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Eggie's avatar

What would you do if you found out your daughter was doing something lewd on facebook?

Asked by Eggie (5591points) April 25th, 2014

I am talking about a 12, 13, 14 year old, shaking her butt on facebook in her underwear. How would you discipline her?

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22 Answers

Judi's avatar

First would be the conversation. What makes you think that’s appropriate? Where did you get the idea? What did you hope to accomplish? What do you think about your body? What do you think others think about your body? What are your most positive traits? What are your most negative traits? Do you understand that you are way more valuable than this? Do you understand what pedophiles do with these pictures? Then I would probably show mug shots of pedophiles to show what creepy people look like.
I would have a conversation about how those creeps lure kids in by getting them to do something slightly wrong so they won’t feel safe going to their parents because they would have to admit that they danced in their underwear on Facebook.
Then I would probably ground them from technology for an amount of time we both agreed was appropriate and then hug her and tell her that no matter what she can talk to me if she gets in trouble.

GloPro's avatar

Oh, bad. Technically she is promoting child pornography. If you have a friend on a police force I would take her to talk to the officer and have him/her really give a rundown of everything that could go wrong with doing something like that.
Having that talk with an officer (maybe without you present) should slightly embarrass her and hopefully the uniform would help drive the words home.
Then monitor her social media with her sitting by your side every single day for at least a week.

pleiades's avatar

She doesn’t need discipline. She needs educating.

Eggie's avatar

Now in my country, when something like that happened, the mother beat the 12 year old child and had that posted on facebook. I personally think that was horrible although most people in my country thinks that is the right course of action. I prefer to educate the child about what could happen negatively to her. Isnt the teaching of consequences better than physical retalliation?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Sorry but with questions like this ,it makes me super, super , super glad we chose not to have children.
Now about your question, is the child needs some kind of consuling about her actions and being ground from the internet for some time.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I would tell her she is not to do it until the age of 18 and then only if she receives payment.

zenvelo's avatar

I agree with the “education” approach. And it’s not primarily education about the act she’s performing as much as it is about voyeurs,lack of privacy on the internet, and having it come back to haunt her in 5 or 10 years.

Twerking is a bit odd to my taste, but it’s not completely lewd.

XOIIO's avatar

Sounds like a lost cause.

Eggie's avatar

@zenevlo we,are talking about a 12 year old twerking in her undewear.

pleiades's avatar

@squeeky but every human being is different I don’t understand your justification of not having children… Because girls will grow up to dance on FB???

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s so sad. Gosh, I don’t even know what I’d do.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@pleiades I know everyone is different , but it’s questions like this that make me super glad we chose not to have kids, I hear about all the problems people have with their kids, just makes me super glad we don’t have to go through all that.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

I probably wouldn’t care in my current state. It’s her life to screw up after all.

Which is probably one of several reasons why I should not and will not have a litter of humans to plague me.

Judi's avatar

of course I should admit that my answer above was my calm grandmother answer. My actual young mom of a tween probably would have thrown a total tizzy fit.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I’d cut her account, promptly. She’s clearly not ready for this much freedom on the Net at this age.

Then, I’d educate. She needs to understand that once you post a photo or video on the Internet it can remain there, and take on a life of its own for a lifetime. Future employers, college admissions, etc could use it against her.

This is why, I have the family laptop in the living room, and access cut on mobile devices, for my own child. We have rules in place with consequences. Parenting doesn’t end at childhood. Tweens and teens need guidance.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I refused to have internet service when the kids were growing up.

Coloma's avatar

Young girls often try out their budding sexuality in inappropriate ways.
Yes, I concur with @Judi and @SpatzieLover a good discussion of the potential consequences of “playful”, ” no big deal” actions and a grounding from the computer along with not over reacting so your daughter knows she can share with you in the future. This is all you can do.
I remember finding a note on my daughters bedroom floor in 8th grade from a friend talking about giving her boyfriend a blow job. Oh man…I had to stay really calm when I wanted to go ballistic. lol

johnpowell's avatar

My gut reaction is take away anything that has a IP address. Then I think that will probably make it worse. So I did the only thing I can think of. I asked my sister who has 13 year old twin girls.

I’m waiting for a response.

BeenThereSaidThat's avatar

ground her and take her computer away. also her smart phone if she has one.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Would it have been better if it were a 12 year-old twerking at the beach in her swimsuit?

gorillapaws's avatar

I’d take her to a pornsite filled with amateur “girlfriend” pictures and just scroll for an hour, through thousands of thumbnails. I’d explain that every girl on that site was just doing something sexy for their boyfriend, or a guy they liked. And every single one of them was SURE their boyfriend would NEVER publish their picture, except people break up, they get bitter, laptops get stolen or malware, or hacked and private things can suddenly get published forever.

I would make this point to her, in addition to the stuff in @Judi‘s GA. Especially the concerns about pedophiles.

GloPro's avatar

@gorillapaws Technically, you, too, would be promoting teenage porn if you were to do that. What if that backfired and she told her friends to check out this site her mother/father showed her? You’d possibly end up in jail or talking to Child Protective Services. At her age they are extremely curious to see any other partially clad or sexy images because they are learning about how to be sexy… No offense, but I would not show her thousands of sexy teen photos.
It is obvious that a 12-year old does not process things the way an adult does by the twerking in her panties post to begin with.

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