emotion. It does not help you.

Your girlfriend is probably pretty immature. Who knows why she did what she did? It might help you to find out, if you want to talk to her about it. I always wanted to talk to my girlfriends after they did things that hurt me. It helped me understand to hear from them. Of course, at 14, she may not have a clue why she did what she did, so that may not help.

But I would try to talk to her and to see what happened. Then I’d agree on where to go next. I would resist as much as possible listening to what anyone else said I should do or feel. I would make my own choices based on what she says, not what other people say.

Those people who showed you the emails? They aren’t your friends. They are trouble makers. If I were you, I would break up with them, too, assuming you still need to break up with your girlfriend after you talk to her. But do not let social pressure determine what you should do. Other people just want trouble. They want to see drama. You need to find out from your gf what actually happened. If she’ll tell you. If she will tell you the truth. These things may be hard to know.

But use it as an opportunity to learn to express your feelings. Don’t blame her. Talk to her. Tell her your story. Tell her how it makes you feel. Own your own feelings. She isn’t making you feel anything. You may not like her behavior—that’s fine. But don’t blame her for however you feel. You are responsible for your own feelings.

I’m really sorry you have to come to a place like this to get advice on this problem. We don’t know you or the situation, and because of that, we will give bad advice. You must keep your own council and work things through. But revenge? Should not be a part of it. You don’t know why she did what she did, or even if she did what she did if you haven’t had a long, honest talk with her.

King_Pariah's avatar

@tedd No, I didn’t XD

Supacase's avatar

I would just stop talking to her and never give a specific reason. Let her wonder if you found out or just lost all interest in her or whatever. Believe me, it will bother her and you’re really not doing anything wrong.

SuperMouse's avatar

Asking what living in Canada had to do with anything was a joke, I didn’t figure it had anything to do with the situation at had. I just figured it was interesting that the OP pointed that out..

glacial's avatar

@SuperMouse Good catch. He should probably put on a sweater when he breaks up with her. :)

mazingerz88's avatar

@Zalagad You’re 14. Getting revenge is never cool at 14. But you won’t believe me. That’s fine. It’s just that you will get over this hurt and bitterness sometime in the future and chances are you may feel then that getting revenge was not worth it. That you could have just grown up.

ucme's avatar

You guys are 14, no revenge necessary, move on with your life, as it seems she has/did.

Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
Dsg's avatar

Just move on. I know it is painful when someone hurts you that way. Hold your head up high, be strong and move forward. Take care of yourself and find ways to be happy and not to get revenge. Revenge never helps.

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