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amandalove's avatar

How should I handle the fact that she has this opinion?

Asked by amandalove (13points) January 21st, 2019

So my boyfriend of a year left yesterday to a city that is 4 hours away from where we live, for 2 weeks for his engineer job, I even got emotional and cried, cause we have always been together, not even a week apart, this job he has, is new, he started in 2018, and last year he did not travel at all, so I guess that this year he will travel a little more, I don’t know.

How can I cope with this, I been living with him since December, before I lived with my grandparents, which are abroad and left me their apartment in charge, I was in our house until yesterday, and yesterday he brought me back to my grandparents apartment, I feel safer here, I’m a little scared of being alone in a house, for some reason I don’t feel safe.

So my aunt was talking with me yesterday and was asking me if he was going to call me while he was away, because that is what every normal couple does, if the man is away he should call his woman and check up on her and she told me: I will be honest with you, if he does not call you then he is not interested in you at all, it would be abnormal if he did not call you.

My boyfriend has been excellent with me, and she even knows he is a great man, so I don’t know why she said it like this.some other people would say, every couple is different and they will do what works better for them, but my aunt insists that every couple calls each other everyday.

I know that she will be asking me:’’ OH DID SO AND SO CALLED YOU’’? I know her, and I don’t know whether to tell her the truth or just tell her all the time that he in fact is calling me everyday.

To be honest, I found this comment she made very abrupt for some reason, she is to some extent right, but I don’t think he has to call me every single day.He is working hard on this project, it’s not like he went to have fun or something.By the way I am not trying to excuse him, I am just saying the truth, he went for his work.

what do you guys think about all of this?

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14 Answers

kritiper's avatar

Life is full of hardships and partings. Be patient, give it time. You’ll feel better. After all, you’re young and you have your whole life in front of you. Find something to do with your time instead of pining away the hours waiting for your BF to return.

chyna's avatar

He just left yesterday. I wouldn’t think he has had time to call you yet.
Do not listen to your aunt. She is putting things in your mind that have no reason to be there. She is trying to put distrust in your mind when your boyfriend has not given you a reason to distrust him. But don’t sit at home waiting for the phone to ring either. Go out and enjoy yourself.

janbb's avatar

I think you have to tell her tactfully it’s none of her business to intrude into your relationship and make you doubt it. Part of being a grown up is coming to your own conclusions about your life and not listening to doubters. If he is going to be traveling for work sometimes you two, between the two of you only, will have to work out your communication style for when he is away.

If he’s a good one, hold on!

Zaku's avatar

Your aunt is closed-minded, simply incorrect in her opinion, and has a poor sense of personal boundaries. You could ask her what it means when people behave the way she is behaving towards you.

You can’t control what she does.

What you can do something about, is look at how you react to it, and see what is it about you that has you so severely affected by other people and what they say.

The world is full of people with closed-minded perspectives that they like to dump on others and try to get agreement on, even (or sometimes especially) if it messes with those people. Your life will be much happier when you are not a ripe target for such dumping.

So look at why when she says such things, you can’t just impartially reply something like: “Why do you think that?” or “What does it mean when your aunt says things like that to you?” and not have it affect you or make you wonder if her obviously-way-too-black-and-white busy-body remarks are somehow “true” (they clearly are not)?

Unofficial_Member's avatar

Simple. You handle it by proving to your aunt after he called you. Missing a single phone call doesn’t mean that he loses his affection for you. Alternatively, you can also call him yourself, it’s not mandatory for him to always initiate the phone call. Phone call can always be made when the need for it is there.

stanleybmanly's avatar

How old are you & were you reared in a convent from which you recently escaped?

amandalove's avatar

Also, the other days my boyfriend,needed some pills for his hypertension, we had gone abroad, and this happen to him abroad, his blood pressure sky rocketed, so his cousin, gave him a prescription medicine for to lower his high blood pressure, so last week I was telling him, that since we were back to the US, he needed to find a primary doctor, so they can prescribe him more blood pressure pills, since he told me that he had no more blood pressure pills, and he said right I need to make an appointment.

So I guess that I was distracted and not listening to him when he said, so in my mind I wanted to help him and find him a doctor and make an appointment, so everyday I got caught up in the house, doing laundry, keeping our house neat.So I forgot, and I was about to do it this past Friday, but I called him first to make sure he wanted the doctor that I had looked for him, and when I told him, he said: Oh I already did it, I went and they drew blood out me and gave me the prescription, I could not wait longer cause I am leaving on Sunday’’.

Ok so I was a little surprised that he had not told me before that he was looking for a primary doctor and had already found one. I told this to my aunt and she was like:’‘this is weird how can he not tell you that he had already found a doctor’’? this is wrong, he should have told you, I can tell there is no communication going on.

So when I was talking on the phone with her I had an incoming call from him, and I put her on hold and talked to him, and he explained everything, and told me that he had already picked up the the pills.So I asked him, that why did he not told me that he was already looking for a doctor, after we talked that I was going to help him with that, and he said that he could not wait longer cause he had to leave on Sunday ( yesterday) and that he needed those blood pressure pills, and that he did not see that I was helping him with that, that days kept on passing and nothing. (Ok this is kinda true, I think I slept on my laurels with this situation and tried to do it last mine, so my bad).

That same Friday, he came very late from work, he left at 9:20 AM, and came back at 12:00 AM midnight, and at 11:00 Pm at night I was talking to my aunt again, and I told her that I was alone that had not come home yet, and she was like ’‘has he called you, and let you know that he was coming home late? and I said no, he has not, and then she started saying oh no,no,no, this is not right Amanda, that is very wrong from his behalf, you are there in the house alone, and he should have called to let you know he would be late, I am not liking none of this.

So the point is that all of this has brewed a lot of insecurity in my head now, and I need to get it out my head, cause if not I am going to feel like this, all the time that he is away until he comes back. In fact I am feeling anxious right now and can’t wait for him to come back!

chyna's avatar

Stop telling your aunt your personal business and handle it yourself.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

I think you aunt should mind her own business and stop causing trouble.

I agree with @chyna; please don’t share your private matters with you aunt. Restrict your conversations to the weather, sports, movies, TV shows, the news, etc.

seawulf575's avatar

I think the relationship you have with your boyfriend is yours and his. It is not part of anyone else. Others have lived things and have experiences that might play into their views and can be a way to learn, but in the end, you have to make your own decisions about your relationship with your boyfriend. If he doesn’t call every day and that is okay with you and him, then that is your answer. If you want to talk and you call him, then that is with you and him.

gorillapaws's avatar

Phones work both ways… Call him if you want to speak with him. This is ridiculous.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Sounds like she was trying to give you the benefit of her “wisdom,” and just butted into something that was none of her business.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Everyone is right, she is butting in and making you crazy for no reason.

I’ve done long-distance and it is nice when they call, but it’s not needed every night.

I can’t even imagine my husband telling me about doctor appointments that are his concern, not mine.

Just remember, you are together because you want to be. He doesn’t need to be your daddy and make sure you’re safe, and you don’t need a call every day like you’re his mama. You are a couple and you two make the rules, not auntie. Maybe she just thinks you’re too young, or it may not last but it’s still mean to tell you it won’t last or he’s neglecting you. Geesh, auntie, stop!

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