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Kraigmo's avatar

When someone uses the phrase "....made a pass at me", what does that mean?

Asked by Kraigmo (7751points) October 4th, 2009

When someone, usually a woman, says that someone else made a pass at her, what does she mean?

I know the general meaning. But what I want to know is specifically… what are examples of these passes? What exactly did the man making the pass say or do, specifically? Actual examples of actions would really inform me. Actual examples of the words the man says would inform me.

What are common passes that are acceptable? And what are common passes that are unacceptable? (and yeah, I know it also depends on the context of the situation and the two people involved, so let’s just generalize or provide real life examples)

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18 Answers

augustlan's avatar

To me, ‘making a pass’ goes beyond flirtation and talking into action. Examples would be: trying to kiss me, a hug that was a little too touchy-feely, grabbing my butt.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Just say “Hi”, and let your eyes and smile do most of the talking. She’ll figure it out.

eponymoushipster's avatar

usually it means steps were taken that may constitute sexual harassment.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

It can be verbal also, like asking someone on a date.

augustlan's avatar

@BBSDTfamily See, I think of that as ‘hitting on me’.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@BBSDTfamily i don’t really see asking someone out on a date as “making a pass” at someone. usually it involves physical action.

Haleth's avatar

I always thought “making a pass” at someone meant unwanted sexual advances. If you make a pass successfully, then isn’t it just a come-on?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

“made a pass” to me has always been the person tried or did touch me without my invitation.

a “come on” is being “hit on” which to me means flirting with direct sexual intent.

cyndyh's avatar

I always took “making a pass”, “a come on”, and “hit on” as the same thing. It’s directly suggesting things get physical. Asking for a booty call, suggesting going back to his apartment to “get to know each other better”, moving things to a more private location, or any kind of forward sexual touching or suggestion.

I think asking someone for a date isn’t the same as making a pass unless in asking for the date he’s already making plans for sex.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I agree with @augustlan, “making a pass” involves physical contact, such as trying to kiss, butt touching, hugging. Usually the guy is some degree of inebriated, but I’m not sure that is a prerequisite. “Hitting on” is more verbal forwardness. A “come on” has more direct sexual intent; guys who are hitting on you will usually settle for getting your phone number. “Booty call” is someone you know, who only calls you when their interested in having sex, and for no other reason.

whatthefluther's avatar

Well, in olden times…..

“making a pass”: suggesting sexual contact verbally or physically

“coming on”: repeated verbal advances to indicate interest, not necessarily sexual (could even be asking someone to dance repeatedly, unless you are “dirty dancing” which “makes it a pass”)

“hitting on”: more than “coming on”, attempting to secure a phone number for future contact or asking out on a date or to blow the joint to get something to eat (not sexual….you, all, sure have dirty minds)

Clear as mud, right? But, I am old, and out of practice (which means I am happily married, not a lonely loser) so things may well have changed (what ever became of free love, anyhow….oh, yeah, they outlawed Quaaludes)!
See ya….Gary/wtf

filmfann's avatar

To make a pass is to hit on. It’s overboard flirting. “Hey, let’s get out of here, and find a place to lie down…”

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@filmfann: ha ha ha

“No, we did not “sleep” together”

wundayatta's avatar

I think it means making a pass at getting the person into bed. It’s any kind of activity that is involved in persuading the other person to sleep with you. It can be subtle or overt. Just depends on the style of the person making the pass. I think it usually is something that men do to women, although I suppose it could be the other way around.

BBQsomeCows's avatar

overt flirting with sexual tone

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

These days a pass might be considered sexual harassment, especially if the woman did not want the attention from who is giving it. An example of a pass might be, Bill, who knows Janet is into vintage wine would say, ”I have a bottle of 1908 Merlot that was so exquisite, it would be a crime not to share it; care for a glass?” Janet, ”Are you kidding me? Where is it?” Bill, ”It is at my house; I even have candles and a steak to go with it”.

Leon to Sheila, ”Your milkshake certainly do bring all the boys to the yard, is your cherry just as good?”

NomoreY_A's avatar

Well… something like, “What’s a girl like you doing working in a cloak room like this? Don’t you get tired of hanging out with all these empty hats and coats?” Or maybe, “When I take a woman out to dinner, I want her to look me in the face. That’s the price she has to pay!” Or, lemme see now… “We’ll have a chicken fried steak. Bring me the steak, she can have the chicken”.

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