I asked my cousin if he was gay today. It didn't go well. What should I do now?
I feel like a complete idiot.
He’s 29 and hasn’t ever had a girlfriend, among other clues that make my family and I think he may be gay. We’ve suspected it for some time, but don’t know anything at all about it one way or the other. We don’t even know if his immediate family knows. We wouldn’t care if he was, we’d just like to know. We are a family of many gay friends and acquaintances.
He’s very intelligent, likable, handsome, well-to-do, and has a great sense of humor. We were pretty close as kids and always had a special connection at family events. Today was no different. We don’t see each other often anymore, but we got to talking and it was just like old times. We were in that familiar comfort zone. So I asked.
His reaction was not at all what I expected. I thought that if he was gay, he’d tell me, and if not, he’d at least joke about it. But, he very seriously, and out of character, said, “Wow, that’s a weird question.” He said that he just didn’t have a girlfriend and he wasn’t in a relationship kind of mode. He actually backed away, and avoided eye contact. He said he had a “work wife” which I think was his attempt at comic relief about the situation.
I told him that his answer was perfectly acceptable and that I didn’t need to know anything he didn’t want to tell me, it didn’t matter one way or the other, etc. But I could tell the damage was done. I apologized, and we sort of separated for the rest of the day. I think he was avoiding me.
So, now I don’t know if I should just let it go or try to contact him to apologize again or what. I don’t have his number or address and it would be strange if I asked my aunt for his info. I think it might make it weirder to contact him.
What do you think? Please be gentle. I feel bad enough already. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.
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