Social Question

BeeVomit's avatar

Ladies, I'd like to know what in a man turns you on. Men, what about your women?

Asked by BeeVomit (293 points ) April 17th, 2011

Now I mean to keep this PG rated, so no details, please. I’d like to know what your turn-ons are and turn-offs, specifically towards men. I’m searching for answers more to the tune of psychology, but physical traits are ok too. If you’re not hetero, what about your partner(s) do you like and dislike? I’m sorry for asking such a personal question, but it was one nagging at my mind.

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63 Answers

BeeVomit's avatar

I’m rather a conundrum when it comes to defining myself in such relationships. For starters, I’ve had few close ones in my life. I’m rather introverted and I’ve not had much success at getting out and doing things with others, especially when it comes to being socially adept. I also have a special situation in that I have an extra X chromosome. This has had both physical and psychological implications in my life, especially concerning close relationships. If you’d like to know more about it I can tell you, but first you’ll have to take a shot at answering my question. Fair?

seazen_'s avatar

I’m attracted to women who are motherly, soft and kind – exuding intelligence and nobility at the same time.

I have a problem with your chosen name. Why on earth would one call himself that?

jonsblond's avatar

I like a man that works hard and gets dirty (construction workers, farmers….yum). One that takes control and is not afraid to speak his mind, but also has a soft spot (just doesn’t show it all the time, but he does when it counts). just described my husband =)

Bellatrix's avatar

Obviously initially the physical might be an attractant, but once my interest is piqued I go for intelligent men who have a good sense of humour. Sense of humour is so important to me. I think if you can laugh about it, you can survive most of the crap laugh tosses your way. Also, and I know there is a thread here asking “what is EI?”, but emotional intelligence. I like men who are very comfortable with who they are. Self-assured men. Men who don’t feel the need to control their partner. Also, compassion and generosity of spirit. Even if they aren’t my normal physical type, if they have these personality traits, I am likely to be interested.

BeeVomit's avatar

@Mz_Lizzy what’s “Spirit.fda” mean? I’m thinking it’s shorthand for something, but Idk?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Ok, I swear I’m not saying this to pick on you, but…

Going by the name “vomit” is a serious turn-off. Like, there’s thinking of my grandma, and then there’s that.

RareDenver's avatar

Is BeeVomit honey?

TexasDude's avatar

Turn ons: Cruelty, apparently

Turn offs: Sanity and stability

Bellatrix's avatar

@beevomit Lol I don’t know what spirit.fda is .. that was the typing trolls… :-) They possess my fingers occasionally and I type shit. You may have read some of it :-D

BeeVomit's avatar

@RareDenver I don’t know for certain, but that was certainly the inspiration. @MyNewtBoobs What are newt boobs?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@BeeVomit If you read “mynewt” as “minute” it makes more sense.

Bellatrix's avatar

According to this site, dried bee vomit is indeed honey Link

KateTheGreat's avatar

I love a man who is driven, intelligent, spontaneous, and humorous. I definitely like the sweethearts, but they’ve definitely got to have a little bad streak in them! Haha.

Vunessuh's avatar

My neighbor is an Edward Norton from American History X lookalike, only cuter and without the swastika tattoo. He also doesn’t play that “bad boy” role which I like. Instead, he’s sweet as can be, covered in vibrant, beautiful tattoos and gets rid of spiders in my apartment. In a different life, HE. WOULD. BE. MINE. :D

Bellatrix's avatar

Yum @Vunessuh. Edward Norton is gorgeous. He is always in interesting movies too. A little bad boy is nice, but just a little. And takes on spiders… what a honey (ignoring the bee vomit fact).

BeeVomit's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I like that. I also like minute boobs. Then again, I like a lot of forms of boobs, even my own. :)

BeeVomit's avatar

Cool! The site really spells it out, doesn’t it?

lookingglassx3's avatar

Psychologically, I like modesty most in a guy. I find loyalty, determination, kindness and politeness all attractive. I guess you could just say I’m into good, if not totally squeaky clean guys. The whole bad, bigheaded and trying be macho thing just doesn’t work for me. Shy, slightly geeky guys with a faithful & dedicated, humble, well-mannered and sweet side work best for me!

mazingerz88's avatar

A woman who is almost a nympho but not quite is intriguing and quite turns me on. Plus a mouth as effective as a Dyson revolutionary vacuum is good too.

jca's avatar

Physically, I love a man with nice shoulders, and I appreciate a nice ass.

Personality wise, I enjoy smart men, men with some sense of humor, is kind hearted yet a little naughty in the bedroom.

chyna's avatar

A nice smile, kind eyes, a sense of humor, a great butt.

Hibernate's avatar

Most of you rely on craps for turn ons or off.

Time will take all of that :)

Looking great passes with time [ body ]
Being smart / humorous etc passes again and diseases won’t help.

ucme's avatar

I can’t resist a woman with M&M’s taped to her pert breasts….....actually any sweet based confectionery will do, i’m really not that fussed :¬)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

A smart,strong-willed man with alot of confidence is attractive to me.
It also helps if he is stronger than I. ;)

iLove's avatar

I like this question. Throughout my twenties, the first thing about a man that turned me on was his “pretty boy looks”. Now in my mid-thirties, I find that intelligence is the #1 thing. That plus a man who is not afraid of his emotions. If he’s got those two things and is confident, I am interested!

Specifically, writers, mathematicians, or programmers. I like them with some personality and aggressiveness. Throw in a desire to explore spirituality and that’s a man I like. :)

sorry I was all over the place there

Cruiser's avatar

Steely eyes and smile coupled with an iron hot wit and attitude is where it starts for me and from there long hot legs will draw me in like a moth to a flame. WOOF! ;)

knitfroggy's avatar

I like big guys. Tall and hefty turns me on physically. But above that, they must be funny, kind and reasonably intelligent.

dabbler's avatar

overlapping answers,
Head-turners for me are red &/or curly hair, fit but not skinny, a good laugh and intelligent discourse and a good laugh. High maintenance who cares if she’s not mine.
For a keeper, intelligent discourse and a good laugh, kindness, knowing who and when to trust and what’s important in an argument. High maintenance need not apply. Physically, fit but not skinny and sturdy enough to carry her own luggage when we travel to fun places. I am so so lucky I have a keeper in my life.

Carly's avatar

The person Im dating right now has a very high standard when it comes to being moral. At first I didnt like it because I felt I didnt measure up with him, but the fact that he constantly makes me think about my actions and how they affect people is really making me love him. I think its because hes helping me be the person I have always struggled to be.So I guess what turns me on about a man, now at least, is having qualities that make me look up to him.

Also, he has very broad shoulders, which is physically a turn on. :]

HungryGuy's avatar

What turns me on in a woman is that she has no gag reflex :-p

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m a woman. A man with good hygiene, confidence (not arrogance) and non flashy looks turns me on.

What turns me off first about anyone is bad hygiene, sloppy looks, street talk/slang and arrogance.

Carly's avatar

@HungryGuy I can appreciate that, but still.. ew. lol

HungryGuy's avatar

@Carly – When I’m taking a woman out to dinner at a nice restaurant, I don’t want her gagging on the soup. What’s “ew” about that? :-p

kheredia's avatar

Physically, I tend to go for men with facial hair and curly hair. I like the hippie type. I’m not one to go for the clean cut and the buzzed hair. I also tend to go more for the book worms than the athletes. I like to be able to have a deep, intellectual conversation with my man (not that an athlete can’t be deep and intellectual but you know what I mean). I’ll take a thinker/problem solver over a football player any day, but that’s just me :-p

BeeVomit's avatar

Thanks everybody (even you HungryGuy and Hibernate). I have a little perspective now, and I’m starting to get a good sense of human attraction. I’m very happy to know it’s not all glam and splendor. I don’t like many fairytales anyway.

I’m quite impressed! Thanks again for coming out and putting your personal attractions out here in public. I didn’t expect this much attention. Keep it going, eh?

Cheers!

Btw… I’m about equal with @dabbler, except that Brunettes are those that catch my eye. I also very much dislike anything but the lightest or no makeup. Nor do I appreciate hair dyes, or women who have been shaving every tiny hair since they got them, so that they have a stronger 5 o’clock shadow than I. I don’t mind a little peach fuzz, gals, so long as it stays peachy.

gondwanalon's avatar

I like intelligent and physically fit women.

@seazen I love bee vomit! I eat bee vomit nearly every day! Bee vomit is honey!

knitfroggy's avatar

@gondwanalon Honey doesn’t sound so appealing when you put it like that…

BeeVomit's avatar

I just had my namesake on a ham and cheese muffin mmmmm.

wundayatta's avatar

If she adores me and is fun to talk to and be with, and is striking and wise, then if she loves physical love-making—I’ll do anything for her. Even if she only has some of these characteristics, I’ll fall in love. But if she has them all—she’s going to turn my world upside down!

Carly's avatar

@HungryGuy LOL. I’ve never seen anyone gag on soup, but ok.
only making that assumption because you say you’re an erotic horror writer (not that horror has to do anything to do with it.. or does it??). Also, your profile picture of Choke reminded me of gagging in a sexual way. good book

SpatzieLover's avatar

Brains and a sense of humor.

plethora's avatar

A sharp subtle wit, a sense of humor (not the same thing), a quick mind, a sense of fashion and grooming, and physically attractive to me….and has enough quirks to appreciate and like me.

sleepdoc's avatar

In her personality .. confidence. I can always appreciate great eyes, great hair and a nice butt.

BeeVomit's avatar

Yeah, the eyes never seem to go away, do they?

I like a girl with strong legs and feet.

GoJessGo's avatar

Turn Ons: Gentle, funny, flexible, devoted, brown eyes, strong shoulders, kills bugs on demand, passionate

Turn offs: Smelly, sweaty, spits in public, bad table manners, unkind, wears tank tops in restaurants

HungryGuy's avatar

@Carly – Yes, I was talking about soup. Do you really think I would use a double entendre here on Fluther?

wundayatta's avatar

Sometimes, you don’t know the things about a woman that turn you on until she turns you on. Then she proceeds to blow you away.

BeeVomit's avatar

Good point, Wundayatta.

BeeVomit's avatar

@GoJessGo Do you mean flexible as in physically, or flexible of mind or time?

BeeVomit's avatar

@Hibernate I guess you don’t have any turn-ons, then? Sorry about that.

GoJessGo's avatar

@BeeVomit Flexible as in open to other ideas and suggestions.

Although the other doesn’t hurt either….

HungryGuy's avatar

@Carly – Awwww. I’m crushed and heartbroken :-p

FluffyChicken's avatar

Intelligent, musical, funny, sensual. Dark haired and beardy doesn’t hurt.

BeeVomit's avatar

Dang. I’m neither of those last two, though I’m working on the latter.

I met a woman Saturday who was likely 10 years my senior, who turned my head, my crank, my… well, you get the idea. Just out of the blue. Soft spoken, intelligent, kind, and our interests meshed so well you’d think we’d been raised together. It didn’t hurt she was a brunette. ;)

But that’s another thing I didn’t mention, that I’m turned on by older women. I like them young, but it’s a pain to try muddling through their hormonal imbalances.. If they’re grown up, and well grown (if you know how I mean) I’ll have them if they will.

Bellatrix's avatar

Age is just a number… if everything else is working @BeeVomit… if she was single, I hope you let her know you were interested.

dabbler's avatar

Ref age difference @Mz_Lizzy and @BeeVomit darn straight, it shouldn’t be much concern. Back when I was dating my observation was that women younger than early thirties (saturn return if you’re into the planets thing) are just too unstable. ..and I’d bet you women would say the same about men under 30 too.
I also liked dating women older than I because they were more sure of themselves and less dependent on me and they could teach me things.

angelique_1's avatar

i like a man who is either the same height as me or taller. nice broad shoulders, well groomed, smell nice, nice breath,clean clothes lol. a man who smells bad in anyway is a big turn off to me. i notice the eyes first, then work my way down. a man who is strong, sweet, gentle,thoughtful and a gentleman is a turn on. if theyre my age or a little older is ok, even a little younger is ok as long as they dont act like a child and have a temper tantrum.

angelique_1's avatar

also i like a man who is naughty in the bedroom. a man who knows what he is doing and how to do it. one who can control himself and be in control of himself. one who likes to try new things, dont whine or complain about doing something. am i being to picky? if i am im sorry. just bad experiences sorry. are thee any men out there like this somewhere?

BeeVomit's avatar

You know what you like.. that’s a bonus.

BeccaBoo's avatar

An amazing brain thats in a beautiful head, that has a gorgeous smile and attached to a sexy bronzed strong body. Thats enough for me.

wundayatta's avatar

@BeccaBoo Is that all?

I’m going with door number 2.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

What attracts me to a guy is, firstly they have to be physically attractive to me. No amount of personality can cut it if I am not physically attracted to them. I am not attracted to beefcakes necessarily, but too fat or too skinny, or out of shape is a turnoff. I have noticed that any guy (or gal) who takes pride in their appearance and keeps themselves up is good looking.

After getting over that hurdle, personality is next. I like guys who are playful and tease me. I don’t like being gushed over. He has to be entertaining. If he can’t keep up a deep conversation, then he at least has to make me laugh.

Next level to check on is intelligence. He can’t be an idiot. Or rather, if he is an idiot, that’s even okay as long as he realizes it and doesn’t think he knows everything, A person can learn, but not if they think they know everything already.

Next is temperament. I can’t deal with nervous, high-strung people. Guys who go ballistic scare me. I don’t like high maintenance people. I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who has a drug dependency, mental illness, chronic physical illness, is adverse to work, stingy or controlling.

It sounds like I am being particular, but the way I look at it, I take care of myself, I am healthy and interactive with other people. I am fun and intelligent. I work hard. I don’t tell other people what to do. I try to make life fun for those around me. I have quirks, but then I can deal with other people’s quirks. I am just not interested in taking on someone else’s baggage when I have made it a point in my life to not pick up any baggage myself.

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