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trinitymat's avatar

How can I deal with my parents insulting me because I am asocial?

Asked by trinitymat (94points) January 4th, 2014

Okay, I am not exactly ‘asocial’. I am just an introvert. I don’t drink, don’t smoke or do drugs, I don’t have tons of friends, I don’t like many people (but I love humanity), I read and write a lot, I am obsessed with movies, I love silence, I have a passion for poetry, I am a film major and philosophy minor, etc. I have a few great friends, but not more. In high school I had tons of friends and I was very popular but I realized I didn’t like it, and I felt like I was wasting my time going out and gossiping about other people.

My parents are ashamed of me, they think I am a miserable wreck. – I know I am not though. – My mother especially. She always tells me I am a piece of dirt, that I should go out and socialize. She says I am not normal, not like everyone else. She wants me to go out and hangout with friends all the time. She wants me to be a normal daughter. I don’t like her concept of normal and I’d rather die than be like those girls I see who just drink and hookup without a valuable conversation.

In this life is it so precious to be understood. I am this sensitive girl who has hope for everyone she meets. I’ve been so open with my parents all my life, and it upsets me that they think of me this way. I am afraid I am so lost and I might hurt myself. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Are my parents right? If they are, then I don’t want to live. If they aren’t right, then I should know how to deal with taking their thoughts in without hurting myself. Can you please help me showing how?

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17 Answers

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Being an introvert is 100% normal. (70% of the time I’d rather be alone so I feel you there) This sounds like my post high school college years. FYI all of my high school friends who partied and slept around did zilch with their lives…nada. Your parents are being too harsh, you sound more mature than they do. I doubt they realize how they are making you feel though. You sound hyper normal which is a very…very good thing. If you are having feelings of hurting yourself please see a counselor ASAP. That’s not anything to mess with and simply talking with someone can make you feel much better. Positive thoughts headed your way!

YARNLADY's avatar

Lets face it, sometimes life throws us a curve ball or a mountain to climb. It can be so easy to get all wrapped up in the troubles of our lives and forget the blessings and the good things that we do have in our life. I used to get so angry and depressed when life went bad or when something bad happened that was out of my control.

It took some time for me to develop patience for dealing with the troubles in life, but now I’m happy to say that when life gets hard now, I don’t dwell on it anymore like I used to and I have learned to take a step back and think.

Sometimes it seems like an extremely complicated process to become happy. But if you really want to learn how to be happy, all it really takes is to stop doing some of the things that we do every day.

Figure out what you value: Do you value a certain kind of job, material things, a relationship, time alone, time with others, time to relax, time to be creative, time to read, time to listen to music or time to have fun? These are just a few of the possibilities.

Think about times when you have felt happy, good or content. Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing, thinking or feeling that made you feel happy?

Decide to make more time in your life to do more of what is important to you and makes you feel happier. To be happy, you have to make happiness a priority in your life.

Start with little things and work up to bigger ones. Little things might be reading for 15 minutes, taking a walk, calling a friend or buying great-smelling soap, shampoo, candles or tea that you will enjoy every time you use it.

Keep a journal. Write in it to vent about the good, bad and ugly, but don’t wait till before you go to bed to do this, do it every day.

Focus on what is positive about yourself, others and life in general, instead of dwelling on the negative. In your journal, write down as many positive things as you can think of. Keep it handy to read over, and continue adding to it.

Appreciate what is working in your life right now. No matter what the situation is, take a deep breath and close your eyes before getting upset, and think about the blessings and good things that you have in your life.

It’s OK to ask for professional help. Talk to someone like a psychotherapist, career counselor, or spiritual advisor (minister or teacher) to help you sort out what would make you happy.

Read books on the subject of happiness. Wise people have been writing about it for hundreds of years. In the bookstore, look under psychology, spirituality or philosophy.

The more you take control of your life and remove negativ influences the happier you will be. Don’t let your problems take over your life, this is how you become unhappy. You are only giving into unhappiness by letting your problems consume you.

Find the time and the discernment to recognize and value truly fine things, whether they are the finest of diamonds or the finest of friends.

Learn to accept the care of others. Discover that you, too, are special, in your own unique and undeniable ways. Realize that you add something to the lives of others. And therefore you deserve to be pampered at times, too.

Pamper yourself. The bright and warm things in life can recharge our batteries and refresh our spirits, too. Enjoy them; don’t be in too great a hurry to make such bright warm things end.

Learn to live in each happening moment. It’s that place we all live, all of the time. Remember: yesterday’s history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today is a gift, which is why it’s called the present.

You would do well to learn to be as delicate in how you handle life’s affairs. Extremes of emotion and action generally lead only to extreme outcomes. Be thoughtful and subtle in your dealings with others. Happiness is often reached on silken treads.

Get active. Get your mind off of whats bothering you in life and giving you trouble. Go to the beach and enjoy the sunshine. I think that sunshine really helps. Go for a walk and breath in the fresh air and be thankful that you have that fresh air to breath. Admire the beauty of nature. The birds, the trees, the sun, the air. There is beauty in it all if you just look.

Do some volunteer work. Helping other people helps take your mind off your own issues.

Remember a happy person requires a happy body. Get plenty of exercise, walk at least the equivalent of a mile every day. Eat more fruits and vegetables and less high calorie, low nutrition foods. Drink lots of water, at least 6 to 8 glasses a day. Discuss your diet and possible vitamin supplements with your doctor.

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
– Hugh Downs

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. Unknown

Kropotkin's avatar

I think you sound great, and your parents are completely wrong.

Unfortunately, I can’t offer any practical advice on how to deal with them. You’ll probably have to just grin and bear it, and try to find as much time and space to yourself as possible.

ragingloli's avatar

Ask her from whom you inherited your genes.

LostInParadise's avatar

Your parents are wrong. I know from discussions on this site that a lot of us here are introverts. Here is something that you can use as a pep talk and something that you can show your parents.

Adagio's avatar

You sound like a warm, sensitive soul, and utterly ‘normal’. I too am an introvert and appreciate your sensibilities although at your age I did not feel that way. It is a great shame your mother behaves this way towards you, very demoralising, if only she could recognise the strength it takes to not simply follow the crowd, I admire and respect your willingness to be different, and by the way ‘different’ does not equate with abnormal. The only thing I can suggest in regards to making your mother aware of the effect her words are having upon you is to speak with her about it, perhaps go for a walk with her and tell her how you feel. Otherwise you could speak with a counsellor and she/he can probably offer lots of suggestions in that regard.

marinelife's avatar

You need to get away from your parents’ influence. So you don’t have to listen to their abuse any more. Can you move out?

Michael_Huntington's avatar

The only way to get your parents off your back is to get out of the house more often. I was in the same situation (except my parents were not that harsh). You said that you like movies. I would recommend checking out new movie theatres—something that isn’t a chain theatre like Loews—that shows old movies or indie films in your area. You could even go to the library and check out movies from there. You’re not a piece of dirt and don’t let anyone tell you that.

DWW25921's avatar

Your parents are complete morons. That aside, you could hang out or volunteer at your local library. Just tell your folks there’s a hot guy there. Volunteer hours look great on a resume.

Smitha's avatar

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Don’t let the words of your parents bring you down. May be you can talk to your parents or ask someone to talk to them on your behalf how much their words hurt you. Let them know you love them very much and if they don’t stop insulting you, you will have to move out because it hurts you so much to be with them.
Whenever you feel low, just remind yourself that you wont have to stay with your parents forever, there is an end to having to tolerate them. For the time being just be thankful to them for the necessities they provide you to reach your goal. You have to believe in yourself, respect yourself and move ahead in life to full fill your dreams. Stay strong and keep your head high.

DWW25921's avatar

@the100thmonkey That was great! Kind of described me…

bolwerk's avatar

Your parents aren’t insulting you because you’re an introvert. If you start socializing, they’ll find you are socializing with the wrong people. They’re insulting you because they’re bullies. What your mom says is nasty, and should earn her a punch in the dick.

Incidentally, @the100thmonkey‘s thing is largely right. Introverts aren’t necessarily unsocial. They might be very social, but socialization is work for us while it’s something extroverts can do in their downtime.

pleiades's avatar

It sounds to me she is a bully. I once dated a girl with a bully mother. The girl was beautiful. The mother had her young. Maybe the mother hated the burden and as the girl grew up and beautiful she became harsh toward her? Eventually the girl became a slut and became known around town. She seems settled down now with an old high school best friend and that’s good for her. But I wonder how much a role the mothers hardness played.

The best thing to realize is you will meet other positive people who are interested in the same things you are and are wanting to make things happen just like you. My best advice is just be yourself and don’t worry about the noise from family members.

GoldieAV16's avatar

@trinitymat are you sure you’re reading your parents right? Something trips a little alarm in me, with what you write. I don’t think any parents want their daughter to go out and hook up and drink too much. Does your mother actually tell you you are dirt? You say you want to “take their thoughts in” without hurting yourself. But I’m wondering if there isn’t some breakdown in understanding happening here.

Would it be possible for you to see a counselor with one or both of your parents, to help with greater understanding of one another?

KNOWITALL's avatar

To stay healthy I left at 17. Parents should love you & want your happiness. Do you no matter what & love yourself.

ihrtyoshi's avatar

I know exactly how you feel. My mom tells me all the time she wants me to go and have fun, and live my life. But I just don’t see myself doing that. I usually just ignore her but there are times were it hits me and I think to myself she may be right, and that’s when my view on life start to change. I usually just turn to what I love doing most which is art. For you it’s poetry. Like many other answers on here just ignore your mom, and do what makes YOU happy.

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