General Question

troubleinharlem's avatar

(NSFW) When is a normal time to begin masturbating/etc?

Asked by troubleinharlem (7951 points ) May 6th, 2010

My brother spends a lot of time in the bathroom (he’s 15), and I was talking to my mom about it, and how I think that he’s been watching porn and such. I checked his history, and he wasn’t, but he was being really secretive about what he was doing on the computer (apparently he was just watching movies like Superbad and The Hangover).

Mom said that her brother had Playboy under his bed when he was around 15 or 16… she said it was normal, but I’m not so sure.

What do you think is normal for masturbation/porn/that sort of thing?

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66 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I really advise to mind your own business and leave your brother alone. 15 is a perfectly good age to masturbate, watch porn, etc. I started pleasuring myself around 6 or 7.

troubleinharlem's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Sorry? That wasn’t very helpful.

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stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Any age is fine. It’s perfectly natural and harmless. Spying on your brother, however…

troubleinharlem's avatar

@Storybooklover – That’s not the point that I’m asking about. I’m not asking you to judge me.
@stranger_in_a_strange_land – I’m not spying, I was curious about when was a normal age. Besides, he was just an example. It’s not like I have cameras in his room.

good grief, people.

gailcalled's avatar

Why are you concerned about normal adolescent behavior that has absolutely nothing to do with you?

Would you have liked an older sibling peeping and prying on you when you started your sexual journey of self-discovery?

troubleinharlem's avatar

You know what? Forget it. I’m sorry I asked.

Cooldil17's avatar

I agree with Simone_De_Beauvoir, mind your own business, boys hit puberty at all different ages. I don’t see how you getting an answer as of to an “average age” of when boys start masturbating would help you? What did you plan on getting out of asking this question?

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ubersiren's avatar

It’s definitely normal. Even toddlers are known to rub their genitalia for pleasure, though not to orgasm of course. You can read about it in Dr. Spock’s baby book. I had my first sex dream at about 5 or so. 15 is actually average to late, in my experience with boys.

troubleinharlem's avatar

@Cooldil17 – You think that I didn’t? I asked him.
We talked. I was using him as an example.
An example.

@ubersiren – see? That’s the kind of answer I was looking for. Thank you for not judging me.

gailcalled's avatar

Watch toddlers while they are running around naked. Whole lotta fondling goin’ on.

XoXoMEXoXo's avatar

Well most people feel thing differently.There really isnt an average age because some people start at 5 and some dont start untill 11.So you really can’t getr a straight answer.

ubersiren's avatar

I agree with the idea that you should not interfere with your brother’s sexual discovery, but I can tell you’re concerned. You just want to know whether he’s developing normally, which, in itself is normal and healthy. Normal is a really big spectrum in most of life’s subjects, just know that. Knowledge is power!

Storybooklover's avatar

I didn’t mean to offend you, I was just being honest. I have a boy and girl and my daughter is older. I would basically tell her not to worry about it and that it’s perfectly normal, which I’m fairly sure you’re mom told you.

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casheroo's avatar

May I ask how old you are? Are you older, and didn’t masturbate until you were the correct age for it?

I’m sorry, but I find it bizarre that you and your mother were talking about your brothers masturbation habits. Why do you care so much? Do you feel it will somehow negatively affect him? I’m genuinely curious about the answer to that

Seaofclouds's avatar

It is normal. Typically children around 3–5 do some masturbation but at that point it isn’t for actual sexual pleasure, it’s more curiosity. Yes it feels good to them, but not the same as once they go through puberty. Usually the child stops after that for a while and it reoccurs with puberty (this time for the more sexual pleasure of it). It seems that boys do it more than girls due to the discover of their erect penis.

At 15, your brother is most likely well into puberty and it is normal. As long as he is being “responsible” about it (meaning not doing it in the living room or in front of others) you really don’t have anything to worry about.

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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@troubleinharlem Why not? I was not being judgmental with my statement (just offering advice) and I am sorry you don’t see my point of view.

judochop's avatar

I’ve always thought that 7am was a good time to begin followed by a few breaks and some glasses of water. All behind a locked door and in the privacy of my room. If I knew someone was questioning my ability to enjoy myself and discover more about nirvana for a few minutes I would be deeply upset and probably a little scarred from it, especially if it was my sister.

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XOIIO's avatar

15? No biggie. |I started at 13. It’s normal and healthy.

DominicX's avatar

I began at 14 and apparently that was a little on the late side based on stories I’ve heard from other guys. Then again, I was a hardcore late-bloomer. So if 14 can be considered late, 15 is definitely not early.

stemnyjones's avatar

I’ve masturbated for as long as I can remember, but I’ve been told my psychiatrists that it was probably because of the abuse going on in my home.

So I have no knowledge of when people typically start masturbating. I was doing it as young as when me and my sister (a year younger) were still sharing a bed.

primigravida's avatar

If your brother knew you were thinking about this, he’d be horribly embarrassed. I really hope you never say anything to him.

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absalom's avatar

At this point it would be abnormal for him to not be masturbating and watching porn.

Either way, though, it has nothing to do with you or your mother. Also, if he has to feel guilty and be secretive about watching a movie like Superbad, perhaps it is time to give him more space.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@troubleinharlem I’m not offering my opinion on the matter, but just so you know, I think some people are accusing you of not minding your own business NOT because you’re wondering, or because you talked to your mom, but simply because you checked your brother’s internet history.

Being curious and discussing with other family members isn’t violating someone’s privacy, but checking their internet history is.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@troubleinharlem Unless your brother’s occupancy of the bathroom is causing a problem for you, I suggest that you not concern yourself with his activities in their. I’m sure that if family members were tracking your menstrual cycles and scrutinizing your Internet use, you would find their behaviour intrusive. Most young people prefer to keep their masturbation practices private.

If you question was really only about the typical age of onset of masturbation in males, you would not have mentioned your brother at all, you would not have discussed your brother’s behaviour with your mother and you would not have searched your brother’s Internet history. @Simone_De_Beauvoir astutely deduced that you were violating your brother’s privacy in multiple ways that confirm to us all that you were not focusing on your own business. Her advice to you was wise and fair. Your defensiveness indicates that you were embarassed that you got caught snooping.

shadling21's avatar

@judochop Thank you.

Yeah. 15 is totally normal. It is interesting that you used your brother as an example. I understand that maybe you’re concerned about him, but if you had done some cursory research, you’d have found the answers to your question. So, rest safe, and maybe give him some room to test his body out.

Cooldil17's avatar

I feel like I have to say @Dr_Lawrence Your answer is amazing! lol

ETpro's avatar

@stemnyjones I started when I was about 3 or so. And no abuse of any kind in my family. Go figure.

poisonedantidote's avatar

i started when i was about 9. by age 15 i was practically an expert and had my porn hiding spots well thought out and well hidden. its totally normal, and if you are a male, masturbating protects against prostate cancer.

JeffVader's avatar

Usually between 5 – 10 mins after you put the DVD on.
But seriously, 15yrs old is pretty normal.

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deni's avatar

i think i started when i was like 10. it was my new favorite thing to do….in a…not creepy way? lol

InspecterJones's avatar

I was gonna respond but @Dr_Lawrence more or less said my thoughts. You have no rights to be invading your brother’s privacy like this, it’s his business. How would you like it if someone was snooping in on your internet activity? You should be ashamed.

Sophief's avatar

When did you start? Whatever age, is normal. 15 is definately normal, he’s probably been doing it for years. I started about 8 or 9.

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judochop's avatar

Speaking of masturbation and questioning an average age I walked in on my nine year old daughter “adjusting” herself last night and she was embarrassed, as was I. I told her that she should not be embarrassed and that if she was going to do that she needed to close her door all the way, that it is normal and that I would never bring it up again unless she had a question.

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gailcalled's avatar

@judochop: Do I wish I had had a dad like you. Congratulations for overcoming your embarrassment and finding exactly the right words.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@judochop Excellent parenting – good job!

Aster's avatar

Now that I have read the answers, I’m wondering if it was inappropriate or cruel to take away my son’s laptop after finding
porno and explicit songs on it at age 11? It seemed to us at the time that a kid of 11 living in the country w/2 dogs and being a Gifted student might be somehow poisoned psychologically by feeding his mind with films and lyrics of this nature. And , if not, if it’s a “normal part of growing up and private” it makes one wonder if ANY x rated behaviors should be controlled? Or, in this day and age, anything and everything is ok and normal? Merely a case of kids expressing themselves? I’m thinking of saying the “F” word for one example. That ok too?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Aster It’s not about it being ‘this day and age’ – people are fundamentally the same and there is no need to shame your children. Masturbation isn’t wrong and it’s different than cursing. Cursing is only as wrong as society deems it to be.

Aster's avatar

Well, I’m learning so much today . A new thing he’s doing now besides listening to x rated songs and masturbating is he’s smoking pot at 12. Now we’re gripped with fear and anxiety that he’ll try xanax and alcohol soon and possibly get arrested. But, then, doing those things might just be a normal kid experimenting. I mean, I would anticipate that’s how it would be viewed on fluther. So maybe I’‘m worrying without cause.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Aster I don’t think we all have the same opinions on fluther. And I think you know what’s normal for your children better than us.

judochop's avatar

@Aster I don’t think you are out of line for taking away his laptop after finding porno and music that worries you but don’t you think that you are only making the taste for it more appealing? I mean, if he was hiding it already it is possible that part of the appeal is that you consider it “contraband” and it is a part of him separating himself from your rules. He is just testing the waters. Why not have a really long talk with him first as a friend and secondly as a parent? Let him know why it concerns you. Talk openly with him about yourself when you were his age. Don’t forget though that today is much different than even 20 years ago. Good luck and remember not to blame yourself to much.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Aster I don’t think you are wrong for taking away his computer. While a child wanting to do those things (look at porn, listen to explicit songs) is normal, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it or find it as acceptable behavior. I expect my son to do things that children often do, it’s my job as his parent to explain what things are appropriate and which aren’t. While pre-teens/teens often find a way to look at porn (some will even just start with women’s lingerie models), I believe in most places, it is illegal for children to actually have porn.

What I got from this conversation is that it’s normal development for boys to start masturbating and wanted to look at porn at a certain point in life. Some people see no harm in a teenager looking at porn, while others do (I think that’s another debate completely).

If I ever find out my son is smoking pot, he will be in a lot of trouble. Regardless of my personal feelings about pot, it is still considered illegal and that is all that matters in my opinion right now. While I do think it’s part of normal kid experimenting I don’t find it acceptable. To me, it being part of the “normal experimentation” that kids do, just means I should expect it and be prepared for it if it does ever happen.

Also, I think most of the comments towards the person asking the question about minding her own business is because she was asking about her brother, not her son. A parents role and responsibility is very different than that of a sibling.

Aster's avatar

I hate to admit it but I would have no idea how to “talk to him about porn.” You have a number of different approaches: “that is not a nice thing to do. I’d be ashamed.” Or, “that’s normal, sweetie, but it makes me sad because??” or , “you’re grounded for looking at that smut” or, “this is the History Of Porn” or, “you’ve made God sad” or, “those animals are on there to take your money!” or, “you’ve made the Devil so happy” or, “where did you find out about this garbage? Is this what your friends do?” or, “seems to me you’re developing like a normal citizen,” or, “excuse me for being nosy; proceed” or, (fluthers, fill in the blanks, if you can.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Aster I think it just depends on your beliefs in regards to porn. I honestly don’t have a problem with it so I would not tell my son that it is a bad things. I would most likely leave it up to my husband to talk to our son about it and if we ever have a daughter, when the time comes I’ll talk to her about it.

Aster's avatar

I wonder if the people who see nothing wrong with it would then not mind or even feel uncomfortable if their child watched it right there in the room with them. If they’d not like that situation, then does that not mean that they disapprove of it? If they told the child to take it elsewhere, doesn’t that mean they don’t approve? A good analogy would be drinking beer when underage. Either we allow the child to partake in front of us (meaning we think it’s ok) or we take it away from them (meaning we disapprove).

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Aster No need to extrapolate to the extreme – I watch porn in private, not with my parents – I’d expect the same of any ‘normal’ teenager.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Aster I would not watch porn with my child ever. I think it’s okay for them to watch it on their own or with their SO if they choose to. I have no desire to watch it with my child and I don’t feel it is appropriate to do so. To me, pornography is part of my sexual relationship and that is a relationship I will never share with my child. Drinking is a different situation.

Aster's avatar

I didn’t mean to watch it WITH them. I meant , if we Really approve of them watching, there would be no reason to disallow them to watch it in the room with us Or in their room with the door open. I am from the Old School. I personally (and few agree) feel it is not good for a child’s moral or psychological development to be sitting and viewing sex scenes between God knows what as opposed to them being outside mowing, inside studying, practicing basketball, reading a book, helping with dinner, doing chores, etc. I’ve heard of using tv as a babysitter but porno? seems to me or IS to me an unacceptable way to pass their time. Their FREE time of which kids have way too much thanks to overindulgent parents who would rather have their child “just away” than In Their Face talking a blue streak ad nauseum while helping mom out.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Aster If my son were in the room with me watching it, we would be watching it together. I don’t watch porn for leisure, it has a strict purpose for me (and that is a sexual purpose). If my son chooses to watch porn while he masturbates that is different than lounging around the house all day and watching it. I don’t believe in using the tv as a babysitter.

ETpro's avatar

@Aster I disagree. I have an adult son, now an army officer. He dropped by this evening to say hi to his mom for Mother’s day, since he can’t be here tomorrow. I am absolutely certain he masturbates. I couldn’t care less. I do to. But I would not do it sitting in the living room with him watching me, nor would I countenance his doing the same. There are possible positions outside the two extremes.

simone54's avatar

Between 12:00 and 2:00 AM is normal for me.

theused's avatar

i used to do it about 3 times a day when i was 11 so 15 um no hes been so doing it for much longer than that plus theres no way he is still a virgin sorry

stemnyjones's avatar

That’s great, @judochop… that really makes me feel more comfortable about having that talk with my 7 month old daughter when she gets older, lol…

yazmin86's avatar

i think mastubation is a delicate topic to some people, i personally think that its pretty “normal” more people than u think do it and i think when a male is hitting puverty i think its around 12,13+ its when their bodies start to chance and thats when they discover girls dont
actually have cooties, haha…
but i think its fine for him along with everyone else to explore their own body, and its not that she was“spying on him” its a concern, lol cuz i would oplen the door on my own brother and throw cold water if he was masterbating in there and having us wait outside for him.lol.

but seriously, its perfectly normal, itll be different is he was older like25+ and his mastubation over came everything in his life, if he was missing work or apps, or just put IMPORTANT THINGS THAT MATTER ASIDE FOR HIS MASTUBATION, then that would be a problem,truth is everyone does it.so its ok:)

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Twelve or thirteen years of age. Sometimes eleven.

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