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Emilyjayde102's avatar

Why is my mom like this?

Asked by Emilyjayde102 (7points) 5 days ago

I have no idea why my mother is like this but here goes. I’m 17 and never had a boyfriend nor even been in any kind of intimate relationship. I want to explore and find a guy who’ll love me for me, but my mother keeps dampening that. To her, men are nothing but liars and bad people. Not all guys are bad, a lot are, but some aren’t. She gets all pissed off when I express my desire to find love and says “they’ll lie to you, you can trust none of them” I don’t believe her. She’s holding me back from finding someone I can share my life with. But why is she like this? She can’t keep me in the cradle forever..

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7 Answers

Unofficial_Member's avatar

She’s just being overprotective of her own daughter. Just remember that she has gone through many experiences in life, many which, you have never faced before, and she doesn’t want you to have to regret your life decisions.

If you want rebel then go for backstreet relationship. You can date whoever you want. Just remember that your mother have warned you about the bad things that can happen. I am sure that even though you disobey her she’ll still love in the end. I understand her advise and even find it realistic. It’s relatively common to find liars in relationship. I need to add, though, that you can trust the man but not 100%, the rest is saved for your scepticism so that he can’t/it’s hard to fool you.

JLeslie's avatar

She doesn’t want you to get hurt.

She doesn’t want you to become emotionally involved with someone before you graduate high school and have it effect your college choice, or affect your career.

Not all men are cheaters and liars, but young men are more likely to not think in terms of long term commitment, while girls tend to think that way once they get involved. The guy doesn’t even need to outright lie, and the girl can feel mislead.

That you want love and are worried about finding someone at your age is terrifying to her. You’re an easy mark for a bad guy. Falling in love shouldn’t be a goal at your age, it is more like if it happens to happen that’s really nice.

Maybe she doesn’t want you to risk getting pregnant and have it affect the rest of your life.

Most likely she has been burned by more than one cheating man. Maybe her father was a cheater too, or uncles. She is most likely talking about her own experience.

I can’t read your mom’s mind, but those are my guesses.

snowberry's avatar

You have some great answers there and I agree with them.

Here’s an innovative idea to help you reassure your mother. Get this book and read through it. Tell her that you will use that book with any fellow you are serious about.

Here’s the thing. Any guy who would be willing to go through a book like that with you won’t be able to lie for long, and I do believe you would be likely to find a lifelong mate.

I have been married for 41 years. My husband and I are now well matched but it took a long time and a lot of heart ache that we could have avoided if we had read it even after we married!

https://www.synergybyjasmine.com/1000-questions-for-couples-before-say-i-do-before-marriage-counseling-for-couple/

KNOWITALL's avatar

Finding love is normal at your age, and I’m sorry she’s discouraging that BUT some guys (and girls) are users and jerks. Parents seem to be hurt when their kids are hurt, and she doesnt want that for you.

Bottom line, you have to live your life and use good judgement. Not all men are bad, not at all, but sometimes it takes decades to find one. Go for it, use good judgement, dont focus all of who you are on the relationship, and take it slow. Good luck.

PS Maybe sit down with mom and ask her to tell you her stories. It may help you both understand eachother better.

LostInParadise's avatar

I am guessing that your mother had a bad experience and that your father is not around. Are there any examples of married couples that you can point out to your mother? It would provide evidence that things don’t always turn out badly.

Inspired_2write's avatar

She see things that you don’t at an innocent age of only 17 years old, an age of rushing into things without thinking of the long term consequences. Think about how you will feel 5 ,10 or even 20 years from now..think about what kind of future you want , besides marriage ( a rescuer).
I suppose at your age with the TV showing all young people with boyfriends, cars and homes and a lavish lifestyle does play a part on youth to obtain, but those commercials don’t show how they got there, through hard work and commitment to learning and working on their own goals before bringing in a boyfriend to be a marriage partner.
What kind of career do you see yourself in instead of what boyfriend you see yourself with ?

AshlynM's avatar

You’re young and just starting out in life. There will be plenty of time to find love.

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