Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Does this seem dismissive to you?

Asked by Dutchess_III (44097points) 1 month ago

My great grandson’s Mom posted on Facebook that yesterday her childhood home burned to the ground on Whidby Island, Washington. It was a large cabin and all the logs were hand phewn by her parents and friends over 30 years ago.
They got everyone, including animals out before the propane tank by the house blew.
The pictures are horrific and heart breaking.

One person wrote “So sad; however, people and animals okay (insert a heart here) memories will prevail (insert 3 grinning, happy faces with little hearts all over them)”

It just seemed awfully flippant and inappropriate to me.
What do you think?

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18 Answers

cookieman's avatar

I think many people have no idea what to write or say in difficult, upsetting, or tragic situations. They do their best, may not fully understand the importance of certain details, but just want to be supportive and say something “nice”. People often miss the mark, but I like to assume they mean well.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

It’s a tragic situation. And while I would agree that people and animals safety is first priority, I would think they could have made their point with out all the thingy jings. Flippant? Can’t say. Inappropriate? Certainly. In my view anyway.

rebbel's avatar

There are only so many emojis that we can use to symbolise what we actually meant (to say, but didn’t find the words for).
I think it’s better, in cases like these, to refrain from using them altogether.
I’m pretty sure this person didn’t mean any harm with her three smiley’s.
But it looks weird, I would agree.

JLoon's avatar

Not really.

Sympathy is important when people face tradgedy – But so is optisim, and gratitude for what survives.

Dutchess_III's avatar

But it just happened. Her childhood up in flames. She most certainly had personal items from her life in there..
Shouldn’t there be a mourning period while they sort through it all and come to their own conclusions about what to be grateful for?

Zaku's avatar

The grinning faces at the end might be taken badly, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they meant well.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Seems inappropriate to me but I’ve lost everything in a house fire myself, so I get the trauma and life-changing event it actually is.
I think people just should say very little if they can’t empathize, not be flippant and lose the emoji’s.

Cupcake's avatar

Sounds like toxic positivity. Agree that people don’t know how to respond.

flutherother's avatar

It does seem flippant in the circumstances and the imojis don’t help. You have to assume the person meant well and was just being thoughtless.

JLoon's avatar

@Dutchess_III – This was posted on Facebook, evidently on a public page. When you put personal tragedy in front of people outside your closest circle you invite all kinds of reactions – And you shouldn’t be surprised at what you get.

Posting difficult personal experiences on the interwebs just wouldn’t be my choice if I wanted time to process shock & loss privately.

But I wonder why all the concern in this case? The reply you’re talking about here isn’t exactly insensitive, and at least tries to offer a little hope. And it’s far less harmful than some of the thoughtless flack spewed out by the worst online trolls.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The smiley face heart heart emojis were so cringy.

jca2's avatar

It seems a little odd but as @JLoon said, when things are posted on a public page, the Original Poster takes their chances.

product's avatar

Not at all.

♥ :) ♥

Seems like you might want to leave the toxicity of Facebook if you find a completely normal response to a public post offensive. Are you sure you’re angry with that poster and not just upset about the house having burned?

Mimishu1995's avatar

If you know that person, maybe you can PM them and tell them what you think? Something like “hey, I appreciate that you comment led on her post, but next time can you refrain from using emoji? It makes you sound less serious than you want to be.” They may appreciate the honesty and make an effort to be less inappropriate next time.

Otherwise, if you don’t know them much, maybe just brush them off if they upset you that much. They don’t mean anything to you and it’s best to keep them at arm’s length.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If anyone is interested someone started a GoFund Me.

<div class=“gfm-embed” data-url=“https://www.gofundme.com/f/house-fire-aid-for-victor-reeves-sam-mutschler/widget/large/”></div><script defer src=“https://www.gofundme.com/static/js/embed.js”></script>

jca2's avatar

@Dutchess_III That’s not a good link.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Dutchess_III What happens to the link?

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