Social Question

Mimishu1995's avatar

Do you have anything to cheer me up a bit?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (17710points) July 20th, 2017

First of all, sorry for being a downer and a whiner.

I have been in a not-so-great mood for a while, longer than I want to be. I feel as if a dark cloud is floating on my head, making what I see darker. I feel horrible about myself. I think of my flaws and hate myself for it. There is a voice that I can’t put down, it keeps saying: “You are a failure. You are good at nothing. Your life will go nowhere. Forget who you think you will be in the future. You will never be that person. You will die a useless piece of shit no matter how hard you try, it’s inevitable.” I try to talk back to it by showing it what I think I have done well, and it says “Ugh! That’s it? It’s the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen! And you have the gut to call it “achievement”?” I can only temporary distract it, and it always comes back one way or another, and I always end up mentally exhausted.

I know I have my deep dark thought, but most of the time I keep it to myself and manage to keep it under control. But this time the negative feeling has been around for longer than I expect and it worries me.

I don’t want to ask much from you. I just need a little help in putting the dark thought back to where it should be. Could you just share something that will make me a bit happier. Something light-hearted, funny, random… anything.

Again, sorry for being too negative, and sorry again if I sound like a whiner and if I’m asking too much from you.

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40 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Take delight in the mundane things that are new today!:

1. Pablo Sandoval is coming back to the San Francisco Giants organization
2. There is a Total Solar Eclipse a month from tomorrow that will occur in an easily accessible place!
3. It is summer time in the Northern Hemisphere, time for some fun!
4. Spiderman – Homecoming is lots of fun!

kritiper's avatar

Boy howdy! Are you speaking my language!
When I get down, I remind myself of this: No matter how bad I think I’ve got it, all I need to do is look around and see that there are others who have it worse.
Have you noticed how green the grass is, or how blue the sky is? When was the last time you really smelled the freshness of the air after a rain? Or a fresh mowed lawn?
Buck up! Tomorrow is another day and if you’re at the bottom, you can only move up!

Coloma's avatar

Try to find some humor and diversion until you regain your equilibrium Mimi. You are awesome!
Maybe this little clip will make you smile.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I just want to say that you are a fighter and that you will come up to the surface again. I honestly know how you feel.

CWOTUS's avatar

Here’s a favorite song, on this very topic.

janbb's avatar

Panda babies being naughty usually bring a smile to my face.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

@zenvelo “Pablo Sandoval is coming back to the San Francisco Giants organization” On behalf of all my fellow Red Sox fans, I hereby say “you’re welcome.” Panda’s A.L. tenture was on par with that of Adrian Gonzalez.

@janbb That might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. (Although the Leaf-Lady didn’t seem very amused!)

Hey…my post has a coincidental, but very strong, panda theme!

janbb's avatar

@Love_my_doggie There are a million adorable ones on FB. My cousin and I have a panda thing going and i’ll always post naughty panda vids to her when she’s down.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Poor Panda babies! Just let them have the basket and get a different one for your leaves!

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m an engineer and am known for stating facts. Here are a few.
You are one of the smartest and capable people I know! I read your writing and marvel that it is not your first language! I can’t imagine how skillful you are in your native language.
You have such a deep, mature, understanding of so many situations you surely are going to be one of the big contributors of your generations.
Someday I will be honored to say i knew you when you were “just a kid.” .

If my sons weren’t already married I’d be honored to have you as a daughter-in-law. :-)

stanleybmanly's avatar

Try reading some of the stoics. Those opening lines in the “Meditations” of Marcus Aurelius can shift your attitude.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

@LuckyGuy I’ve already upvoted your post, but doing so wasn’t enough. I really need to thank you for your beautiful words to @Mimishu1995.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I have felt like you since I graduated from high school. What helps is to focus on helping others. Preferably others who are worse off. I consider my Fluthering as missionary charity work. Small victories help too. Like saving $10 a month or having a specialty pizza. I had a peperoni lovers pizza with extra peperoni and pineapple. Keep track of your small victories. I feel happier now from having small victories, like watching a business news channel religiously and feeding my self properly.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Love_my_doggie Thanks you. But you give me too much credit. Those words are simply true facts.

Hopefully they cheer @Mimishu1995 up.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Their is an app that gives you points for taking care of yourself. Sorry I can’t find it I thinks its from Ontario Canada.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Albert Einstein took a long time to get his Ph.D. after many setbacks. He messed around on both of his wives. He even married his cousin. He turned out ok. Stop pushing yourself so hard. If you still want to pressure yourself , then realize that pressure makes diamonds. Its better for you to think critically of yourself then to be the opposite and becoming a jerk who thinks that the world owes him.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@Mimishu1995, have you talked to your doctor about how you are feeling? You sound depressed. While there are things you can try in an attempt to lift your mood, you may need medication to really help you lift that fog and sadness.

There are lots of great ideas above. Personally, I think trying to be more mindful helps. Spend some time in the moment. Stop thinking about consequences and comparing yourself to others, and just go and do some things you enjoy. If that’s music, go and listen to music. Go and spend time in nature. Spend time with people who make you feel happy and stay away from those who make you feel sad.

Consider what you’ve stopped doing while in this funk. See if you can start to bring some of those positive, joyful things back into your life.

But do speak to your doctor. Feel better. I can totally relate to what you are saying.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Thank you everyone for sending all the lurves you sent here! I’m still trying to figure out the source of this weird thought. Maybe it was just me trying to come to term with the fact that I have graduated and I won’t be able to see some of my good friends again. Maybe it was the uncertainty about the future accompanying the graduation. Maybe I just realized recently that my work time isn’t as stable as I thought… But I did discover one thing: the feeling worsened because I repressed it and hid it away. I woke up this morning and I realized that just getting it off my chest made me feel a lot better. And having sympathetic ears to vent to helps a lot, as I can see in this thread.

I will try to find where things went wrong later, but now I will just take your suggestion and clear my mind up a bit.

@josie yeah, that was simple and effective for an advice. I sometimes suffer from comparision too. It’s hard to stop completely but at least I try…

@zenvelo thanks! You remind me that I’m starting to lose track of news. The solar eclipse may be something I can look forward to.

@kritiper I understand your message. I need to slow down a bit. I’m running a bit too fast lately. And look for the bright side.

@Coloma your humor makes my day! That turtle reminds me of the middle school boys, always hormonal as they just discovered sex and thought of it as the greatest thing in the world. But damn you for making me clean my web history to avoid my parents’ questions~

@ZEPHYRA so nice to hear from the eldest jelly here :) And I believe you when you say you know how I feel. I heard from time to time that you went through lots of shit in life and now you are still standing here. Guess if you can do it then I can too :)

@CWOTUS thanks for the PM and the song. Yeah, the song is my ideal life, not giving too much shit about my inner critic. I’m still far away from that life but thank you for giving me some motivation to keep trying.

@Dutchess_III @Sneki2 @janbb thanks for your videos. I don’t have time to watch them right now now that I’m at my workplace, but I have bookmarked them and I will watch them when I get home.

@LuckyGuy you definitely made me feel better! I know you are an engineer and for someone who deals with facts all the time, your words should be messed with :)

@Earthbound_Misfit Yeah, at one point I feared that I was going down to the depression road again too. I had a history of depression back in high school so I had my reason to worry about it coming back. But as I said before I felt horrible because I repressed my feeling and I feel better now because I gave myself a chance to speak it out. I will give myself some time to see if things will brighten up or not. If the feeling persists, I think I will have to find a doctor.

@RedDeerGuy1 I’m sorry you had to go through the same experience. I guess I’m not alone then. I hope you are feeling better at the moment now that you told us you get out more.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@Mimishu1995, your graduation is a huge change in your life. You are in transition. I feel it’s perfectly normal to feel quite out of sorts, a bit lost and just unsure when you go through such a change. Give it time. Be proactive. What are your plans now? Do you know what you will do now or are you looking for work?

Also, you can still see your friends. One of the great things about the internet and Facebook is that you can keep in touch with those people you have connected with. And it only takes one person to keep those links together. So put a note in your diary to try to organise a get-together or even just a skype call with your friends in the coming weeks, months.

Keep an eye on how you are feeling. Perhaps write in your journal to help you monitor whether things are getting better or not. And if they aren’t, do see that doctor. You are too special to be lost in a fog of depression.

Coloma's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Yes, what @Earthbound_Misfit says is true. Whenever we go through big shifts and changes it messes with our equilibrium a bit. You have graduated and now feel a lot of uncertainty about your future, totally “normal.” Just rest up a bit and take it one day at a time. You deserve a break before you launch the next rocket.

johnpowell's avatar

I didn’t expect you to graduate. So you already win in my book. :-)

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Earthbound_Misfit I have a job working as a teaching assistant for two language centers. The work and the time are ok, I don’t complain about the salary because I’m just starting out. But one thing I don’t feel ok about it is that they keep changing my place. One day I am working with a class and the next day I am placed in another different class. I can’t predict and maybe it brings me the sense of having no control. I also want to fulfill my dream of being an artist. That could be the source of my anxiety.

And I have my friends on my friendlist as well. But I miss my time fooling around with them at school. And I’m afraid of us slowly drifting away from each other’s life. But then again it could just be me taking relationship too seriously.

Thank you for your understanding anyway.

stanleybmanly's avatar

It looks like the sand is running out in the Trump hourglass

NomoreY_A's avatar

Hey chum, why so glum? Any Groucho Marx movie should cheer you up and have you laughing, there are several on You Tube. A Night in Casablanca is one of my favorites. Hotel clerk, on phone taking complaint: But, but, but – Groucho: Give me that, you sound like motor boat. What’s that, you’ve been here two hours and your trunks haven’t come up? Just put your pants on, no one will know the difference. Visitor – You should be ashamed! Groucho: If that’s really your wife, you should be ashamed! Visitor – I’ll have you know, I own all the cleaners in Peoria! Groucho – well take these pants and press them, have ‘em back by Friday!

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@Mimishu1995, well that would be frustrating and probably nothing like you expected your first teaching role to be. But it is your first teaching role. So perhaps instead of letting yourself feel frustration, you can tune into the learning experience you are having. Are you working with different teachers? Observe them. Learn from them. Which teachers are really successful at reaching their pupils? Which are not? What do you think the difference is? See this as an opportunity to learn your craft.

Also, I am a teacher and I’m a good teacher. Every class is totally different. We have to learn to immerse ourselves into those different groups and to interact with many different personalities and situations. I learn from my pupils every semester. There is always something or someone new and something else I have to learn to navigate. So enjoy this period. If you can survive this environment, think how much better a teacher you will be in the long run. See the opportunity, not the limitations.

As to your friends, my experience has been there is always one person who is the conduit that keeps groups together. It’s not me. I’m not good at that. My daughter is very good at it. She will reach out to different groups and organise for them to meet, or she’ll go and see a particular friend. It might be that you is the person who provides the glue that keeps your friends connected. Again, don’t see that as a frustration, accept it as a part of your personality and how you interact with people. Your friends will no doubt thank you for being the person who remembers to reach out and get them to say g’day to each other.

Right now, as I mentioned earlier, you are in transition. That’s very hard and as @Coloma said, it can really disrupt our equilibrium. However, this is a new phase. You are going to make new friends. In a few months, you’re going to look back and you will be in a very different place in your life. You will hopefully be settled into your work, you’ll have made some new mates and who knows what other changes will have happened. That doesn’t mean you have to forget your earlier friends, you will be adding to them, not losing them. So go forward with confidence. You are taking the first steps to your future and I feel sure it will be a wonderful future.

NomoreY_A's avatar

@Mimishu1995 You like animals? I went to the zoo the other day, they had the biggest damn leopard you ever saw. Found out later it was an elephant with measles. Hey, what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? ‘Ell if I know!

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

“Promise me that you will always remember that you are BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem and SMARTER than you think.”
—Christopher Robbins.

Believe it, Mimi. It will get you through.

cookieman's avatar

I can’t say it any better than @LuckyGuy did.

You are amazing and have value. I’d be thrilled if my daughter grew up with as much character and intelligence as you.

Keep swimming Jelly.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@NomoreY_A You made me laugh with the goofiness :D What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A gigantic 3-horn rhino with large ears maybe :D

@Espiritus_Corvus thank you. That’s what I need to hear today.

@cookieman I’m still swimming around, now that I know I still have reasons to keep swimming :)

@Earthbound_Misfit I guess I’m just in transition. And you know, when it rains it pours. The anxiety clouded my judgement on everything else. I think I will need some time to relax, pull myself together, and find the positive in what I’m doing. Thank you for sticking around and giving useful advice.

@stanleybmanly I hope you mean it in a positive way.

NomoreY_A's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Happy to hear that. Now keep your chin up, and keep smiling.

jca's avatar

@Mimishu1995: A lot of positive comments have been said above. I just want to add that you truly are one of my favorite Jellies on Fluther!

You’re fun, you’re funny and your posts are very thoughtful. You’re never mean (at least not that I know of) and you have a unique insight.

Don’t forget the death of Addy that maybe added to your downward spiral. I know you guys were good friends and he was very supportive of you. Combine that with your schooling, your family and all the other transitional stuff you have going on, it’s a lot and one of your support systems is now gone.

Brian1946's avatar

I answered your PM! ;-D

Mimishu1995's avatar

Guys, after some reflection and a talk with a good jelly friend, I finally found out the source of my negative feeling. I put too much emphasis on achieving my dream. I set my standards so high that it ended up disappointing me. My friend told me to be more patient to myself because I’m still so young. And he pointed out that I shouldn’t be so fixated on perfection. Whatever I aim to do shouldn’t turn into frustration. I should enjoy the journey and I will naturally see the progress. I think I’m just too demanding. My own disappointment and the transition I’m going through have taken a toll on me. I think I need to slow down for now.

Thank you again for staying by my side.

CWOTUS's avatar

Good insight. Because of that, you may very much enjoy Scott Adams’ “How to Fail at Just About Everything and Still Win Big”.

I’ve been going on about that book a lot recently, because it really impressed me very much. And it speaks directly to the insight that you just expressed, which is expressed as clearly as you just did… but it also explains how to live successfully without “goals”. You’ll see.

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