Social Question

Paradox25's avatar

Have any of the guys on here ever been asked out or hit on by a woman?

Asked by Paradox25 (10174points) February 9th, 2013

You can give details if you like but if you can answer yes to this I would like to ask whether this happens often to you. I’m also tempted to ask if you enjoy it when a woman hits on you?

I’m asking this because I frequently hear from dating experts and online articles that men do not enjoy being pursued. I know myself that the latter point is not true in my case, but how do other guys on here feel about this?

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25 Answers

blueiiznh's avatar


I will answer more later because it is snow angel making time now!!!

elbanditoroso's avatar

Yes, although it has been a while since it happened. It was exhilarating and fun. We dated for a couple of months and had a good time, but in the end, we weren’t compatible and we moved apart. But it was fun to be the object of someone else’s affections.

bookish1's avatar

Why do you listen to dating experts and online articles? That crap is insulting lowest common denominator heterosexcapitalism, and is just slapped together for the ad money.

And yes, I have been hit on/asked out by women numerous times…It can be flattering but it also sucks when they are very aggressive and have no idea I’m not into them and/or bored out of my mind. I have had to be the pursuer my entire romantic life and I would love to be pursued more often, but subtlety is golden.

snapdragon24's avatar

I am a woman who has been hit on a woman…and it can be one of two things – flattering or highly disturbing!

Coloma's avatar

I’m a woman who is outgoing and bold and have asked plenty of men out in my day. No complaints so far.
Not long ago a guy was flirting with me at a Sizzler lunch buffet and I passed him a napkin with a note that said ” Would you like to get together sometime?”
It was great!

Lots of laughter and exchanges of glances across the room.
No big romance came of it but I’m a take charge kinda girl, not a shy bone in my body. :-)

Coloma's avatar

@snapdragon24 LOL…Carpe weenie! haha

ucme's avatar

Oh yeah, happened frequently when I wasn’t even trying. Fanny magnet, that’s me.
The last woman to instigate proceedings i’m still with 20yrs later…she got lucky ;-}

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

Yes. From my high school years up until my early twenties the ladies used to love me and would let it be known.

But now, not so much.

snapdragon24's avatar

Ooops hit on – BY a woman. Haha @Coloma you sound like a domineering person. I also have that self confidence, but usually im not the one making the bald moves. I wait and see what happens first on the man side…and if necessary Ill make the move.

Blackberry's avatar

I have been pursued and enjoyed every minute. They were few and far between, though.

A woman at a bar used a flyer on the bar to strike up conversation. She later told me that she watched me come in and was trying to find a way to talk to me.

Then there were the times I was essentially eye raped in front of my girlfriend. One woman even had the audacity to ask me why I was with her lol.

Coloma's avatar

@snapdragon24 Not domineering, just bold, enthusiastic and go for what I want. :-)
As I used to say to my ex husband, ” I am more woman than you can handle and more man than you’ll ever be.” lol

wundayatta's avatar

I think so. But I was too stupid to pick up the signals. I don’t know. If a woman flirts with you and they initiate it, does that mean they are hitting on you? If a man flirts, it would be considered hitting on, I think, so why not a woman?

No one has ever passed me a napkin with a bold invitation. Then again, I’ve never passed a napkin with a bold invitation either.

Napkins. Fannies. Two words with quite different meanings in English and American. I am amused.

I’ve had women initiate flirtation with me. I’ve had them make bold towards me. Especially online. Online seems to lower the barriers for people quite a bit—male and female.

But I don’t date. I don’t ask out. I don’t get asked out. Despite not having anything to with the dating scene, I’ve had my share of relationships. How could that be? Maybe dating isn’t all that important, after all.

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

Oh while I did say that I used to get hit on, I forgot to answer the other part of your question. Yes. No matter what the girl looked like, hot or not, when a woman would hit on me, I loved every minute of it!

I think it would seriously cut down on the rejection rate if women started asking the men out.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Coloma I love that motto! “Carpe weenie!” I wish more women did!

wundayatta's avatar

Yes baby! Carpe my weenie any time! Oh yeah. I like it like that!

woodcutter's avatar

A few times but when I stopped wearing my wedding band for safety reasons and fit issues the probing stopped. I can’t say if that had anything to do with it but I know after the naked finger came there were no more lookers. I am so over it.

dabbler's avatar

I have but I usually did not figure it out until much later. Like @wundayatta I didn’t pick up on the signals. A few of them were very attractive and I wish I had figured it out, I could definitely have responded !
There was one woman who pursued me for a while but I did not find her attractive. At least I understood what she meant, and I didn’t mind that she was making a move on me, but I had the unfamiliar task of rejecting her.

DominicX's avatar

Yes, I have been hit on by girls, usually at parties. But it’s all kind of lost on me :)

Paradox25's avatar

@bookish1 Actually I think a good deal of those articles are written by disgruntled women who are angry that men aren’t chasing them, or written by women who prefer to be chased at least. Many guys write them too, so I’m not sure what their motivations are.

Fluther does not represent the way most people feel on many issues though, and is essentially a small world so to speak. I’ve asked this question on sodahead, a very conservative website, and most guys said they wished that more women would be a bit more assertive in the initiation process so who knows. I wanted to get mens views about this topic (which is oddly still a controversial one in the year 2013 and in the age of the modern feminist woman) on a more liberal/moderate site.

@dabbler Actually if the woman isn’t directly letting you know that they’re interested in you than I don’t consider the situation any different realistically than if she just sat and stared at you from the other side of a room/bar. I’m not sure if I consider sending ‘signals’ to be assertive, or asking someone out.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal I do get hit on, and even complimented alot, but it is very situational and they occur with big gaps of nothingness in between them, lol. I agree that the old rudimentary system of men being the pursuer is a bit outdated. Even if women don’t want to ask a guy out they could still do a bit more in my opinion.

I probably wouldn’t even care about this issue, nor would have written this question originally on sodahead, but I have my own personal reasons I guess. Frankly I’m just tired of other guys pestering me to be more assertive like them when it comes to getting women (and I’m not the sleeping around or quick fuck type of guy like they are), or women who pester me to do the same. I need to be a friend to a woman first before I decide to take it further, and I wish that more people would just get that. If it was up to me the concept of a pursuer/pursuee would completely disappear.

@woodcutter Yes, I think that is called the other women tested and approved theory. It’s sad but true.

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

@Paradox25 I agree women should do a bit more. Such as stop playing hard to get if they like you and stop leading you on when they don’t. For a month straight (not every single day mind you) I kept asking this girl out and she was “too nice” to tell me “no.” Every time I asked her out, she had plans or some reason she couldn’t go out. I honestly thought for a while she was interested, but just busy. Finally I got the hint (and was rather disappointed) and quit asking her out.

On the flip side I asked this one girl out and she very openly turned me down. But you know to me that was better than thinking for a month I had a chance and having to figure out that on my own that I was wrong after putting my time and energy into something that didn’t exist.

blueiiznh's avatar

Ok, my snow angel work is done for now.

So yes, i have been hit on by both women and men.
When it is done in a subtle and flirtatious way, I am fine with it. When it is play like and almost a foreplay, it can be very enticing if there is mutual interest.
When it comes in the way of “cat calls” or the the level of becoming a stalker it is not of interest to me.
I don’t think anyone likes to be chased or pursued. I think it is about being respectful of the other person.

Ok, out to snowshoe now!!!!!

choreplay's avatar

I used to work in this delicatessen in a shopping mall and there was this girl that used to come in and started telling me she wanted to have sex with me, just blatant and without inhibition. She was an attractive girl but her approach was such a huge turn off, oh, and it would have been the first time for me and I didn’t want it to be meaningless.

FutureMemory's avatar

I love how @Coloma is totally unfazed when it comes to talking about guys wangs and nuts and stuff. You go girl! Carpe Weenie, indeed!

augustlan's avatar

As I mentioned in another thread recently, when I was single I made it pretty damn clear when I wanted to go out with (or sleep with) someone. Men never seemed to mind when I made the first move.

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