General Question

Blondesjon's avatar

If you did indeed become a ghost after you died, who or what would you haunt?

Asked by Blondesjon (33955points) June 10th, 2009

I would make it my afterlife’s goal to scare the fuck out of those guys from Ghost Hunters.

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74 Answers

MrGV's avatar

Megan Fox

ragingloli's avatar

Politicians, priests, the pope, little children, fundies… a lot of people who deserve it.
I would also spy on corporations’ and governments’ secret technological developments and distribute them among their competition before they have a chance to patent it.

applesaucemanny's avatar

I would help those who are about to die like if there’s someone going to be hit by a car I would push them out of the way and stuff like that

Jeruba's avatar

Depends. Where will all the interesting ghosts hang out?

I think I might like to spend an aeon at the seashore and another living inside a violet. I’d spend a couple more as the dust on a dust jacket in one of the world’s great libraries, and maybe I’d also ride the falling snow. I’d whisper to my kids and their yet unborn kids and grandkids now and then. But mostly I imagine I’d like to have the freedom of the air.

Not that I believe in any such thing, but there’s no harm in imagining.

CMaz's avatar

I want to haunt the planet Mars. I do not want to know what others are doing without me.

chelseababyy's avatar

I’d haunt the people in my family who never cared to hear my side of the story.
Fuckers. Revenge is a bitch. Er.. well, a dead bitch.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion. There’s a mirror you look into on your way out where three ghosts appear in the reflection with you, my ghost buttocks would join them.

Blondesjon's avatar

@Jeruba . . .no harm at all.

Jeruba's avatar

@Blondesjon, “dinosaurs”??

Garebo's avatar

I would find it amusing to make my one fat cat jump like a helicopter.

Blondesjon's avatar

@Jeruba . . .we are surrounded by their reptilian ghosts

whatthefluther's avatar

Bill O’Reilly

Bluefreedom's avatar

A simple haunting would be way too mellow and boring. I would throw in a bunch of nefarious poltergeist type activity too and I would direct it all at my first wife who, I found out too late, was evil, mean, unkind, uncaring, callous, financially irresponsbible, pathologically angry all the time, and generally miserable whenever she was awake.

benjaminlevi's avatar

The apathetic

tinyfaery's avatar

I always tell my wife that when I die (and she knows she is not allowed to die before me) I am going to haunt her, but in a good way. I’ll just be with her always. It can be like I never died. I’ll just be a lot less expensive to keep.

I might try to scare some sense into my sister, but I think that would take more than one death.

loser's avatar

I’d haunt my ex.

A lot.

justus2's avatar

I would definately haunt the local police stations and court houses.

cak's avatar

I know that I would haunt my husband…I’d do little things to remind him of some of the fun we had together. I’d haunt one of my dear friends, and remind her to take the bread out of the oven…she always burns the bread. I’d haunt my children – in the best way possible. Let them know how loved they were and always will be.

I’d haunt my ex…only for one day. Long enough to pull the rug he is wearing off. Really? Guys still wear those?

Jeruba's avatar

@Blondesjon, oh! I see. I never thought of that. Could be a little creepy.

On the other hand, I do remember telling my 5-year-old son about how all things are interconnected—the paper made from the tree that grew out of the soil that was fertilized by decaying organic matter, and so on. I remember he was sititng at the kitchen table, about to take a spoonful of his Cocoa Puffs, and I said, “That cereal you’re eating—maybe it used to be George Washington.” I remember the way he stared down at it then, while I thought, “I wonder what it’s like to have me for a mother.”

wundayatta's avatar

Is haunting good or bad? Or can you do both? Is this like a list of people you love and hate?

dannyc's avatar

Great question. I would haunt Bobby C..the kid who kicked my ass and bullied me in grade school so many years ago,,the thought of it is so good..what a little creep he was..or maybe he is already a damn ghost too..

Blondesjon's avatar

@daloon . . .For once in your life let it be what you want it to be and just answer it.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I’d haunt the Taliban – they’d have an enemy they couldn’t torture, shoot or behead. I would spend my afterlife laughing till it hurt watching them run screaming into the hands of our brave soldiers.

Blondesjon's avatar

@dannyc . . .mine would be wayne benson

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@dannyc Great idea! I’m going for the snotty little stuck up twins who I played soccer against when I was younger. Oh wait, I haunted them back then too….

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I’d haunt other ghosts in an effort to help them let go of what was still connecting them to the realm of the living.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Everyone and anyone that seems to need to have the ever-lovin’ snot scared out of them. Most of my enemies are older than me, so they will probably haunt me first.

Hanging around work and scaring the shit out of the newbie employees might be fun. And as a ghost I could hang around all the places I can’t go now. What dead guy ghost wouldn’t want to hang out in the Dallas Cheerleaders’ locker room?

Aethelwine's avatar

@Blondesjon I asked “Who would you haunt?” a couple months ago. I’d link to it but you’ve got the laptop. ;)

cak's avatar

@jonsblond I’ll haunt Blondesjon to point out which questions you have already asked.

OH. I know someone I would haunt! Lori C. She made me miserable in 4th grade. She lived in the area for a short amount of time; however, it seemed like forever! GRRR! I’ll pull her pig-tails a few times. I couldn’t stay around her very long, I can’t stand to spend time with people I don’t really like.

El_Perseguidor's avatar

I would become the playboy mansion ghost.

kheredia's avatar

I would dedicate myself to haunting all the skeptics who claim to not believe in ghosts. I would get a kick out of that!

augustlan's avatar

I would totally haunt libraries. And Fluther. << I’ll be the ‘ghost in the machine’!

Mr_Callahan's avatar

Dick Cheney, he’s not a good shot anyway.

DarkScribe's avatar

I would just pick a good tropical cruise ship and haunt that. It would have enough constant variety to keep me entertained.

cyndyh's avatar

I would have to trade off haunting different things and places. I’d spend some time in the Science Fiction Museum haunting something like the captain’s chair from Star Trek or the Tardis. I’d spend some time on tour haunting someone’s guitar. I’d spend some time in a lighthouse. I’d protect some people who need it and haunt violent perps like a banshee.

cheebdragon's avatar

I would sooo fuck with everyone I hate….I hate a lot of people, so I would be a very busy ghost.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@cheebdragon Is there any particular reason you hate a lot of people?

wundayatta's avatar

@Blondesjon What!!! And ruin my reputation??? [Shakes head dolefully]

Well, even assuming ghosts had all the time in the universe, haunting would be a waste of my time.

Phew! Reputation restored!

CMaz's avatar

Sometimes ghosts are seen with clothing on. If there is ghost clothing there must be ghost Piña coladas. So put me on a ghost beach, with a hot ghost babe in her ghost bikini. Do some ghost surfing, ghost diving and ghost wind surfing.
I say all us ghost should get together and instead of haunting, have one big eternal beach party.
Whew, after all that, I would need a ghost nap.

wundayatta's avatar

@ChazMaz Now you’re talking! All that remains is to settle on the perfect beach!

CMaz's avatar

Well, being ghosts we have all eternity to decide. Why not just try them all!

cheebdragon's avatar

@firemadeflesh- There are a lot of really stupid people in the world….

Judi's avatar

I think I’d come back and haunt @DarkScribe . He’s such a skeptic he wouldn’t believe it was me anyway. I could drive him totally nuts.

CMaz's avatar

I think you both need to join the beach party!

IchtheosaurusRex's avatar

No women’s locker room would be safe from me.

wundayatta's avatar

Ok, here we go. The beaches I’d be happy to spend the rest of my death on. Just imagine a new wonderful and lovely ghost babe every month (or hell, every year or decade, or millennium, since we have all the time we need), and I’m in heaven!

CMaz's avatar

I am liking this ghost idea!

Mr_Callahan's avatar

I want to be ” The Ghost In Charlize Theron’s Dressing Room ”....and maybe a movie about it ,with a sequel on A&E.

CMaz's avatar

No matter how much of a hottie Charlize Theron is. She still picks her nose, wipes her butt throws up on occasion and removes her makeup.. I pass on that one. :-)
Come join our beach party, she will be there soon enough.

drClaw's avatar

Forget haunting! I would be too busy flying around. I always did wish I could fly….

Mr_Callahan's avatar

I’d kill for a small chunk of Charlize Theron booger…..beach party I’m so there dude.

Mr_Callahan's avatar

In retrospect,that last post was gross, sorry.

cheebdragon's avatar

From the Best of Craigslist

“My ghost is such a joke!

I just moved into this one bedroom apartment for the incredible low price of $450 a month! I mean, it’s on the third level, which sucks. It’s worth it, though.

When the landlord gave me a tour he told me something along the lines of “I need to be upfront with you. The reason why the rent is so cheap is because past tenants have complained that the apartment is haunted. Before you sign the lease consider this. I’m tired of my tenants breaking their lease because they hear a couple of noises.”

Whatever. As long as I can eat Cheetos in the nude while watching reruns of Seinfeld, I’m happy.

So, my first night I was sleeping, dreaming of blow jobs or something, and then I woke up to some noise. I sat up to see the pages of my Guiness Book of World Records rustling and turning. No shit.

Yeah, right, like THAT’S scary! Hahahahh. Puh-lease !

I laid back down and went to sleep. I mean, if Peter (I decided to name him Peter.) wanted to know the size of the biggest loogie in the world, that’s his business. Personally, if I was a ghost I’d whisper menacing things to my ex girlfriend like: “I willll kiiiiilll youuu, cheating biiiiitch,” or “Keeeeeellllyyyyyy. .. Keeeellyyyyy”, or “Youuuu haaaave heeerpeees.” Whatever.

Seriously, my ghost is a joke. He gurgles. What the fuck? Have you ever heard of a ghost gurgling before? I’m in the kitchen, trying to melt the plastic handle of my spatula on the stove, when I hear this annoying as fuck gurgling sound behind me. Wilson is not scary, he’s annoying. (At this point I found it appropriate to rename him Wilson.)

Wilson sucks, but he does one cool thing. Every once in a while I’ll catch a glimpse of this transparent, gruesome, bloody dude hanging from a noose in my bedroom. I know this is Wilson, which I renamed Tiberius, because he gurgles.
Yeah, he looks cool, but it sucks when I’m trying to have sex or masturbate. Tiberius is kind of a turn off, you know.”

(I have no idea who wrote this, I just found it on craigslist)

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@kheredia I’m one of those skeptics, bring it on! hee hee

DarkScribe's avatar

@Judi I think I’d come back and haunt @DarkScribe . He’s such a skeptic he wouldn’t believe it was me anyway. I could drive him totally nuts.

I am scared of naked women, so please don’t do that to me. ;)

ragingloli's avatar

You would haunt yourself? How would that be possible?

DarkScribe's avatar

@ragingloli ??????

That was Judi’s comment, not mine.

Jeruba's avatar

Soooo…you guys who would seize the opportunity for revenge: any chance some of your own misfortunes have come about the same way?—you’re being haunted by someone who remembers you for the way you (or your parent or ancestor) used to ~~~? Or maybe your old nemesis is mentally filling in your name on a question like this on some other site. Hmmm.

augustlan's avatar

It is interesting that many would use it for revenge. Hate so strong you’ll carry it not only throughout your life, but into your death as well can’t be good for you. Might want to address those feelings now, so you can move on with your life hate-free. And by ‘address’, I mean with therapy not revenge! ;-)

Blondesjon's avatar

@mammal . . .You would make a great ghost since I don’t believe in you to begin with.

mammal's avatar

@Blondesjon maybe not, but i interest you…

Blondesjon's avatar

Yes you do. The same way a new strain of airborne viral herpes would interest an epidemiologist.

ragingloli's avatar

@Blondesjon why don’t you two marry and have some children?

Blondesjon's avatar

@ragingloli . . .I’m already married dear. Or hadn’t you heard?

ragingloli's avatar

@Blondesjon then expand your marriage.

Blondesjon's avatar

@ragingloli . . .We can have that discussion when it is age appropriate for you.

Don’t you have some Japanese cartoons to watch or something?

tiffyandthewall's avatar

conor oberst.
if he’s in cassadagga lookin’ to “commune with the dead”, i’m waitin’

in all seriousness (though i’m totally serious about that), i don’t think i’d haunt anyone i know. i think it’d be traumatizing to have someone you care about be there, but not really be there, and to think your mind is playing tricks on you. though i can think of a few friends i might come visit, if i’m still good friends with them when i die. they believe in ghosts, and i think they’d appreciate if i paid them a visit if they thought i could. but i’m not sure. i might feel different about that when i’m a ghost.

cyndyh's avatar

My husband is a total skeptic. So, he’d appreciate me showing up to tell him, “Hey, it’s me. Figure how this thing works! I’ll be around as much as I can. Let me know what the deal is. Love you!”

mattbrowne's avatar


Moegitto's avatar

I would be that ghost that always hung around the lonely kid. They’d be scared of me for awhile, till I point and scare them towards someplace away from where they are, then they turn around and watch some deadly accident happen where they were standing. Realizing I just saved their life, they would look at me in amazement, and then I’ll sprout wings and move on to heaven. I would be a friendly guardian angel hehehe…

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