General Question

Esteban1's avatar

Do you feel like you have to talk to women when you go out?

Asked by Esteban1 (373points) November 21st, 2014 from iPhone

It seems to me that even as you get older, there’s still this perception that it’s uncool to be at a bar not talking to anyone.

Do you go to bars with the intention of speaking with women or do you go to bars for atmosphere?

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11 Answers

seekingwolf's avatar

This probably explains why I don’t like being in bars: creepy people coming up and trying to talk to me while I try to brush them off and mind my own business. Wish they would mind theirs.
I’m sitting alone with a drink and my phone out not looking at anyone, does it look like I want to talk to strangers?!?
And no, I’m not conventionally attractive. I think they’re just desperate.

Fellas, do yourselves and everyone a favour and read body language: if a woman has OPEN body language and looks your way/smiling/looking around, then chances are she is open to you approaching her. If she’s talking to someone else intently, keeping her eyes on her phone screen, having “closed” body language, or answers your inane questions with one word answers, then leave her alone.

I don’t understand the desire to try and force conversation with people next to you at a bar. Many bars have a nice atmosphere all by themselves.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t go to bars anymore myself, but I talk to anyone, anywhere, of any age and any gender, all the time. I like to engage people and be engaged.
It’s simple, talk if you want to, if not, don’t. haha

johnpowell's avatar

We can’t smoke in bars here. I also live in a college/liberal hotbed. So I grab a pint and head to the porch where you can smoke. If there is a spare seat at a table I will ask if the seat is taken. If it isn’t and they offer it I will take a seat and pull out my copy of A Peoples History of The United States by Howard Zinn and pretend to read.

Within ten minutes of nursing a beer and pretending to read I can work my way into the conversation at the table.

And I am a anti-social nerd. But I can work the bar. Gender doesn’t play into it. Get in somewhere and you can work it.

Buttonstc's avatar

You don’t HAVE TO talk to anyone. There is no unwritten law.

The key is that if you’re comfortable in your own skin, you don’t have to make any extraordinary efforts at all.

If there are friendly people nearby who seem open to conversation then talk to them if you feel like it.

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sitting quietly by yourself either. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and relaxed and you’ll find that this is a natural attractant for any socially inclined people near you.

downtide's avatar

I go to pubs for the beer (I’m a real ale/craft beer fan) and I will chat with anyone regardless of gender. I don’t go to the “hooking up” type of bar.

Esteban1's avatar

I go to bars to just hangout, not meet people. It’s just a break from work or being at my house. What I don’t understand is why people think you have to be talking to strangers to enjoy being at the bar.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I don’t go to bars and definitely not on my own. Perhaps the expectation that you speak to someone has more to do with the perception that drinking alone is bad. I think if I was sitting at a bar on my own, I’d feel less conspicuous if I was talking to someone. If you’re a guy, can’t you go to a bar and talk to other guys? Talking to ‘women’ seems to suggest you feel the need to pick up or flirt.

talljasperman's avatar

I go for the pub grub… chicken wings and beef ribs.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I don’t go to bar. But whenever I go to somewhere for fun I usually go with someone. I rarely go alone. So I already have someone to talk to.

I like people and I can start a random friendly conversation with someone anyway.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Have to?


No, I don’t have to.

This is a situation, like almost all in life, where one should just let things flow naturally.

rojo's avatar

I go to bars to have a drink or two and will talk to anyone, regardless of sex, who is willing to engage in conversation.
The women I have spoken to are just as interesting as the men, sometimes more so.

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