General Question

talljasperman's avatar

Is it o.k. to go to a church because you are lonely?

Asked by talljasperman (21739points) May 16th, 2014

I was raised Roman Catholic and then I tried out Buddhism and then being Lutheran and then Baptist and agnosticism…. I didn’t get much from any of the beliefs. Other than a free Sunday meal and someone to talk to. I don’t know should I just waltz into a church on Sunday and introduce myself?

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34 Answers

josie's avatar

Why not?
You can’t have too many friends

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Dude, go for it. God does not judge.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Go for it. As long as you don’t make a mess no one is going to oppose.

bolwerk's avatar

Try Episcopalians. Maybe the WASPs can give you a job!

KNOWITALL's avatar

YEs Jesus came for the sinner not the saved. Go for it! I’ve tried many faiths myself, I just can’t commit anymore.

chyna's avatar

Yes. Church can be a great place to meet other people.

janbb's avatar

Yes – it’s fine.

ibstubro's avatar

Absolutely. Being lonely is a perfectly legitimate reason to visit a church or churches.

Coloma's avatar

No. If you’re lonely you need to find people that share YOUR interests!
Being a Chameleon is never a good idea.
If you do not have your own spiritual convictions then you are only going to be using a church for selfish purpose.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

It’s okay to go and just relax.

johnpowell's avatar

You might want to look into The Sunday Assembly. I believe they are in Toronto now. It is kinda like church without the god part. It is more about community.

janbb's avatar

@Coloma what’s wrong with using a church for “selfish” purposes? Who are we to judge?

Berserker's avatar

Why not? Most churches and their people will probably welcome you even if you’re not of their faith, or any faith at all, or so I imagine.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Just beware of the Pentecostals!

Coloma's avatar

@janbb it’s disingenuous.
To insert oneself into a group with selfish motivation is not being authentic, if that’s something you strive for, which we all should, anything less is being a phoney.
There are dozens of other options for creative relief from feeling lonely, why play games?
That’s what one is doing if they use an affiliation for selfish reasons.

That would be like me going to dog shows to meet a man. I don’t really like dogs, I don’t want a dog, I have zero desire to involve myself with someone that has a herd of dogs. Barking up the wrong tree maybe?

filmfann's avatar

Of course! Come for the social interaction, stay for the good news!

rockfan's avatar


Then who judges which people go to heaven and hell?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Oh fuck, what a great question.

Coloma's avatar

@rockfan Only those that actually believe in a heaven and hell.
I will just send assholes to Siberia and great people to Hawaii. lollol

turtlesandbox's avatar

Volunteer your time. They won’t turn you away. and they’ll probably feed you

Buttonstc's avatar


What’s the matter with going to a church and letting them know that one hasn’t found a belief system which is right for them (or any belief at all for that matter)?

Do you think that there have never been any instances of agnostics going to church and letting others know they’re agnostic? Guess again.

I see absolutely nothing wring with him telling them that and that he’s kind of lonely and figured this might be a good place in the community to make friends.

What’s the matter with that?

Just because you wouldn’t personally feel comfortable doing that doesn’t mean that it extrapolates to everyone.

Wpuid he be better off in a bar?

I perfectly respect your right to reject a belief system which is inauthentic for you. How about respecting someone else’s right to explore a bit in search of human companionship without insinuating he’s being disingenuous or just using them? Isn’t that kind of assuming a lot?

Coloma's avatar

@Buttonstc That’s fine, IF the person is really a seeker, not just looking for social opportunities
Otherwise there are plenty of other options aside from bars. Doesn’t have to be that drastically polarized. Church/bars, lots of middle ground there. haha
Not that hard to understand what I’m saying.

johnpowell's avatar

@Coloma :: I get people knocking on my doors trying to convert me. They would probably be happy to have someone walk into their doors. They would save a ton on shoes.

gondwanalon's avatar

It’s OK as long as you don’t drink the Kool-Aid®.

Berserker's avatar

Then who judges which people go to heaven and hell?

Isn’t it Saint-Peter? lol…peter.

LostInParadise's avatar

I suspect that it is more than just loneliness but rather the need for a spiritual community that you are feeling. In addition to the Sunday Assembly that @johnpowell mentioned, you may want to consider the Unitarians, whose members encompass a wide range of beliefs, including agnosticism.

flip86's avatar

Those free Sunday meals are frequented by the homeless or poor families. Better to leave the food for those who need it.

JLeslie's avatar

Of course it is ok. Social interaction is part of the reason for church. Meeting people can lead to all sorts of wonderful things.

cookieman's avatar

I’ve visited many churches just to appreciate the architecture. I can’t imagine your reasons are any worse.

ragingloli's avatar

Try a pub instead. It is less mentally damaging.
You seem to be emotionally volatile, that makes you the perfect victim for the cult.

janbb's avatar

There are many different kinds of churches, as you seem to know. I have recently been going to a Unitarian congregation and find that it doesn’t violate my belief system as an atheist Jew and that it enhances my connection to people and the meaning in my life. If you try to pick a church that is basically consistent with your beliefs or questions, I think it is a great idea.

In general @talljasperman , I think that anything that will get you out of the house and with people is a great idea!

gailcalled's avatar

There are Quaker meetings for worship in Calgary

I do not know where you are living, but the Religious Society of Friends welcome everyone who can sit in silence for 50 minutes and listen to the sense of the communal body. Then there is coffee, cake and socializing afterwards. Quakers do not preach.

Time to stop asking a thousand questions, put on your shoes and jacket and actually go outside for a bit and try something.

Paradox25's avatar

My advice is only based off of my own personal experiences since I used to attend church a great deal in my twenties. You don’t appear to take any religion seriously, so I’d avoid conservative churches where those people are more likely to take their religion seriously. I also don’t believe church is the best way to meet people, especially if you’re a shy guy, and from my experience there weren’t too many single women attending church, but usually couples or married people. I suspect you’re asking this because you’re looking for someone to hook up with based on your past questions.

You might do better to get involved with volunteering in some community event. I also think gailcalled gave decent advice too. Quakers tend to be very open minded and friendly people, the types you can have deep discussions with without any dogma. In a ‘worst’ case scenario you can probably make some friends at least.

Buttonstc's avatar

@johnpowell (and anyone else interested in Sunday Assembly)

I just discovered that Morgan Spurlock, the documentarian, has done an hour long feature on this group for his CNN program.

It first aired on May 11 but is still available by VOD (Video On Demand) if your cable/satellite service offers it.

I would assume it’s also available to watch on the CNN site or elsewhere on the web.

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