General Question

vatofjelly's avatar

What will happen to this relationship?

Asked by vatofjelly (173points) January 25th, 2015

I know none of you have crystal balls, or any of the sort. But, I’ve been dating this guy for 3 weeks, and he let me stay in his apartment. But later on that day I wanted to go back, and be there when he got home.

I took a pair of keys without me knowing what they were for. I apologized for taking them. Then a couple of days later he said he was “confused” When I asked what he meant he mentioned something about not knowing what he wants to do in life, and whether if he wants kids or not. He also said that (of course) he was scared, and upset about me taking the keys cause we don’t know each other so well. I apologized again, and offered to meet with him to return the keys- but then he said that he was busy with family.

He previously said that he didn’t want to have sex anymore so we could build a deeper connection. And I told him that I agreed.

Yesterday I sent him a text asking if we were going to be over once I gave him his stuff back, and he said “I don’t know, I don’t want them to be but I’m just not sure”

I don’t want things to be over either, but at the same time I just feel like running away, and not knowing what his decision is. And on the other hand I feel like I’m being strung along.

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27 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

I think he has sent you two, and maybe three indirect signals of his intentions.

If I were you, I would write this up to another chapter in the book of life, and move on. Because it’s pretty clear – since he gave you multiple messages that said the same thing – that it’s over.

JLeslie's avatar

It’s a mess. Why would you take his keys?

vatofjelly's avatar

@JLeslie I thought they were too his apartment, and I wanted to come back later on that day.

JLeslie's avatar

Without asking him?

Consider it a lesson learned. You don’t take someone else’s keys without asking. Don’t beat yourself up, if he isn’t into you now just move on. 3 weeks isn’t very long, I’m sure you’ll get over it quickly and meet someone new.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Yeah, taking the keys was a really bad idea. He’s probably wondering if you’re actually a crazy stalker and whether you copied them while you had them. As @elbanditoroso said, chalk it up to experience and move on.

If he comes back after some time, I wouldn’t ignore the possibility, but for the moment, I’d just back way off.

vatofjelly's avatar

@dappled_leaves It was a bad idea. But I did not have those intentions when I took them, I offered to meet up with him at a sooner date to return them but he said that he was busy. If the keys were so important he would’ve found the time to see me sooner so I could give them back.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@vatofjelly Well, you’ve asked him directly whether you’re still together, and he has not said yes. He’s dropping hints that you’re over without actually saying so. Probably because he’s freaked out and doesn’t know what you’ll do.

JLeslie's avatar

I’d change my locks.

Coloma's avatar

Looks like everyone has covered this like the boiling pot of swill it is.
What were you thinkin’ taking this guys keys after a one night stand? Girl….get a hold of yourself. Leave the guy alone, if he’s interested he’ll get back to you.
Never wait on anyone to tell YOU whether or not you’re going to have a relationship.

It sounds like he’s trying to let you down gently, do not call, text or email him and if you don’t hear from him in a week you have your answer in full. Please don’t ask him again what he wants? Actions speak louder than words.

Here2_4's avatar

I can’t imagine what would cause someone to feel comfortable with taking someone else’s keys. Wow. Taking any of his property without his having offered is just way too presumptuous. I would have told you on the spot to take a hike.
I don’t understand how people look at relationships sometimes. Enjoying each other some, or even sleeping together does not give any rights of ownership to either individual, with the other person’s belongings, or the other person’s life. This guy is a human being, and lived for years before you came along. He does not exist for your amusement. I am sure he prefers his stuff to be just that, his stuff.

Coloma's avatar

and the winner is…..^^^^^^^^^

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I’d say you’ve blown this and yes, as has been suggested, move on and learn from this. Do you absolutely understand why taking his keys was a bad idea? Do you understand how that must have made him feel?

vatofjelly's avatar

@Earthbound_Misfit If there’s anyway to fix it how could I? I do understand cause who knows if I could’ve coppied them or given them away. I could imagine it made in scared.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

You can’t. It’s more than what you could do with the keys. You invaded his space. You took his property without asking and assumed you could return to his home without his invitation. It really is stalky behaviour. We’re in fatal attraction territory here. If a man did this to me, even if I knew him well, I’d be freaked out.

You can’t fix this. I really do not see how he would be able to overlook this. Just learn from the experience and try to understand how far over the line your actions were.

Here2_4's avatar

Be a better catch for the next guy.

CWOTUS's avatar

The more you “try to fix things” now, the worse they will get. For now, you’ll just be an interesting story to him to tell to some of his buddies at a bar some night: “I’ve got to tell you about this crazy chick once, who …” and so on. If you keep at this trying to “fix things” then he may very well be telling the same story to the police, and later to a judge when he obtains a restraining order.

Do not be “that crazy chick who …” As @Here2_4 said, you have to respect that people have lived their whole lives following a certain set of rules, one of the primary ones is “I only take what is mine or what has been freely offered to me” and you broke that rule on a whim and some kind of romantic notion … which you didn’t even follow up on! You said that you wanted to be in the apartment and wait for him when he came home (which actually would have been the second big strike against you), but you didn’t follow through on that.

His saying to you that he was “confused” and acting all indecisive when you asked him what he wanted from life was a diplomatic way of saying “anything but the crazy chick – anything but that”.

You need to respect boundaries. Especially if you want to be close to someone is when you need to respect them even more.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@CWOTUS She couldn’t follow up on it because she took the wrong keys.

chyna's avatar

Leave the keys in his mailbox or not. But move on. He has already been spooked by you.

mixfeeling's avatar

hey doesn’t want to be with you anymore .. you can do better….

Haleth's avatar

Most of this question is a pretty normal case of a guy giving you the slow fade. That’s when you bang them, and then they slowly fade out of your life. They’ll return your texts more and more slowly, and then not at all.

Taking the keys brings this to a whole nother level. That’s a serious invasion of his space and privacy. You might have just wanted to come back later that day. But how would you feel if someone did that to you? They could be planning to stalk you or murder you in your sleep. It crosses a major line.

In all honesty, he has probably changed his locks by now. If you want, you could mail him the keys. But at this point there’s nothing more you can do to “fix” this.

Buttonstc's avatar

I second what @Haleth just said about the keys.

When you mentioned that you found it strange that he wasn’t in a hurry to get his keys back, the first thing I thought of was that’s he’s already changed the locks.

As everyone else has observed, just learn from this and move on. He’s done with you.

SloanFaunus's avatar

Just be glad you got the wrong keys. He might have seriously taken things to a legal matter (or worse) if you were randomly in his place when he got back. I’d give a general reevaluation of your outlook on things. I’m surprised he’s being so evasive, it’s usually better to nip these kinds of things in the butt. It is difficult to hurt someone’s feelings, but sometimes that’s what is for the best.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@SloanFaunus “it’s usually better to nip these kinds of things in the butt”

In the bud, surely. :)

rojo's avatar

I dunno, @dappled_leaves maybe the butt sex is another draw.

Response moderated (Spam)
SloanFaunus's avatar

That was me not paying attention to what I was typing, but if shew fits…

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