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dopeguru's avatar

What's up with a guy ignoring girls he dated at all costs?

Asked by dopeguru (1925points) 1 month ago

It’s puzzling to me that a guy I was seeing a year ago whom I suspected had avoidance issues started to talk to me again and showing up at mutual meetings. For a year, since we ended it, he avoided me. He skipped all the meetings for school just to avoid me. He would go out of a store if I’m shopping there. He told friends he hated me and begged them not to talk about me meanwhile he just was doing all he can to not face me.

I heard from a mutual friend that when his girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him BECAUSE he was avoidant, he went to a different continent/Russia for a year without tellings anyone and all alone.

I’m not a psychologist and probably neither are you, but any thoughts on this bizarre behavior?

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9 Answers

janbb's avatar

Nothing surprising about it. He’s in a lot of pain from the break ups and doesn’t want to see his Exes. We all react in our own ways to hurt.

zenvelo's avatar

I think you are too kind to say he has “avoidance issues”. He doesn’t have any avoidance problems, until recently he avoided you quite well.

He’s a weirdo, be glad you are out of any relationship with him. If he wants to date you again, ask him if he has done any therapy work.

KNOWITALL's avatar

It seems excessive and a bit dramatic to me. But perhaps he’s just sensitive. Definately odd behavior.

dabbler's avatar

We don’t have any information about why you stopped seeing each other.
He could feel embarrassed or humiliated that the relationship failed, or “just” really disappointed.

kritiper's avatar

Insecurity issues.

jca2's avatar

Maybe he started coming around again because he’s lonely or horny.

Only he knows the real reason why. There are many possibilities, and all we can do is speculate.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Horny. Brings them back every time.

Yeahright's avatar

It doesn’t look bizarre to me. Maybe he had avoidance issues in the past but has overcome them and is in a different place right now. People evolve and change. People work out their issues and figure things out. Also, time heals all wounds. Maybe right after the breakup, he was very hurt and wanted to keep distance, but now he feels nothing and has no problem in talking to you again and being in the same room with you. It is not about you anymore, I guess. We’ve all been there after a breakup, where being in the same room with someone we either still love or just hate is too much to handle. On the other hand, it is a waste of one’s time really to try to find an explanation of another person’s actions. It is only plain speculation. We are not in his mind. Whatever we say here, doesn’t make it true. Only he could tell you what his feelings were at the time and what they are right now. And although I understand your curiosity, these days, I prefer to use my time and energy in trying to figure myself out, which is hard enough, let alone try to figure out somebody else.

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