General Question

longgone's avatar

In your life, is there anyone whose happiness you work toward?

Asked by longgone (17107points) February 16th, 2015

Do you have any chronically “down” friends or family members? Do you try to cheer them up – and if so, does it work? Do you think you should have to feel responsible for these people’s mood?

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16 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

Everyone on Fluther and Answerbag. The people around me.

Coloma's avatar

No. Only my pets. haha
While I can be effected by drama and others emotional issues at times I am pretty good, most of the time, with reminding myself it isn’t my problem. I did let go of two old female friends a few years ago, and about a year apart when I realized they were toxic.
One was super emotionally fragile, always misconstruing what I said, very jealous and insecure, maybe even borderline personality disordered, I was tired of walking on eggshells around this women, who was also a former biz. partner.
The other was choosing to remain in a bad relationship/marriage and all she did was complain about her husband and what a victim she was but refused to leave/divorce.

I have become a lot less tolerant of others drama as I have gotten older. If you don’t want to make changes then you just need to STFU! lol

janbb's avatar

My mother tried very hard to guilt me into making her happy and I was conflicted about her – actually until she moved away in her final years.

LDRSHIP's avatar

Brother, sister, and mother.

And to some degree, without being a crutch for them, the people I work for and work for me.

Zaku's avatar

I like to contribute to people’s happiness, but I learned the hard way that it’s a mistake that tends to backfire in very bad ways, eventually, to take responsibility for other people’s feelings.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I help people around me to be happy only when they are temporarily down, not “chronically down”. I can get tired after a while if they stick to their down feeling over and over.

keobooks's avatar

I’m trying to lay the foundation for a happy life for my daughter. That doesn’t mean that it’s my responsibility to keep her happy all the time.

She’s generally happier when she gets a good nights sleep. But sometimes she pitches a fit when it’s time for bed. I don’t let her stay up all night to keep her happy for the moment. Sometimes doing the best thing for a person isn’t appreciated or liked at the moment. But in the long run, we have their best interests in mind.

AshLeigh's avatar

My brother. He’s the best person I know, but he’s gone through a lot lately and I always do what I can to cheer him up. It doesn’t always work, but I think it helps.

AliceM's avatar

My kids, they are pretty much the only people I would do this for as I feel until they are old enough, its my responsibility. But to answer the rest of your question, no, you can’t, under any circumstances be responsible for their moods, I believe people choose to feel what they feel and act the way they act, and it can only be your own choice.

JLeslie's avatar

I used to bend myself out of shape worrying about my dad’s happiness. It’s a horrible burden for a child to know you bring your parent(s) joy and they are almost desperate and dependent on it. Don’t do this to your children.

I still overburden myself when my parents visit. They’re here now. It’s exhausting. My mom is pretty easy, but my dad always needs to be thinking and doing and it would be nice if he was happy just sitting around a little bit.

longgone's avatar

Thanks. GAs all around.

I was trying to make my teenage sister happy yesterday. Trying and failing, because she just wasn’t ready to be happy. Decided to start this thread instead. She’s fine now.

JLeslie's avatar

Teenagers are tough. Such an emotional time of life and our brains actually are more geared towards depression in those years. Difficulties are felt and experienced in a more pronounced way when we are young women and men.

longgone's avatar

^ Definitely the case yesterday, yep! She got me all blue, too.

susanc's avatar

It’s taken me almost a full lifetime to learn the usefulness of this excellent mantra:
“Not my circus, not my monkey”.

janbb's avatar

@susanc Yes, that phrase got me through some rough things lately – like my Ex’s wedding.

hearkat's avatar

Only myself.

Yes, I have friends and relatives who are prone to stress, anxiety, OCD, and/or depression, but I do not believe that their neuroses are my burden. I let them own their issues and I accept them as they are – I don’t try to fix them, nor do I try to placate them. If they ask me for my opinion or advice, I will be honest with them. Most tell me that they appreciate my honesty and that I don’t judge or blow-off their concerns or treat them as though they are pitiful beings.

I’ve learned that no one can bestow happiness upon another person – it truly has to be found within ourselves. We all have are quirks and baggage – you deal with yours, and I’ll handle mine.

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