Social Question

Jude's avatar

Being in a relationship with someone who is a "little bit off" when they're pmsing, how do you deal with it?

Asked by Jude (32112points) February 16th, 2010

Be kind, please. (no nasty comments fellas).

Say, they become quite sensitive and, perhaps, emotional? How do you deal with it?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

46 Answers

tragiclikebowie's avatar

Honestly, I have zero idea how my boyfriend puts up with me while I PMS.

I guess he knows not to take anything I say personal because he knows it’s not me yelling at him, it’s a terrible estrogen monster.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

We’re all “a little off” at some points. This isn’t unique to women.
Basically, when someone is bent on being pissed off at you, you can’t stop it.
Most times, any attempts to stop make the situation worse.
It’s like trying to stop a runaway car. You’re just going to get hurt and the car won’t stop.

You gotta let these things run their course.

Cruiser's avatar

You are a full time sub on a bowling league for that week.

tentaclepuppy's avatar

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. Matthew 18:9.

You know what you need to do.

ETpro's avatar

Granted this was pretty easy to handle, but my wife used to always start rearranging everything in the house when she got her period. It was actually kind of endearing—like an organic calendar. Oh, the plates aren’t where they used to be in the cabinets. Time to search the kitchen for their new spot, as she’s on her period.

Funny thing is the periods ended years ago, but the rearranging still happens once every 28 days like clockwork. :-)

Haleth's avatar

Just be as calm and understanding as you can. It will make your girlfriend feel less “off” if you’re able to comfort her. If she’s feeling better, she’ll be nicer to you, and it will be easier for you to deal with.

Supacase's avatar

Just remember, it is worse for her than it is for you.

ridicawu's avatar

Being someone who experiences PMS, I try and not make an inconvenience for my boyfriend. If I do get either cranky or emotional, I try and make a joke of it. He knows I’m experiencing it, he doesn’t always like it, but I try and make it easier on him.
Is she on birth control? It’s hell at first (thank you estrogen) but once the body adjusts it helps with cramps and PMS (at least it has for me and some of my friends).
Also, walks may help (probably for both parties since exercise helps with stress and PMS/cramps).

Jude's avatar

Great advice. Thanks.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Dealing with a hormonally deranged woman??Forget it! Flee!Flee! flee!

Jude's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille No soup for you! ;-)

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Egads, I call my bf “Drama 1” and I’m “Drama 2”. I have PMS and he has his own mood swings. It’s crazy but we get through, no name calling. I have the bad habit of leaving his apt. when I feel I’ll just bug him to death with my griping but sometimes I think he looks at it as if I’m leaving him and not just the moment- got to work on that.

zebter's avatar

Gosh.. Some months are worse than others. There are times when I am very weepy and other months where I am raging mad at the world and then there are months where a woman will feel totally fine. You have to remember there is a major chemical imbalance that goes on in us women every month and it alters our mood drastically. When I was in my early 20’s I would get very emotional and cry a lot. I also notice that I get very touchy about the way the house looks and start to clean like a crazy woman about 3 to 4 days before my cycle begins. If anyone messes it during this time I go completely mad and I get very angry. My best advice is to be understanding it is much harder on us as women to deal with these chemical imbalances than for men. I found that taking midol will help with my mood and other cycle symptoms days before my period and during my period as well. Normally when I figure out that it is my cycle I make myself calm down and behave like a normal person. lol

Aethelwine's avatar

My husband does what @Haleth suggests. He might also come up behind me and give me a little back rub now and then and maybe a kiss on the neck, then he lets me be.

zebter's avatar

oh I told my son they are my crazy pills and when I am upset certain times of the month they help mom. lol

tinyfaery's avatar

Talk to her about when she is not on her period. Get her to acknowledge that she can be difficult during that time and let her know that you are unsure how to act when she is like this. Discuss.

When my wife is about to begin her cycle she gets agitated easily. I just ask, “you’re going to start your period, aren’t you”? She just admits it and we move on.

evandad's avatar

Different was for different girls. Get use to it.

Jude's avatar

@zebter I’m a woman, as well (in a same sex relationship). Thanks for the advice.

Jude's avatar

@tinyfaery Ha! I asked her the other day, you’re pmsing, aren’t you? She said, “how did you know?” It’s pretty obvious. She is very sensitive (I have to be careful what I say) and she becomes emotional. She says that she can’t help it. I spend time cuddling with her and I do understand that she is a bit more sensitive than normal, so, I’m careful in what I say and how I am with her (and don’t take anything to personally, if she gets upset). I just wanted to hear how other jellies dealt with it.

zebter's avatar

@jmah I am glad it help being that you are female then you understand then. I would suggest talking to her as well when she is not moody like someone else suggesting during a time when she is not on her cycle. lol She maybe having a hard time herself and not know how to express her self during this time of the month which makes it harder on her. If she knows you are willing to work through it then it may make her more open to controlling her behaviors. Try to get her to open up to her ask her want she wants from you during this time. Some people want to be left alone while others need to be held close. I like the idea someone mentioned above where they get a back rub and a kiss on the neck and then left to be. That is more my style if I could get my husband to do that more it would be nice.

ChaosCross's avatar

From my experience of dealing with PMS cycling ladies is just to take the blows and hope they apologize later, don’t, DON’T argue with them.

zebter's avatar

@jmah I would see if she will take some meds if she does not already take something it may help even out her moods during this time so she feels more in control of her body. I am sure they even have natural herbs that could help if she is not into meds.

YARNLADY's avatar

I thought someone had invented some kind of medication for that.

Jude's avatar

@zebter That’s a great suggestion. The thing is, though, she doesn’t go to the gyno. She’s never been actually. That’s her choice.

We’ll be fine. Thanks for your help!

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Be sensitive to the turmoil she is experiencing.
Be comforting but not condescending.
Avoid arguing with her.

Try and be affectionate and non-demanding. Just be there.
Remember, it will pass.

zebter's avatar

I have been going to a gyno since about a year before I got married in my early 20’s. I do not get meds from them.. I get mine at walmart. :) I am sure you two will be just fine. :) I think you have it right when you said that you do not take what she say’s or does to personally. :) I think if she knows you are there for her and understanding it will be all good. :) “HUGS”

ridicawu's avatar

@zebter , by natural herbs do you mean weed? Because when I smoked that I never PMSd. I also didn’t have as bad of anxiety then

davidbetterman's avatar

Get out before it is too late. Next it will be manic-depressive bi-polar episodes…

loser's avatar

Criers or screamers?
Criers: Keep plenty of medicinal chocolate on hand.
Screamers: Build a secret tree fort out in the yard. Hide there until safe.

Violet's avatar

I don’t know how my bf puts up with my PMS-ing either. I have extreme PMS: crying, grumpy, cravings, terrible cramps etc. But he’s really great about it. He’ll cook for me, drive (it hurts for me to drive when I have terrible cramps), get me my pills, etc. He’s such a sweet heart.

Sophief's avatar

Personally I think pms is just an excuse for women to get angry, upset or whatever and have something to blame it on! I get really bad cramps on my first day but it’s just cramps! My boyfriend is always really good and a little over the top in caring, maybe his ex took advantage of her period and he’s just scared when I get mine!

TheJoker's avatar

Hmmmm, I’ve always just tried to be there… if she wants to scream & shout abit, just take it. If she wants a cuddle & a cry, then hold her. Although, it does sometimes depend on the person as to how much you can take.

Jude's avatar

“Personally I think pms is just an excuse for women to get angry, upset or whatever and have something to blame it on! ”

I disagree 100% with that statement.

Silhouette's avatar

Large box of tissues, large box of chocolates,heating pad,endless supply of I knows.

“I hate that!!!”.....“I know.”
“I’m so sad!!”......“I know.”
“It’s not fair!!”......“I know.”

Sophief's avatar

@jmah I wasn’t asking you to agree, was just giving my opinion.

Jude's avatar

@Dibley, so was I. :)

Sophief's avatar

There are people out there with life threatening illnesses and who are in real constant pain, complaining about a bit of period pain just so our men to run around after us is pointless. When I first moved in with my boyfriend and had cramps he treat me like I was a baby, I felt so sorry for him, some woman must of really took the piss out of him.

Jude's avatar

I agree with @zebter‘s statement:

“You have to remember there is a major chemical imbalance that goes on in us women every month and it alters our mood drastically.”

Sophief's avatar

Maybe I’m just lucky then.

Jude's avatar

Does anyone find that exercise helps when you’re pmsing? Helps even out your mood?

zebter's avatar

Yes exercise releases natural chemicals into the blood stream that will help with cramps and moods. It is proven that you can manage stress better too as these chemicals make you feel good about yourself and improve your over all attitude.

Strauss's avatar

I had a GF years ago who was so moody that we would joke that the “P” in “PMS” stood for “pre”, “pro” or “Post”!

But I have had several female friends (and girlfriends) over the years who did suffer with this horrible condition. Pampering is always a good gesture, and I would second walking.

Marva's avatar

Just brace yourself: know it is coming, that it is a problem of hers, and don’t get too much into it when she makes her riots.

If you can, talk about it when she is not PMSing and agree on a way like a code word, or something that you can say that will remind her she is in her own state and this is not the time to talk over things. If she is still upset after her menstration, she can talk to you about her issues then.

As for yourself, you can make these days the days you see friends more often, days you take for yourself and try to avoid any contact that will stirr things up (be more sensitive in those days).

Another thing you can do, if you want to also help her, is to listen while she gets upset: just listen to what she has to say, how she feels and how she sees things, you can ask questions like “what makes you feel this way?”, “how would you like things to be?” and so, just to help her get the venom out.

You should know that the PMS is a response to emotional stagnation, in this cleaning time of the female body, stuck emotions come out aswell, and all she needs is to get it out. Taking it out on you is not “right”, but you can also help her by helping her get rid of this “dirt” she is holding, and you will see each time once she gets it all out (once she has no more complaints or anger she wants to communicate) she will feel much better and will be loving and thankful.

Basically, just know it is coming, accept it (don’t try to change it, or her), and act accordingly.

Jude's avatar

@Marva Great advice. Thank-you so much!

Marva's avatar

@jmah My pleasure!!

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther