Would you disqualify someone from being a potential romantic partner based on voice?

to answer your question directly, if it were me and a man’s voice sounded soft and feminine, i don’t think i would like him or it, so yes, i would disqualify someone from being a potential romantic partner based on his voice.

for your particular dilemma, i say meet her in person and see if you like her (and indeed, see if she is really a “her”). give it a chance.

why is what i would do personally different from what i suggest you do? because you say you seem so compatible otherwise.

I know that when I called someone for the first time, that I met on the internet, I kept saying to myself, “Please don’t have David Beckham voice” over and over before they answered. (David Beckham is extremely sexy but his voice is disappointedly high pitched)
I think voices are important, but I believe are more so when you haven’t seen them in real life. Another thing to consider is that some people have phone voices. So, maybe hers is just manly?

My wife is deaf, so her voice reflects that. I don’t mind it at all, but she tends to talk loudly in quiet places, and I end up having to tell her not to, which just upsets her.
What really gets me is when she tries to sing. It’s like nothing you ever heard. I call it the Deaf Woman Blues, and my family all laugh about it. It’s quite endearing.

i know with my own voice, if someone calls me first thing in the morning it sounds deep and nasal and sometimes telemarketers have referred to me as “sir” and then i tell them I’m a girl. for me, it’s just a matter of me blowing my nose and talking for a few minutes for the voice to sound normal.

If the person sounded like Marge Simpson or a guy sounded like a girl…I’d be outta there.

I think that’s how she talks.. I mean, I didn’t expect a high-pitched voice or anything, but I was surprised. She says she gets mistaken for a boy on the phone a lot and I completely see why.

@Anonymiss How old of a girl? My singing voice was quite low in my early teens.

She also has this manner of speaking that sounds just like my gay male friends. It’s so odd and my brain just didn’t know what to think. She’s 30, I think the huskiness is due to smoking.

Yes.

Really, I don’t think I would do that. I mean, I’m a guy and I have a pretty high voice as it is. I happen to think feminine voices on guys are cute and I don’t think a deep voice on a guy is going to bother me, so either way, it’s fine. But I mean…how bad can it really be that you’re going to let the way the person speaks determine the remainder of the relationship? When you have a good personality and good looks it seems there’s nothing else that could go wrong, but I suppose that’s not the case…

Maybe. I’m not going to say that I would never be that “shallow,” because that would be a lie, but I think it would be a consideration.

Then again, I have a friend who sounds like Minnie Mouse and like her anyway.

I think its more a manner of speaking (repetitive stupid phrases, for instance) that would be more of a consideration for me than voice.

It may sound superficial but yes, voice could definitely impact my decision on whether I’m attracted to someone or not.

I guess I may just have to see what it’s like in person.. that’d also help in terms of putting the whole picture together. I’m just experiencing a kind of disconnect between the pictures and the voice. I find her cute, the voice is kind of incongruous..

It should disqualify them if it turned out that the deep voice actually belonged to a man.

30???? Oh….then it would be a no for me if I were a guy…I mean that’s the voice you’ll hear in the bedroom, too.

I said Marge Simpson, cuz I once saw a stand up comic in person…he did Marge in his wife’s ear during sex as a joke…it was a hilarious routine!

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities – Ha. I agree wholeheartedly!

@SpatzieLover – I have thought about that, the bedroom thing..

not everyone can have the naturally sexy voice of a sexy monkey.

I’ve heard it, the monkey tells no lies.

@eponymoushipster Plus, if the sexy monkey voice doesn’t work, you can always throw feces at them.

On the matter of traits that initially turn you off, I often think of the lyrics to the song “Mister Snow,” from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Carousel. The song begins like this:

His name is Mister Snow
And an upstandin’ man is he
He comes home ev’ry night in his round-bottomed boat
With a net full of herring from the sea

An almost perfect beau
As refined as a girl could wish
But he spends so much time in his round-bottomed boat
That he can’t seem to lose the smell of fish

The fust time he kissed me, the whiff from his clo’es
Knocked me flat on the floor of the room
But now that I love him, my heart’s in my nose
And fish is my fav’rite perfume

If there’s a place in your heart where fish could ever be your favorite perfume, then you should follow your heart and give the person a chance. But if you just know you can’t stand fish, will never be able to stand fish, and can’t honestly contemplate ever getting close to someone who reeks of fish, then you’d best not date a fisherman.

@jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities we call that “talking shit”

I judge EVERYONE based on their voice. Romantic interest or no. But voice can be the sexiest thing for me. Just ask my roommates, whenever Michael Duncan Clark comes on a show/movie I blush, get all flustered and almost black out a little If I were in your shoes, she’d be out of the question. But you should probably give it a chance to hear it in person; the phone can ruin people sometimes.

If you get along with her and like her personality, I suggest spending some time with her to see if you get used to the voice. If you can’t… you can’t. I mean, I’ve tried to like Bob Dylan but his horrible voice just makes me feel homicidal. And I can’t watch a Jimmy Stewart movie in one sitting to save my life. Sometimes you just can’t help it.

The only time I would disqualify someone is if they sounded like Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen) from Singing in the Rain.

@MacBean: Not even Harvey? I believe our friendship has reached an impasse. :(

@asmonet: I haven’t seen Harvey. It’s on my Netflix queue, though.

@MacBean: It is tied with Schindler’s List and Labyrinth for my favorite movie of all time. I have varied tastes. :P

Yep. I like masculine voices in men. If a guy had a feminine voice, I’d be immediately turned off.

@shego My son LOVES to imitate Lina…he loves Singin’ In The Rain! “I can’t stand it!” says he

If he sounded like Godwin Baxter or something… yes, absolutely.

Voice is actually pretty important to me. I did this terribly lame thing in fifth and sixth grade (can’t believe I’m saying so): I judged and rated various boys in attractiveness, in various categories, assigning number values that I ultimately tallied. Voice was not only a category but it was also one of the most important categories.

Yeah, I was am weird.

I don’t like high pitched voiced either, so as long as it’s a manly voice I’m happy. I don’t want to feel like I’m dating a 12-year-old.

@SpatzieLover I love that movie to, I just can’t stand her voice.

I dated a guy with a high voice. He was often mistaken for a woman on the phone and I initially thought there was no way I could ever like this guy. His mannerisms were a little soft as well. Not exactly feminine, but certainly not masculine, and he was unfailingly kind – to the point of being annoying.

So why in the world did I date him? We became good friends and I got to know him really well. I had a very bad breakup during that time, then didn’t date for a few months. I came to appreciate what a good person he was and gradually none of the those things mattered. I ended up being pretty crazy about him for a while. (Surprisingly good sex, too.)

Do you all remember a while back when someone asked if it was shallow to not date a guy who was cute, a med student, etc. etc. because he was shorter than she??? And everyone told her yes indeed she was terribly shallow?

Now you are mostly all saying you couldn’t date a woman with a deep voice.

I don’t understand why one is shallow and one not.

I have never thought about voices too much, so I don’t think it would be a deal maker or breaker for me.

@rooeytoo I’m not that into looks…really! But eyes, teeth and voices are all scrutinized by me. ooohhh hygiene, too!

@rooeytoo

lol…hypocrisy is everywhere! It’s not hypocritical to have a preference and say that one is a turn off and one isn’t, but it seems a little hypocritical to say one is shallow and one isn’t. Either they’re both shallow or they’re not. And if they are shallow, that doesn’t mean you’re a horrible evil person. I think most/many people are shallow about some things.

@DominicX – that’s what I thought too. Perhaps it was the wording. In the reference question, the female asked if she was being shallow, @Anonymiss posed the question in such a way so as not to ask for a judgement on behavior, rather how this would strike you. Amazing the difference in the responses.

Good tip to remember when asking questions on fluther!

@rooeytoo – Yeah, it feels shallow to me, which is why I asked this question.. I am loathe to write someone off based on something which has no real bearing on who they are and which is mainly aesthetic. I just can’t deny the fact that I felt less attracted to her when I heard her voice. :\

@Anonymiss – Hey I am with you on this, and I was with the “shallow” girl on the other question. If it is something that bothers you, then it is relevant, not shallow. In the other case the girl had met the fellow and his personality etc. did not override the shortness. She got crucified for her shallowness. It surprised me.

That is why I found it curious that you were not getting some grief for this one.

Anyhow, if I were you, I would meet in real life and see how it feels, then decide if you want to go on with it or not. Good luck

I went to the bar the other day, and while I was there I noticed this girl looking at me and smiling. Now I’m really picky for the most part, but I thought she looked great so I walked over and introduced myself. Upon doing so, she responded in a voice in which, over the past couple days, I’ve only been able to describe it as “a baby seal choking on a harmonica.”
I can’t get it out of my head, every time I hear someone speak I imitate that voice in my head.

So, in light of this I’d say yes, not only did it kill the mood, but it’s also killed my week lol.

It is shallow. I thought it was safe to assume we were unashamedly discussing the shallower aspects of attraction though. #_#

I think voice preferences fall under the banner of ‘chemistry’ which is one of those things you can’t predict. That being said, how voice translates by phone is often different when you see the voice attached to the person, and how they use it.

Meet her in person and then make your decision. You may be pleasantly surprised, totally crazy about her and then look back at this question and wonder how it could have been a deal-breaker.

omg @ABoyNamedBoobs03 – lurve for a baby seal choking on a harmonica!

@nxknxk I don’t think it’s shallow at all. You hear their voice every single day, and in most cases all day. I know that plenty of great girls have hideously annoying voices, take Eleanor Roosevelt for example, great gal, but you want to swallow very hungry and very pissed off kittens every time you hear her speeches.

Now Obviously FDR is a man very much better than ourselves, but he was hard of hearing, after all, for much of his presidency.

But I just can’t see myself not losing all semblance of sanity within a couple year if I began a relationship with the girl I mention above. It would drive me nuts. a Decent voice is a must have in my book.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KouXsnDt_c

Well (like I said), it’s still very important for me. But I guess it’s shallow the way any aesthetic judgment is shallow: necessary, unavoidable.

Earlier this year, I met a guy at a party who has a nice accent, but a very shrill voice, like someone pinched him in his larynx. He seemed nice, nut I also got some ‘playa’ vibes from him; so when he asked for my number, I told him that I don’t give it out right away, and that he could contact me via email. This is the first time I refused someone… but my instict just took over.

When I got home, I sent him a note explaining that I have to protect myself and my son, and if he wanted to get to know me better he could interact in writing for a while. I believe that when there’s a will, there’s a way… if he really was interested, he’d make the effort, and maybe I’d find that his voice was only like that because he was nervous.

Fast forward a couple months, and I find out that he had been in a relationship at the time that he was hitting on me. He also has attention-seeking behaviors, and his voice bothers me even more now!

I have also met people who photograph well, but that don’t carry themselves well, and so don’t look much like their photos. I feel that I don’t photograph well, but once in a while I look amazing in a photo… I don’t want to misrepresent myself, so usually, I’ll show people the overly-flattering and the less-than-flattering images, so they don’t form too high or too low an opinion of my looks.

In your case, I would suggest pursuing it a bit further. As some have mentioned, it may just be that she took you off-guard, because we do imagine the sound of the speaker’s voice when we read their writing. So the initial mismatch between the imagined her having and the actual voice threw you off.

If she seems to be a person of good character, and you think that the voice is the only ‘flaw’, consider this: you could meet someone who meets your every criteria – the perfect mate. You build a relationship and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. Then illness or injury causes permanent damage, and she is no longer physically perfect. Heck, even just normal aging causes changes… “gravity always wins”. Will you leave this person because they’ve gained 50 pounds or have visible scars, or maybe a vocal cord issue?

If everything else seems awesome, give her the benefit of the doubt.

Look at it this way…if you really got involved with this person, could you stand to hear her voice for…maybe the rest of your life?

The way a person looks is important, so why not the way a person sounds? It’s your potential partner, so I don’t see why you should feel bad about any criteria you want. You don’t have to tell anyone why you do or don’t like someone.

If you’re asking us, then you must have some doubts about calling it off over a voice. You may really like this person as they present themselves online. I think it would be worth meeting them to see if it’s really that bad in reality, and also to see this person. Have you seen pictures?

Of course you meet in a public place and only for a short period of time, unless you both decide to go longer. That lets you both have a face-saving way out.

I think that if you really like this person, you may come to love their voice, too. Anyway, if you have doubts about ruling someone out based on voice, I’d meet them and see how bad it really is.

The voice would be a deal-breaker for me. Looks change, and everyone expects that, but if the voice bothers me, I could never stand it for the next 30 years.

Yes, if I met a girl that sounded like Booger from ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ I would probably have to pass.

the sexy monkey does indeed have a sexy voice

I like a bit of a husky voice in a lady. It’s kind of sexy and that’s what my girlfriend has. When she whispers a little somethin’ in my ear, it’s hot. Mine on the other hand, is more feminine with a Canadian accent to boot (=/).

Now if she had a voice like this, I’d run for the hills! So, yep, voice matters!

If you have never met her in person are you sure you’re not being punked?

What about a bad laugh? This probably wouldn’t be as bad.

@nxknxk that just made my day

I went on one day with a guy with a pretty high voice. One date. And I left early. Not having it. I think it’s a subconcious survival of the species reaction. High voice could mean less testosterone and therefore less of a chance of getting me preggers.

So James Earl Jones has more sperm than Micheal Jackson?

@drClaw As he is still alive, the answer would have to be yes.~

@zephyr826 I’m sure it was yes even before MJ died!

@zephyr826 touché

If I didn’t like their voice, I’d tell myself ‘really you’re going to end this over that’ and continue to give the person a shot

Not unless the voice was really really bad. But I’m a man, so the worst I could get from a woman is perhaps a very squeaky voice, but that’s not too bad. I imagine for a woman it would be really weird to date a guy who was too high-pitched though.

I’m currently flirting with a girl who has a very harsh accent, but it’s not really that bad once you get used to it. Interesting rather than ugly. It does not really affect her chances either way.

I don’t think a deep voice on a woman would be that bad, but an annoyingly screechy/high pitched voice would probably be a deal breaker. Just saying.

I don’t think of myself as a shallow person and I certainly would prefer it if other people judged me by my personality rather than stupid things that have no real bearing on who I am as a person. I mean, looks fade, so you have to have something of substance there to carry the relationship later on.

I thought a lot about this, and I really didn’t want to end it because of her voice. Thankfully, I was able to think logically about it and what I realized was there were other dealbreakers there. For one, she lives in Utah and loves it, and said quite firmly that she wanted to live there forever. I could probably live in Utah for a year or two, but I feel pretty strongly that that is not where I want to end up “forever”.

There’s also the fact that we’re the same Meyers-Briggs personality type, which was really cool on the surface because we both had lots in common (interests and how we go through the world). But then, after talking for a while, it started to irritate me, because we’re both stubborn and slightly argumentative, and we both have thought a lot about our particular views and thus, feel really strongly about them. This would be much less of an issue if we held similar political views, for example, but she is strongly Republican and I am strongly anti-Republican (I’m Green Party, but have voted Democrat because Green Party will never win).

So, I told her that I didn’t think it would work as a romantic relationship, but since we’re so similar that I wanted to stay friends. She took it really well and was cool with that. She now is in a relationship with someone else, I think? She said something on her Facebook about how awesome her girlfriend is.

@drClaw
So James Earl Jones has more sperm than Micheal Jackson?
Well I don’t know. But put ‘em in a petri dish and my money’s on Darth Vader.