General Question

Eggie's avatar

NSFW Would you ladies be upset for this?

Asked by Eggie (5833points) August 26th, 2013

If you allow your sexual partner during forplay to play with your butt and your partner suddenly penetrates your anus, would you get really upset although you didnt tell him/her before hand?

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42 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

“Really upset” doesn’t begin to describe what I would be feeling.

Eggie's avatar

Keep in mind that he did not know you would be upset.

livelaughlove21's avatar

So this is a male anally penetrating a female with his finger? Is this an old lover or a new one? And what is “play with your butt?” Grabbing the cheeks or touching the anus?

Pandora's avatar

I would say: Hey, batman, that is not your bat cave! He would’ve called me catwoman because my reflexes would’ve shocked the hell out of him.
That is not the tunnel of love. LOL

drhat77's avatar

Everyone has their own peccadilloes re: “butt stuff”. Discuss it first, prepare for the possibility of denial, and then respect the denial if that’s what’s handed to you.

tedibear's avatar

“Keep in mind that he did not know you would be upset.” Seriously?? He had darn well better know my desire, or lack thereof, before going there.

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muppetish's avatar

I don’t think one’s sex matters in this situation: you should discuss any new plans for sexual activity beforehand in order to prevent any participating member from feeling violated. And even if you have someone’s permission, they have the right to feel objectified / violated / or “extremely upset” afterward anyway. Nobody can predict how they are going to feel during sex ahead of time.

If you aren’t communicating throughout, someone could easily feel hurt. Dismissing their emotions or viewpoint because you did or did not have permission is ludicrous.

Coloma's avatar

Ass-umptions are not okay!
Ever!
You never, ever ASSAULT your partner sexually in any way without their consent. Red flag, not cool, kick him to the curb. That behavior smacks of selfish self interest, lack of respect and using you without your consent.

If this guy does not get down on his KNEES and beg your forgiveness and show you he really, truly, understands how wrong that move was…well you will get what you deserve, a jerk with no ethics or morals.

ragingloli's avatar

I would be furious. And I would tell him in no uncertain terms that I would expose this vile deception to the entire alpha quadrant. Then I would get in my shuttle and leave, and die in the explosion caused by the bomb planted by Garak.

marinelife's avatar

So, yes! That is a totally different thing.

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Mama_Cakes's avatar

Oh, loli. :D

I’d probably rip off his dick.

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downtide's avatar

Disclaimer, I’m not a woman, but I do enjoy (receiving) anal sex. But any person, male or female, who does not ASK, before doing this, is a total douche and guilty of assault. Not knowing is not an excuse. The “giver” has total responsibility to obtain consent from the receiver first.

Also, because it was okay once, does not necessarily mean it will also be okay next time. You ask every time.

JLeslie's avatar

Are we talking about fingers? Suddenly, yes suddenly I would not be happy. You can’t just ram in there without being ready in my opinion. Too easy to get torn up. If the couple typically agrees to that sort of thing and it is usually enjoyable, then I don’t think it needs to be discussed beforehand every time but the move towards that part of the body should not be abrupt. The woman should know what is about to happen, she should have time to say, “not tonight honey.”

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

I’d be way beyond “really upset.”

creative1's avatar

I think this is something that should be asked not assumed its not the menu when you decide to become sexually involved with someone. So yes just entering without permission would be upsetting and also loose some trust when it comes to trusting them in the bedroom. That loss of trust may lead to a loss in of the relationship.

Katniss's avatar

I would be upset if I wasn’t expecting it. My ass is a virgin.
However! My fiancé and I have discussed this before. He wants to try it and I’m willing to let him. He just better give me a heads up before he tries it!

Eggie's avatar

But what about this senario: He is touching you, sensually. He massages your cheeks and rubs your anus with your delight, and you moan with pleasure. Then all of a sudden, he just doesn’t think and….BAZZINGA!!! Some girls would love it, but then again…hmmmmm? Why I asked this question is because during foreplay with my gf, I have had the pleasure of her beautiful rear end, and during the play, I thought about it but she is the aggressive type of girl, so I didn’t want to take any chances.

gailcalled's avatar

Why not simply ask, no matter what the scenario?

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Eggie On one hand, if a girl is letting you rub her anus, she probably wouldn’t say no to penetration. Then again, why not ask and see instead of taking the risk of having your face kicked in?

By the way, I don’t think “bazzinga” is used correctly in that sentence. It’s another way of saying “burn” or “boo-yah.” I think you’re looking for “WHAM!”

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downtide's avatar

@Eggie in your scenario, my original opinion still stands. You ask if it’s okay first.

OpryLeigh's avatar

My boyfriend has used is fingers in my arse before and that is fine, if he got his dick involved without asking me first then I wouldn’t be too impressed.

KNOWITALL's avatar

All I will say is that there are specific instruments sold that reduce pain, it’s not just a ‘hey that looks fun’ kind of thing, it takes some prep for everyone’s pleasure. So yeah, discuss and ask and be sensitive about it, Eggie.

ETpro's avatar

Back when I first made out at a drive in movie in the early 60s, we didn’t want to “go all the way” but my GF and I got into some really heavy petting while kissing our way through a double feature. We both got our hands on each others butts, pulling together to dry hump. I really don’t know which one of us slipped a finger in back there first, and it matters not to me.

Fast forward to 2013. It’s a first date that has gone beyond well. You are so hot for each other. You stare into each others eyes, and notice the quiver of lips that unmistakably says kiss me NOW.

But no, can’t do that just yet. Instead you decide that before any makeout session starts, you need to discuss every possible sexual position, every method of stimulation known and of course all the hundreds of paraphilias and come to full agreement on how you both feel about all these. Sadly but very predictably, it’s time to go home or pass out from exhaustion long before this negotiation comes anywhere close to completion. No wonder the birthrate among the educated has dropped so low.

Katniss's avatar

Bazinga? Are you Sheldon Cooper? lol
Seriously, it’s important to ask first. I’m up for pretty much anything, but something like this needs to be planned first.

Eggie's avatar

@ETpro I feel ya bro…....

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Eggie Sit on a sexual aid & see how it feels.

jca's avatar

What’s not clear from the OP’s question is if she (or whoever the recipient of the behavior was) was indicating verbally, by moaning or acting aroused, as if they enjoyed the anal play, or what. Perhaps they sent a message through their behavior that they would be receptive.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Hey @Eggie, Do you know what’s in there? Poop! And you will get it on your finger and then smear it everywhere you touch her, and most likely it is not pleasant smelling (like mine).
Feh!
If there was some preparation beforehand then fine. But out of the blue? Bleecch!

ETpro's avatar

@LuckyGuy For healthy people not in imminent proximity to having a bowel movement, that simply isn’t true.

DWW25921's avatar

Eeewww Check please! We’re done here.

drhat77's avatar

@ETpro I dunno every time I do a rectal exam, unless the patient has been having massive diarrhea, there’s almost always enough stool to smear around a bit.

drhat77's avatar

And yes, I always ask permission first.

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