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tinyfaery's avatar

Women: question about breasts?

Asked by tinyfaery (41896points) September 3rd, 2008

I have a client who is extremely ashamed of her large breasts (a 38D I think). I was wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation, either personally, or maybe it was someone else you know? I know I used to hate my breasts. I developed really early and the attention I received from boys was borderline (and many times over that border) harassment. But this doesn’t seem to be her case. It’s more of just a general dislike at having breasts. Any suggestions on how I might help her with this problem?

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23 Answers

Lovelocke's avatar

Breast Reduction Surgery is the “big one”. Otherwise, “dressing down” works as well. There are many bras, types of clothing that are used by women every day to divert attention away from the breast area.

Dressing in layers is another “easy” fix (a shirt and a light jacket, for instance).

gailcalled's avatar

I don’t know whether this is helpful or not, but one of my closest friends just had breast reduction surgery. She is 57, short and has always been topheavy so there were issues of severe discomfort and back pain. (And I know of two other women acquaintances who also recently had the same surgery done and are thrilled.

It was done as outpatient surgery and her insurance picked up most of the costs.

But I am not really answering your question. 38D is not huge if she is tall and in proportion. But if she is feeling ashamed, then that is what she is feeling. I would guess that there are deeper issues. Are you licensed to do some therapy?

I am almost 5’7’’ and wear a 38C bra. I have never felt selfconscious or abnormal. (And after some cancer surgery, “a bigger one”, I am thrilled to still have both of them. Never mind what gravity has done.)

MissAnthrope's avatar

I have known people who were really dissatisfied with their large breasts (usually they have been even larger than your client’s), for differing reasons. These women had breast reduction surgery and were extremely pleased afterward.

I think the source of your client’s displeasure may be different, although the women I know did have an element of shame and embarrassment for the reasons you mentioned about yourself.

Personally, when I’m at the higher end of my weight range, and I share the same cup size as your client. I know I don’t think they’re beautiful and have gone through periods of disliking them because of their size and what gravity does. I learned to let go and believe my partners when they enthused about how beautiful, nice, etc. they were. It took me a long while of working with myself, learning to trust and believe other people’s perceptions, but I’ve finally gotten to the place where I’ve accepted what God gave me.

Alternately, as Lovelocke said, there are sports bras (which I wore exclusively for a few years) and ways to make clothing de-emphasize the area.

augustlan's avatar

I wear a 44C or D depending on the bra. I don’t love having big breasts…but only because they are a nuisance to me. I’m not ashamed of them, and can’t really imagine a situation in which I would feel shame about them. Perhaps your client had some kind of incident(s) in her youth, such as rape or incest that she feels was caused by her big breasts. Or, maybe a mother who viewed them as “trashy”. “Ashamed” just seems to indicate something deeper than the nuisance factor.

cyndyh's avatar

38Ds are not large breasts unless this woman is really tiny everywhere else. They certainly aren’t in the back-pain producing range of sizes. There’s something else going on here. Have you asked her where she thinks this dislike comes from?

augustlan's avatar

@cyndyh: People sure seem to think mine are large! But, I do know what you’re saying…my mom’s are much bigger than mine.

MacBean's avatar

Well. I hate mine because, being genderqueer, I don’t identify as female so it just feels wrong to have them. However, I’m pretty sure I’d hate mine even if I didn’t have those kind of issues. I’m a 52DD. They hurt my back and they get in the way. Binding is not an option for me because they’re too big. Finding a bra that supports them at all is a completely lost cause and their weight makes the shoulder straps dig into my skin and after about four hours or so I’ve got welts to show for it.

I also had a friend who was considering having reduction surgery, and I think she’s about your client’s size. I know her issues aren’t gender-related—she is allllllllll woman, and completely delights in it—and she’s often cited unwanted attention from men and back pain as reasons for wanting them reduced.

And that’s all the personal experience I can add to the conversation…

trudacia's avatar

I am a 36D. I work in a corporate environment and regardless of how professionally I dress there are always the same men that look me in the tits instead of looking me in the eyes! I constantly resist the urge to call them on it!

The most difficult part for me is shopping. There are so many adorable tanks and halter tops that I would love to buy but I feel slutty if I wear them. Flat chested girls get to wear the best clothes!

However, I have definitely learned to embrace my voluptous body! With all the bad, there is certainly good. I would never consider breast reduction…

tinyfaery's avatar

@trudacia Think about it like this—women pay to have your breast size, but you got them for free. :)

trudacia's avatar

Yes, for sure. I take the good with the bad. It just sucks at work… I’d love to be sure that it’s my work that is noticed, not my nice boobs. Personally, I love them. I could, however relate to the woman that hates them… The grass is always greener right? However trivial, I’d love to fit into a designer dress just once. Or buy a bathing suit off the rack….

rss's avatar

I agree with agustlan that the key here is the “shame” that your client is feeling. I wonder also at your client’s age – if she is young still, maybe she hasn’t had time to adjust to having larger breasts than average, or maybe she feels much different from other girls her age who haven’t developed yet. OR if she is older, she may have routinely received unwanted attention (as mentioned previously) which has compiled into dislike of her breasts.

a friend of mine (mid-twenties) who has a similar size only recently began wearing “low cut” tops (they aren’t actually that low, but they seem low to her) because she felt she looked inappropriate otherwise. although she has been self-conscious about her size, she seems to be accepting (and maybe even embracing?) it now – but it did take time.

tinyfaery's avatar

Thanks to all of you. I think there is probably a combination of things going on here. Thing is, she’s well-proportioned, and her breasts are not out of place on her body. I suggested that she talk with her therapist about it, and she agreed. I used some of your examples and she seemed to relate.

Yay fluther!

sccrowell's avatar

I think Lovelocke answered it best! I too, have a couple of friends that have had the breast reduction surgery! Both are totally thrilled and wish they had done it sooner!
Yet, as @gail mention, I do not believe a 38d to be all that large. Perhaps, height has something to do with it as well! I am 5’5” and they don’t seem overly large to me.

wildflower's avatar

I’ve known several girls with this problem and they all seem to treat it very differently:
1) Was a classmate from school, developed early and wore D cups by 15. At 19 she had breast reduction surgery because she hated the strain on her back.
2) One of my close friends, wears a G cup, but has accepted it. She’s extremely confident and usually dresses in a way that shows her breast size and cleavage – but doesn’t take well to rude remarks about them!
3) Another of my close friends, wears a DD and tends to dress in loose-fitting clothes to minimize the emphasis on her breasts. She used to wear 2 bras, supposedly to keep things tight, but later realised she was considerably more comfortable with a well fitted bra.

I suppose different women will find different solutions if they’re bothered by it. There’s plenty of options.

cyndyh's avatar

@augustlan: I hear you. I’m a larger bra size than my daughter, but since she’s in a pants size 2 or 4 it makes her chest look huge. I, on the other hand, look proportionate since my ass is not so small. :^>

shadling21's avatar

As a dancer with D-sized breasts, I’m still struggling to come to terms with my body. My solution? Making the right friends. Friends who’ll poke fun but won’t insult me. If I feel confident with them, then I’m good to go. Strangers who don’t like it can screw off.

I haven’t really had to deal with coworkers staring at my boobs, though… I’m sure that would make work a lot more difficult. But it’s not the woman’s fault that men can’t keep their heads straight. We should wear what we want (within reason).

So, my answer? Deal with the feelings of shame, rather than the boobs themselves.

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

I have small-ish boobs (34 B) and wouldn’t want the weight or hassle of much bigger boobs. I feel for your client and hope that she can find her comfort zone. In such a boob-centric society (hey, I know, I know, I like looking too….) finding your comfort zone with your body will do much in the way of mental healing and functioning positively within society.

tedibear's avatar

If your client has said that she is ashamed of them, then yes, something more is going on in her head. Hopefully, she will take your suggestion and speak with her therapist.

@trudacia – ARGH! I know what you mean. I’m a 36DD and there are times when I wonder what makes men think that it’s acceptable to speak to my chest! My ex would do that sometimes and I would have to wave my hand in front of his face and say, “Look at me, not my chest!” Geez.

sophillyk's avatar

I’m an a cup and whenever i see women on the tv with a big ol juicy cleavage, i almost cry, i would rather have a d cup than nothing, i feel unfeminine and unconfident at how guys could ever truly think im sexy. She should be grateful that she looks like a real woman!

gailcalled's avatar

@sophillyk: Being a “real woman,” whatever that means, has absolutely NOTHING to do with breast size. Read the other comments. You sound young; (_ whenever i see women on the tv with a big ol juicy cleavage, i almost cry).

Think of the thousands of women with one breast, or none. Get out and do something for someone else, and think less often about your body.

sophillyk's avatar

i was just trying to show the other side.

seazen's avatar

Pics or it never happened, OP.

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