How would you spend my money?

Heheehe, hold a charity event for me!

See ruke number one.

Hookers and blow for everyone!

I would buy a new kindle for a user because their current kindle broke, and they need it for school. If I had the money to spare at the moment, I really would buy it for said user.

Maybe throw a great big pity party for all those easily offended, oversensitive types.
Are you the Monopoly guy?

Private planes to fly everyone to a private party in Ibiza, with only the very best beer, wine, and whiskey available.

I’d go back through the questions and identify anyone who’s mentioned health problems or financial woes and give them the money they need to solve their problems. Then’s I’d look for questions that asked people what they’d do to solve the world’s problems and donate money to the charities or to resolve problems different jellies have suggested. If there’s anything left, I’d have a party for everyone who can attend.

On second thoughts I’m with @Earthbound_Misfit. That’s far more altruistic.

I know one of us has breathing troubles. They’d get a good doctor. A certain trainer would receive some paid time off, and for our penguin, I’d like to buy a lovely dog no matter where in the world. For our grey, formerly green avatar, a wonderful doctor to relieve them of their chronic pain. I also second the Kindle idea, and I’d like another jelly to be able to visit his mom.
Oh, and, for Fluther’s sake – pay someone to keep us going!

First I’d set aside about $1.2M to pay for this site’s operation and moderators’ salaries for the next 5 years.
Next, I would offer 3 Tiers of awards and grants to users who have been here longer than (TBD) years and have more than (TBD) lurve. There would be three levels of application processes.
Tier I would be emergency need based. Limited to $1000. One page writeup and attached evidence of need. If accepted you get paid immediately.
Tier II up would be up to $10,000. Preference to do to those whose lives would change for the better with the money. Need to move from bad situation, need to finish education, need to cover medical.
Top level would be up to $100,000 for a business or organization start-up grant in three payments contingent upon performance $40,000 at start-up, $30,000 at 6 months $30000 at 1 year.. The application would be much like a business plan, 10–15 pages showing how this will serve the community, how it will be sustainable, etc. Preference would be to new companies that hire staff from users on this site. I will retain 10% of company and use all proceeds to supply future grants.

Total grant budget would be $3M per year with the number of Tier I,II, and III awards determined by the number of successful applicants.
Program would be guaranteed to run for 5 years with approx. $2M invested in existing successful ventures run by users that have enough upside potential to fund the program for an additional 5 years.

Too specific?

I’ll put the money in the bank to get even more money!

This is exciting. I have to get ready for work right now, but maybe during lunch I can address some of these answers as they deserve.

Oooo… and the proposals would be vetted and peer reviewed by a panel comprised of 3 mods and 3 members with lurve above 40,000 and the appropriate topic skills listed in their profile.

@Here2_4 Billionaires have defined work hours? I thought you lot could choose when you worked (but chose almost every waking hour)!

I like @LuckyGuy‘s approach a lot.

@cookieman Thanks you. I’d ad one more stipulation. If you are given any grant you are ineligible to receive another for 3 years. or 30000 lurve. We want to help as many people as possible while preventing the program from simply becoming a welfare state. Our goal is to help jellies and make the work a better place.

Fix all of the dilapidated bridges and highways.

Remain Calm and let LuckyGuy handle it!

There’ve been some heartbreaking stories from members here in stressful situations for lack of money. I’ve only been here a year or so, but for awhile there, I was wondering whether this place was grinding down optimism. So with 20 mil, I’d just request those members who remember specific questions hinging on dire financial need to point the episodes out. Then I’d lay each case (or all that are still relevant) before the membership for a vote as to whether or not the case merited aid. The voting would be restricted to those members active on the date of this question, but in order to evacuate Seek and her family from Florida, the aid would not be restricted to those members presently active.

An excellent question would be, “what are the chances that a billionaire would risk being caught wasting his or her time on fluther?”

Can we have a pancake party ?

I’d use all of it to track down janets.

I’d first provide the blonds with all their healthcare needs, buy a house for some other Jellies, and a cat mansion for Milo.

The Tinman would get a new heart, the Scarecrow would get a brain and I’d get a Frodo that behaved himself.

I’ve often entertained this fantasy when I think of a large Lottery pay-out.

It usually goes something like this: take the Lump sum, divide it into 3. One third goes to my siblings and my wife’s siblings. Because I won, you won, now don’t ask me for any more. The second third goes to my children, evenly divided, and in trust funds. In the Lottery fantasy, the final third goes to me and my wife, to give us the financial independence to become professional philanthropists. However, since I can’t include myself in the present fantasy, I would just take myself out of the picture and let my wife become the philanthropist for both of us.

@janbb: MIlo here: Thanks, but I already live in a mansion.

and here

@Milo Looks like you can buy me a mansion! (Or a small two bedroom condo in SF.)

I would pay for @janbb ‘s podiatry surgery to correct her flat feet, buy @gailcalled a bionic knee and Milo his own huge aquarium of mice for his viewing pleasure.
I would buy @Yetanotheruser a 5,000 sq. foot greenhouse for his veggie growing endeavors, and the rest of you could make personal requests, to be reviewed by us 40kers. haha
I’m a very generous type, I would grant everyones request expediently, unless there was a hung jury in which case I would strive to get my way to pay your way.

I would build and staff a free spay and neuter clinic.

I would hire an on call nurse and doctor for all the health questions. I would also higher a therapist for all the relationship and mental illness questions. I would include tech support.

@syz “I would build and staff a free spay and neuter clinic.”

For jellyfish?! 00

I’d set up a charitable organization that generates money through investments. Then I’d appoint myself head of that organization and pay myself a hefty salary from its revenues.

You can’t set up a fund, that has already been done. It is going to Fluther. The only rule is not claiming any for yourself.

Go by those with the highest lurve!

I’m not claiming any of that $20,000,000 for myself. I’m using that money to set up investments to generate revenue for charitable work. My salary isn’t coming from that initial $20,000,000, it’s coming from money generated by the investments. Loopholes FTW!

To help increase the number of members, improve member participation, and increase traffic for the site, I’d have a drawing every month where one person would get a check based upon the amount of their lurve. One lurve is $0.01.
The algorithm would be simple. For every answer the user gets one entry. For every question asked, the user gets two chances. The winner would be chosen randomly from the entries.
I estimate the total yearly expense for this scheme to be about $1200 per year. But it would add interest and increase traffic thus increasing the monetized value of the site by at least that. If traffic increases, the program will continue. If not it will be dropped.

I’d give something awesome to @drasticdreamer because they are completely awesome.

The end.

@LuckyGuy , I love what you have done here. It seems so clinical, but I was fascinated, imagining you leaned back in your chair, tapping away at buttons, calculating faster than I might visually be able to follow. Swiftly you dole it out in manageable chunks with surgical precision. I find it a little scary how dispassionate you can be about it, and yet reassured that the seemingly cold calculations are based on fairness, equity of funds, to need.
Well done! Impressively thought out! Math has never been my friend, and you have it conquered, and serving you like a slave.

@jerv , generous for some, but I believe some of us would pass on that.

@DrasticDreamer , I haven’t seen that mentioned anywhere, so I didn’t know. I love your loyalty to keeping members educated, and visiting.

@ucme ,cute avatar No, I am not the Monopoly guy. If I were, your suggestion would have no hope, since he has pity for none.

@FireMadeFlesh , and @Earthbound_Misfit , good teamwork! @Earthbound_Misfit Has excellent thoughts on findig where need lies. @FireMadeFlesh seems to have sweet ideas how to celebrate with what is left. I love that as a package deal.

@longgone , wow, some really sweet sentiments there. I love that you included the perpetuation of Fluther itself.

@kritiper , a nice sentiment, but that is a different allotment, at another time. Hang on to that thought. With all the great ideas here, I may follow up with some other dream requests. Right now the question focuses on Fluther members.

@janbb , that is great! I saw the pictures. Looks like Milo is very happy with his universe! I’m confused about blonds. Is that all the Fluther members who are blond, or is it something I am either too new or too dense to know about?

@Coloma , you are the yin to @LuckyGuy ‘s yang,; a perfect contrast. Maybe you could plant a bug or two in his ear while he is choosing who gets some of these allotments he is slicing.

@syz , I am sorry, but I am against spaying or neutering any Fluther members, even though I think some would be voted good candidates, if it were put to a vote.

@longgone , don’t worry, you are safe.

@hug_of_war , I am sure there would be some rad biking gear in there for you somewhere. and it would seem, a Kindle.

@Fluther, so far this has been exciting to see. I wish I had billions. I would take care of lots of things, and nearly every mention made would get met. I don’t know who seek is, but if they are a former member, and their needs mean a lot to current members, well, they are family right? I would not exclude anyone considered family!

@Here2_4 You flatter me. Obviously I treated your question seriously (knowing it was not).
You asked how I would spend your money. That is how I’d do it.

Note that while I set the framework, the actual project/need selection is performed by a committee consisting of 3 mods and 3 high lurve individuals. Just as I always defer to a mod, I would trust the judgement of a high lurve jelly. They did not amass 40,000 lurve by being irresponsible, or liars, or misrepresenting issues. They got that score by convincing many people to give them a GA well over 8000 times. And they did it for no money – just the good of the community. They can be trusted.

@Here2_4 I wish I had that much money too. It could help me with my life and I could help others when needed. Your question reminds me of a silly childhood dream which I wanted to be a famous someone and get a big prize then use the money to help people around me :P Maybe one day one of us can make so much money and is willing to help others here, who knows?

Or both!

@Mimishu1995 you would have to win the power ball 12,000 times to have the budget of the United States. 3 trillion dollars.

I’m setting up the 501 ( c ) 3 not-for-profit charitable organization right now. Donations are accepted at [redacted]

No! Not redacted! Turn those machines back on!

I’d invest the money at a good rate.

The proceeds would:
Buy the rights to Fluther.
Re-hire Auggie at her current salary +10% and cost of living.
Pay top-notch developers to make member generated improvements.

Any excess goes to the developers for new, billion dollar ideas or sites.

It isn’t offered for investment. It is offered as a gift to members. For investment capitol, you must go into your own account.

I would construct 20–40 homeless/re-training/development centers in hard hit places. Each user with Fluther account would have their name on a brass placard (securely placed and affixed to keep scrapers from stealing it) somewhere visible near the front.

Hypothetically, I am a billionaire. I have already made homelessness projects a target; not building, though. There is plenty of existing property which is not in use, For the sake of this question, I am not asking how to fix the world. I am just gifting Fluther. I love all the suggestions. Everyone has wonderful thoughts about what to do with the money
The main reason I asked this question was to know which members keep tabs on what needs are here. I see mention of illness, business troubles, job interview trauma, and I think that someone who has been here a while would know who is who well enough to have a sort of idea who they would like to help, and how. I did not expect such elaborate planning as we see from some. I thought maybe someone might say, for instance, “I would like to see @whoever to get the money they need to repair their house after the storm damage left them with so much worry”, and such.
If I were a billionaire, I would sure do more things than just give some to Fluther, then keep the rest drawing interest.
It does my soul good to see the generosity of others, even when it is just make believe.
Thanks to all for being good sports.
My other reason was so the members who have needs they have expressed can see how people love them and would help if they could.

Penny a point? Or…..
Subsidize the Bandwidth!

^^ “I would like to see @whoever to get the money they need to repair their house after the storm damage left them with so much worry”, and such.
Mentioning names is not keeping the the rules, we would not want the mods to be slack in their duties or respecter of persons by making exceptions.

Are you being argumentative? I used no names. I did not ask names. You are smart enough to know that @whoever is a general reference, and not anyone’s name. Why are you playing dense? Don’t be a party poop.

I’m curious… When did it become a rule to not name Jellies? I know it wasn’t that way before I left, so can anyone tell me about how long ago?

That seems like a good Meta question! You should ask. Then everyone has an easy reference point to find the mod answer(s)

@Here2_4 Will do. :)

A revitalized Fluther would be my gift to members, @Here2_4.

Otherwise I guess it could be like the millionaire guy that used to be in the paper…make them grovel, then give or deny the required amount.

I guess I could designate the full amount to Auggie and trust that she would do the right thing and use most of it for the betterment of Fluther members, individually or as a group.

Good to see some old timers back @DrasticDreamer!