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HL2DeadPants's avatar

Should I try for a relationship with this girl I am friends with?

Asked by HL2DeadPants (30points) November 29th, 2012 from iPhone

I have know this girl for several years, (her name is Grace) and I have been in love with her for as long as I can remember. She and I are close, and we think of each other as brother and sister, but I have wanted to be in a dating relationship with her. I told her this a few months back but she said that If we dated, it might hurt our friendship. I personally think we would be a perfect couple, we just “click” ya know? But she said that it would, as I said hurt our friendship, I don’t think it will. She and her current boyfriend just broke up, she’s not upset, but I am think of trying again and asking her out, but don’t want to upset her by doing so. How can i get her to see things as i see them? Should I try to ask her out again? And if so, how should I go about asking her out? Any help with this would be amazing, this has been bugging me for a long time.

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10 Answers

deni's avatar

At this point just be there for her. She will appreciate that more than you hitting on her right after the break up, even if she isn’t sad about it. Don’t be pushy about it, that can be annoying. Like I said even if its a good break up, she still needs a period to get over it and think about what she wants. Perhaps it’ll be you!

sduconn's avatar

Leave it be, you’ve got to let these things develop over time. She may not see you guys as anything more, and it could be detrimental at this point. It could be an issue of maturity or of how she sees you, often times attraction and good qualities of a friend don’t match up, and it could take time or not happen at all. The best thing is to let it develop, and the important thing is to be there for your friend.

Kardamom's avatar

In this particular case, because of what she actually said to you, If we dated, it might hurt our friendship she was giving you a very polite and kind signal to let you know that she likes you as a friend (or as a brother sister type of relationship) but that she does not see you in a romantic way. I wouldn’t push it, or you could end up with this friend resenting you because of your love and longing for her.

I’ve been on both sides of this coin before. I loved a friend who didn’t love me back in a romantic manner, it was torture. He eventually got sick of my pining and walked away. I’ve also had a different friend profess his love for me and he acted like a sick puppy dog and it eventually wore me out and gave me the creeps. I had to walk away from him.

Try to maintain the friendship and let go of the love and longing you have for her, or at least keep it under wraps, and try to find another girl to choose as a girlfriend. That other person may also be a friend that you currently know, so there’s nothing at all wrong with trying to date a friend, but just make sure that the friend has mutual feelings for you. This particular girl only has “friend zone” feelings for you.

Shippy's avatar

Loads of best friends fall in love all the time. But they do it as a process, not necessarily by stating anything or asking them out. That kind of puts a pressure on it. I fell in love with my best friend. He’s the not only the best friend I have ever had, but I also adore him. He wasn’t even my type either. :)

Unbroken's avatar

I love that you asked this question it shows that you are actually thinking and caring about her.
Nothing is more irritating by guys that say they are friends but jump on you the minute you get out of a relationship.
I also have been on the other side. I think I am half in love with my best friend. But I would never tell him that. For one I value my friendship to much he keeps on sending mixed signals. And three because I’m not sure I’m that serious about it. I mean sometimes I think I am but then I try to picture it. And not so much.
@Shippy said it best I am going with the flow and feeling the situation out not jumping in a crass way. Somethings need to develop.

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Nad92's avatar

Do not in any case ask her out now!she might not show it but I bet you she’s upset about her break up,you don’t want to be her rebound, now do you! Take it easy,make her feel that you like her!im not saying sky write your undying live to her but make it obvious,let her feel shy around you,I’m terribly shy around guy I know who like me.let her notice you noticing her

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Kardamom's avatar

@HL2DeadPants So I guess you didn’t really want any advice, huh?

She already knows that you like her and she told you that it would damage your friendship if you dated her (that was a hint), but you’re still going to persue her?

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