Social Question

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Is it abuse if a grade school teacher tells her student his I.Q. ?

Asked by RedDeerGuy1 (17719points) November 3rd, 2016

My emotions were screwed up in grade 6 when my teacher told me that my I.Q. was 140. I became an aloof, asshole and skipped 88 days of school in grade 7 and became disruptive. Should she not have told me? I hyper-focused on intelligence and appearing smart. I badgered her for the results of the I.Q. test. My grades tanked from c+ to d – and never recovered.

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33 Answers

Coloma's avatar

No, not abuse in any way, shape or form. Your teacher was, most likely, just sharing the results of your test. There are plenty of gifted under achievers out there and it’s your own fault if you can’t apply your intelligence in your life and career choices.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Coloma Ouch. I did make it to university and found that it was a waste of time and money.

Buttonstc's avatar

Still looking for someone else to blame.

You need to start taking respinsibility for your past choices and use that to make wiser choices in the future.

Academic IQ is but one measure of potential su:cess in life. Emotional IQ is another with a better track record.

Learn about it. Apply it.

zenvelo's avatar

I agree with @Coloma. The teacher essentially told you that your potential was really only limited by your application of yourself, that with work you could do anything and go anywhere. I don’t find giving someone encouraging advice abuse.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Abuse (n): cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal.

Did she violently harm you physically or mentally by telling you about your IQ?

Did she belittle you for her enjoyment when she told you about your IQ.

Did she force you to skip class after telling you about your IQ?

Even if she had told you that your IQ was 33, that still wouldn’t be an abuse since it took a lot more than just telling you one day that you were stupid to be qualified as an abuse. She was either being honest or flattering you too much. It was you who abused yourself.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@all Ok now I’m embarrassed . Thanks for being honest.

si3tech's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 For some reason that struck me as humorous. I can’t see how it could be “abuse”. (reminded me of the woman who sued her parents for causing her stupidity)!

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@si3tech I was going on the pressure caused from the I. Q. Score. But if you found it funny then I am grateful to give you a laugh.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Not abuse, but at that age it’s seen as prudent to not reveal IQ’s to the subject.

I was tested at that age, my parents were given the figure.

When I asked the answer I was given was “high.”

Cruiser's avatar

Many many many people with high IQ’s finally realize that school is an impedance to them achieving their goals/dreams. Both Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg as example quit Ivy League college to pursue their dreams and we all know the result.

Darth_Algar's avatar

The teacher simply gave you information relevant to yourself. If you used that information as an excuse to slack off and let your grades fail that’s on you, not her. At some point dude you’re going to have to take ownership of your own life.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Darth_Algar How do I do that? Sounds like a personality shift. I’m good. Unless such a shift can make me happier? Moved to new question.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Rather than abuse it seems as pressure to maintain that high IQ became a burden to you and as a result you as a young student with only Grade 6 mind interpreted it as pressure to achieve and that probably affected your outlook?
Understanding by placing oneself in your situation with the mind of an impressionable child taking in that info at that time period makes sense that that may had been your reasons to panic at the pressure to keep it up?
People should stop attacking your character to just find answers that plague you now.
It was a simple question which required sensitivity in answering the possible reasons to assist someone in pain trying to understand his life .
Please bear in mind that nobody here on Fluther can fathom the pain that their rude answers can precipitate more harm in another?

Darth_Algar's avatar


You’re his mother right? So what are you doing to help him? Aside from making excuses and berating anyone who gives honest answers to questions he’s asked over and over and over again, I mean.

Coloma's avatar

@Inspired_2write Nobody is being rude. We have answered dozens and dozens of similar questions trying to help @RedDeerGuy1 find himself. We are all responsible for finding our own strengths and weaknesses and nobody is to blame if we fail to do so. @RedDeerGuy1 needs to identify what he is good at, what turns him on, what he likes, what comes easily and naturally to him and then act on it in one form or another.

It’s that simple and there is no magic substitute for hard work and application and follow through unless you are born a gazillionaire and can make a career out of your hobbies.

cazzie's avatar

IQ has nothing to do with being a functional human being. I was married to a guy tested at over 155 and he still functions at a young teen age level.

Sneki95's avatar

1. No, it’s not an abuse. She didn’t do that with intention to hurt or humiliate you.
2. It is your own fault for skipping school and getting low marks. She never forbade or discouraged you to study, you did it yourself.

Sorry, your fault, however you turn it.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Assuming “Your excuse to slack off”
“Still looking to blame someone”
“it was you who abused yourself”
Are all negative assumptions that did nothing to “uplift or assist” a depressed person.
No one here knows what hell he has been through and yet you are “still” attatcking to get your point accross..try using positive affirmations to get your point across..he is a very gentle soul who feels wounded by your comments personally.’
Realize that your words can cut to the soul of a person or heal a person.

Inspired_2write's avatar

You are a stranger that knows nothing of the assitance and positive reinforcement that our family had given him on a daily basis. You are assuming too much!
I have flagged you for a personal attack that was unwarrented.
They Fluther community cannot “KNOW” what was or not done to help.
All positive responses are much better than supositions and assumptions of his motives, behaviour ( at a time when he was a child).
He is a gentle loving son that feels deeply , yet Fluther attacks. Beware of you negative comments as one never knows the consequences on the person that it is directed at, PLEASE!
By continuing in negative attacks you unwittingly push him farther down.Stop.

Coloma's avatar

@Inspired_2write I am sorry, I like @RedDeerGuy1, but, I can assure you none of us intended anything said to be “negative attacks.” I think we have taken a “tough love” approach after numerous related questions that we have offered much encouraging advice that never seems to be applied.
It’s like the story of the boy who cried wolf. After awhile you just don’t pay attention anymore because all of our well intended desires to help have fallen on deaf ears yet the same slough of questions remain.

We are not an unkind group of people and we are not responsible for pushing him down, we are just rather fed up with the futility of our attempts to help.
I think it is time that he just accepts he is, most likely, not going to remedy most of his problems and finds a way to be content with who he is in the present moment. If nothing has changed for years and years it is probably not going to and that’s fine, but only @RedDeerGuy1 can make his peace with the way things are.

Darth_Algar's avatar


On the contrary we are going by things he himself has posted here. He has said much about himself and his experiences.

And none of us have any negative feelings towards @RedDeerGuy1. We all want to help him. And lord knows we’re all more than willing to give him helpful advice. We have time and time again but at some point he’s going to have to take some of it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Inspired_2write your accusation is completely justified, if this is the first, or at least one of the first questions, the OP asks about why he is in his current state and how he can improve himself.

But sadly, this isn’t the first question, not even close. It has got to the point when everyone is able to predict what he is going to ask and what he means by his question.

We may not be able to know what was or not done to help, but we can pick up patterns. If someone continues to ask the same kind of questions again and again and doesn’t seem to consider any of the advice we give them, then how can it not be a red flag?

And when you mess up, and we say that you mess up after considering all the details we have, is this unkind?

The only thing @RedDeerGuy1 can do now is accept that he was responsible for his current state, reread all of his questions again, with this account and the previous account, then decide which advice to take. More questions will only spawm the same kind of responses that are called “negative assumption” you see now.

I appreciate that he has made some progress since he changed to this account like getting out more and refraining his panic attack, but if he wants to be a normal functional person he has to do more than that.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Advice is welcomed , but remember one has choice to decide on his own what is right for him.
Just because one gives advice does not negate his rights to take part or it, all of it , or none of it. Free Choice.
There are things that you do not know, and will never know about his circumstances. He is venting and reaching for Friends to give positive or gentle answers ..please . blaming, cutting someone down,or God forbid that one does not do what you advice, does NOT work.
realize that you are only his friends that he can turn to to talk about his concerns . Understand somtimes someone just needs to listen.

Darth_Algar's avatar


No, he’s under no obligation to take the advice given, but how many times should one be expected to answer the same questions, with their earnest advice ignored each time, before one starts answering frankly? We all want the best for @RedDeerGuy1, but it’s gets to be a bit exasperating.

You pop your head in here from time to time to berate those of us who have tried to help him, to the degree that we (far-flung strangers with no tangible relationship or physical contact) can, so again I ask: you’re his mother – what do you do to help him?

Inspired_2write's avatar

One is not EXPECTED to answer questions.
If you are tired of it then stop answering .
Perhaps the OP is searching for an answer that resonates with him and has not found it among some Fluterites?
Perhaps by displaying his weaknesses on this forum he may teach others to open up about theirs too? He is a very intelligent, sensitive soul who is wounded by some responses.
Perhaps he is searching for understanding, not recriminations.
As for “me” popping in my head” once in awhile ( personal attack) I am busy living my life and when things are quiet I go onto Fluther. I am under no obligation to be on here everyday!
We all have a choice, so respect my choice as well as the OP and others.

Jeruba's avatar

@Inspired_2write, the tricky point here is that it isn’t possible to “just listen” on a Q&A website where no one is physically present. That translates to “just read.” And if people just read without responding, no one can tell if that’s respectful silence or total ignoring. Wanting not to ignore but to acknowledge, people respond. And given the Q&A structure, that response tends to take the form of answers.

What does “just listening” look like on a Fluther thread? I think it would look like nothing at all. I don’t believe that would satisfy any need for friendly concern.

Expressions of caring may not always conform to the expectations of the person doing the asking, especially if the responders are just ordinary folks with an ordinary amount of patience, and not therapists or professional helpers. Or magicians.

If you want to help us out here, maybe you can help RedDeerGuy1 form his questions in such a way that genuine, well-intentioned answers will be more in line with what he’s looking for.

JLeslie's avatar

They stopped telling students their IQ when I was in school, they only told us our IQ percentile. I wouldn’t say it was abuse, but it did cause me some problems. My IQ was fairly high, and my grades were a B average most of my Jr. High and High school life. More than once I was made to feel like crap that I didn’t do enough with the potential I was given. I’m still told it today now and then. I don’t know what to make of it at times. It mostly makes me feel bad.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I still don’t know mine to this day. My parents were told and dad once told me we had the same IQ. I have a rough idea from an interpolation from my GRE scores and it’s in line with what the average is for my field of study.
I never felt that IQ is particularly useful as a metric. It is just a measure of how fast someone learns specific types of things. Work ethic in the scope of having a desire to learn is a much better success trait than a raw IQ number. I know plenty of very high IQ individuals that are idiots in reality when their actions and decisions are taken into consideration. Revealing your IQ to you is not “abuse” it’s just not the best idea. IQ scores in youth often do not follow through into adulthood. IQ is a time weighted formula and scores are easily skewed high in children. Your IQ is exactly what it is right this instant and not what it was in grade school. IMO people are better off not knowing.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Yup. IQ in general is a flawed, inaccurate, and imperfect (and not necessarily entirely scientific) measure of a person. It’s really only useful to folks who want to join groups like MENSA so they can jack-off over their IQ scores.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

And wank they do, the blisters must be unreal.

Darth_Algar's avatar

I’m sure fellow member Asia Carrera can give them some tips on good lubricants.

Coloma's avatar

^ Yep, there are many different types of intelligence, including emotional intelligence & creative intelligence, that cannot be “measured” by any standard IQ tests. I have an uncanny ability to judge/measure, and create, near perfect, measurements in my minds eye when designing a home project or other creative, construction/design situation. I may not be able to draw out the perfect plans like my Architect father but I inherited his designing eye and can, with amazing accuracy, visualize and gage, within an inch or two, exactly how things will fit together.

Maybe I am an idiot savant. lol

cazzie's avatar

I have made just one friend from Mensa but she can be really cruel and condescending. We don’t hang out much. Super strange group in the university town I live near. Only useful people are inactive and work with young kids.

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