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MrGrimm888's avatar

(NSFW)Have you ever been groped? (Details)

Asked by MrGrimm888 (13377points) November 13th, 2017

Obviously, if it’s too embarrassing, don’t respond. If you have been though, I think you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I don’t need a story, but vent if you want to. I’m really just looking for a yes, or no.

If you would be willing to reveal the “groper’s” gender, and if they were intoxicated, that would also be helpful.

I’m trying to learn if groping, is as big a problem as I suspect.

I actually believe that most, or all of us have been groped.

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20 Answers

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Just a couple times, not a big deal for me as it was not a power trip thing for who was doing it. Both were female. I imagine working around drunk people all the time like you are it’s more frequent. I honestly don’t think it’s a big problem, at least of you’re a guy.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Yes. I am groped more in my current environment. I was groped plenty before though, when I worked in food and beverage, and in the medical field. Alcohol was usually a factor.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

That’s the only time I have experienced it or seen it happen to other guys. When certain women get hammered you find out some are just as bad if not worse than most guys. Take the alcohol out of the equation and it becomes a rare thing.

janbb's avatar

I’ve been sexually abused and harassed but never groped that I can recall. I hardly ever hung out in bars as a young person though; getting hammered was never my thing.

snowberry's avatar

I hear the TSA has taken groping to an art form, so much so they’ve even given it legitimacy and a new name. But if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

Nobody at TSA has touched my vagina, yet, but there’s still time.

Muad_Dib's avatar

Yes. Several times, starting younger than I’d like to admit, and continuing to adulthood. The last person to touch me without my permission ended up on his ass in an alleyway with a broken nose.

DominicY's avatar

I find it interesting that it is so common; I’m sure if it’s that common, then a sizable percentage of people are gropers as well (not that anyone is going to admit to that).

I have been groped, yes. I’ll be honest, I hardly consider having my butt grabbed to even count as anything. One time I didn’t even see who did it, and another time I couldn’t even be sure that it happened on purpose. At the same time, I have had my penis grabbed, which is a little more obvious, once by a girl, once by a gay guy, yes alcohol was involved and I was quite wasted myself.

filmfann's avatar

I will add that every woman I have been close to confessed to having been sexual abused at some time in their lives.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^That sucks. This does indeed seem to be a common thing…
All three of my sisters have experienced problems with sexual assault too. I was too young, or it NEVER would have happened, or gone unpunished.

Thanks to all who’ve responded so far. I am not trying to make anyone uncomfortable, or relive anything they would rather forget. Like I said, I am just gathering information.

@DominicY . GA. Do you think that you being also intoxicated had any baring on the “groper’s” reasoning? Do people also feel that they can take advantage more so, when the intended person is intoxicated?

marinelife's avatar

Well, this might sound minimal, but I’ve never forgotten it, and it caused me great shame and embarrassment. I was standing on a downtown street (as a young lady in her early 20s) and a businessman in a suit walked by me with a rolled-up newspaper, which he slapped into my crotch. I was astonished and he walked so swiftly away that I could not say anything.

anniereborn's avatar

When I was 12 a man behind me in a haunted house put both arms around me and groped my chest.

DominicY's avatar

@MrGrimm888 I think it does. I think they may assume that a drunk person is too out of it to notice or care or that a person is at a party drunk for the purpose of fooling around and touching others and thus won’t care (and I won’t lie, sometimes I was at a party for that reason, but consensually. So when these two incidents happened, they surprised me because they were unwanted, no matter how drunk I was).

Zaku's avatar

Not that I remember. There have been girls & women who have come on to me by touching or attempted touching without asking for consent when I didn’t want them to, but I certainly wouldn’t call it groping or an offense – just a sudden unannounced physical advance that I didn’t want but wasn’t really bothered by and may even have been flattered by.

Well, in one case there was a slightly drunk woman who took my brief listening and eye contact very wrongly and made a sexual suggestion and reached out to touch me (not in a sexual place), but I lightly deflected her hand, at which she yelled out, which got the attention of her husband, who thankfully understood what had happened.

I’d say that all adds up to a “no” overall.

funkdaddy's avatar

A lot, but honestly very few times where I thought it was a problem.

A couple that stand out as points where I learned something

- I had a lady and her husband that I was waiting on stack up money on the table in front of her and said I could have it, but had to come around and sit in her lap. Ok. Then she got handsy. It was weird in a “what kind of scene are you guys in?” way, but I didn’t feel threatened. She’d had some drinks, but I wouldn’t say she was drunk.
– I was talking smack to a manager about his much younger partners. He walked over and gave me the pat down and butt squeeze before declaring me too old and bony, with some other choice words. He got me quiet, well played sir. I assume he was sober.
– Cooks in the kitchen had a game for a long time where they try to get your scrotum with tongs before you realized what they were doing. They were mostly male, but the female cooks would get the biggest cheers. I don’t know if it’s really a grope, but I was 18ish and it’s the first time I remember wondering about workplace culture.

I think it’s pretty common in service industry jobs, from both customers and staff. I’m guessing that hasn’t changed much, really. So I wonder quite a bit about the differences in how people feel about it. Why does it affect some people in such a far reaching way?

I also wonder if many men tend to be galvanized by the tiny mistreatments (verbal and physical) we give and get since childhood. Does that differentiate threats somehow?

I’m not minimizing what anyone has gone through or saying how they feel is wrong, just trying to wrap my mind around how other people are affected and experiences outside my own.

Part of what I’m realizing is that those that are affected tend to not talk about it much, those that aren’t can tell a funny story so I’m guessing there’s a bias towards hearing more from those that don’t mind.

tinyfaery's avatar

So many times I can’t even begin to give you a number. The first was when I was 12. I developed breasts early and boys just thought they had the right to touch me.

Aster's avatar

Oh , sure. At about age 14 I was walking through an amusement park. A boy about my age came running towards me, grabbed the left one and didn’t even stop. He kept running. I was stunned, couldn’t figure out why he did it but my main thought was, “wow; how embarrassing. I hope nobody saw that!” I wasn’t crying or suicidal. I was more puzzled than anything else.

Kardamom's avatar

Yes, a few times at concerts, when a male has pushed his erect member up against my back side, despite my attempts to keep distance between myself and other people, and purposely carrying a large purse to try to buffer myself.

I don’t drink, and I don’t flirt with strangers at shows. I always go with a group of women, and we often find ourselves having to push men off of us, or yell out publicly at them to back away, and at least on one occasion, I had to call security to get a drunk man with a hard on off of my backside.

This also happened once on a crowded train in Chicago. I’m from CA and don’t take trains at home, but I did in Chicago and the one time I did, some man decided to shove his erect penis into my back. There was no where to go, and I was a lot younger and was scared.

I whispered to my friend who was standing next to me on the train as to what was happening, and we just clung to each other until the train stopped and we could get off. It was frightening and disgusting. There was no apparent security. The train was packed, but this sick fuck knew exactly what he was doing. So did the guy at the concert on whom I called security immediately. The guy called me a bitch and flipped me off as he was being escorted away by security.

ScottyMcGeester's avatar

Yup. Guy here and I have been groped.

I was groped during the first high school dance I went to. I didn’t really know anyone so I wandered through the dance floor. Two girls came up from behind and each grabbed my ass. Full on grab of both cheeks. When I turned around, they had already bolted, laughing, so I didn’t see their faces. No idea if they were intoxicated or under any influence. Given that the smell of weed was pretty strong in the center of the dance floor – MAYBE.

(I was like 14.)

josie's avatar

Lots of times. That’s how hookers advertise in the Far East. A two handed simultaneous butt and crotch grab.
Bad teeth and all.

CalHoncho's avatar

I don’t recall ever having been outright groped in public. But I have been groped by a few women that I wasn’t in a relationship with at parties. And a few instances of the intentional breast against me. I’m not complaining about any of them. But for a woman if it’s undesired it’s disrespectful and some ass kicking needs to take place.

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