General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

Is there just something wrong with me?

Asked by SergeantQueen (11640points) 1 month ago

I mean, all I said to my boyfriend was that I dislike only seeing him once a week. I wasn’t saying I need it to be more, as I know it really can’t be. He said it doesn’t bug him and I asked if he just didn’t like to hangout with me.

So I guess that means I’m dependent and obsessive? But how? I hardly ever text him, and rarely see him. yeah, I get annoyed at him not wanting to go out sometimes but I never act clingy and I don’t depend on him for anything at all, not even emotionally.

He said it was because I don’t have anybody else I do anything with, but it’s always been like that for me and I do just fine, once again I do not need him for anything. It’s cool to have someone to hang out with in real life but I have never needed it, and never with him either.

All I said was it sucks to not see him as much anymore. I never said that I need more or anything. I am not clingy, nor obsessed, nor dependent. But yet he thinks I am.

We haven’t talked in 2 days, I won’t be messaging him unless he messages me.

Do you guys think anything I said means I am dependent on him? Or even obsessed?

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17 Answers

SergeantQueen's avatar

I mean jesus you’d think a real human would come before video games but no, I’m never a priority and I get insulted when I am not happy about that

kneesox's avatar

Well, if it were me, I’d think it was time to look around a bit, and maybe even find somebody you feel safe enough with to engage emotionally.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Seems like he’d catch the hint that you’d prefer to see him a little more. That’s not too much to ask.

There’s an old saying:

“If you don’t take care of home…
...Somebody Else will.”

Perhaps it’s time to find Somebody Else.

canidmajor's avatar

He is enjoying all the power. You are not the problem here, he is. He is treating you like a “beck and call” convenience.
You deserve much more respect and affection.

janbb's avatar

Have you ever spent much time as an adult without a man in your life? That might reveal to you other things that might be missing such as friends. I’m saying there’s something wrong with you just that that might be an area to look at.

Forever_Free's avatar

There is nothing wrong with you. You may just have different needs and different attachment styles.

You voiced your opinion. Try to find other things beyond him. Don’t be so available to him when he dictates the frequency.

Zaku's avatar

Nothing wrong with you.

Different people have different needs for time together. Sometimes those needs are close enough to work well for both people; sometimes not.

One day a week or less is not much for most people. I expect this fellow has had this issue before, and is reacting to you with feelings stored up from previous relationships with other people, rather than reacting to how you are behaving towards him. This is also a very common sort of thing for people to do – even people who know about that sort of thing. People who just think their emotions and impressions are entirely accurate, however… well, the best we may be able to do with them is realize things they don’t about their own behavior, realize they’re not responding to us, exactly, and choose for ourselves what we want to do about that, accepting they may never change and may never understand what was going on.

JLeslie's avatar

One day a week with a boyfriend is nothing assuming you live within 30 minutes of each other. I call it a red flag. The only way that would be ok is if you both liked it that way, but you don’t.

Do you ever spend the night at each other’s place?

SergeantQueen's avatar

@JLeslie I do at his place sometimes

jca2's avatar

Whatever you feel you need is what you need. I don’t think one day a week is a lot at all. Is it just a few hours or is it the whole day, when you see him one day a week?

If he is not too far away, he’s not available for coffee or lunch or watching a movie any other time, other than the one time per week? You said you hardly ever text him. It doesn’t sound like a situation where the relationship is going to grow into anything. It sounds almost more like a Friends with Benefits, rather than a boyfriend.

I don’t think of you as clingy and obsessive, I think of it as you like him, you want more time with him, and I would think he would find that flattering, and should find it flattering.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I agree with @canidmajor, he likes knowing you’re waiting and it’s not very kind if he’s supposed to care for you. I mean, if it’s just a booty call once a week, you definately deserve better than that.

@janbb has a valid point, too. A man should bring joy and enhance your life, and on days he’s busy (with video games really?) go out with your girlfriends, to the library, concerts in the park, museums, etc….
No one likes to be someone’s WHOLE WORLD, that’s a lot of pressure, so a healthy relationship is two whole people with whole lives, that just enjoy each other’s company and want to spend time together.

Honestly if he’s into playing video games, join him or find someone who wants to spend time with you. Remember, you can’t find Mr. Right if you’re always home alone waiting for Mr. Wrong.

Pandora's avatar

Why can you only spend one day a week with him? Honestly when I was young and single, if a guy couldn’t carve out time for me then I moved on. That’s not a boyfriend. That’s knocking boots buddies. So no. If it bothers him then it’s because he’s not into you or has a secret family. So move on. If I have to ask for attention then I don’t want it.
It doesn’t mean you are needy, but really, how much of a relationship exist if you can only see each other 52 days a year and I bet it isn’t even a whole day. You have a better chance of knowing a co-worker better than you do this person.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Question to ask yourself…If he is only seeing me once a week who else is he seeing in between?

Dump him and join clubs of interests that you may like.

Like friends with same likes will hang on to each other longer.

I had a boyfriend that only came around for Booty and little interests then found out when he

moved overseas just HOW many other women that he did that too.( 7).

I blocked all communication with him and its been a few years now but I an thankful for

learning that lesson in my life as now I look for flags such as that and I am in NO hurry to

jump into bed until friendship over a long time occurs first.

That weeds out the ones out for sex only.( its their game play)

I don’t need a string of boyfriends, just one or two that are genuinely interested in similar

interests and have a good time enjoying our company together.

I know that its a hard lesson to learn but you set up the arrangement by accepting less from

him..change that now and demand more or leave altoghether..be the one in control of your life “NOT “him.

YARNLADY's avatar

Wrong? Absolutely not. Be true to yourself. If “he” is not meeting your needs, he is not the one for you.

gorillapaws's avatar

Nothing you said was wrong. Also, it sounds like he’s not the right guy if he’s not making you a priority in his life. I’m sure there are lots of guys out there who would enjoy spending time with you and treating you with the love and respect you deserve.

I also agree with @janbb that maybe taking a break from dating for a while to focus on developing friendships might be a healthy approach to help you break out of the pattern of dating guys who put their needs above your well-being. That’s not a recipe for a long-term healthy partnership.

I know you’ve had a rough past with men in your life, and I wish you the very best.

KRD's avatar

@YARNLADY is right there is nothing wrong with you. Just be true to yourself and try talking to him and do what
@YARNLADY said.

kneesox's avatar

We don’t actually know if there’s something wrong with you or not, and if you think there is, better talk to somebody about it.

But even if there is, it’s not this. Wanting someone who supposedly cares about you to pay a little attention and spend time with you is not fault in you. It’s a normal expectation in a relationship. That’s why so many of us are questioning the relationship and suggesting taking a break.

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