General Question

lovelace's avatar

What is so fascinating about oral sex?

Asked by lovelace (199 points ) January 27th, 2009

I’ve heard of a man choosing to be with one woman over another woman because of that. What makes it such a big deal for men? Just wanna know.

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60 Answers

dynamicduo's avatar

It’s extremely pleasurable, that’s why.

eponymoushipster's avatar

your business. is in. someones mouth.

and that’s just crazy.

AstroChuck's avatar

It combines two activities that we men never get tired of: sex and not moving at all.

jonsblond's avatar

I’m for equal opportunity… 69

PupnTaco's avatar

Some men really, really dig it. Not all do to the extent you describe.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Not to be coarse, but, it’s the tongue, right? There’s only so much that stationary genitals can do. And there’s an adjustable, yet stationary organ, the mouth, with a tongue that’s doing things at the same time. Tongues move around.

For people (and not just men) who like it, all those different sensations are pretty exciting!

Lightlyseared's avatar

It’s intimate and it’s naughty.

pekenoe's avatar

For me, it’s about me giving pleasure to my wife rather than any I may receive if my wife wanted to give same to me. It’s never been a big thing with me receiving, giving is much more rewarding.

girlofscience's avatar

Yeah, I agree with @PupnTaco that it isn’t a huge deal for all guys. Some guys live for it and prefer it over sex, even.

Not the guys I’ve been with. I’m not that great at doing it (but I do try at least 2–3 times per month!), but neither of my long-term boyfriends has considered it a priority. They have preferred going down on me and having sex to my lousy attempts at blowjobs, haha.

cwilbur's avatar

Oral sex may also be only the canary in the coal mine. It’s important that the two people in the relationship have similar attitudes towards adventurousness in sex, and so someone who has a “sure, I’ll try that!” attitude paired up with an “anything but the missionary position is gross” is not going to be happy for long.

Harp's avatar

“canary in the coal mine”...never thought of it that way…cute…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@cwilbur I think this question is all about the canary being somewhere other than the coal mine.

Harp's avatar

first the canary puts on his little miner’s helmet…

elijah's avatar

♥loooves it♥
It’s about giving your partner a mind blowing O without them having to do anything but sit back and relax.

girlofscience's avatar

@elijahsuicide: Phew. I originally misread your statement as, “I’m about to give my partner…”

That would have been too much information!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@girlofscience that certainly would have put fluther in a twitter, not wouldn’t it have?

nebule's avatar

@girlofscience how do you know you’re not great at doing it?

maybe its something to do with power/control and Freud…

girlofscience's avatar

@lynneblundell: Well, I never did it that much, so I never acquired the amount of practice a lot of other girls did. I started having sex relatively early, so it wasn’t like I had to rely only on oral with my teenage boyfriends. So, I only did it rarely, and I never dated a guy who cared a lot about it, so I simply never did it consisitently enough to really develop a good technique.

As for how I know I’m not good at it, well, um, I can’t exactly get it all down (can’t “deepthroat” without gagging), and sometimes my teeth hit it, haha, and I don’t ever feel like I’m doing anything particularly innovative with my mouth/tongue. I’ve had pretty honest relationships with my boyfriends, and they’ve told me (in a nice/silly way) that while I’m quite enjoyable in bed, blowjobs aren’t exactly my strong suit.

poofandmook's avatar

@girlofscience: You can definitely be good without deepthroating. I have a strong gag reflex, but I was always told I was excellent. You just really have to be extra creative to pick up the slack in the dt department. lol. (In saying that, thank goodness my current boyfriend specifically doesn’t like receiving oral)

girlofscience's avatar

@poofandmook: Haha, I know I could be good without DTing, but the other aspects of my performance are lacking as well.

It’s ok though… That’s just generally. Sometimes I get it in me to give a great one, and it makes those rare occasions even more exciting for my boyfriend because it is so unexpected.

figbash's avatar

Technique-wise, the appeal outside of normal sex has go to be suction, plus friction and the ability to concentrate on very specific, high-nerve ending areas with all parts of your tongue.

Combine that with very little work necessary, some guys who really like the power dynamic shift, and the whole experience becomes a strong draw for them.

That being said though, I know some guys who are on the more conservative side, who don’t like to look down and see their ‘sweet’ girlfriends down on their knees.

girlofscience's avatar

@figbash: No wonder I don’t date conservative guys. I hate the mentality of not wanting to engage in “dirty” sex out of “respect” for your partner. That view is so convoluted.

If you’re in a passionate relationship, there is nothing wrong with doing anything sexual you want with your love! Just enjoy yourself and let go of the hangups!

elijah's avatar

@girlofscience haha and you think I was about to give too much information?!?!?
My advice would be just relax when you do it. Try some chocolate or caramel sauce (room temperature!). If you are enjoying yourself instead of worrying if your doing it right then it will be better for both of you. And if you don’t ever develop a taste for it (sorry hehe) then it’s sounds like you more than make up for it in other ways. If he is happy that’s all that matters!!

figbash's avatar

@girlofscience : Oh, definitely agreed! I’ve never dated conservative guys at all so this sitch doesn’t apply to me. I fortunately bring no hangups to the bedroom, but I have a lot of male friends and the oral sex convo has come up multiple times. I was surprised that weird issue still comes up with them. I think when you look at it though, these are guys who are looking for specific defined “roles” in their relationships with women.

girlofscience's avatar

@elijahsuicide: Haha, I don’t worry about whether I’m doing it right when I’m doing it; I just have fun. But I’m still just not that good at it.

And we’re not conservative in the bedroom, but we’re not really into food+sex combined. Both are more enjoyable separate, haha.

girlofscience's avatar

@figbash: That makes a lot of sense. I’m definitely not into the kinds of guys who are looking for specific gender roles in relationships either!

El_Cadejo's avatar

My favorite holiday is right around the corner ^_^

chelseababyy's avatar

I don’t know. I give it, but I don’t get it >.<

Bluefreedom's avatar

It certainly isn’t the view, or so I’ve been told by others.

I’m going to take a chance and throw modesty out the window and admit that I very much enjoy being able to please a woman with oral sex. I don’t know why it is so appealing. It just is.

saranwrapper's avatar

@chelseababyy You should fix that. Oral sex is something every girl should have in their life. Not kidding. Seriously fix that.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

@chelseababyy that is a shame…
I guess I really enjoy it, but I think its because I know there is no worries of making babies so its a lot more care free and still lots of fun.

chelseababyy's avatar

@saranwrapper & @LKidKyle1985, I know right. And I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. I don’t even know what to say to him! He’s done it ONCE. and we were drunk :/

mea05key's avatar

With the teeth and tongue rotating and sliding action , its makes life worth while. also not to forget the vacuum action. I just cant find better words.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@chelseababyy uhm, get him drunk again?

chelseababyy's avatar

@eponymoushipster, oh we get drunk, and we have sex, but no oral for me :[ lol

saranwrapper's avatar

@chelseababyy If I were you I’d just ask. Tell him it’s something you’d like to do from time to time. If he needs coaxing, remind him of the great blowjob memories. Then tell him, for lack of a better phrase, to suck it.

elijah's avatar

@chelseababyy- just withhold bjs. When he gets antsy just say “none for me means none for you”. It seems harsh but it works. Then again he might really hate doing it, and in that case you have to decide if it’s something you can live without.

maybe_KB's avatar

BOOM!...Here comes the baby!
Gee, i feel so dirty

girlofscience's avatar

@chelseababyy: It sounds like your boyfriend just may not be into giving oral sex in general. He probably doesn’t think about it very much, or if he does, does not think of it in a positive way. He also probably doesn’t realize that it’s something you’d really like him to do. (Very stupid that he wouldn’t realize this, but it’s a very legitimate possibility.)

Believe me when I say that it is quite possible to transform a man like this into one who can’t get enough of your girlparts. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we were close platonic friends for three years, and so, he always talked to me about the girls he was dating. He consistently complained about it. He said it hurt his neck and found it to be generally unpleasant. Well, that was sure to change when we got together! The first time he went down on me, I was especially enthusiastic, and he found it to be so hot. For the next month or so, he literally could not get enough of it and was so glad to now thoroughly enjoy something he previously considered tortuous.

You should, in a fun/sexy way, tell your boyfriend that you would love for him to go down on you more frequently. Don’t say this in a way as if you’re annoyed with him for not doing it, because then it will just seem like a chore to him. Be excited and tell him that it’s gotten you really hot, thinking about him going down on you. When he does, interact with him and make it an enjoyable experience for him too, telling him how much you like what he’s doing. Hopefully he’ll be able to make the same transformation my boy did.

Good luck!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@chelseababyy get him drunk, start wrestling, then just hold him down with thy nether regions…and bob’s your uncle.

PupnTaco's avatar

Just don’t invite Bob, he’ll take pictures and post them online.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@PupnTaco Maybe that’ll help too.

chelseababyy's avatar

@saranwrapper, blowjob memories.. Hmm. He gets them like twice a week. I swear to got my right arm is so fucking strong now.

@girlofscience, yeah. I’m pretty much one of the only girls he’s been with. Like, one of three. or four, whatever. Anyway, I definitely need to get some sense into him. I think you’re right and he either doesn’t realize, or he doesn’t like it. And you’re right, if I work his ego into it, telling how great it is and how much I really would enjoy it, that might just turn on that lightbulb in his head! Thank you!

@eponymoushipster, I could definitely try that also. :D

@pupntaco, LMAO @ your bob comment. I teared from laughing so hard.

Trustinglife's avatar

@chelseababyy He might be scared or nervous – sounds like he’s inexperienced. It’s ok to be firm about it being important to you, but I’d suggest being gentle with him about it.

tennesseejac's avatar

Do you know why guys take their hands and grasp the girls head while she is going down?

To keep from applauding .

Bri_L's avatar

I don’t think it is for any one reason. you ladies understand it feels good.

As to why oral over vaginal over rumpal I think that comes down to the individual. A sense of dominance, being dirty, different sensations than can be achieved other wise, the illusion of the female worship or desire of the member.

I have loved like nothing else, and also felt like “please, just stop doing that”. I think that was somewhat due to technique and mostly do to the fact that I enjoyed it when the woman enjoyed giving to me to see me happy, not out of obligation.

And I always give back, more often than receive actually.

saranwrapper's avatar

@chelseababyy TWICE A WEEK! I take it all back. No words are needed or deserved. Just do the push the head down thing that men seem to be so fond of.

tennesseejac's avatar

I would love it if next time I went in for a kiss she starts to push my head down without saying a word

jonsblond's avatar

@chelseababyy Watch a porn (that maybe involves two girls) and tell him that that would be nice if he tried it on you. Maybe he’ll get the hint. As I said above, 69 is great for both.

I feel so dirty with that snowman looking over my shoulder

chelseababyy's avatar

@Trustinglife Yeah, funny thing is this. When I first met him, we talked about sex and stuff. And how he could never imagine having a girl he loved go down on him, and him cumming in her mouth. We’ve been together for a year and he’s in love with doing that lmao.

@saranwrapper, RIGHT. I do it all the time. ALL THE TIME!!!! I still don’t think he’ll get down and dirty.

Jack79's avatar

assuming it is done right (ie the way the person wants it), it can be the most pleasurable sexual experience. And since sex is the main (if not the only) reason why men even bother to talk to women, let alone date them, it goes without saying that someone who is good at that will definitely get the guy, even if she is not much good anywhere else. Yes, we really are that uncomplicated. You should take advantage of it.

chelseababyy's avatar

No offense.. But that’s kinda mean ^^.

Jack79's avatar

sorry, it’s the truth

and it says more about men being shallow than of women being useless. Which I guess both are. (...now THAT was mean! hehe)

fireside's avatar

I think that is a truth that may depend on age and maturity, not gender.

chelseababyy's avatar

I don’t think that’s completely true at all.

PupnTaco's avatar

I’ll testify to the contrary. Sex isn’t the only thing.

hammer43's avatar

I agree with you one hundred percent @Bluefreedom, about the pleasing the woman that is.

tb1570's avatar

I’ll have to agree w/ pekenoe here. to me it’s much more about giving than receiving. In fact, when I read to original question (What’s so fascinating about oral sex?), the first thing that popped into my mind was giving, not receiving, b/c that is much more “fascinating” to me! I mean, sure, receiving a good bj is a wonderful thing, but I much more prefer giving—that is where the fascination lies! and I can’t explain why—it’s just the whole experience, the sights, the sounds, the smells, seeing someone I care about in absolute ecstasy b/c of something i’m doing to/with her—it’s all so absolutely wonderful!
So, to follow-up on the rest of your question (“I’ve heard of a man choosing to be with one woman over another woman because of that. What makes it such a big deal for men? Just wanna know.”), but in reference to giving, not receiving, I suppose for me it just might be true. If I was w/ a girl that did not like to receive for whatever reason and we could not overcome this obstacle, yes, I could imagine that perhaps I couldn’t be w/ her long-term; it’s that important to me! Because I like to spend a lot of time down there, A LOT, and I like to get to know her nether-regions on a very personal, intimate level (just like I like to get to know every centimeter of the rest of her body, and hope to know as much as possible about her mind), so if she was hung-up about this for some reason and we couldn’t find a solution together, it very well might be a deal breaker!

noraasnave's avatar

I would agree that giving is a powerful accomplishment especially when that ‘GUSH’ of fluid happens. It is rewarding to be able to please my S.O. on that level.

The appeal is the accomplishment of having no doubts whatsoever that my S.O. is pleased because the evidence is leaking all over the bedsheets and my face. After that she is willing to do anything to return the flavor.

The other appeal is there are no rules, nothing taboo, that the longer I delay skin to skin contact the more powerful the moment; the more time spent exploring around, the better the treasure!

when she shaves (down there) I am attracted like a bee to honey. (she is going to turn bright red for days when she reads this…lol)

Marie123's avatar

Canary in the coal mine….from the book excellent book Caucasia

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