Social Question

Your_Majesty's avatar

On what age you will let your kids talk dirty(impolite)?

Asked by Your_Majesty (8212 points ) March 6th, 2010

You know what I’m talking about(sometime we even did that without even realize about it,and don’t expect an example from me). We know that someday soon or later our kids will eventually learn about this harsh language and use it in front of us(or at least we’ll hear them say that somewhere). So,as a parent(not necessarily a good parent) will you let them freely say such thing?,if yes,on what age?. What is your reason?. Did you ever did that when you were a kid?,did you find it acceptable?.

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125 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

when they pay half the rent

dpworkin's avatar

My kids are free to use the entire lexicon of any language they know how to speak.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

In my house they better not talk to me or anybody else for that matter at any age. I never curse around my parents in their house even though i’m almost 30 years old. Thats the problem with people now is they let their kids do whatever because they are afraid to be parents and to put their foot down. I wouldn’t ever dream of disrespecting anybody in my house by using profanity because I would of gotten my ass beat. I think we need to go back to basics and use some good old fashioned disciplining. People used to act better…. a lot of parents now are afraid of instilling discipline in their home and are literally afraid of their own children. Please let my kids disrespect me, I will whoop their little behinds.

Seek's avatar

My children will be free to speak to me in confidence however they so desire.

In public, and in daily home life, they will be taught to speak respectfully. Respect is granted by default until it is undeserved. There is no age limit on respect.

janbb's avatar

I’ve cited this story before. I overheard my younger son use a curse word in the house and my older son tell him, “I told you, that’s an “outside” word, not an “inside“word.” (They grew up in a somewhat rough neighborhood, so he was distinguishing between street talk and home talk.) I think they were about 5 and 7 at the time. What I’m saying is that we never really made an issue of it and the kids figured things out just fine. At times, as they aged, they used “dirty“words for emphasis as do I.

CMaz's avatar

When they live on their own.

My house my rules.

Judi's avatar

My grown children don’t use foul language in front of me and neither does my husband. It’s a respect thing.

janbb's avatar

@Judi No poultry talk, then?

john65pennington's avatar

There is no correct age. the bar soap is ready.

Judi's avatar

@janbb; fixed. No coffee yet!

dpworkin's avatar

This type of question always brings out the hypercontrolling parents. I feel sad for their children, and I feel prospectively sad for the parents, who, if they persist, will secure for themselves a lonely old age, with children who will find any excuse not to visit them.

Psychologists have identified three parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Lenient. Over and over, studies show that the Authoritarian style and the Lenient style are by far the most likely to foster bad outcomes. Over-discipline and under-discipline are each maladaptive.

My children are polite, caring, thoughtful people, who would never think of being rude to anyone. They also, among friends and family, have been taught to feel free to express themselves in any style of speech. None of the four has ever been spanked, none of the four has ever met a bar of soap other than for its intended use, none of the four is resentful, closed off, secretive, cruel, unhappy or non-productive.

SuperMouse's avatar

My boys swear like drunken sailors. Well, that’s not entirely true, but they do tend to drop an f-bomb now and then. They do not say f-you to one another, they do not swear at me, their friends, or other adults. When they get frustrated they do not get in trouble for saying sh!t, or d@mn, or pretty much any other swear word. One benefit is that it is not a “forbidden fruit” kind of thing they find interesting and intriguing, it is just what it is.

SophiscatedLady's avatar

I’ll slap their mouth!

dpworkin's avatar

@SophiscatedLady How very sophisticated. Hitting children. That oughta be swell for your relationship with them.

SophiscatedLady's avatar

@dpworkin I have no intention to hurt them. It doesn’t matter and that will preserve their manner. Someday when they grow up they’ll understand why I did that and thank me later. We have no sarcasm in our family and there is no exception.

dpworkin's avatar

No sarcasm? Oh, lucky you! Any irony? How about ambiguity, do you allow that?

SophiscatedLady's avatar

Yes,when they grow up and leave my house. To be honest with you I’ve never witnessed such foul word from my kids in my entire life.

strawberrypomme's avatar

Quoting Atticus from To Kill A Mockingbird, children will pick up bad language from an early age, and experiment with it to provoke a reaction from adults. If it is allowed to be used then the stigma attached will be removed, and soon they will stop using it, once the novelty is over. That’s how it is in my household. I was allowed to use bad language to show an extreme emotion through the hardships of being a teen, but now I am older, I rarely use explicit language.
It’s up to good parenting, and allowing a little leeway. Although children need boundaries, you cannot expect to keep them bound in cotton woll for life.

partyparty's avatar

My children – adults now – have never spoken dirty or impolite to me. I taught them to be respectful, and this comes naturally to them now.

davidbetterman's avatar

Interesting to see the hyper-controlling going on in this thread. LOL, unreal.
Teaching children proper manners is a parents job. How you go about doing it is your business, up to abuse. Then it s everybody’s business.
But sitting here trying to shame parents into doing things your way (no names) is just like proselytizing. Why, you might as well go door to door like a Jehovah’s Witness.

gailcalled's avatar

My mother, at 95, still has to spell out “shit,” when she uses it (rarely).

My theory is to first make sure your kids can speak proper English and don’t need to rely on the 7 deadly words. Occasionally they come in handy, like sprinkles on an ice cream cone.

Young children imitate their parents, sibs and the people they spend time with.

Sometimes, if I drop or spill something in front of my mother, I will say, “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” Since I do it rarely and can also put a decent sentence together, she will laugh.

dpworkin's avatar

We know who you are now, @davidbetterman, and we know just how much credence to lend your remarks.

davidbetterman's avatar

Hahaha, Funny how you need to be we! Myself, I am an individual.

Just_some_guy's avatar

My children are 8 and 6 years old. I allow my children the chance to challenge any rule I have. If they come up with what I think is an adequate reason to change one I change it. As for being impolite. At their age it isn’t an option. If they say a “bad word” they are told not to. If they persist They will get one of the punishments we have which are used. They are time out in the corner, go to bed, or whatever seems appropriate at the time. I do not hit them. My punishments were created by our children and youth services. I figure they are experts so to fallow their example is best for us. So far my children have said one “bad word” each I think to see what would happen. They were simply told not to use the word, and they stopped. We are very close tho I am definitely more Authoritative then I am Lenient. I am constantly told how wonderful my children behave in public among other wonderful things about them. I hope this example might help some people I know I rebel against absolute authority even as an adult. My hope is that they will not have to when they are teens. Of course this remains to be seen. Please god let my children be manageable teens. : ) As for letting your kids do whatever they want to express themselves. I hope they somehow learn some moral values, and that they know better than to let drugs rule their lives when they grow up. To each his own tho.

CMaz's avatar

“I allow my children the chance to challenge any rule I have.’
Right!

Just_some_guy's avatar

well to be more specific I certainly don’t let them run with scissors under any circumstances. If it isn’t blatantly dangerous for them I will listen to their argument and see how I feel. Don’t mean I will change my mind, but I might. :)

sweetteaindahouse's avatar

Lets have this from a kids perspective. I cuss around my friends and when I play video games to express anger. I never use them against my friends or parents. Occasionally I will say them around my parents but only when I’m angry and they understand. I actually find it funny to hear my grandma say shit. They are just words and I don’t think it makes you an evil person if you use them.

casheroo's avatar

As long as it’s not being spoken towards me or someone in a disrespectful manner, then I don’t see what the issue is.

Supacase's avatar

I haven’t hit this stage of parenting yet, but I assume I will handle it like I do when my daughter calls someone a poo poo head – that is unkind and impolite. Anything not directed toward another person – that is rude and impolite. As she grows older, she will have to choose if she wants to be kind and polite toward others.

Saying shit when you burn yourself doesn’t bother me at all, but I don’t have an exact age – maybe 16? I do not want it to become a habit or a way she commonly speaks in public.

TheLoneMonk's avatar

If they use the words correctly they are free to use them.

lexipoorocks's avatar

I mean what the hell? I’m not trying to be rude but seriously? Who asks a question like this? If you want to be a good parent you won’t just say to your kids ’‘I’m going to let you talk dirty when you reach this age okay?’’ That isn’t right! I mean come on! You should never want your kids to say anything like that! You shouldn’t be planning it. And once again I’m not trying to be mean but that is just weird to ask a public question wondering when you should let your kids talk dirty.

Mikelbf2000's avatar

I’ll never let my kids talk dirty, I dont have any kids lol but if I did they wouldnt be using it around me. When they are adults thats a different matter. I don’t care if they are adults when they can think for themselves.

mattbrowne's avatar

Not when my wife and I are present. And this has nothing to do with their age. Our grown-up kids do know this and respect it.

dpworkin's avatar

Ah! A real Prussian parent!

janbb's avatar

Hey, if more people were like my pal @mattbrowne, the world would be a pretty damned fine place.

dpworkin's avatar

Am I complaining, @janbb? I was thrilled!

janbb's avatar

I know; I just like to say nice things about @mattbrowne whenever I can. You, on the other hand…....

dpworkin's avatar

Tell the truth?

janbb's avatar

Telling the truth about you is the surest way to get modded I know.:-) ~

Sarcasm's avatar

I’d like to say that, as a recent kid, I’ve used bad words in a conversation with my parents 2 times in my life. Of course they may have overheard me chatting with friends occasionally letting one loose, but I do not use bad words around them.
I remember perfectly well the two occasions, as well. First time was when I was back East at a family reunion. The last time was in November when my parents, sister and I got together for a dinner.
I would also like to say that, as a recent kid, I remember first learning swear words when I was 8 years old, in my garage with some friends.

I would prefer that my kids just don’t swear. I won’t be offended if my hypothetical son or daughter drops the F bomb. I wouldn’t ground them, or punish them.
But I think by this point I will have learned that parental “I’m disappointed in you” look, which I will use to show my disappointment for the fact that s/he cannot hold back naughty words.

liminal's avatar

This seems like a good time for one of my adored Anne Lamott Stories:

“My son Sam, at three and a half, had these keys to a set of plastic handcuffs, and one morning he intentionally locked himself out of the house. I was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper when I heard him stick his plastic keys into the doorknob and try to open the door. then I heard him say, “oh shit.” my face widened, like the guy in Edvard Munch’s scream. After a moment I got up and opened the door.

“Honey,” I said, “what did you just say?”

“I said, ‘Oh shit,’” he said.

“But honey, that’s a naughty word. Both of us have absolutely got to stop using it. Okay?”

He hung his head for a moment, nodded, and said, “Okay, Mom.” then he leaned forward and said confidentially, “but I’ll tell you why I said ‘shit.’” I said Okay, and he said, “Because of the fucking keys!”

What we model is what children learn. I am aware that my use of ‘swears’ filters down to my children and worry more about that than anything else.

Cruiser's avatar

When I run out of soap.

Seek's avatar

@liminal

I was talking to my friend about this the other day. I have an 18 month old, and hers just turned two. We were discussing which word they were going to mimic first: “Oh, shit!” or “Goddamn it!” (both common exclamations when dealing with toddlers that like to eat dog poop and reach into the cleaning cupboard).

Her son won, with “Oh, shit!”. They’re now trying to replace “Oh shit! ” with “Uh-oh!”

liminal's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr that is so very funny!

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m not sure you can decide that. Kids will speak how they wish as soon as they learn the words.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

I remember being scolded by my parents for saying the word “crap” at the dinner table when I was 16.

Kids will start picking up dirty language at various ages, depending on how often their parents and their friends swear. My parents didn’t start saying even “damn” around me until I was a teenager – they were very careful. I still have a pretty clean mouth in general and rarely swear around my parents, not because I’m afraid they’ll scold me, but because it’s just the way things are.

MacBean's avatar

@ParaParaYukikoI remember being scolded by my parents for saying the word “crap” at the dinner table when I was 16.

I think I was about fifteen when I was grounded for “That sucks.” Now I’m 26 and my mother still looks completely scandalized when I say “crap.” At least she doesn’t actually say anything about it anymore.

My sister’s kids have TV privileges taken away or are sent to time out for using the word “stupid.” I feel this is… um… a little excessive.

DominicX's avatar

I can’t remember how old I was, but it was in high school when my parents were okay with me saying things like that in front of them. Of course it was never acceptable to swear at them and it was never acceptable for them to swear at me and my siblings (nor was it acceptable to say it in public), but when I got to high school, it became okay to say “I’m so fucking mad!” or “this shit is awesome” in front of my parents. Now we just say whatever. My parents still don’t swear that often and sometimes they’ll imitate me to be funny.

dpworkin's avatar

You mean as if you were a human being, @DominicX ? I’m shocked. Shocked!

DominicX's avatar

@dpworkin Of course. :)

dpworkin's avatar

Well, they should have hit you, smacked you, swatted you, broken your arms and washed your mouth out with soap. What kind of parents were they? My stars!

DominicX's avatar

@dpworkin Seriously. It was hell at my house. I never even got one spanking. I mean, what the fuck?

dpworkin's avatar

Yeah, well, then you wonder why people turn gay.

MacBean's avatar

lol4rl

DominicX's avatar

@dpworkin I hate the phrase “turn gay”...if my parents made me gay, then I thank them because I love who I am and I wouldn’t want it any other way. :)

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

As long as they are living under my roof, no age. I raise my children with moral standards, and one of these is refraining from using dirty language both at home and in public. I am not a prude, but civility is the foundation of society, and the way you speak and act both at home and in public is a reflection on how you were raised. There are many other ways to express yourself without resorting to 4-letter epithets, ways that reveal an educated person of good character and upbringing.

davidbetterman's avatar

You are a wonderful father, @MRSHINYSHOES! Thank goodness there are still people like you in the world. I am sure your children will thank you one day for all you do for them.

DominicX's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES

So people who say “shit” every now and then are uneducated and of bad character and upbringing?

ITT: judgments all around.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@DominicX Well it certainly doesn’t speak well for their sense of propriety in public. Saying that is okay, just don’t say it loudly in front of me and other innocent bystanders. It’s vulgar.

DominicX's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES

I’m talking about saying it with your friends or other people who are comfortable with it.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@DominicX Of course with friends it’s okay to say shit, because I don’t consider shit to be a particularly horrible word compared to many others——but if they use those others with their friends or at home then it STILL shows their misalignment of character, or more appropriately, the people they HANG OUT with. Like attracts like. And if that’s socially acceptable in their circle, to use foul language, so be it. But I’m glad and lucky it’s not the crowd “I “hang out with. Lol.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@davidbetterman Thank you for the kind words. :)

DominicX's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES

What is a “misalignment of character”? Why do you get to define that and judge other people and their friends based on that?

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@DominicX It’s just semantics here, but more descriptively, it reflects on how you were raised, how good a job your parents did in raising you, and how respectful and conscientious you are to others, be it friend or stranger. Don’t take it personally——I’m not saying you’re like that. But if there were two people, one who was nice but swore habitually, and one who was equally nice and used clean and civil language, I’d pick the latter as my friend. I don’t like listening to profanity, and that’s my choice, as is yours if you like hanging out with people who use it. :)

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Anyhow, DominicX, I made my point. End of this long and weary discussion! Lol. :) Good day.

DominicX's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES

Yes, of course it’s just a preference. I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it, that’s your preference and I’m not judging you on that.

My problem is that you are claiming that people who swear casually around their friends were raised badly and that’s bullshit. You know absolutely nothing about how people who do that were raised. You remind me of the people who think that all adults should never be called by their first names, even if they prefer to be called by their first names. If my friends are okay with me swearing around them and I am okay with them swearing around me, then we are not being “disrespectful.” But you would judge me on that and that is not fair.

Good day.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

As I said DominicX, don’t take it personally. I am leaving this discussion now. :)

DominicX's avatar

Don’t say you’re leaving unless you’re actually leaving; I can’t stress that enough.

dutchbrossis's avatar

I will not “let” my kids do anything. They are going to do whatever they are going to do regardless of what we as their parents say. I will not have a problem with it if they swear around me at any age, as soon as they are old enough to talk. We swear, not all the time. My husband and I are very strong with our beliefs of we don’t do anything ever that we wouldn’t want our kids to do.

Kraigmo's avatar

When they are able to use the bad words in a balanced way the way I can. Doesn’t matter if that occurs at age 2 or age 20.

SABOTEUR's avatar

I was never allowed to use disrespectful language in the presense of my parents or my elders.

I do not and will not allow my children to use disrespectful language in my presense.

Ever.

augustlan's avatar

My oldest (15) will occasionally cuss around me, and as long as it’s not at me (or anyone else) I don’t have a problem with it. The first time she ever said “crap” in front of me, she and I were both surprised by it – even though we don’t consider that a cuss word. I think she was in fifth or sixth grade. At that point, we all had a talk about when and where those words were appropriate. I always stress that it’s important to know your audience. So, not around younger kids, in front of other adults unless they know it’s ok, etc. I know that my two younger children use the words with their friends, but they don’t quite feel comfortable doing so in front of me yet. I expect they will as they mature.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Eh. Depends. I’d let my kids know there’s a time and a place for everything. Sometimes, nothing beats a good old fashioned vulgarism,. You ever hit your thumb with a hammer? A “Shit!” fits in right about there, and I don’t care how old or young you are. I’d wonder what was up if I had kids that used such language in order to call me names. I know I said words considered to be vulgar until I was 5 or so, and my mouth got washed out with soap by my guardian. I learned these words from my stepfather before and they were no big deal.

dpworkin's avatar

@SABOTEUR When I read your post I hear it in a gruff, military, German accent. You would have made a good Prussian general.

SABOTEUR's avatar

@dpworkin Funny you should say that.

I don’t know much, but what I do know I’m usually very certain about, and I’m very specific about how I understand it and how I choose to communicate it to others.

Those who know me and like me see this trait as “confidence” and trust that I know what I’m talking about

(“That’s just Rip…”).

Others see this as “arrogance” and complain that I speak to them in a gruff, rude manner

(“Asshole…!”).

I guess I effectively communicate my personality, huh?

dpworkin's avatar

@SABOTEUR That’s a rare and good quality to have on the Internet.

partyparty's avatar

@SABOTEUR Totally agree with you

partyparty's avatar

@SABOTEUR But would they WANT to be disrespectful in your presence? I assume you have taught them to behave respectfully?

SABOTEUR's avatar

Great question @partyparty

I don’t know that they “want” to be disrespectful, but there’s something that seems to be common among today’s preteens/teenagers in that they feel like they should be able to express themselves any way they feel like it.

My wife often encourages this among our daughters by patiently…and continually explaining things to them. This has the unfortunate consequence of the girls occasionally communicating to their mother as if she were their peer. This, as you may have guessed, does not sit well with me. So, when they address me, then, I have to re-MIND them that no democracy exists in our household (where I’m concerned). What I say goes and they will address me appropriately.

dpworkin's avatar

Achtung, you little bastards!

gailcalled's avatar

@Doctor_D: There is also the usage issue: ”At what age…”

mattbrowne's avatar

@dpworkin – There are good anger management techniques.

mattbrowne's avatar

@janbb – Some people love clichés. The Prussian cliché is is about imposing discipline and unquestioning obedience. We wanted our kids to disagree with us, how else can kids become independent? We were having many heated discussions (like on Fluther sometimes), but to make a point it’s not necessary to resort to profanity.

Judi's avatar

Raising kids to question and not just accept what is fed to them made for a really rocky adolesence but they are pretty neat people now.
They broke my heart with their disrespect at the time, but now that they’re grown we all respect each other more than ever.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

I agree with @mattbrowne wholeheartedly. Children cannot be completely obedient to their parents forever. Learning and testing the limits of propriety is part of that process. The important part is making sure one’s children can have debates and constructively criticize others without needing to use vulgar language.

My 7th grade English teacher had a funny story about this sort of thing. When her son was around 10–12 years old or so, he started picking up some swear words. When my teacher heard her son use these words, instead of punishing him, she let him get the word out of his system. She took him to a remote field or something and let him say the profanities as much as he wanted. The result was seeing her son out in a field screaming “SHIIIITTTT!” at the top of his lungs for a while. When he was finished, she took him home and resumed life as normal. The “taboo” element of the swear word had been removed, so he didn’t need to use it to get a reaction out of his parents anymore.

Of course, it’s not like the kid never swore again in his life, but I think it was a good method of dealing with this kind of situation.

MrsDufresne's avatar

When I was little, my parents made me feel like cursing was ignorant.

They preferred that I used thorough expression, because ultimately that would be the most efficient route to a resolution.

I didn’t want to sound ignorant, (or disappoint my parents 0.o), so I didn’t curse.

Now, as an adult, when I do use swear words, I recognize that it is because of sheer frustration. Whether it is the frustration of not being heard, or whether it is the frustration of not being able to resolve whatever it is.

Now I know, that cursing does not automatically equal ignorance, but it does show me a lack of patience for verbal expression. Whether it be due to frustration, the need for a resolution to something, or just as a way to ‘hit the [verbal] nail on the head’ even harder.

dutchbrossis's avatar

@SABOTEUR So you don’t think that a good level of communication between parents and teens should exist where the teens can think of their parents as a trusted friend or advisor ??

SABOTEUR's avatar

Of course, @dutchbrossis, as long as the parent and teenager don’t confuse their respective roles. Parents must make it clear they are not their child’s teenager’s friend or peer. If the roles become blurred, this “trusted relationship” gets shaky when the parent has to advise something the teen doesn’t want to hear. At that point, the “trusted relationship” may potentially turn into a power struggle as the teen questions parental authority.

As some point in that “conversation”, the parent should have the wisdom to “pull rank” and play the “Because I said so” card. This card is essential because the parent does not always have the time to patiently explain his or her reasoning based on their accumulated years of experience. Playing this card is less effective if the parent has already abdicated the parental role and chosen instead to be their child’s confidante.

It’s essential the parent maintain the parental role and allow the teen to find a “trusted friend” among his or her peers.

Response moderated
SABOTEUR's avatar

Goody for you.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Personal attacks are not permitted and have been removed.

MacBean's avatar

God, @augustlan, you’re such a dick.

♥♥♥

DominicX's avatar

sigh…my reply has now become this question in case anyone else wants to answer it…

keobooks's avatar

This question is worded in such a way that cracks me up. As if a child reaches a certain birthday and the parents say “Alright, today you are a man. Go and swear like one!”

I don’t like associating swearing with adult behavior, as if it’s some special privilege adults are awarded. I would hope I’d raise my children in such a way that they would find swearing distasteful and not something that they couldn’t wait to get “old enough” to do it.

I don’t swear often, and neither do most of my friends or family members. I do know people who have gotten into the bad habit of swearing and generally, they have sometimes have difficulty keeping swear words out of their vocabulary if they get too habituated to it.

You can’t swear in front of your boss or coworkers, or in front of your students or customers, depending on your job. I’ve worked with people who have gotten poor performance reviews or even fired for not being able to hold their tongue when something suddenly went wrong. (dropped a box on your foot.. sudden pain.. you never know)

dutchbrossis's avatar

@SABOTEUR Why is it such a bad thing to be a peer or friend to your children or teenagers ?

SABOTEUR's avatar

Everyone monitoring this thread has read comments from jellies where the “parent as friend” relationship works quite well. It would be ignorant for me to make a blanket statement and label all such relationships “bad”.

The flip side of this issue is the recognition that it is the nature of youngsters to test their boundaries. They’re supposed to question why things must be a certain way. And it’s the parent’s role to address their queries.

But, it’s not always as simple as that. There are times when it’s not helpful or wise for the parent to be that friend, and there are times when the youngster may not want to recognize the parental role. The roles become confused and creates a situation where power struggles ensue. The youngster increasingly demands “respect” and the freedom to do or say whatever he or she pleases without giving consideration to what it takes to earn respect or the potential consequences a particular action may create.

Parents are, or should be the head of household. All family member may be allowed to express their views, but everyone must recognize that the parent is the authority figure.

So, I have no objection to the parent being a friend, buddy or peer to their child, as long as they’re able to assume the role of boss when required.

And as far as politeness is concerned, there is no debate. My children will not address me in any manner I deem to be inappropriate.

augustlan's avatar

@MacBean Love you, too. :P

sweetteaindahouse's avatar

I just realized that the question has the words “you” and “will” in the wrong order. Am I right or is it suppose to be that way?

Kiss_a_Fat_Babys_Ass's avatar

Whatever age it is, when they can outrun me.

gailcalled's avatar

@sweetteaindahouse: How about, “At what age would you consider letting your kids use…?

sweetteaindahouse's avatar

@gailcalled I just realized the word “On” was used incorrectly. You worded the question perfectly.

augustlan's avatar

I’m pretty sure that English is not the OP’s first language.

FutureMemory's avatar

Halfway through this thread I felt the need to scroll down and type FUCK, SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER.

Ahhhh I feel better now.

gailcalled's avatar

@FutureMemory: Props for originality/

FutureMemory's avatar

@gailcalled Thanks, I think.

gailcalled's avatar

@FutureMemory: The connotation and power of words are so interesting. What if elbow, pansy viola, or sunroof had been considered rude?

dutchbrossis's avatar

@SABOTEUR I guess I somewhat understand that. I just am not for “authority figures” or for the knowing who is the boss. I would rather have an equal household relationship with my kids and never use the fact that we pay the rent against them to say we are authority. To me parents are guides and advisors. Other than that we are all equal

SABOTEUR's avatar

@dutchbrossis: I’m sure all parents would love the type of relationship with their kids that you describe. I submit, though, that when the youngster chooses to express his or her “equal household status” by deciding not to cooperate in contributing productively or they become comfortable enough in their status to call their mother a bitch, or tell their father to fuck off, it’s time to pull rank.

Of course, I could be wrong.

Just_Justine's avatar

There were so many answers, so hope I am not repeating any of it. My son can speak how he likes he is 28. But he will never be allowed to be impolite to me. I simply will not tolerate it. Yes I am an old fashioned mom, either though I look like his sister (Well sorta, kinda loll). At night? in certain lights on certain days.

Just_Justine's avatar

@SABOTEUR I agree. I never smacked my child, I used other methods. But one day he did something and said something that made my blood boil. I decided it was time for a good hiding. He was lying on his bed, he must have been 17 at the time, in my mind I was going to pull him up and swat him around. I couldn’t even pull him up into a seated position, it was hysterical looking back. But not funny at the time. He was already 6ft something…. meh

SABOTEUR's avatar

(chuckling @Just_Justine)

Sounds hysterical…better late than never, I guess…lol!
(Lovely avatar!)

dutchbrossis's avatar

@SABOTEUR I honestly hope my kids feel “comfortable” enough with me to call me a bitch, or tell their father to fuck off. However I would hope we are equal enough with them and not be like that to them and in return they don’t say that stuff to us.

SABOTEUR's avatar

@dutchbrossis Hate to bring race into the conversation, but I don’t know of any black parents who’d hope their kids were comfortable enough to call them ”out of their names”.

(Not saying it doesn’t happen, but they’re damn sure not “comfortable” with it.)

But I respect that you have a different attitude in respect to raising and communicating with your kids.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Article: Regardless of age, don’t disrespect your parents

Interesting insights from the book, “Different and wonderful: raising Black children in a race-conscious society” (see book excerpt).

Just_Justine's avatar

@dutchbrossis I know we are all entitled to our opinions, but I would never let anyone call me those things never mind my children.

dutchbrossis's avatar

I am not saying it wouldn’t hurt my feelings or piss me off. My husband and I would just rather if our children feel those things about us that they are comfortable enough to speak their mind to us rather than talk crap behind our backs.

@SABOTEUR Just curious why are you bringing race into it anyway ?

SABOTEUR's avatar

@dutchbrossis: Expressing that you’d hope your kids would be comfortable expressing themselves in that manner just made me think there are a few cultural differences in parenting since cursing at your parents is inconceivable to most black people (see YouTube video).

Black comedians crack jokes about white kids cursing at their parents…and the consequences of black kids doing the same thing.

(The punch line usually has something to do with the kid picking up teeth.)

I’m not criticizing your comment…just sharing an observation.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Eddie Murphy on white kids cursing parents (skip to 5:55 on video).

Katt Williams on raising kids (video).

Draconess25's avatar

Honestly, I would let them talk however they want. They’ll just have to learn when it’s inappropriate to use certain words (such as calling their principal a douchebag for wearing sneakers). At least they’re not out eating virgins!

Pandora's avatar

Well they are both grown and educated. Disrespectful language is not allowed for the most part at any age. They may say shit once in a blue moon, but the f word has probably been used in our presence maybe 2 times or less.
Its not so much that it wasn’t allowed because we couldn’t handle the word or something but I pointed out to them the caliber of friends and associates that come with people who can’t control themselves and how the world percieves them as uneducated, rash or thug like.

So they were free to speak the words when grown and out of the house when they were ready to deal with what it brings. Plus it becomes a lazy habit to use offensive language.

As for their dealings with their father and I, we both demand respect and treat them with equal respect. We don’t socialize with disrespectful people or invite them into our home.
We helped them both get a higher education. So we expect that they taught them enough vocabulary words over the years to say what they have to say without resorting to brash words.

Ron_C's avatar

I would say 40 would be the age where I would accept some mild cursing from my children. I remember a phone call from my oldest daughter when she was in Boot Camp. During the first part of the conversation, every other word started with “f”. All I did is ask “do you know who you’re talking to?” She immediately started to use proper language.

Frankly, I find constant foul language tiresome and irritating. I really don’t stick around to listen to anybody that talks that way.

keobooks's avatar

I think it’s weird how different people have a different opinion of what is “dirty.” I didn’t think twice about calling my daughter’s butt her butt. So now she’s almost 18 months, and she says “Butt!” and points to her butt – just like she points to her nose and her toes and her hands.

I’ve had some friends and family members act like I taught her to say “asshole.” Seriously.. it’s just “butt.” I forgot it’s a “dirty” word if you’re under 12 or whatever. I’m wondering if it’s going to cause trouble when she goes to preschool.

She still nurses and has picked up the word “Boobie!” My husband and I both blame each other. She called nursing “nuh” before that and it was much more benign. It’s embarassing enough when she grabs my shirt and tries to stick her head under it to nurse in public (which we have stopped. We only nurse at home.) It’s even MORE embarrassing when she does that and calls out “Boobie!” in a too clear voice.

I am on the fence about it. I don’t want her walking around saying “butt” and “boobie all the time. However, I don’t want to make her think that butts and boobies are “dirty” and things to be ashamed of. I don’t scold her for saying nose.. so why scold her for saying butt?

Right now she’s too little to really understand the concept of public and private things. So maybe its a talk for when she gets a little older in a few months.

Seek's avatar

^ Tell you what, I’m having a hell of a time getting my 3½ year old to stop sidling up to buxom women and asking “Hey, do you have nipples?”

Inspired_2write's avatar

I remember a talk that I had with my then teenage daughter who thought that it was cool to talk vulgar.
I told her that I know taht she talks like that when she is away from home, but when she is home she is NOT TOO talk like that at all, that it is rude and ignorant behaviour that is beneath her wholesome character.
She never did use tht language , at least around home.

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