Social Question

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

When did you move out of your parents or caregivers home?

Asked by RedDeerGuy1 (12806points) May 23rd, 2018

Or do you still live with them? I was 35 when I moved out.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

38 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@stanleybmanly How old were you in 1966?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Just turned 25.

cookieman's avatar

I was twenty five. Bought a house and moved out.

Prior to that, from age fifteen on, I was barely ever home anyway.

Jeruba's avatar

Age 19. I was a college dropout at the time and wanted some independence. When I got up the nerve to move out, I broke off my engagement (no longer needed as a ticket to what I thought would be freedom—it wouldn’t have been!) and became a single girl in the big city. That was cool.

I did go back to school later and get my degree, but I never moved back home.

Relevant story: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-judge-sides-with-parents-and-rules-their-30-year-old-son-must-move-out/ar-AAxFdsM

stanleybmanly's avatar

@RedDeerGuy 22 though technically I left for school at 18.

Demosthenes's avatar

I started living away from home at 18 when I started college, though my parents were paying most of my rent during that time. I moved back home at 22 and lived with them until I was 25 and started grad school.

johnpowell's avatar

That is complicated.

At fifteen my mom was boosting roast beef (literality she sewed a dress with pouches so she could drop pounds of high end meats into the dress and it would still allow her to walk normally), in Fontana California to sell for speed. Not a single shit was given about me. I hadn’t been to school for years. I had enough and packed some clothes and a AM/FM radio into a garbage bag and started walking.

Found a payphone and called my sister and a few hours later was on a bus to Oregon. I am pretty sure it took my mom about a month to notice I was gone. Speed/Meth is a horrible drug.

zenvelo's avatar

For good, after my 19th birthday. I left for school at age 18, but wet back for school breaks.

I did live with my parents for a year when I was in my mid 20s, and I had just moved back to the Bay Area and started a new job.

I did not have a “caregiver” after about age 12. By then, I was actively tending to my much younger brother and my grandfather who lived with us

gondwanalon's avatar

When I was 18 I move out to go to college.
I lived in a trailer with roommates and worked part time jobs to support myself. College tuition in the early 1970’s was free for California residence.
Never went back home.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

18 to go to college. Back in at 20, back out for good at 21.

filmfann's avatar

I was 22. When I was 27, my Dad died, so I moved back home to help my Mom.
I moved out again 2½ years later.

seawulf575's avatar

3 months after my 18th birthday.

anniereborn's avatar

23 when i got married the first time.
12 years later I moved back home to help my mother with alzheimer’s.
I finally “left home” at the age of 40

flutherother's avatar

I first moved out when I was 19 to go to university. I then went back to my parents and didn’t leave permanently until I was 25.

JLeslie's avatar

I guess officially when I transferred to a university out of state. I was 19.

Although, around age 17 I spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, but I still had almost all of my clothes at my parents house. Like over 90% of my clothes.

One winter term during my junior year in college I lived back with my parents. After college I lived with them for a few months before moving to Florida.

chyna's avatar

I was 19 when I got my first apartment and never looked back.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I moved out at 17 yrs old rather dramatically. :)

LadyMarissa's avatar

I moved out at 19 to start my new life. My husband died when I was 37 & my parents were getting on in years; so, I moved back in with them until I could get reestablished back in my hometown. Then I found a good job & moved out into my own place on the other side of town. Then I had a debilitating stroke that left me unable to live by myself. So, I was back to living with my parents at 40. It took me over a year to get back where I could live alone.That’s when I found a nice home within a mile of my parents home. This helped all of us because they could keep an eye on me & it was convenient IF I needed help. I could also keep an eye on them for when THEY needed help. It was as convenient as living with them without having to live together. When my Mom came down with the disease that crippled her, I’d go over & stay part of the day to get them started for the day. Then my dad could take over for the rest of their day. He loved her deeply & it gave him the opportunity to feel that he had control over taking care of her. Then several years after Mom passed, dad came down with cancer. He wasn’t ready to give up his independence, so I checked in with him in the mornings to make sure he was up, dressed, fed, & had taken his meds. When I cooked his lunch, I’d make enough for his dinner too. Then I’d go back home to take care of my day & he popped the leftovers in the microwave to feed himself dinner. This helped him to feel more independent while still allowing me to watch over him. IF he had a problem, he would call me & I could scoot back over.

Actually, living so close was the perfect setup as we didn’t have to live together & I could get a break from my caregiver duties even if only for a short amount of time. Even when his cancer worsened & he had to go to the hospital, it was only 2 miles from home; so, I’d stay with him during the day & go home at night because he preferred to be alone at night.

stanleybmanly's avatar

that’s a great answer, and illustration on the way things should work.

Jeruba's avatar

I interpreted “move out” as implying “change your home address.” I didn’t change my home address until I was 19, but I left for college 1100 miles away at age 17.

I guess technically I was back for a few months when I dropped out of school, but soon afterward I moved into Boston on my own.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@stanleybmanly I had really GREAT parents who put their children front & center all my life. I never had a baby sitter & they took us everywhere they went. IF they couldn’t take us, they just didn’t go!!! No, I take that back. They took a ONE week vacation ONCE a year & we stayed with our grand parents…trechnically NOT a baby sitter as it’s still FAMILY!!! So, when the time came, I tried to treat them with the same RESPECT they had shown me & Never dreamed of doing it any other way!!!

JLeslie's avatar

What’s wrong with a baby sister? I used to love our babysitters.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@JLeslie There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with a baby sitter…I love baby sitting. Back then, it was considered bad parenting to pay somebody else to take care of your kids…atleast in my hometown it was. Actually, I’m surprised she left us with our grandparents.

zenvelo's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 Just curious, did you ask this because of the 30 year old evicted by his parents?

Darth_Algar's avatar

25. There had been no real reason for me to move out. I was able to come and go as I pleased, anytime day or night, and I contributed to household expenses (sometimes more than my share), so living with my parents wasn’t just a free ride for me. But finally I just could not deal with my mother’s mood swings or my sister’s (who was always there, despite having a place and two kids of her own) never-ending parade of drama. So I moved out on my own to get a little bit of peace and quiet.

seawulf575's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 since this was prompted from the story of the 30 year old, let me ask a follow up question: Do you think a child should be entitled to live with their parents as long as they want, no matter what?

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@seawulf575 not sure. In Quebec Canada parents and children are responsible for each other regardless of age. I don’t know how that law turned out?

seawulf575's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 I’m all about taking care of my family. If they are trying or for some reason they can’t (old age, for instance). I have an adult child living at home now that took many, many wrong turns in life. But she has gotten her head on straight, gotten her life onto a good path, and is working towards becoming independent. I gladly stuck by her to help her through it. But there was a time where I gave her an ultimatum…either she could stay on the destructive path she was on and she would have to move out or she could get straight and I would help her along every step of the way. She chose to stay and the transformation over the past couple years is amazing. She recognizes it too. But if she wasn’t ready and willing to make the effort, I would have tossed her out in a second.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our adult children is to toss them out on their own. Go to any Nar-anon meeting (meeting for families of drug addicts). They all have the same story. Child gets involved with drugs and they want to help. The more they help, the worse things get. They realize their help is actually enabling. So they toss the child out to live or die on their own. If they live, they come back to the family and thank them for doing the best thing they could possibly have done…the one thing that actually opened their eyes.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have my mom. 85 yo, living alone a couple states away. She is still of sound mind and reasonable health, but we have repeatedly offered to have her move in with us. She doesn’t want to…doesn’t want to be a burden. But as she gets older, the risks in her life become greater and greater. We would gladly have her near so we can help keep an eye on her and take care of her when the time comes.

LadyMarissa's avatar

IMO, enabling an out of control child is more crippling than tossing them out to fend for themselves!!! Much like with an alcoholic, they have to smack into rock bottom in order to want to climb out of the hole they’re in!!! Tough love is hard for any parent; but, sometimes it’s the kindest thing they can do!!!

On the other side, snatching a parent’s independence away from them before they are ready can create all kinds of resentment & headaches. My Dad took away my Granddad’s independence away from him when he was 50 & Gramps resented it until he died. Yet, my Dad was still living independently when he was 87. It’s harder when you don’t live close together. You might want to tell Mom that she could NEVER be a burden because you love her so much & that she has an open invitation IF she ever feels the need to move in!!! Then, unless she’s having major problems living independently, leave it up to her. IF she starts having big problems, you’ll be able to discuss it with her more logically & maybe convince her it is time!!! It will be a lot easier IF she thinks it’s her idea!!!

seawulf575's avatar

Yeah, we have had those discussions, mom and I, mom and my wife, all three of us. We aren’t forcing her…she’s pretty stubborn! I wouldn’t force her unless I had to for her own good. But the invitation is always there and she knows it.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

I left my mother’s house at the age of 19 when I married.

AshlynM's avatar

19. I got a job right out of high school pretty much.

Mariah's avatar

Tried to move out at 18 to go to college. Dropped out of college very soon after, moved back in with my parents for the next year+ while getting surgeries. Tried to move out again at 19 much more successfully. If you don’t count going away to college, then 22 when I graduated and moved in with my boyfriend in the apartment where we live now.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther