Help me understand "women talk" about food.

You’ve got IT. Charm them. Your Mom will luv it. The ladies will eat it up. I’ve seen you work here. Do it.

Can you chime in about favorite things your mom makes and possibly ask how they could better fit into the Weight Watchers program? OTOH, it would help if you learned to cook. Then you would develop favorite products and recipes. Again, you can always bend the conversation to stuff such as “I love cheesecake. Is there any recipe that will let me make my cheesecake and eat it, too, while still sticking with the program?” Then, sit back and listen. Your work is done.

Wait. You’re going to Weight Watchers meetings and you’re confused about why these women start talking about food and recipes they like and where to get them? I don’t get it. Or am I missing something…

@Les, yeah, I know. It’s just hard to hang in with ten minutes about a particular brand of bagel and which Wal Mart carries it and on which shelf and why isn’t it in other grocery stores and that it’s not a western-flavored bagel but that Western is the brand name and it’s their “Alternative” bagel so they probably have a regular bagel but this is their Alternative bagel.

You do have a point, though.

@kevbo – Well, I know what you mean, too. And I’m a woman. I’d say all you can do, if you are still interested in going to have “Mom time” is just to smile and nod. If they try to engage you, just say something like “Oh, yeah. Those are good.” And then leave it at that. Good on you, though, for going and doing something with your mom. :-)

First, I love that you go with your mom to Weight Watchers and that you care enough to ask this question. Most likely these women find a lot of pleasure in cooking and feeding their families. For them it is the same as being an expert in a field of expertise, the way a businessman would be interested in advertising companies that have some of the most ingenuitive ideas, and software programs that can bring costs down.

Every so often I call my mother-in-law for a recipe, because I know she is happy that I like her food and want to make it for her son. Just did it last night and she talked about how next time we are together she will have to cook some of our favorites and I can do it along with her so I can watch her cook, and she went on and on. That is her talent, makes her feel useful and appreciated.

Also, food seems an obvious subject at a meeting like that, and the women are bonding by talking about a subject they can all relate to.

So, I think, maybe making a comment like, “oh yeah when my mom makes lasagna it is so good, even with the reduced fat cheese she started using.” That type of thing will go very well, the other women will want to know the brand of cheese and the recipe. If you start cooking more yourself, you will become more interested also, and be able to participate more.

Having said all of that I can only talk about recipes and food for so long myself, so I can empathasize that after a few weeks of the same thing it would get a little boring.

In general (big generalization) women are more concerned with what they eat, how it tastes, and most importantly what they spend their calorie budget on. Guys are more “semi-edible substance + mouth = done.” In general, women have to work harder to lose weight than men do and so they have a lot more interest in where to find the good things that they can eat without feeling guilty or that might help them in their journey. They are a bit obsessive about this particular item or that one, but that’s because it works for them. If you find something that works, you want to keep using it and know where you can find it.

@avvooooooo & @JLeslie, GAs. That’s helpful. Thanks.

@kevbo Do you need to lose weight, or are you just going for moral support?

Also, how old are you?

@JLeslie, I do, in fact, although I haven’t jumped on putting some of this stuff into practice. I got off to a decent start and have kind of flailed a bit since. I really do like the information, though. It’s a pretty good way to decode the contemporary food landscape. I’m 36.

Mom’s lost about 10 pounds though, so an easy aspect of this is congratulating her for that.

I was wondering how old you are because if you were very young I thought you might not be aware of the idea that people who have been overweight for many years tend to be obsessed with food, and then when they start dieting they become obsessed with food in regards to dieting. The obsessive part doesn’t change, just the recipes do. This is why many people like weight watchers from what I understand, because keeping track of what they are eating allows an outlet for obsession. Just my own observation. And, especially for women the weekly meetings are a social gathering in some ways, and if a person is losing it is a time for positive reinforcement and applause when you might not be getting any help at home with the difficult task of losing weight. Women many times feel underappreciated.

@JLeslie, ahhh. Yeah, I’ve noticed the plainly obvious obsessiveness in a few of the women but never really thought about the flip side of being obsessive within the program. So a big light bulb on that one.

Also with your latter point, but damn it’s just not manly. ;-)

@all- Well, I feel at least like I have something to go on. Thanks for your answers. Feel free to add more.

Tell it like it is ladies, we talk about a lot of subjects “obsessively” We are more likely to state and restate issues so they can be massaged into consensus. We have to constantly validate each other so no one will felt they were ignored. If there are disagreements we try our best to minimize them. Our issues are intrapersonal and focus on keeping the basics of life working. What color to paint the kitchen, How do people see one. How much broccoli do we need, Who fed the dog, the goldfish, the kids, What did he mean by that comment? These are things we need to deal with and get just right.

Although we can learn about men’s concerns and talk knowledgably about them, when we are together we revert to form. You too can learn to womanspeak and like any skill it will stand you in good stead in your later life’

Now before everyone jumps up yelling sexist, you know we use language differently than guys do especially among outselves, I was raised primarily by my father in a male household so womanspeak is my 2nd language. I still get into trouble here for being blunt.

It’s really good that you’re learning this particular fundamental truth early on in your life.

Women enjoy the act of conversing itself. It’s not really about food, it’s just themed that way because you’re at WW. It’s about the flow of the conversation, the dynamics in the room, and the fact that they’re bonding and feeling friendlier and testing out who’s on the same page with them. That’s what’s going on. They’re establishing a community.

When guys converse, we take pleasure in the point. In computer science, physics and other traditionally male-dominated domains, beauty is identified with concision. Men are solving a problem; conversation is how the problem is getting solved; a concise conversation means the problem was solved efficiently, and this is pleasing.

So my advice is: take girl-talk for what it is. You can even pretend in your mind that they aren’t saying words, but rather humming melodies to each other (like birds). See who responds to who, and how, and with what sort of lovely trills and chirps. Don’t worry about the specifics of what’s being said, instead focus on the emotions being conveyed, and the society that’s being formed.

Note to those easily offended: None of these comments are meant to imply that men can’t enjoy conversation or that women can’t make points. Only that, in same-sex gatherings, these tend to be the naturally occurring phenomena.

I enjoy doing this. It helps me learn how to prepare more foods. It helps me know which brands are good, which foods to try, etc… Basically I learn how to cook this way. I grew up being fed food that was horribly unhealthy for me. By having these conversations I’ve learned a ton about healthy eating. And when people talk up a food you wouldn’t normally consider eating it really makes you want to try it which is great when it’s healthy for you.

I think if you are going because you need and want to lose weight, that is a good thing. In that case, I would suggest your turn off the “I don’t understand” instead listen and learn. If there is some point you absolutely do not understand, ask for clarification. I don’t understand the inner workings of a nuclear reactor but if I wanted to hang out with the guys that do, I would learn!

If you are going just to spend time with your mom, that is great. Just chill and try to look interested in the bagel dissertations. Or else take your mom out to a healthy food place for dinner once a week instead of the WW meeting.

Remember this is self-selecting group. From what you’ve said this group is more involved with talking about the food side of the equation instead of the exercise part of the equation. So, the people who find that useful will be the people who keep coming back and the people who don’t you won’t hear from again.

It might work better to ask your mom if she wants to go on some walks with you so you’re both getting some exercise. You’d get mom time and you wouldn’t have to sit around talking about food. You’d also be supporting her in her goal and listening to her while you walk.

In some cases, at any rate, women’s obsession with food can be similar to men’s obsession with sports (here in Texas that would be football in particular).