Social Question

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Should I have stayed out of this?

Asked by Nomore_lockout (7577points) 1 month ago

My soon to be 13 year old granddaughter came to me today, and told me one her brothers friends had come over and, when her brother introduced him to her, had a made a comment that she overheard. Something about “Wow, your sis is hot”. I just told her not to worry about it, unless he tries to her frisky with her. At this point it’s just boys being boys. My wife told me to stay out of it but Sandi had approached me about it, so I gave her my opinion. I don’t feel I was butting into anything?

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24 Answers

Nomore_lockout's avatar

What say the jelly jurors? Not a big deal really, just curious.

seawulf575's avatar

I tend to agree with you. If your granddaughter came to you and asked your opinion on something, there is really nothing wrong with giving it. And since it is her brother’s friend, I would assume he is young and dumb and has little class, like many teenagers/younger men. I would, however, fill in her parents just so they know what is going on. And that way if the kid IS a complete weirdo and things get really creepy, they are aware of it.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Alleady done. My son and DIL are her parents and they know about it. We’ll just be watchful for now. @seawulf575

Dutchess_III's avatar

It bothers her, and she came to you. Let her know she has the right to be bothered. She does NOT have to accept as a bassackward “compliment” boys and men like to pretend it is. It made her uncomfortable and that’s all that matters.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Agreed. Maybe I should have handled it better? Have to see what happens @Dutchess_III

Dutchess_III's avatar

She’s only 13. She probably has no idea what they’re referring to. At 13 I was confused as to why the men and boy’s attitude towards me had changed.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I mean she’s 12. Poor kid. Shit is starting already.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@Dutchess_III I know, and her’s my grand baby. Ok maybe not a baby any more, but still. Hell, my daughter is still my baby girl to me. I still remember when she was toddling around in little terry cloth onesies my wife would get her. And now she’s 41 and about to be a Gramma. Again. I guess women have too much shit to put up with. Never gave it much thought really. My bad.

smudges's avatar

I think you handled it just fine, and good for you that you told your son and DIL. She asked you; it would have seemed strange to her, and probably make her wonder even more if you had dodged her.

KNOWITALL's avatar

A child’s confidences should always be taken seriously. It made her uncomfortable. Frankly I’d have the big brother talk next.

JLoon's avatar

You’re good. No damage done.

And at this point, the comment she overheard was harmless too. But it’s the begining of a very confusing and special time for young girls and boys.

Understanding adults like you can help.

tinyfaery's avatar

Boys will be boys is why rape culture exists.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Exactly. And it needs to change. Doing nothing does more harm than good.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Well at this juncture nothing more is involved other than a comment by a 13 year old boy. I can’t and won’t ruin some kids life over an inappropriate remark. If the comments continue, we will have some words with both the boy and his parents. And Sandi agrees with me on that. We will have to see what happens, if anything.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s only going to get worse. Teach her to trust her instincts and get out if her gut tells her to.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Nomore_lockout Brother could easily have said ‘don’t talk to my sister like that’, doesn’t have to involve any adults. But he apparently didn’t so as a grandfather why not remind him?

@Dutchess isn’t wrong, it only gets worse.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

I did talk to him believe me. As said we’ll take it from here, see what happens. The kid hasn’t been over since the incident anyway. So possibly the bro did confront him.

JLoon's avatar

Seems to me no one is really wrong here – unless some of the grownups take it too far.

Every female who’s made it through adolesence can recall at least a few awkward or inappropriate interactions with young males their own age. And the boys usually have their own lists of girl-without-a-clue weirdness. We live, learn, and grow.

But in my own experience the absolute worst and most soul-killing moments were times when older males (and yeah, females too) used their own “maturity” to manipulate me – either sexually or for some other sleazy gratification. Guilt, judgement, and shame are ugly tools, and nobody should use them carelessly.

So please let’s try to lighten up a little here. Nomore_lockout is doing the best he can, and it’s probably good enough. The boy who flubbed what he likely thought was a compliment will do better next time. And the girl will be fine.

The rest of us have all got own histories. But these kids still have a right to find their own way through life, and I think they will.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@JLoon GA! I believe my grand son, her bro, talked to him either outside or at school, in order to avoid the embarrassment of having us deal with it. So far it seems to have worked. The kid involved used to call or text the bro every day about coming over to toss the football, or having him go over there to shoot baskets. So far, nada since the incident. Good indication I think.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If a kid shoplifts do we just ignore it, thinking they’ll grow out of it? No. We talk to them. We tell them it was wrong.
This no different. He did something wrong. He needs to be told he did something wrong.

jca2's avatar

The OP said someone talked to the boy, @Dutchess_III.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I was talking to @JLoon (Sorry. I should have specified that.) Her stance seems to be “Don’t do anything.”
It’s up to the adults to instruct the kids.

JLoon's avatar

@Dutchess_III – Let’s not misunderstand each other.

I didn’t say do nothing. And I didn’t say you were suggesting some 13 year old boy ought to be locked up because he said something marginally suggestive – Unless that’s what you really mean.

SergeantQueen's avatar

“boys will be boys” is not a valid excuse once it crosses the line and makes anyone of any gender uncomfortable.

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