When is dating two people ok and not ok?

When one or both dates are getting boinked and either or neither knows about the boinking.
In my opinion, if your dating/boinking one, you should be only dating/boinking one. You boink your significant other, NOT friends. If a person is engaging in periodic boinking with one individual, they are taken. Spoken for. Off limits to others.

Stalking is illegal, as far as I know. Why doesn’t he report her, is he doesn’t want to be with her and she is “holding him under the barrel” (not exactly sure what it means, but it seems to mean some sort of holding against one’s will)?

Im not getting this situation. She put up a facebook saying she was engaged to him. When I discovered this he made her take it down. I found it from facebook search pictures of him. Plus I knew something was wrong yet i feel like I was stalking him via facebook contacts. I could tell something wasnt right yet he needed to work this out in its own time. I was frustrated because I could not give him a gift ect without clear signs he was acting married. Just wierd but now I feel kinda wrong too

Honesty is always the best policy, if not from him, then you to him. And to yourself as well.

Either she is nuts or he is lying.

Sounds like he’s working both of you. Sorry to be so harsh, but really, this is not an unusual scenario.

Just saying but… somehow the side girlfriend is always some crazy bitch stalking the poor guy when he speaks of her to the main girl. Sounds fishy to me.

Are they being slowly surgically separated over the course of months due to some critically important medical issue?

Because, if not, “getting rid of her” shouldn’t take more than a phone call and maybe an hour changing the locks.

If he’s not detached from the “other woman” because he feels an “obligation”, I hate to break it to you but you are the other woman.

I am the other women. Should that be found out? He is not married more a sugar daddy to a younger women and tired of it

Just saying: She is crazy when she creates a facebook saying she is engaged and she is not. She has taken it down.

It’s OK as long as everybody knows about the other so they can make a reasoned choice about what they want to do.

On the other hand, I would bet a whole lot of money that this story you are hearing about the other person is total bullshit. Like @Seek says. All it takes is a phone call.

What kind of phone call?

Him to her to break it off. Something is not kosher in this situation.

Yes, something is not kosher. The only thing clear is that he is not committed to her yet he did hide her.

I am asking that he be honest with me.

Honesty allows me to slow done in my own feelings because we were a speeding train.

Yes – you should slow down. I think it’s ok in the early stages of a relationship to date others if you say you are dating others but not to go great guns with someone and then say there is someone else. Or if it is clear that you are the other woman and you are ok with that. His very limited availability is a clue that this person is more significant than he is saying.

You’re asking that a guy who is cheating on his sugar baby with you be honest.

That’ll work.

Seek; she is not all you say if she deceitfully posted a facebook page saying she is engaged to him and when caught took it down. It appears more as he said, he is not interested in her but having trouble with stopping her from hanging around. He has been giving her money and nobody gives up a pit of gold without a fight.

You only know his side of the story. Maybe they are engaged and he might have asked her to take it down until he tells his family, or whatever reason he can come up with. Facebook her and ask her.

^^ I personally wouldn’t approach her directly. If you can’t get the truth from him, then dump him but don’t make a three ring circus out of it.

The fact that you are even having this conversation with us should raise red flags.

Fuck it, assholes win…. again.

He is playing you.

In the classic words of sex/relationship advice maven Dan Savage, Dump The Mother Fucker Already.

He’s a cheat. He’s enjoying screwing you. The future for him is to continue screwing you and her. He only talks to you when she’s not around. He has no intention of leaving his girlfriend/wife or whatever the poor woman is. Wake up to yourself. The man is a sleazebag who is playing two women and you know he’s playing you so you’re a fool.

He is having his cake and eating it too. Wake up and smell the stale crumbs you are being served.
You are not the main course here, you are the soggy appetizer.

How are you so sure he is not committed to her? You are saying things he does…like only being available at specific hours that directly conflict what you have shared that he is saying to you.

Sometimes certain threads go on longer than they should

Wow, I guess the OP is just working out that some people want their cake and eat it too. Sad she’s learning this so late.

I don’t know how old she is. She could be quite young. We learn from our experiences. Hopefully, she’ll listen to the messages above and send this clown on his way. However old she is, she deserves better.

Papa don’t preach, i’m in trouble deep
Papa don’t preach, i’ve been losing sleep
But i’ve made up my mind, i’m keeping my baby
Yeaheh, i’m gonna keep my baby ooh-ooh yeaheh…

I’m sorry what was the question again?

Dating two people is OK when everyone agrees to if. When they dont if isn’t OK.

@flutherother Read the details. He’s playing her.
Pick your head up, straighten your back, and walk away, @Buthead.

Guh.

@Dutchess III I think you are right and @Buthead should give him an ultimatum: it’s her or me. If he chooses her trust isn’t necessarily lost and things could still work out.

When everyone understands that there is no exclusive relationship going on.

There is no exclusive relationship, falling in love is a myth, one grows into love, and when that happens you are not managing to get along or entertaining other suitors, the one you grow to love is the only one that will do the trick, if not, it is a fine job of self-bamboozling. Ask yourself, how many years are you willing to invest to ”manage” the relationship, and have you ever thought where the end game lies? It might be a blessing that it seems to be sliding south.

If he really wanted to be done with her, he would be, whether or not she “puts up a fight.”

The fact that he is not available on nights and weekends is a real sign that he is with her and you are the side piece.

How long has this been going on? How old are you and how old is he?

I have only been dating him two months so it is ok for him to still have the other. He made it very clear he wants me. It is weather I want him or not. We are older in our 50’s and both of us have amassed vast assets. Trust is a big issue in a relationship.

Assets has nothing to do with anything. If you don’t mind him having the other girlfriend (as you just stated) “so it is ok for him to still have the other” then it’s ok.

I don’t understand why you just stated “so it is ok for him to still have the other” and then you state “It is whether I want him or not.” If you feel it’s ok, then it’s ok. If you feel it’s not ok, then this arrangement is not for you.

I decided that it is over because he was extremely and repeatedly dishonest about his life. That I was a women in hiding and I am disgusted. Lastly I am so glad I researched him throughly and found this out sooner than later.

The saddest and oddest and hardest in this is that he pursued me a whole year before I said yes to a date.

Mazel tov.

Men do like that chase, @Buthead. My husband pursued me for 4 years before I agreed to see him.

You dodged a bullet. Feel happy about it and celebrate. (if you can… I know feelings are complicated and generally suck when it comes to things romantic…...) I’m sorry for your disappointment. I really am.