Is it wrong to fall in love with a married man?

You can’t choose who you love.

However, you can choose not to act on it. These things always have the same story, and rarely end well. Do yourself a favor, and walk away. What makes you think he wouldn’t do the same thing to you in a couple of years? Please don’t fool yourself, this is not a healthy relationship in the making.

Who’s to say in five years you won’t be the woman he hates.

To protect yourself, it might be wise to step aways from the relationship until he get s a divorce and then be him. If he really wants to be with you, he will find a way. We cannot always choose whom we love, but we can choose what we do about it. I am sorry for your pain but your guilty feelings are telling you something too.

If you feel guilty then you must feel that it is wrong. Only you can decide what to do but there’s some good advice here about stopping the relationship until it can be conducted in a way that is respectful to all people involved. Especially you and the wife.

Yes, yes, yes, yes

It’s wrong to mess with a family. If he’s single is one thing, if he’s still married stay away.

Do you really need to ask?

It’s not wrong until you think it is.

Though it’s not a good thing.

Think a bit. What’s the thing to guarantee that he won’t divorce again in the future for another woman?

Think.

It is not necessarily wrong to love a married man, as others have said, you can’t control who you fall in love with. However, odds are extremely good that this man is not in love with you. It may feel like he is and it may feel as though you love him as well, but I’m not buying it. If he really wanted to end his marriage and be with you he would do so. The fact that he is still with his wife after two years of dating you is a red flag and shows that he does not want to leave her. He wants to have his cake and eat it to and you are letting him. Walk away and find a man who is available and willing to make a commitment to you and your relationship. You and his wife deserve better than him.

(Edit: Sorry about typos in my answer.)

How sad for you. And if he loves you, how sad for him. Regardless of how common divorce is, he took an oath to stay married for life, and it appears he is sticking with that oath. You are young and need to get on with your life with a partner who can be there for you. Occasionally, you hear about situations such as this that go on for years, but I wonder how good they are for “the other woman,” which is what you are. My advice would be to break up with him and carry on with your life as best you can without him.

You can’t control who you fall in love with. However, you really shouldn’t expect much from the relationship. Something’s fishy if he’s not leaving his wife, regardless of what he’s telling you. Why “couldn’t” he divorce her? If he truly “hates” her and loves you to the point that he’s asking you to marry him, he should have done something toward ending his relationship with his wife by now. If not divorce, at least separation. I have a feeling that he’s stringing you along and enjoying having two women at his disposal.

You can’t help who you fall in love with.

It is illegal to marry someone who is already married, though.

Two years? Why hasn’t he divorced her twice over by now?

You are being strung along. He is playing you.

He has no intention of divorcing his wife.

To see if he does, tell him that you won’t see him anymore until his divorce is final.

Then stick to that.

He is a parent. He is a husband. He has responsibilities to his family. As long as you see him, you are contributing to him not meeting those responsibilities. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Think how you would feel if you were married to him, and he was cheating on you with another woman.

Break it off. If he comes to you and shows you his final divorce decree, you will know that he is free.

I don’t know if I’d call it wrong…. I’d just call it incredibly inconvenient.

Yes it is wrong. When you are married with children are you going to be happy when a woman falls in love with your husband? People are saying you can’t control falling in love, but you can. Love developes over time, and you gave it the time to fall in love. If you did not know initially he was married than I have empathy for you, but then the deal is he is a liar and a cheater.

How old are you? All you say is he is 12 years older. If you are under 25 I think it is a really big red flag that in 10 years he will go for another 20 something. Of course I can’t know for sure. Women under the age of 25 are much different than say women over the age of 35. An older man who is attracted to very young might always be.

If you’ve been together for 2 years and he’s been saying the whole time he hates his wife, why hasn’t he left yet? If he says it’s because of his children, how old are they? Is he planning to wait until they move out before he finally leaves his wife? If he really hated her the way he says he does, he’d be divorced already.

I think you need to step away from him and this relationship and focus on yourself. You deserve someone who can and will be able to devote a relationship to you, he can’t do that, and honestly, it doesn’t sound like he wants to.

You can’t choose who you fall in love with, but it’s wrong to sleep with a married man unless he and his wife have an “open” relationship. It’s called “cheating” and it’s disgusting.

You can’t choose who you love, but it is wrong to act on it before the married person has gotten a divorce, for two reasons. First, you are contributing to the break-up of a family. Second, if a person will cheat with you, s/he will probably cheat on you.

Furthermore, you indicated that you have doubts about this relationship. You said yourself that “if it wasn’t me it will be someone else.” If you truly felt that he loved you as a person, then I wonder why you would say that. Are you willing to be kept on the hook until he decides to get a divorce? Do you know why he won’t take steps to get one, since he claims to want it so badly?

True love is doing the right thing.

Becoming involved with a married man is a red flag on him as this indicates lack of loyalty and character.There are children involved, and the vows he took with his wife is a promise to be true.

You becoming involved with a married man is a red flag on you as it indicates your lack of ability to want a truly intimate relationship.Every time you sleep with him,you are sleeping with them.

The word hate is a strong word, and it reveals to me that this man is very immature. I bet that he is in his 40’s or early 50’s. How does it feel to be the item USED to scratch his change of life itch?

No comment…doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you you’re playing with some big drums of jet fuel…KABOOM!

each one of us will die if this relation ends.
Are you’re sharing a kidney or something? I’m willing to bet not. Rest assured, this relationship will end, and neither of you will die because of it. He will most likely move on to another piece of younger, ummm “woman”. You will hopefully grow up and realize that you were nothing more to him than a piece of younger “woman”.

It’s not wrong, however it would be wrong for him to act on it.

fall in love with? No
Act on it? Yes,

It’s not wrong to fall in love with anyone. It’s what you choose to do with those feelings that may make it wrong.
It is wrong to get involved with it untill it is over.
You state that you have been with him 2 years. Thats kindo of funny, because you really are not WITH HIM.
Of course you feel guilty, you are part of the cheating.
It is wrong of him to use you until it is over.
I am sure there is many reason of why he is having issues and is vulnerable in his marriage. The difference is you are hearing one side of the story.
He is getting comfort emotionally and physically from you. He needs to man up and decide what he is doing.
Are you even able to be seen in public together? What would happen if you were out together and someone sees the two of you or god forbid his child ask who you are?
It has been 2 years. That is not showing that he wants out. He wants a fling. Statistically relationships that start like this have little chance of surviving in the long haul.
Even if he does divorce and leave her, how will you feel about a man that cheated on his wife? Will he then cheat on you?
You are potentially wasting valuable time with someone that you will never be with. You must go through horrible emotions when it comes to Holiday’s Birthday’s etc.
Think better of yourself as you do deserve more.
Have you thought about breaking it all open and going to his wife with this information?
You need to decide what stand to take and make it known. You can’t make him do anything, but he has to decide. You need to see progress on it more than a word of future marriage. Those words are to keep you at bay. To tell you what you want to hear.
IMHO, you need to disconnect from him. Let him do what he needs to do in his current situation. He needs to do it for the right reasons and not because someone is waiting in the wings. He needs to man-up and work through it irregardless of if you will be there for him when it is over. This would be a sign of true love and commitment if he could do it without you waiting. He needs to trust in doing the right thing for the right reasons.
Best of luck and I pray that you don’t get hurt, but sadly you are already hurting way too much.

@blueiiznh

Well said, and yes, ‘statistically’ often, IF the affair ‘partner’ does leave, the relationship fails because the hidden thread in these affairs is a FEAR of intimacy. Once the object of limerence actually becomes available often the other person no longer wants them.
Too threatening, forbidden fruit is much safer and tastier to some than the actutal apple on the table.

@Coloma So correct on that person changing once they are past that initial relationship that is holding them. A very difficult cycle to be stuck in.

Let’s look at his interests. He no doubt wants to maintain his relationship with you. It is a fun time relationship. You guys only have fun together. You don’t need to deal with the hard stuff of a day-to-day relationship. No sickness. No kids. No house to maintain. No car payments. You are free to have dinner and run off to the hotel and bang each other.

So it’s perk for him. Maybe he really does think he loves you, but he’s also in a situation. He has a wife and he has kids and he has a life with routine. If he were to get divorced, he would be separated from his kids. He might have to cook his own meals (or whatever it is he doesn’t do now that she does). He’d have to get a new place. How big? When would he have the kids? Would it be the weekends? Then how would he have time to do fun stuff with you?

The kids would hate you if they are of the right age. Especially the girl(s), if there are any. You’d be the dreaded step mom.

So he’s got every incentive not to get a divorce. It’s really hard. The only thing pushing for divorce is his wife, if he really hates her. Does he have any leftover love for her? Could they work it out? If that’s possible, then, when push comes to shove, you’ll be the one who is shoved. He knows which side of the bread his butter is on. The main thing for him is not getting caught.

In any case, it’s not necessary for him to lie. He could tell you he still loves his wife and he doesn’t want a divorce and you’d probably love him even more for being such a good family man. It’s not good for him to try to be saying what he thinks you want to hear.

In any case, the reason why relationships that come out of divorces have difficulty lasting is that all these day-to-day things trip them up. It turns out you can’t get along. All because you couldn’t really get to know each other before he became single again.

On your side—well, he’s an unavailable man. What’s with that? Have there been other unavailable men in your life? Maybe a long distance relationship? Maybe someone with other kinds of “issues?” It could be that you don’t really want a full relationship. You are more comfortable with this kind of relationship. All fun and no pain. How often do you talk to each other? Text, chat, videochat? All day, or once a day or what?

My suspicion is that you guys are happiest now. The fun and none of the pain. You guys can play at love (although it feels really real), and have great sex and have fun sneaking around like a spy. It’s very exciting. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to tell if it could last.

If he gets caught, the likelihood is that he will go back to his wife. Although she could cut him loose. If he divorces and moves in with you, the likelihood is that relationship will only last a few years until the sex stops happening. Then perhaps, he’ll find someone else. Or if you are serious, you’ll get counseling and both of you will deal with issues you should have dealt with a long time ago.

But issues are hard to deal with. Even with therapy. So people find themselves doing the same thing over and over. Ideally, we’re supposed to find our own self-esteem, but many of us use the love of others to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. But that route doesn’t last much of the time. So you need a string of new lovers.

Anyway, you will play it out as you are playing it out no matter what we say. I would copy the answers here and save them someone, and open them up in a few years to see how accurate people’s answers have been.

Good luck.

Cheers @Coloma for stealing my answer! There’s a thrill to an illicit affair in that you have all the romance and stolen moments while his marriage partner deals with all the daily mundanities. Hi might be attractive when he’s dressing up for you and professing his adoration constantly but the test is if you still feel as passionate when he’s clipping his toenails naked or farting in bed.

In two years he hasn’t started divorce proceeding so I wouldn’t believe in him much. Is it wrong? Yes, in my opinion it’s wrong if this is going on without the knowledge of his wife and kids. The emotional/physical time he spends with you is taken away from that he pledged his family. If his kids find out and they will, everyone is discovered sooner or later- I doubt there will be any party for you and him.

If he divorces and you two get together then you will always be subject to people who look down on infidelity when the subject comes up, how did you two meet? Uhm, yeah, we met while he was married. The kids will forever look at you with, yeah, that’s the lady dad cheated on our mom with while they were married. Do you want that type of history around your neck?

In my opinion..the biggest ‘problem’ with lies and deceptive behaviors is the fact, you are robbing the ignorant party of THEIR right to make an informed choice based on the facts.

What is it that REALLY upsets people most when they have been cheated on or deceived?

That THEY had NO SAY in their OWN choice and destiny!

This is the true ‘crime’ of all lies, allowing another to live in a separate reality that does not jive with the real reality of their circumstance!

You’ve gotten lots of perspectives and good advice in this thread. Now the hard part is letting some of it in and deciding what you want to do. It’s much easier for us all to tell someone else what they should do…..

I don’t remember who said this, but it seems to apply… “If he’s doing this with you, in the future he’ll probably do it to you.”
It’s hard, and it hurts, but how much more will it hurt in 2, 5, 10 years when you realize that the “dream” will never happen and you’ve used up your years feeling guilty and miserable just because he can’t keep his pants on?

Who you fall in love with is probably not under your control; who you screw around with definitely is.

This is a man who’s been cheating on his wife for 2 years with a younger woman – hardly a sterling example of manhood. Suck it up and end it now. When and if he divorces his wife, then maybe you can re-evaluate.

What exactly is it about him that you find so lovable?
Is it his ability to stay cool under fire? After all, how else could he lie to his wife and children with a straight face.
Is it his strength of conviction? How else could he continue to lie to them for years on end?
Is it his devotion to stay with his daughters? How else could he provide such a shining example of a male role-model for them?
Is it his ability to stand against convention? You know, those ridiculous promises he made during his wedding; promises he made in front of his family, friends, fiance, and (possibly) god?
Is it his rogue-ish behavior? That little something that allows him to string you along for years, knowing full-well that he is hurting you by doing so?
Is it his cunning? That way he can deceive his wife and children into believing he’s at work while he’s at the hotel screwing you?
No, that’s it, it’s got to be the sex.
Now I know that in these conservative times it can be hard for a woman to find a man willing to have sex with her outside the confines of matrimony. However, there are people who are willing to have sex with you without all the hang-ups of being in a relationship; without actually leading you to believe that the relationship has a future. They’re called “friends with benefits”, or “f#ck buddies”. Find one.

And, @Zeena , are you sure you are the only other woman? I’m not trying to rub salt in here, but somebody this smooth may be quite a player and have other women on the hook as well. It wouldn’t be unusual.

If you feel you need to move on, the best way is to do it suddenly. I would explain it to his face, and then let it be over. It will hurt a lot and it will be hard to do, but if you’re feeling guilty and you believe you are wrong, you have to do it. Tell him your reasons and don’t let him talk you out of it.

Don’t judge him. Please don’t tell him he needs to be there for his kids. Don’t try to make it like it’s better for him. That’s for him to decide. Just tell him your reasons and tell him there is nothing he can do to change your mind. You are going to reject his emails and block his phone number and call the police if he tries to come by in person. It’s over, and ask him to respect your wishes and not try to get you back. If he does that, you’ll lose all respect for him. Just be a man and accept that it’s over. Bye.

Just remember how much you loved him when you end up in the position you’ve put his wife in.

Men that cheat on their wives often use the line, “I hate my wife, so it’s OK that we’re having sex.” That’s how you got drawn in. Because he claims to hate his wife, it appears that you are “saving him.” You’re not saving him, he’s using you and he’s cheating on his wife.

If this man really hated his wife and really loved you, he would get a divorce. Divorce may be inconvenient, but in this country (I’m guessing you are in the U.S.) it’s legal. I’m sure he’s got all kinds of excuses for why he can’t get a divorce. I’m sure the main reason is because he doesn’t want to get a divorce.

You aren’t helping matters at all by continuing with this charade. Even though you might be a perfectly nice person in general, right now you are the definition of a homewrecker. It doesn’t matter how much this man claims to hate his wife. Maybe he hates her, maybe he doesn’t, but you still chose to help him cheat. Even if you fell in love with him, you still had the choice to stay out of their relationship.

You should have a serious talk with this fellow and let him know that if he wants to be with you, then he needs to start the divorce proceedings right now. But in the meantime, you should cool it completely with him, otherwise you are still just having an affair and that’s not fair to his wife or his children. Let them sort out their relationship first, then after he’s divorced, if he still wants to be with you, he can.

But you have to realize that if he cheated on his wife, he’s likely to cheat on you too. He apparently thinks it’s perfectly fine to cheat, because he’s doing it.

You are right that you can’t help who you fall in love with, but if you put yourself in a compromising position with a married man, you are much more likely to fall in love with him, than if you simply didn’t allow yourself to get into that situation in the first place. You didn’t fall in love with him from afar, you fell in love because you jumped right into the situation. Things don’t just happen, we let them happen.

I’m curious to know what reasons he gave you for not being able to get a divorce? And why on earth would you or he expect that you would “die” if you weren’t in this relationship. I hope you don’t mean that literally. I think now would be a very good time for you to step out of this relationship and get into some therapy to figure out why you’ve allowed yourself to get mixed up in something like this and get some good advice on how to avoid these kinds of situations in the future.

And just for a little perspective I’ll let you know what happened to a former friend of mine. She was in a very similar situation to yours. A couple that my friend knew were having marital problems, the husband came to my friend for consolation. He told her that his wife was really awful and they hadn’t been on the same page for quite awhile, even though they had a 2 year old son. My friend felt very flattered that this man came to her for consolation and immediately they became intimate. My friend repeatedly told me how awful the wife was and that if she didn’t hook up with this guy right now, that she was bound to lose him forever. So she started dating him (without the knoweledge of his wife) and she fell madly in love with him. But he was still living with his wife and child. My friend started to resent the fact that he had to spend time with his son. I tried to explain to her that his son had to be his first priority and she would never be his first priority. She started to push him to get a divorce. He didn’t want to get a divorce at that point, because his wife had no ideas that he was even having an affair. Because they all had mutual friends, it became evident that my friend and this man were having an affair, and his wife found out pretty quickly. It was ugly. By that time, the man told my friend that she needed to make a decision right away as to whether she was going to stay with him (and continue the affair) and wait indefinitely for him to get a divorce. She chose to continue the affair, but she became very resentful because he was dragging his feet with the divorce and continued to spend most of his free time with his son. The man ended up dumping her, then he got together with another woman (who was also a mutual friend), got his divorce, and then married the second woman.

Part of the reason that this friend is a former friend is because of this particular situation. I thought it was really awful of her to get involved with a married man, no matter how much the man may have claimed to dislike his wife. Those are two separate issues. My former friend became very desperate, after having been dumped, and proceeded to date about 30 different men over a period of 3 or 4 years. She eventually married a man who I thought was a total douche-bag. Don’t let any of this crap happen to you.

And lets not forget, another ugly truth.
The vast majority of cheaters have some serious character/personality disordered issues. Most often it is the narcissistic/sociopathic blend.

I really, really, REALLY, believe that for every ‘Oops, I’m only human, made a mistake” run o’ the mill, ‘immature’ people, there are 50 SERIOUSLY character disordered types.

These Leopards are not going to change their spots, they just get better and better at their camouflage and ambush strategies.

The number one drive of these personalities is self gratification at all costs.

It pisses me off when people say “we were just friends until…”. Thats bullshit! I’ve had to deal with soo many accusations from the wives or girlfriends of every male friend I have, because of women who fuck around with guys who aren’t single. You’re killing it for those of us who can actually be friends with people without fucking them.

Yes it is wrong. I haven’t read the above answers yet, so I’m probably repeating what some have said. He is married, not single. If he wanted to be single and date openly, he would find a way. Your guilty conscience must not be too guilty if you are still seeing him after two years and don’t mind taking him away from his family, time he should be spending with his kids. How many times have you fought with him to get a divorce? You think that is the best thing for his kids? You think justifying this by saying “if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else” is really getting you off the hook. I hope when you do get married to someone, it probably won’t be this man, he has the milk, why buy the cow, your husband doesn’t cheat on you. You would be devastated if he did.

Carefully read what @GladysMensch wrote because if you stay with this man then anytime your relationship hits a glitch or it’s not developing to the point you want it to then there’s a good chance that you’re not the only one he’s fallen head over heels in love with to the point he can’t imagine life without them and so you get pushed back a notch for the new flavor.

Ann Landers once wrote that the Other Man always smells like mouthwash, toothpaste, cologne when he comes to your door. You never see him just in from mowing the lawn, hot, sweaty, smelly, dressed like a slob, tired. She also wrote that the other woman always looks beautiful, smells nice, dressed great, because you never see her when she has been taking care of kids all day, cleaning the tub, hair a mess. Just food for thought.

Also, the married man of course is going to say he hates his wife, they have no sex life, he’s miserable. Of course he is not going to say “we have the best sex life, she cares so much for me. He is not going to say how the wife cooks his dinner and takes good care of the kids. You also are hearing only one side of the story – if you got the wife’s side, she would tell you how she takes care of him when he’s sick, makes sure his clothes are always clean, takes the best care of the kids and tends to his parents, and that he gives it to her good in the sack, that she fucks him even when she’s tired but she wants him to be happy. You are not hearing any of that. You are hearing what he wants you to hear, which is his side, the only side.

Lots of married guys will say things aren’t working out with their wife in order to get laid. Lots of guys will say ANYTHING in order to get laid. If she was really so terrible, he’d be gone by now. Of course he’d tell YOU she was terrible. He wants sex with you. You probably wouldn’t agree to that if he said “My wife is absolutely great… I just want a little something on the side”

Avoid to fall in love with a married man. If you can’t, you engage yourself in a very complicated problem. You make your living like in hell, nothing you get from that, except pains and wounds.

Yes.

First of all, I would like to thank you for your helpful answers.
Secondly, I have to clarify some points in my story because most of you have been asking ” why he didn’t get the divorce yet? “how often we see each other?” “can we go out in public?” “am I sure that he is not cheating on me?”....
I am from an Arab country and he can have more than a wife. Even so, I am against the fact to be his second wife.
He can’t get the divorce because he must pay what we called “the dotta” it’s a some of money that the husband has to pay to his wife after getting the divorce. Actualy I am sure that he is trying so hard to get the money. His wife has left the house with her daughters because she found a job in the city. She doesn’t need money because when she got her salary she spent it on a beauty clinic.
I see him everyday because he drive me to my job.
His wife saw me once, I was in the car with him and my sister was with us. She was walking and saw the car, she asked me my name of course I gave her a fake one. Anyway, she asked him about me he said “I love her”. She called my mom and told her that I’m steeling his husband. At that time I swear that nothing happened between us and we were “just friends” beleive it or not.
Yes, we go in public to a restaurant, night club, cinema…and we have mutual friends who know about our relation. He keeps showing them that he’s not abusing me and he really loves me.
We spend Hollidays and week-ends together. He pass by his daughters two days per week but never talks to his wife unless she called to ask for a favior. He was forced to marry her because she got pregnant and it’s a shame in my country to be a single mom.By the way I am not defending him, his mom and sister told me the whole story.
I am 26 years old.
Thank you

So what was the question?

I am clarifying some points and the question is: “is it wrong to fall in love with this man?” Mr. @zenn you have answered yes already but if you are interested in my story please read what I’ve written below.Thank you

Read it. Still yes.

I still think it’s wrong because you have already said you don’t want to be his second wife. While it is allowed for him to have more than one, you are putting yourself in the position of taking him away from his family because you don’t want to be a second wife. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be a second wife, but what you are doing is being a homewrecker (in my opinion) since you knew what you were getting into and you knew how you felt about it. How does his wife feel about the relationship he has with you? Would she be willing for him to have a second wife? Would he want you as a second wife if you were willing to do that? It sounds like you have a lot more influence over what’s going on with the added details. If his wife was open to the idea of a second wife, it changes the dynamic of their marriage as far as if he is actually cheating or not.

I think that having more facts of the situation, it would be wrong for most of us who are from a Western culture to judge or advise you. We have one perspective but it might be more helpful for you to talk to people you trust in your country.

Yes, what @janbb said. My answers above were predicated on the assumption that you were a Westerner. Thank you for the clarification.

@zeena I believe you that you were not having sex yet when the wife met you, but what you don’t seem to understand is she knew what was between you two. Her husband was already emotionally cheating. I agree culturally most of the people on this thread are different then where you live, so our opinions may not be completely useful. But, I think any where in the world it is always true that we can try to imagine ourselves in the other persons shoes. If you were the wife would you feel wronged? If I were you, I would really be worried he is a cheater. Not only because he is willing to leave his wife for you, but also because he has a little history or being irresponsible. Maybe culturally where you live the majority of men simply cheat? I dated a guy who was from Ecuador and everyone in his family cheated, pretty much almost the entire extended family, had wives and they all had girlfriends, and we knew the wives and the girlfriends. There were a few who seemed loyal. Needless to say the younger generation of women in that family almost all married Americans.

There is shame in having a baby out of wedlock; I would assume there is shame in divorcing also?

I guess if the wife is gone already the marriage is over. Before you marry the guy, maybe spend some more time dating, and watch for the red flags.

Having read more details of your story above.

Is it wrong to fall in love with a married man?
In general, in most western cultures where monogamy is an ideal for marriages, yes it’s wrong because the odds are stacked highly against you ever being happy together.

Is it wrong to fall in love with a married man in my culture?
It seems like no if he makes you an additional wife and you want to be an additional wife.

Is it wrong for me to fall in love with a married man?
Yes because you’ve expressed you’ll act on your feelings but do not want to be a mistress or additional wife. You sound like you want to be the only wife so the problem is he isn’t likely to make this happen for you since everything around him supports he should be able to have it all with no fuss.

I guess I have to alter my answer because I had no idea that you were in a country that supports the idea of multiple wives.

If you don’t mind being the second wife, then you should let your man know that you are open to that.

If you don’t want to be a multiple wife, then you should drop this man immediately and try to find some one else.

Continuing to have an affair, cheating on the first wife, especially because they have kids is really horrible. Doesn’t matter how much you think, or say you love this guy, because you only have 2 choices. Either marry him and become wife number two, or drop him. I would think that in your culture, adultery (cheating) is pretty bad.

Or a third option that just occurred to me, can you guys move to a Western country? If you do, your fellow would still have to divorce his first wife, for you two to marry, legally. How would that effect the safety of his childen?

Cheating is pretty bad in our country too, but at least they won’t stone you for it.

Why bother asking? You’ve clearly made up your mind, and nothing we say is going to make you leave him. You are going to get burned, it’s a fact we all know but you don’t want to see. You’re delusional if you think he will leave her, the only way he would end up with you is if she ends it first. If you dont believe that just stop having sex with him for a month or 2, see how Long he sticks around, lol.

Unless you are willing to be the second wife, and move the relationship out into the open, you will be trapped in limbo. You are already present in his marriage, and are a source for unhappiness, not only for his wife but for his children. The relationship for him is forbidden fruit, and he has no real obligations or responsibilities to you.

It is wrong, but only because it traps you in a space where you can neither move forwards nor backwards. It is not a real space.

If you think he is using you (which he is), then you need to draw a line and stick with it. Break contact and find a way through the tough beginning part and don’t look back.
You deserve better.

prayers your way

Prepare to be a single mother. Or have an abortion. But don’t take being able to get pregnant for granted.

Very few married men will actually leave their wives. Any man who does promise you that is deluding himself, if not lying. But I believe he thinks he will. He just hasn’t really thought through how much he will be giving up if he does. It is far more complicated than men think, and men love their comforts.