Social Question

Unofficial_Member's avatar

Why did you disregard OP's wishes in their question?

Asked by Unofficial_Member (4280points) June 19th, 2018

I have been having this feeling for a long time that people here tend to not want to care about what the OP is wishing for in his/her question. The recent, not-so-long-ago question asking for Taurus man just confirmed my feeling yet again. The OP has clearly stated that she is looking for opinions from Taurus man and if you’re not a man nor is your zodiac Taurus why did you answer? There are many other examples in the past where the OP specifically stated in their question’s title that they’re looking for people of specific gender/occupation/age/status/etc and yet people who aren’t even qualified seem to willing to ignore those wishes and post their answer anyway. If the condition is set in the question’s detail then surely you can say that you don’t read the details but if it’s in the title itself then it seems rather brazen that you want to purposely go against what the OP is wishing for. Do you consider it disrespectful to deliberately go against OP’s wishes? Can someone really justify that his/her answers in someone’s question is more important than what the OP is wishing for?

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35 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

I try to stay on task as the OP asks, but in Social it tends to go off topic more often.

To me, it’s only disrespectful when you ask people not to use your question to abuse other jellies and they do it anyway.

There are times I wish I could take a question down when it degenerates, we need a delete button.

elbanditoroso's avatar

First, this is an open forum with very few guidelines.

Second, there are a whole lot of really smart people here, and smart people tend to think. And thought tends to go off in many different directions. Some of these directions are perhaps not what the OP originally intended, but sometimes they are.

Third, if I take part in a conversation that goes a different way from the OP’s original question, I don’t see that as showing disrespect to the OP. Quite the opposite – he/she asked a question that produced another conversation. That’s actually a kudo and a pat on the back to the OP for having sparked the conversation.

Fourth, I have been an OP many times where the question gets detoured to some other place. Sometimes I jump in and restate my original query, but sometimes not. The atmospherics of that particular question help me decide what to do. [See my second paragraph relating to smart people.]

If I wanted to be in a forum setting where responses were strictly regimented, then I wouldn’t be here. I would be in various technical forums (which I am anyway).

Finally, to your specific question (only christians answer this:, or “only women answer this” or “only Taurus men answer this”.) – that’s bullshit on several levels. This is a free and general forum. Restricting who can answer you is prima facie exclusionary.

As for taking questions down – that’s censorship and restricting the free flow of ideas. I agree with @knowitall that some conversations devolve. But deleting them is like rewriting history, like the book 1984.

Demosthenes's avatar

I think people should try and be helpful with their answers. There are a lot of times when people seem to be more concerned with proclaiming their opinion and “advice” and what they believe the OP should have been asking than with answering the actual question.

For example, I believe that astrology is total BS, so what good would my answer to a question about astrological signs do? I would just be stating an unhelpful unwanted answer. So I left that question alone. Not every question requires your input. Sometimes you need to recognize when it’s best to step aside and move on to a different question.

I’m not a big fan of questions that try and restrict the type of answerer either, but sometimes there’s a valid reason for it and I can accept that certain questions aren’t for me.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I get peeved when I ask a question about parapsychology and get told that it doesn’t exsist or that I am delusional. One doesn’t need to believe in it to look up some info and be helpful.

Jeruba's avatar

I didn’t think she addressed her question to Taurus men. I thought that was the subject matter. Her details say: “Has this ever happened to anyone before? O.O I just don’t understand how this could ever be considered normal or logical in any man’s mind. Am I going nuts, or is this man out of his mind?” “Happen to anyone” seems to throw the question open.

If she doesn’t like the answers, she can clarify or restate the question.

canidmajor's avatar

Oh, just a take a look throughout Fluther’s history. So many questions addressed to “parents” have more than half their answers written by people who have never raised children.
People tend not to read the details (or even the main, red Q) and just leap in based on a word or two that they’ve seen. It has always been thus.
The intent is usually benign, however, so I try (not always successfully) to grit my teeth and get past it..

notwonderwoman's avatar

I find this laughable coming from you when I’ve witnessed you going against the wishes and needs of an OP recently.

snowberry's avatar

If only Taurus men answered that question, nobody would have answered! Not on this site anyway. People who believe in the zodiac generally won’t get to hear what they want to here.

rebbel's avatar

Next thing you know, you’ll get OP’s asking for “only nice people” to answer their question.

chyna's avatar

^Um, wait. We have….

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

For the record I have stopped answering questions about lady bits.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@All. Very refreshing ideas you all have here. I actually don’t like restrictive questions but I feel like I somehow need to respect OP’s wishes. Perhaps I shouldn’t feel so guilty if the majority of people here don’t really care about that.

@elbanditoroso I will have to say that your “third” paragraph is rather one-sided. One could say that people who do that a lot will clutter the entire thread with off topic posts. I have also seen people that hijacked other people’s thread to have their own topic/conversation with the same excuse.

@notwonderwoman Ah I see. You were referring to the question about someone who asked how she could handle the mother-in-law issue. My answer was that she does not have any right to force how others should behave. Moreover, it appeared that the details of her questions seem tailored to accuse certain family member, asking affirmation, and control how other must act in a given situation. You seem pretty upset, now don’t tell me you actually were that person. Gosh, what a small world we have here.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Unofficial_Member – I’ll buy that – I can see how you could classify that as clutter.

But what’s the alternative? If there are rules/regulations then the entire free spirited discussion that takes place will disappear.

Demosthenes's avatar

That’s another thing: I don’t have a problem calling out OPs who are misleading in the intents of their question. If they frame the question as seeking a variety of answers, but angrily snap at any answers that don’t already affirm their opinions, I can’t blame a question for getting off topic or for the OP’s “wishes” being ignored. It all depends on what the question is, how it’s framed, and how the answers are being received.

notwonderwoman's avatar

I don’t like hypocrisy and jerks. You should take your own advice here. You are being a hypocrite. You are preaching kindness here when I’ve seen you go against the wishes of several OP’s to insert your opinion that wasn’t helpful.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@elbanditoroso But that is how things work in many forum with good uniformity and well-managed threads. Their mods even have the authority to close a thread if they deem it to has received the answer/solve the purpose so as to avoid people adding unnecessary ‘chatty’ irrelevant conversation in the thread. One is free to open a new thread to start a different topic of discussion so there’s no excuse to hog a thread with different topic should the need arises. Fluther is very liberal in the way it separate serious thread and chatty threads.

@Demosthenes I’ll agree with that too, naturally.

@notwonderwoman Then kindly show me which part of my advice to her is hypocrisy? Don’t just call people names and accuse them. You’re not a good sport.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Unofficial_Member For off topic discussion you can always send people here will someone please hijack this thread Takes 30 seconds to load.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 But… the thread is far too old.

Kropotkin's avatar

I don’t know what specific question requested that only “Taurus man” answer. But perhaps people got confused, and they thought it applied to anyone who felt they were hung like a bull.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Unofficial_Member Just an option… I have fun in it.

Patty_Melt's avatar

@Unofficial_Member, the hijack thread is old only at the top of the page.
At the bottom it is quite fresh.

notwonderwoman's avatar

Alright, I’ll back my shit up OP. The question you are referring to had to do with a mother who went through the most difficult time of her life and she was hurt that her MIL didn’t reach out. The OP asked how to get over her hurt. Your answer to this OP had no empathy or compassion. You were cold and did not respond to what the OP was actually asking. You implied things that were not true. Now here you are asking why others don’t read details and give the OP what they want. That’s hypocritical to me. You were a jerk to that OP who was hurting. There’s some real life truth for ya. I’d be happy to find other examples but the one you brought up shows your true colors.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@notwonderwoman Is that really how you see things? You need to learn the fact that the OPs don’t need to agree with the responses in their thread. All of us are free to disagree with each others’ responses, and that’s what create a healthy discussion. If she’s specifically looking for people that only agree with her then she should’ve mentioned it in her thread. We are not obligated to give answer that only the OP can agree with. For the record, I didn’t limit her desire to do whatever she wants to do in her life, I only told her that she has no business and right to control how other people should behave, and that is a legal fact. She need to understand that regardless of all the hurt she might be having she has no right to control how other people should conduct themselves. I did relent a bit and try to give her different advice despite the fact the she has no legal power to force how a grandma should behave, I think she can at least try to influence the grandma but at that point she already deleted her account. I was trying to tell her that there’s use to fuss over other people when you don’t have power make them do what you want but it seems that she has taken it as offense instead. I was being realistic with my answer and if you or she doesn’t like that then feel free to do so. If she’s looking for people to console her feeling for something she has no control of and bash on the innocent grandma then there are plenty people out there who might be willing to put up with that, not that it will solve the actual issue in real life, just to be realistic.
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For others who is interested in the issue. Here is the thread.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

^ Correction: I meant there’s “no” use to fuss over other people…

Basically, my way of helping her handle the issue is to let her recognize the situation that she can’t alter so that she can stop accumulating emotional stress instead of reinforcing her to beat a dead horse.

Gah! I don’t understand why I sometimes tend to miss to type the “no/not”.

kritiper's avatar

Some points of the question are important and worth addressing. Others, not so much…

KNOWITALL's avatar

@notwonder I think you’re kind of missing the point. You cannot control other people. Or what they post, even when hurtful. I have spoken harsh truth and taken it as well. Maybe that OP needed all opinions to figure it out.
So you both can be right, one for speaking her truth, and one saying ‘dude too harsh’.
Some newbies years ago were just reemed from the jump. It was hard to see some jellies treat them so poorly. Then there was the vampire invasion.
It’s a family, we’ll disagree and move on.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Vampires! Where are the vampires? Somebody pass out stakes?
they were funny

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Patty Yesss, they were amusing. They’re probably in college now ha! That stuff adds color if not intellectual value!

notwonderwoman's avatar

@Unofficial_Member blah, blah blah. Didn’t read. My point is you are being hypocritical. Look at your long rant at me. I am very passionate about showing some empathy when a person is at their most vulnerable moment. It appeared that the OP in that question was at a vulnerable moment. Wouldn’t you be if your child was in the hospital for a week? You were rude and showed no empathy, yet here you are asking why others don’t read the details and give the OP what they want.

Remember, I’m speaking of people who have a sick child or someone who lost a parent or someone dealing with cancer. The most vulnerable. Is your opinion more important? Your own words: Can someone really justify that his/her answers in someone’s question is more important than what the OP is wishing for?

That’s all I have to say on the subject. buh bye

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@notwonderwoman [sigh] it seems it really is useless to talk to you. You refused to even read my reply for the fear seeing the truth yourself and you insist on provoking me with irresponsible comment. To tell you the truth I don’t care about whatever your passion is. It is insignificant to me. You can’t shove your compassion philosophy down to other people’s throat. I stand still with my opinions. If you don’t like my posts that is your problem. It really is a pity but you can’t control how anybody answer a question.

It really is beyond ridiculous if someone post a question and only want to hear what they like to hear. Nobody here is obligated to cater to such needs, and people here are certainly aren’t foolish enough to be guilt by your personal compassion philosophy. I asked this question for the sake of curiosity. In no way I am forcing how other people conduct themselves in answering a question. So go ahead and keep yammering about how you dislike my posts, that won’t stop me from posting anything, and most importantly your cheap comments won’t affect me. Feel free to run away after your failed attempt at provocation, I understand that.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I did not provide a response, as I am not a Taurus…

MollyMcGuire's avatar

It’s a bitch when you get the answers you intend.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I don’t know if it’s disrespectful, it maybe depends.
I personally try not to give limitations. I may have once or twice but only because I wanted to be clear on what I was asking. I think I did it once when I was reading something about a judge overturning Trump’s executive order, and I was wondering how a judge could do that. I was asking about the process in which a judge can overturn an executive order in a general sense, and had only used the Trump one as an example. So, in my question I put “please don’t get into the morality of his executive order, as that’s not what I am asking” or something along those lines.

Otherwise, if I know I’m asking a question that can go totally off the deep end in a potentially negative way, I do attempt to prevent that from happening by putting a request in but I also understand it’s an open forum like @elbanditoroso said and anyone can say what they want. It’s just a few of my questions might seem like they are trying to get a rise, when that’s not what I’m intending so I try to make it clear its a genuine question. (or, If I’m unsure on how to word things or express what I am asking, I put a request thing in so it’s more clear)

PIN_24's avatar

This is an open forum for discussion. Anyone can answer the question if thet feel eligible to and have the subject knowledge to answer. Restricting users from answering is a fault of OP. However, I would personally not disregard the OP if he/she insists to get the response from the group of their choice only.

Brian1946's avatar

I NEVER regard the wishes of the OP!

Why should I care what the Oldest Person in the thread wants? ;-p

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