Social Question

AnonymousWoman's avatar

(NSFW) How do you feel about men who sleep around before marriage, but feel that women should save their virginity for their husbands?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6326 points ) February 19th, 2012

If these men feel women should wait until marriage to have sex, aren’t they being hypocrites if they don’t wait until marriage to have sex? Why should they be allowed to have sex if women aren’t? What makes them so much better? Should we women just avoid men like this altogether if we can help it?

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37 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

The good old double standard.

You’re right, of course. It’s BS.

augustlan's avatar

I feel they are gigantic hypocrites, and should be shunned by anyone with a brain. Kidding about the shunning. Sort of.

ucme's avatar

They should go fuck themselves.

MrItty's avatar

misogynistic hypocrites.

Hain_roo's avatar

Are there really men like that out there anymore? I doubt there are many women who are ‘saving themselves’ for marriage or even giving that idea a single moment’s thought, at least I hope that’s the case. Rather antiquated notion, don’t you think?

tom_g's avatar

@AnonymousGirl: “Should we women just avoid men like this altogether if we can help it?”

Yep. Let them pretend their hand is a virgin.

marinelife's avatar

I would and have.

Men who have double standards about women’s sexuality are likely to have double standards about other things as well. They value an abstract (virginity or purity) above the actual woman.

Coloma's avatar

Not only is it a double standard it smacks of chauvinism and control freakery.
Any man that holds onto this belief is most likely going to want his woman to carry his slippers to him in her teeth like a Cocker Spaniel too and probably won’t take issue with smacking a woman around to keep her in her place, below the almighty master. Run Bambi run!

SavoirFaire's avatar

“It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.”
—Voltaire

Just another bullshit double standard, and it raises a whole host of issues. What do they think about the women with whom they are sleeping around? Do they disrespect them? If so, why have sex with them? Or do these men think sex is a disrespectful act in the first place and that these women somehow “deserve” the “abuse”? That would be quite disgusting, really, and would probably lead to the marriage-destroying Madonna–whore complex.

What lovely individuals these men must be! ~

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Frigging hypocritical idiots that will never learn how to treat they’re partners, so avoid them like the plague.

JLeslie's avatar

Does this still exist? I think that man is more likely to be a cheater to be honest. His girlfriend and later wife is the good girl, eventually the mother of his children, and his fun is with other girls. The attitude is such macho bullshit. Not to be confused with men who have similar standards for themselves and women they date. The double standard is what is most annoying, but if he himself has had very few sexual partners, and only considers sex while in a committed relationship, then if he wants the same attitude in his partner I guess it is understandable.

The only other explanation might be if he was raised in a household where everyone is supposed to wait until marriage, but he doesn’t, but still expects both men and women should. So his “mistakes” are forgiven, but he still holds the expectation for marriage.

Blackberry's avatar

They’re obviously idiots. The same guys who cheat a lot, but get upset if the woman does it.

Keep_on_running's avatar

Makes you wonder how such a view is instilled upon a person. Parents? Media? It’s certainly not through deep and honest thought.

Pandora's avatar

Hypocrite and in todays world they are looking for teens and are likely perverts.

JLeslie's avatar

I wanted to clarify, I did not mean I forgive his mistakes, I am saying he might rationalize, especially if he believes in being virgins until marriage for religious reasons, that no one should have sex before marriage, but we are all sinners, or all make mistakes, or however he organizes it in his mind. But, he still might expect people to be virgins. It is hypocritical from the outside looking in, but in his own mind he may not see it that way, and might not fit inot my macho stereotype.

Aethelflaed's avatar

They make me feel stabby…

digitalimpression's avatar

Hypocritical assholes.

deni's avatar

Obviously obnoxiously hypocritical and silly, someone that I wouldn’t even bother to get to know.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I feel they’re common and pathetic.

6rant6's avatar

It’s sure a good thing women have no double standards.

cazzie's avatar

My alter-ego, Double Standards Girl would kick their ass.

@6rant6, feel free to name names and details. Please.

6rant6's avatar

@cazzie “Oh, sure, Mrs. Antoinette. Just put your head down on this nice pillow, and that hunky guy in the black mask over there will comb out your curls.”

cazzie's avatar

Hmmmm…. and that was because she was female? I thought it was entire Aristocracy who had their curls combed, male or female.

stardust's avatar

Hypocritical, of course.

AshLeigh's avatar

… If they think all women should wait until after marriage, then who the fuck are they sleeping with? O.o

lonelydragon's avatar

Simply put, they are hypocrites. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I would avoid these men like the plague.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@AshLeigh I think they must be either really bad at math or really okay with infidelity.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@AshLeigh Good question, haha.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I really want to answer this some more, but I’m afraid for my nads.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Screw the nads, full speed ahead. Any moron that has so little respect for the partner in his life is lower than anything you’ll ever encounter in life.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

For those who are curious what inspired this question, see these links:

What do guys really think about girls who have values and morals? Do guys respect girls who have values and morals who don’t put out right away or do they laugh about them behind their backs? It just seems nowadays that most guys like the promiscious girls.

Promiscuous girls deserve love just as much as anyone else. Why are we STILL bashing women who like sex? If she doesn’t get knocked up or only have sex with single men and not harming anyone, why should people even care? Morals and values are about personal beliefs. Virginity is overrated.

“If men are supposed to ‘spread their seed’ & women are supposed to hold aspirin between their knees, then who exactly are the guys supposed to ‘spread their seed’ WITH? I mean, if girls that have any sort of physical interaction with a guy are whores unworthy of love/respect, then who do guys expect to have physical interactions with? In a perfect misogynistic world, are the guys all banging eachother because the girls are waiting for marriage?”:
http://www.answerology.com/index.aspx/question/3063192_If-men-are-supposed-to-spread-their-seed--women-are-supposed-to-hold-aspirin-between-their-knees-.html

^^ That link doesn’t work right on Fluther because of the -‘s, so I’ve separated it. I also edited the last question a bit, but the words are still the same.

I realize that the original poster might not have even been talking about marriage, but there are people who responded who seemed to suggest virgin women are some kind of trophy who deserve to be married more than women who have lost their virginity to people they were not married to. The whole idea that men can go have sex with whoever they want and women have to wait is not fair. It’s a double standard. I can see that I am pretty much speaking to the choir here. ^_^ If there are people who still feel this way on this site, maybe they are in hiding and are afraid to answer… ;)

partyrock's avatar

Honestly, and I can say this 100% that if my fiance or wife was NOT a virgin, I would not care about that—I wouldn’t care about her past in that sense, the only thing that matters to me is loyalty,trust,honesty, and understanding…

Same thing with men since I’m a girl… I don’t care about how many girls a guy has been with, or what he has done sexually, I’m freaky too (in some ways but I guess we all are…...) as long as he was honest about it and their was communication.

It’s a double standard that really sucks.

If I was a man and my girlfriend was a 30 year old virgin I think I would be more confused than think “YAY she’s a virgin, what a prize!!”..... I would be kind of put off by it to be honest… But in another sense I can understand where all this double standard comes from.

I understand the history behind it.

partyrock's avatar

@AshLeigh – Great fucking answer. I don’t usually curse. lol.

AshLeigh's avatar

Neither do I.

DramaticClimax's avatar

I will say this as many times as I can before I die.

Marriage is stupid. Absolutely ridiculous.

My favorite saying, “Marriage was established by the government, sugar coated by religion and prostituted by the media.”

And honestly, if I ever were to get married to a girl (which, both the marriage and the whole girl issue aren’t going to happen if I have a say in it) I’d rather marry a girl who is experienced then a girl who has no fucking idea what she’s doing.

You don’t save it for the one you practice for the one.

cazzie's avatar

@DramaticClimax I hope you find friends or perhaps even, a close partner to share your life with. I completely understand your sentiment. I don’t think it was established by government, but I can see where you are going with that analogy. Many people think as you do, that choice of a mate has nothing to do with either a lifetime commitment to a government (although that is nice when it happens) or proclaiming some nonsense in front of some man in a robe. There are plenty of grey areas and you only need to find them.

We have Pagan and Civil marriages where I live.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@DramaticClimax Marriage was originally a social institution that had nothing to do with government, religion, or the media. Back in the day, you got married by saying “let’s be married now.” This version of marriage lasted for different amounts of time in different cultures, but it didn’t become a governmental or religious affair in the West until the 16th century.

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