How do you find a balance between too much concern and not enough?

I like to think I’m pretty balanced. I ask myself a few questions when faced with a challenge. Can I do anything about it? If no, then it isn’t worth my time. Should I do anything about it? Will it hurt someone else? Will it have an affect down the road?

By just being me, people who constantly overanalyze things are a complete mystery to me.

I worked with juvenile offenders, and it was very tough. I was young and idealistic to boot, and at first I wanted to befriend and personally help every kid. After a while, I saw the same seemingly bright kids come back again and again for the same stupid things. Largely their parents were enablers. After a while, I learned that there is only so much you can do for anyone outside your immediate circle of friends and family. Even then, it’s rare you can force help on someone, but that doesn’t always stop me from trying.

It was a valuable life lesson, and a good part of the time I’m now comfortable letting people make their own decisions, good, bad and indifferent.

We’re the products of our pasts and, ultimately, the masters of our own futures.

I haven’t found a balance, if there is a healthy one to be had.

For many years, I both resented and was jealous of Mr. Blithe. His whole care-free “ignorance is bliss” existence seemed to be the very matter that the firewall protecting the status quo was made of. But there was something that I would only admit to myself in times of deep depression: I would switch places with Mr. Blithe in a heartbeat if it were possible. Or would I?

And, while I had flirted with Ms. Cassandra a bit, I quickly divorced her when I was faced with the logical and practical outcome of fully embracing this realm. My sister. I can hardly talk about it because it’s quite upsetting. But she has been drowning in endless worry for as long as I can remember. There was a short respite recently, but it came back even more powerful than before following the birth of her child a year and half ago.

Talking to her was/is impossible. I first tried to engage her in the most honest way I knew – in a way that made sense from my perspective. That was complete failure. When she would go on and on about worry after worry, I would try to temper it with my outlook that those worries are nothing compared to this and and other thing. This, of course, would simply compound her worry. In my attempt to inject perspective, I would be giving her cues to start new worries.

Anyway, I realize what I am describing with my sister is mental illness. But there is a huge spectrum. I intend to keep sliding myself across the spectrum until I find a place that works. I want to be able identify legitimate concerns and not be consumed by them. I want to be able to be able to let go and find those moments to be aware of the fragility of life and embrace it without fear.

Most importantly, I know that where I was when I was younger was a result of being raised with a negative, anxious outlook. So far, I believe that I have been somewhat successful at breaking that mode. I hope.

I don’t have a good answer for you but I wanted to say thanks for expanding my vocabulary! I love it when I have to look up a new word….

Definition of INSOUCIANCE
: a relaxed and calm state : a feeling of not worrying about anything
: lighthearted unconcern : nonchalance

You cannot finding peace by insisting that war is necessary.
Peace is found when each generates his own.
If you insist on criticizing the one who is at peace,
then it should no surprise that war will continue and you will be guilty of perpetuating it.

I have a lot of concern for some things and little to no concern for others. Some people are very worried about things that just sound silly to me. On the other hand, I’m sure I sound silly to others when I discuss things I’m really concerned about. I don’t have to try to balance anything – it’s pretty balanced on its own most of the time.

For example, my extreme right-wing in-laws were terrified awhile back during the whole gun control debate that Obama and the government were going to take their precious semi-automatic weapons that they so desperately need (sense sarcasm). They planned on – get ready for this – building an underground “shelter” of sorts (very Blast from the Past) to hide their weapons in case government officials came knocking on their door asking for guns. They were genuinely concerned about this. Me? I got a good laugh out of it, but that’s about it.

A lot of how one reacts to the world is personality based, some are more carefree and others more neurotically suspicious, rigid and anal in their approach.
I am more the carefree type, low in neuroticism unless it comes to my own comfort and survival needs in which case I can become quite gloomy, generating a lot of worst case scenarios. I’d rather be on the casual side than the hardcore uptight side.

Being flexible and easy going is much healthier than being a sweat the small stuff type.
I think my balance is pretty balanced most of the time but when under a lot of stress as I have been this past 18 months or so I can fall into worst case scenario mode and have to consciously remind myself and catch myself when my thoughts start to spiral into doom and gloom mode.

Irrational mass hysteria like @livelaughlove21 describes above has always been the hardest for me to figure. I personally have been the one to rain on the parade so many times with, “That’s irrational, illogical and I don’t believe that spit!” that people are leery of saying such bunk in front of me. It’s like they know it’s bunk, but it’s part of what entertains them. FINE. Go entertain yourself out of my hearing.

I have a healthy fear of rabidity in all it’s incarnations.

I find the balance is in understanding what I can take care of without missing the joys of life. That means not being carefree yet not being so overwhelmed that my life is miserable.

I wear mostly natural fabric clothes, or clothes from reputable green minded companies, like Patagonia.

I eat organic or free range if at all possible, don’t eat fast food or highly processed food. But not overly stringent, just eat what I can to be healthy.

And I am politically active, but not running in fear.

Very little gets me really anxious or upset. I try to be flexible and prioritize things that are of concern to me. If something really bothers me, I’ll ask myself what it is that’s upsetting and what I can do to feel better about the situation. Is it something I can address, am in the process of addressing, can avoid, whatever. Those are the questions I’ll ask myself to try to feel better.

I’m concerned about my daughter and how she does in school. Luckily she does ok, is in a good school and by all reports, she’s a smart kid and a good kid. That concern is something that’s ongoing, as it is for any parent. For that, I’ll just have to do my best.

I am concerned about my health and my family’s health. For that, I know we’re all addressing any concerns we have.

I am concerned about my job and for now, that’s doing ok.

I am concerned about the environment, animal rights, fracking and stuff like that. I do what I can for that.

I am concerned about my finances and I am set with that, so it’s all good.

Other than that, I try to roll with the punches.

My Ex and I were polar opposites in that. He could not understand why people were afraid of dying in an airplane crash since it was not a rational fear. If it weren’t for worries, I would have had very little to think about. :-) Having faced some of my personal worsts, I am a little less fearful but still get thrown by a number of things. Don’t know the answer.

My dad always used to ask me “will it matter in 5 years?”... Figuring out how long the implications of something will really matter to me is a surprisingly effective way to weed out things that aren’t worth the stress.

Then you just have to decide if your actions can produce a better outcome.

I think I don’t feel concerned enough about the situation in Syria (as an example). I know people are in desperate need and I do nothing about it other than give a token amount of money to ease my conscience. I can imagine myself or my children in that situation.

I have never been a neurotic worry-wart (although many of my elder family members fit that description well), but I did used to try to control and manipulate things in my life. I think the best advice I got was, “choose your battles wisely.” It was directed toward parenting, but I realized that it applies to all aspects of life.

Then I had the epiphany that control is an illusion. I realized (beyond just comprehending the logic) that we can not change the past and we can not control the future, the only thing I have any control over is what I do this very second. I don’t know whether there’s a word for the concept of knowing beyond knowing – perhaps one of you can help me with that one. Anyway, this realization helped me to see how much of my life I had wasted on wishful thinking: if only I had been born into a healthy, happy family; if only someone would come along and see the real me and rescue me from my hellish life; etc.

Tied into this was the recognition that expectations are almost always destructive – whether they are expectations placed on us by ourselves or others, or whether we set expectations for others to live up to. This is the root of all the head-games and manipulations people get tangled up within their own minds and in relationships.

All that meta-analysis of every detail of life and relationships creates more problems – so I let it all go. I let people be who they are, and let them own their idiosyncrasies and neuroses. I no longer try to fix them and I do not enable them, and if they are difficult to be around, I will limit my time around them. I take people at face value, and if they do not prove to be trustworthy, then they are not trusted. I also now take full accountability for my own actions and no longer look to blame my past through rationalizations or make up excuses.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve strayed too far into becoming Ms. Blithe, because I am rather lackadaisical about things that I might regret not being more attentive of; but until that turns out to be the case, I’m fairly content in my nonchalance and non-attachment – although I hope I don’t come across as arrogant about it. Thus far, things really have worked out pretty well with nearly no hand-wringing on my part. Even when my son was hospitalized for attempted suicide a few years ago, I was surprisingly at peace knowing that it would be OK, while others were doing enough worrying for me and them combined with plenty more to spare.

I do communicate with my son and fiancé about what they have going on, as well as staying fairly aware of what is happening in the community, the world, and the solar system. But by knowing that I can not individually change most situations that are bad, I try to do what I can in terms of leading by example in demonstrating tolerance and compassion. I vote in November, and I am conscious about how I vote with my dollars. Working in health care allows me to help people, but also brings the stress of the responsibility that goes with that, so I am more likely to donate funds than time to the causes that matter to me.

I feel like I’m fairly well balanced, but I am sure that like everything else in life, I will continue to evolve. I suppose the contentment comes from learning to take life as it unfolds. I often give the advice: “Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best” to encourage people to focus their worrying energy on doing what they can in case the worst-case scenario occurs, but to also allow their minds to envision the best-case scenario, so their focus isn’t entirely negative.